•••
The pain was something I know damn well.
It's always been with me and will be.
Olivia, my long-term 'girlfriend' broke up with me not too long ago. I couldn't give her the attention and time she wanted so she decided it was best to break up. I know I can't give her all my time but still, it had a big impact when she actually said it. I guess it's for the best with all things going on, it wouldn't be safe or smart.
We never talked more than necessary and she spread rumors about us dating which I could've cleared out but I didn't feel like going through that.
Her and I were just fuck buddies.
Now, I just keep it up to sex and that's it. But recently, I can't even do that. Something rather someone is stoping me to do so.
That something is this caramel brown-eyed girl with brown hair and long lashes.
Jasmin; Firefly.
Her eyes hold so much pain just like mine but yet she's still a good person unlike me. She tries to make everyone around her happy. Just yesterday, Anthony was feeling down when I was 'resting' and she confronted him. Even now, when the shitheads try to do something, she doesn't get much mad. I think she's thinking that if they do that to her and it brings a smile on their faces it's okay.
How can someone be so nice?
I only knew one person who was as nice as her.
She's been stuck in my head ever since I first noticed her. The day I bumped into her but blamed her.
I know, I'm a shithead myself.
She had this light mixed with a wish to be happy that I was extremely jealous of. She reminded me of fireflies because they are full of light and happiness.
She tries so hard to be this girl who is happy and isn't in pain. But, she isn't genuinely happy. I just know it.
She's also very selfless, the day when she bumped into my car she said "it's okay". How is anyone okay after hitting their head on the hood of the car?
And, then when we went to go eat I paid for her food and she just had to pay me back. I wanted to treat her but I don't know what she doesn't understand of that.
I still have that money in my bedside drawer at my house. Whenever I feel down I'll just pull it out and smile.
Also, she slept on the floor so I could sleep comfortably on the bed. She told me to blame her when the dickhead Steve decided to harass her. I wished I had noticed earlier that day but I was too engraved into my thoughts. When I heard a whimper I saw him touching Jasmin and I lost it. The school can't shit do to me anyways. But, Jasmin still tried to get the blame so I would get the stupid scholarship. I'm not even going to college I'm already a multi-billionaire at the age of 17. I'm not proud of how I earned the money but what can I do when it runs in my blood. The Knights.
The first time when we accidentally slept on the same bed. She didn't have her head on my chest and her hand wrapped around me but when I woke up and saw her in her uncomfortable position I pulled her down.
She's like this magnet, that I can't stop but get attracted to.
I first thought it was just lust and maybe it is but something is more intriguing about her.
Today, she was looking at this star bracelet but she didn't buy it. She looked mesmerized by the bracelet but I don't know why she just didn't buy it. I got a call so I went to go pick it up and it revealed some very bad news. But, on my way, I bought the bracelet No clue why.
She wears baggy clothes and always has her face bare but she still looks like the most irresistible girl I have ever seen. She doesn't talk much but when she does it lights up the whole space.
Hearing her talk is like a blessing.
And, talking to her is a privilege.
I can't believe I hadn't noticed her before. And, when I did I yelled at her.
I want her to have all the happiness she deserves. But, even the thought of her being with another person beside me makes me want to kill that person. However, I know I don't deserve this firefly in my life.
My life's too fucked up for her.
I'm too fucked up for her.
How much I wish I was born into a normal family where I could be with my firefly without any worries.
My firefly, I like the sound of that.
Fuck, she even cried for me. I got the nightmare that doesn't allow me to move on. And, she fucking cried. The first time I noticed her crying was in history class and I wanted to kill everyone that had hurt her and made her cry in any way.
Starting with Connor.
He realized how wrong he was and now he's like her biggest fan. Whenever we do start talking he just starts going on and on about Jasmin. I actually hate how they have this great sister-brother relationship going on.
Anthony always liked Jasmin from the beginning. I don't know why I have never noticed her before. Maybe, because I wouldn't go to school for many days, and if I did I would skip class or just stay on my phone if I did attend class.
