Question at the end :)
...
Harry
It's been a rough, and emotional, past couple of days. I've felt more like a corpse than a person lately, stuck in my own head while my mind spiraled. On the outside I was mute and numb, but I was screaming on the inside, trying to make sense of everything that had happened.
I wasn't mad at Amelia, or upset that she had kept that secret from my family and I for a couple of years. I understand why she did it, and part of me is grateful because she kept Robin's last dying wish. But I was angry at the world for taking him from me - from us - and I was angry at how such cruel things could happen to the best people. My mind couldn't understand that Robin is truly gone and not coming back, so I just remained silent, not knowing how to even verbalize what I was feeling.
I knew Amelia thought I was upset with her when we got home. After my breakdown at the cemetery, she drove us home, doing surprisingly well for driving on the opposite side of the road than what she's used to, and then ran a bath for the both of us. Still unable to move by myself, she helped undress me and then bathe me. Then we just sat in the tub together until the water ran cold.
Afterwards, Amelia helped dress me and then instructed me to lay down in bed. I knew she meant well by wanting to take care of me, but out of frustration for everything going on in my mind, I snapped. I yelled and screamed and tore up the room, littering it with clothes and pillows and broken picture frames.
It wasn't anything Amelia said or did to provoke me. She didn't do anything at all. It was just my own mind torturing me with thoughts of Robin and I needed to get some of my energy out.
I stormed out of the room after my outburst and ran outside to pace in my backyard. The rain had stopped at that point and broke the humidity so it felt nice to just breathe in the cool air. It didn't clear my thoughts, but it certainly helped, and after about twenty minutes of pacing, I went back inside.
I found Amelia in our bedroom, picking up my mess with silent tears streaming down her face. I just stood there watching for a second as she hung some of my clothes back up and put the pillows back on the bed, all while sniffling on the occasion and wiping her cheeks dry.
I had wondered if I was the reason for her crying, not really thinking of the affect my outburst would have on her. So I walked over to her while she was by the bed and wrapped my arms around her body, sitting both of us down on the mattress while we clung to each other.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my own tears leaking from my eyes. "I love you. I didn't mean to yell."
I gave the whole 'it's not you, it's me' speech in hopes that Amelia would believe me, but she told me she wasn't crying because I hurt her feelings by yelling. She told me she was crying because she was hurt that I was hurt. She said she hated seeing me in pain and she felt helpless knowing there was nothing she could do to take that away.
It felt weird to know that someone else was so deeply affected by my feelings. I knew Mum and Gemma would probably react the same way, but I'd never heard those words before coming from a partner.
After crying together for what felt like forever, I ordered us a pizza and we sat in bed, eating and watching comedy movies that did little to brighten up our moods but we still pretended they did anyway.
Yesterday we spent entirely in bed, cuddling and talking about life in general. I started to open up a bit about Robin and my feelings towards losing him. I thought it would be harder tot talk about than it was but for some reason, it all just came flowing out like word vomit. I just kept talking and talking and Amelia listened the entire time, not once cutting me off even though I could feel my speech start to slur. I've always had a bit of an issue speaking, my words often times being more drawn out and a slight slur to them when I grew tired. Although it became significantly less prominent when I bit the tip of my tongue off, it still happens from time to time.
Yesterday was a reminder of that.
I felt a little better after talking with Amelia. I know she can't offer me the advice that I probably need, which would be from someone who's been in my position, but she's still my favorite person to talk to and she gave me a sense of comfort that I didn't know I was craving.
Sometimes I forget how lost I am until Amelia steers me back on course.
Today I feel a little more put together, thankfully. I woke up in a better mood and dragged Amelia into the shower with me so we could get ready to go over my dad's house, although the shower was pretty pointless since it mainly just consisted of needy touches and wandering hands. We didn't get much cleansing done but neither of us cared. At least I didn't leave hickeys all over her like I did when she first met my mum.
I'm a bit nervous to introduce Amelia to my dad if I'm being honest. I'm not sure why because it's not like I don't have a decent relationship with him. We're not that close, but we get along and I still consider him my dad. I also think he'll like Amelia so there's really no real reason for me to be feeling this way.