I knew she didn't want to go to the beach today just by the way she was on the sofa. She looked disappointed with herself and almost on the verge of tears. I don't know why she didn't want to go but I didn't want her to be unhappy so I decided to change the plans.
The other people on this trip decided to do their own thing since this was the first time I allowed them to have an actual break.
Starting Tuesday, we would go back to the regular schedule and take down the fucking Zogan's.
Our biggest targets right now.
That's a headache for another day.
I was laying in bed just looking at the ceiling thinking how close but yet how far she is from me. I purposely gave her the closest bed to mine but I wanted her to be in my arms.
The only time I could actually fall asleep is if she is around me.
Funny, because I never could fall asleep with anyone on my bed.
After her.
I couldn't even sleep with Olivia on the same bed, we would fuck and I would leave the room afterwards.
Now I'm practically begging for Jasmin to sleep with me. Just sleep.
I'm such a pussy.
However, I know she doesn't like me like that. I don't even think she considers me her friend.
She mostly talks to Connor the most. And then, Karla. Anthony sometimes but he's going through his own stuff so I don't blame him for wanting to be alone.
And, she talks to me the least. I fucking hate it but I know it's for the best. However, it was starting to piss me off.
Suddenly, I heard someone open a door. I quickly opened my door to check with my gun in my hand, just in case. And, I see Jasmin walking in just her sweatshirt quietly to the living room.
I put my gun back in the side table drawer and follow her out. She was walking towards the kitchen. I acted like I was going to get some water.
"Ahhh," she screamed after she saw me. She was breathing heavily and put her hand on her heart.
"What happened?"
"Y-you scared me," she said trying to control her heavy breathing.
"I'm sorry," I never fucking apologize, what the fuck?
I took a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. I gave her the glass of water and she took it.
"Thank you," I nodded.
"What are you doing in the kitchen at 4 in the morning," I said looking at the clock in the kitchen.
"I'm couldn't sleep,"
"Why?"
"Uhh... it's hot," she definitely lied.
"I mean you are wearing a sweatshirt," I decided to go with the lie and act dumb. She looked relieved, my naive firefly.
"Yeah, my clothes are still wet because of the prank they pulled," she took another sip of the water.
"Oh,"
"Want one of my shirts?" I was totally pushing it at this point.
"It's okay," she said putting her glass in the sink.
"Come with me,"
"Where," she said turning around and raising her eyebrows. She looked so cute.
"Just come," I took her hand and pulled her to my room. We entered the room and I know I could've let go of her hand now but I didn't want to.
I opened the balcony door that I had in my room, it overviewed the beach just outside. I looked at her and she was smiling looking at the waves. She looked up and saw the stars and smiled even more.
She squeezed my hand and went closer to the steel frame of the balcony.
"It's so beautiful," she said still in awe.
"Yeah, it is," I said looking at her. She's perfect in every way.
I hope she knows that.
She looked at me and put her hand on my cheek. Then turned my head towards the beach. She let go of my cheek but I missed the warmth of her touch.
I sat down on one of the chairs on the balcony. I pulled her to sit down as well. But, I wanted her to sit on my lap.
Get a fucking grip. I yelled at myself
She was still looking at the beach ahead of us occasionally looking up at the stars and then the beach again. She looked so peaceful. I was still holding her hand but she didn't let go so I left it.
Her caramel brown eyes closed and she leaned back into the chair. She crossed her legs. And that's when I noticed the big scar on her thigh. But before I could say anything she spoke up.
"I still can't believe your favorite color isn't like a grayish color," she said opening her eyes and looking at me.
"It was my favorite color, I guess," that was the truth. But, suddenly the only color that I actually like looking at and could look at for hours and hours is the caramel brown color.
"Caramel brown is such an odd color," she said looking at my eyes.
"I guess," it wasn't an odd color, in fact, it was the most beautiful color I have ever seen.