Maybe it's just general nerves of introducing Amelia to another part of my life.
"Is Gemma coming?" Amelia asks me as I drive to my dad's house.
He doesn't live that far away, although he's not exactly a short distance away either. Recently, he moved to Cambridge, which is a little more than an hour and a half away from my house in London. He used to reside in Leeds, which wasn't terribly far from Holmes Chapel, but I'm glad he made the move to Cambridge because Leeds was a bitch to travel to from London.
I nod my head and squeeze Amelia's thigh, my hand having been put there about twenty minutes ago.
"She is," I say. I glance at the built in clock on my dashboard. "She should be there already. I think Michal is coming, too, but later, probably around six or seven."
Amelia places a hand over mine.
"I'm excited to see them," she says. "Nervous to meet your dad, though..."
I smile as I make a left onto Dad's street.
"Don't be nervous, babe. He'll love you," I tell her.
Amelia huffs.
"You say that every time I tell you I'm nervous about meeting someone you know..." she grumbles, causing me to smile and bite my lip.
"I know," I respond. "But it's true. You're just so fucking lovable."
Amelia sighs but doesn't respond. For a second I think she's annoyed or doesn't believe me but when I look over at her, I see her smiling as she looks out the window with a cute blush on her cheeks.
I drive for about another two minutes before I finally pull into Dad's driveway, behind Gemma's car. After putting the car in park, I look over at Amelia and find her gaze still fixated out the window.
"Ready, love?" I ask her.
She turns towards me, a nervous expression on her face.
"I think so," she says.
Leaning in, Amelia meeting me halfway, I press a chaste kiss to her lips.
"I love you," I tell her. "And don't worry, baby, okay? I know this trip hasn't exactly been relaxing and what we initially planned for, but try to just...let go tonight, okay? Dad's a fun guy, I promise, and I have a feeling you two are going to get along really well."
Amelia smiles and then pecks the corner of my mouth.
"Okay. I love you, too," she whispers, a hint of exhaustion evident in her tone. I have a feeling she wants to say more but she opts not to at the moment. I make a mental note to try and wrangle whatever's on her mind out of her later, but for right now the two of us kiss again before exiting the vehicle.
I take Amelia's hand in mine while we walk up to the front door. It's a fairly modern house with it's updated finishes and sleek front door, definitely different than Mum's house but slightly similar to mine. Dad and I have always shared similar interests, specifically when it comes to cars and houses.
I knock on the door twice and almost immediately it opens up, revealing my dad's cheery face. He grins and I can't help but return it, happy to see him after so long. I'm not quite sure how long it's been, but definitely too long considering he's my parent after all.
I temporarily let go of Amelia's hand to hug my dad.
"I've missed you, son," he whispers in my ear after he claps my back twice. He then pulls away and keeps his hands on my shoulders while he smiles, taking in my appearance. "Did you get taller? Seems like you're towering over me now."
I chuckle but shake my head.
"Nah, I don't think I grew. I've been working on my posture though. I have a doctors appointment next week and don't want to get yelled at again for slouching," I tell Dad.
His eyebrows raise.
"Dr. Millers?" he asks.
"No, Dr. Riddick," I respond in regards to my orthopedic doctor. I've been seeing her for about fifteen years, ever since my back started bothering me. One of my legs is slightly longer than the other and it causes me bad posture and spinal pain. I try to stand up straight when I remember, but I tend to forget more times than not.
"Ah yes, she's a tough one. Great doctor but you definitely don't want to disappoint her."
Too bad she yells at me every time I sheepishly tell her I forget to straighten my posture and do my daily exercises.
I clear my throat.
"Uh, Dad, this is Amelia," I say, stepping to the side, moving on from our brief conversation. Dad's smile grows when his eyes land on my girlfriend. "Amelia, this is my dad."
"Hi, it's nice to meet you, Mr. Sty- "
"Call me Des," Dad cuts her off, followed by roughly pulling her into a hug. I stifle a laugh, seeing how stiff Amelia is from the sudden touch, but she quickly warms up and hugs Dad back. "It's so nice to finally meet you."
They pull away from each other and Amelia shyly tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.
"It's nice to meet you, too," she says. "I'm glad we finally could."
"And me as well. My schedule with work and everything is normally so busy and never coincides with Harry's but I'm really glad we could make this work. Not soon enough, but certainly not too late," Dad brightly says. "Now come inside and let's get aquatinted. We have a lot to catch up on."
...
It's been a couple of hours since Amelia and I arrived, and thankfully, but unsurprisingly, the evening has been filled with laughter and easy conversation. Amelia and my dad have gotten along great, even better than I imagined if that was even possible. I knew that they'd become friends, but after tonight, I'd consider them more family than not, which is a good sign.
It's a really good sign, actually.
"So you're telling me you just...avoided them all night?" Dad asks with an amused laugh over some story Amelia tells about a feud her dad had with her former neighbor. I guess the two have been holding grudges for more than thirty years over some argument they got into as teenagers.
"Yup," Amelia says. "We had to leave through the back of the church and we practically sprinted to our car so we could beat it out of there. The only issue was they were parked right next to us."
"No, really?"
"Mhmm. Dad made us all duck down in the car so they couldn't see us."
"Did they?" Gemma asks.
Amelia shakes her head.
"Nope," she answers. "Or if they did they didn't show it. Needless to say it was the weirdest Christmas."
"And what was the feud even about?" Dad asks her.
Amelia shrugs.
"I think Mr. McDermott accidentally knocked my dad's two front teeth out when they were like thirteen...I'm sure it's much more dramatic though if you were to ask my dad," she nonchalantly responds as I grimace.
And I thought biting the tip of my tongue off was bad.
"Well hopefully I'll get to meet him soon so I can ask him myself," Dad responds, followed by a hearty laugh.
"Yes, definitely," Amelia responds. She smiles and then shifts in her seat. "Not to be rude but do you mind if I use your bathroom?" she shyly asks.
"Oh not at all, love. It's just down the hall, third door on the right," Dad replies.
"I'll show you," Gemma offers, standing up from the chair she was sat on. "I need to use the toilet as well."
Amelia thanks her and then gives my knee a squeeze before standing up and following Gemma briskly out of the room.
"I like her," Dad announces once he's sure Gemma and Amelia are out of earshot. "She's got a good personality and witty sense of humor. Definitely unlike that other one you were with...what was her name, Kristy? Kathy? Carla?"
"Kendall?" I ask, but Dad shakes his head.
"No," he says, but then his eyebrows raise and his lips purse. "Although..." he shakes his head. "No, not her. The other one."
"Kimberly?"
"No."
"Caroline?"
"No...no. Oh jeez, what the fuck was it? Uh...tall, obnoxious laugh - Crystal! That's the one," Dad exclaims.
My mouth forms an 'o' shape.
"Ah yeah...I mean, we weren't technically even dating..." I awkwardly reply, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. "But yeah, she was...not the best. Amelia actually put her in her place, recently. Just last month. We ran into her at the Met Gala after party and I guess Crystal had some...choice words but Amelia played it off cool. Basically called her a nobody right to her face, which is the worst insult to someone like Crystal..."
I smile at the memory, remembering how proud Harry Lambert was when he retold the story to me of what happened between Amelia and Crystal the day after the Met Gala.
"Amazing," Dad laughs. "I would've paid money to see that."
"Me too," I admit.
Dad shifts in his seat, his smile dropping slightly as his expression turns serious.
"So she's the one, eh? I know you've told me a little about her over the phone but...she's definitely the one?" he asks, his voice barely a whisper so we're not heard.
I nod.
"She's the one," I repeat. I glance down at my hands, my fingers playing with some of the rings I have on. "I'm planning on asking her to marry me soon..."
Dad smiles.
"How do you feel about that? Excited? Nervous - "
"Nervous," I cut him off, now feeling slightly panicky. "Definitely nervous."