"Your eyes are beautiful," she suddenly said. It looked like she surprised herself as well.
I chuckled and said "Thank you,"
The most beautiful, captivating, full of light, gorgeous eyes are yours though.
The light that I so desperately want but cannot have.
She definitely has this fierce, confident, outspoken, boss bitch vibe to her. She just doesn't allow for it to appear.
I don't know when but she fell asleep. I looked at her beautiful face and saw the birthmark under her left eye by her cheekbone. I also noticed a little scar through her eyebrows. Which made me look at the scar on her thigh. The scar wasn't big but it looked like someone hit her with a belt. I have seen that scar, I have plenty on my body. Just the thought of being abused by a fucking belt boils my blood. I let go of her hand and get up. I carried her inside and decide to put her on my bed. The other beds aren't as comfortable as this one.
I tucked her under the duvet and put her hair behind her ear.
"Goodnight, firefly," I kissed her forehead.
I left the room and went to her room to sleep. The room had her vanilla fragrance all over and her duvet covers smelled like home. I laid down and went to sleep without any nightmares surprisingly.
I woke up around 8 in the morning and decided to go take a shower in my room. I quietly entered the room and I saw Jasmin sleeping on the bed still. She had the duvet cover all the way to her shoulder and she was hugging my pillow to her chest. Her hair was scattered all over her face.
I went into the en-suite bathroom and took a quick shower. I forgot to get my clothes from my closet so I wrapped the white towel around my waist. The water was still dripping from my hair all the way to my chest going down. I opened the door while shaking my head to get the water out of my wet hair.
Jasmin was up sitting on the bed looking around confused. Her eyes met mine and then she scanned my body. After, she noticed I was just in my towel her face was red. She averted her face quickly and got out of the bed almost tripping when the duvet cover got stuck around her feet. I smirked.
"Sorry," she said putting the duvet cover on the bed again and going towards the door.
"For?"
"Uhm..." she trailed confused herself.
I think she has a problem apologizing for everything.
"Sleeping on your bed," she was confused herself. I couldn't help but smile.
"Uh... no worries," I said going towards my closet to get my clothes. She nodded and left the room quickly.
I took out a black shirt with gray ripped jeans and put them on. I put on my Rolex and my gold chain. I then put on some Air Jordan's and left my room.
I went to the living room and saw Connor sitting down on the phone with someone. Anthony was cooking breakfast in the kitchen.
I raised my eyebrows at Connor asking him 'who is it'. And, he put his finger up gesturing 'one minute'. I sat beside him. After, he ended the call he turned to me.
"It was Roger, he told me that the Zogan's are planning something big in order to be the most feared," Connor whispered.
"Parla in italiano, idiota," I hissed at his stupidity.
translation ~ speak in Italian, dumbass ~
Even walls have ears. You can never be too careful.
"Sono andati sottoterra, il che significa solo una cosa che stanno progettando qualcosa di grande e per essere al sicuro e vigili sono andati sottoterra,"
translation ~ they went underground which only means one thing they are planning something big and to be safe and alert they went underground ~
Fuck.
This means that something big is going down.
"Hmm, partiremo oggi. Di 'a Roger e agli altri di incontrarsi domani alle 7 al magazzino ," I told him furiously and picked up my phone.
translation ~ hmm, we're leaving today. tell Roger and the others to meet tomorrow at 7 at the warehouse ~
I opened my messages and opened my father's.
Dad: Get home right now.
Me: On my way.
Connor was informing the others on his phone via text.
What do the fucking Roger's have up their sleeve this time?
They are trying their best to be one of the best Mafia's but they can't. Simply because the Knights are 10 times more superior and intelligent.
However, this time it looks like they are two steps ahead of us.
Fucking shit.
"The sleeping beauty is finally up," Connor said taking me out of my thoughts.
I looked up and saw Jasmin in a white long-sleeve fitted top with high-waisted leggings. She had her hair in a messy bun and her face was bare, just how I like it. She had some white shoes on to complete the outfit.