Dad's eyebrows furrow.
"Why's that?" he asks.
I huff and run a hand through my hair.
"I dunno," I honestly answer. "I mean, of course I'm excited but...I'm nervous she'll say no...and I think I'm even more nervous she'll say yes."
Dad leans forward in the armchair he sits on and rests his elbows on his knees while clasping his hands together.
"You're nervous she'll say yes?" he asks.
I avert my eyes from him, not having expected to actually admit that to him.
I shouldn't be nervous Amelia will say yes, and I suppose I'm not really nervous for that aspect of our hypothetical proposal. But I guess I'm just nervous for what the future holds for us - for possibly moving to London full time together, to starting a family together, to figuring out both of our careers together. It's a lot and I guess I'm just scared that things might fall apart in the end.
Amelia once told me that her biggest fear was falling in love for fear of heartbreak and failure. I'm starting to think that maybe she wasn't so crazy after all, like I initially thought she was when she first told me that.
"I just don't want to...you know...if we get married and then things don't work out..." I say, trailing off.
A look of realization crosses Dad's face.
"Ah, you don't want to get divorced," he says. I slowly nod. "Harry...look, I know growing up with divorced parents wasn't easy but not every couple gets divorced. Your mum and I...we fell in love quickly and then rushed into things, getting married only two months after we started dating. Then she got pregnant with Gemma and we were so blind sighted with love for our children that we didn't realize we were falling apart at the seams."
Dad sighs.
"Your mum and I just...weren't meant to be together, and I think we always knew that," he continues. "We loved each other - we still do - but it wasn't in the cards for us to work out. But while although I regret putting you and Gemma through all of that, especially at the age you were, I don't regret falling in love with your mum. We had a wonderful time together and ended amicably...to be honest, I wouldn't have done anything differently.
"I know marriage is scary because you probably don't want to end up like how your mum and I did, which is understandable, but you can't let that fear propel you. You can't give it power over your relationship with Amelia because so what? Yeah, you might get divorced. It happens, but then you can say you two had the opportunity to grow and fall in love and experience a little part of your lives together, which is a gift in itself.
"On the flip side though, maybe it'll work out. Maybe she's your forever, Harry, but there's only one way to find out. I know the future is so up in the air and it's fucking terrifying, but...I promise you it'll all work out in the end," Dad gives me a smile. "Tell me something, without even thinking about it, do you think Amelia is your forever?"
"Yes," I immediately answer, not giving it a second thought because it just feels so right.
"Then there you go," Dad says. "Take that risk and ask her then, Harry. Don't be scared because if you're scared, you're only going to be trapped in a box and that's not what life is about."
Part of me was hoping that Dad would assure me that Amelia and I would be together forever but his honesty actually makes me feel a lot better, and less scared. He can't predict whether or not Amelia and I will break up or not, and it would be foolish to assume he could. Maybe we will years down the line but...I wouldn't change anything in the world about what we have now. She's given me so much to be thankful for, and she's showed me true love. She owns a piece of my heart and always will, no matter what the future holds for us.
"Thanks," I murmur, my cheeks blushing as I grow thick with emotion.
"Of course, Harry. Look, I know we don't talk often but I hope you know I'm always here for you. Anytime you need me, I'll be there," he responds.
I smile and nod, knowing he's telling the truth. We're not the closest, but he's genuinely an incredible person and I trust him when he says he'll always be there for me.
"I know, Dad."
...
Helloooo I got a comment the other day that peaked my interest lol so I purposely keep Amelia's descriptions vague to allow my readers to picture whoever they'd like as her (i.e. themselves, a celebrity, someone they make up in their head etc.). I was wondering who or how you guys picture her as. You don't have to answer but I was just curious :)
Also I'm sorry if my updates are a little slow! I've been in this really weird headspace lately where I don't want to write because I'm low-key depressed and anxious. Writing used to be a safe haven for me but recently it's just been causing me anxiety. I won't be abandoning any books but please just bear with me <3 thank youuuu