She looks hot.
This is the first time I've seen her wearing something so fitted that actually shows her curves. She only was curvy in the right spots such as her breast and ass area. Other than that she was skinny because she doesn't eat for shit.
Another thing that pisses me off.
"Haha, very funny," Jasmin said sarcastically and sitting next to Connor.
I wish she sat by me instead...
Shut it!
"I wasn't joking," Connor said just to piss her off. He had this smirk on his face and I know he's just doing it for the sake of it.
However, Jasmin did not know that.
She made this angry face that she usually does when she wants to piss off Connor and it works every time. She scrunched her eyebrows and pouted.
"I honestly hate you," Connor said rolling his eyes, but he was just kidding.
"Aww... really?" she asked. I don't know if she's sarcastic or not.
"Yeah," he huffed and cross his hands against his chest like a fucking child. I rolled my eyes at his stupid behavior.
"That's just too bad then," she said getting up from the sofa.
Connor looked up and raised his eyebrows "How so?" he asked confused.
"Because... uh..." she started looking around probably trying to come with an excuse. She made eye contact with me and smiled. Her fucking smile does something to me.
"I have Chase," she said sticking her tongue out childishly and sitting next to me. I smiled internally at her choosing me.
"Your so mean," Connor countered.
"I'm just kidding," she got up again and sat next to Connor. She pulled him into a hug and hugged him.
Uhm...
So yeah...
Isn't that just fan-fucking-tastic.
Fucking hell. I hate this. I know I'm just being stupid but I really thought she chose me over Connor.
I was actually happy for a second.
"That's what I thought," Connor said back and hugged her back.
"We are leaving today by the way," Connor told Jasmin as they finally fucking stopped hugging.
Why was I getting so heated up over this?
"Oh uh okay," Jasmin said I know she wanted to ask why but something always stops. Why can't she just say what she wants to say? Not that if she asked was a good idea or anything.
I'm the human version of contradiction.
Jasmin got up from the sofa but Connor pulled her back by pulling his arm.
"What?" she asked confused. I glared at Connor and he let go of her immediately.
Hands to yourself, I said through my eyes.
"Let's go," he got up from the sofa. I rolled my eyes.
"Are you serious?" she asked annoyed at this dumb behavior.
"Yeah," he said putting his hand around her shoulder. He made eye contact with me and quickly said "Cognata".
translation ~ sister-in-law~
He was really testing it today.
Jasmin suddenly stopped walking and looked up to Connor "What does that mean?" she asked.
Oh god.
"Nothing," he brushed it off. Thank god.
"Uh okay, what language is that," she questioned.
"Italian," he told her.
I swear to god if she google translates that shit.
I will kill Connor personally.
"Wow, you know Italian as well," she said surprised.
"Yeah, I'm pretty talented," he said trying to act cool.
"Yeah, right," I said out loud, accidentally.
"Okay, sorry I don't know 50 thousand languages," he said turning to me.
"It's 9," I correct him getting up from the sofa. I start walking and they are walking behind me because I could hear them chatter.
I enter my room and picked up my bag.
Connor followed me while Jasmin went into her own room.
"Inform Ant and Karla," I tell Connor with my back faced towards him.
"Alright,"
"And pull that shit again, watch what happens," I warned him.
"Take a joke," he chuckled under his breath. He only gets away because he's my right hand.
"Yeah, yeah,"
He leaves the room and I pack all my stuff. After packing, I leave my room and go into the living room. Ant was putting all the stuff in the trunk and Karla was complaining.
Who the fuck invited her?
She gets on my nerves quickly.
And, not in a good way.
Connor was probably in the car already. I handed my stuff to Ant.
"Can you bring Jaz?" he asks and I nod.
I go to her room and open it since it was already opened not locked.
"Come on, firefly we are leaving," I tell her.
And, she's fucking making the bed.
She really can't be serious
"Okay, I'm coming,"
"You don't have to make the bed, someone will come and do it,"
"It's okay," stubborn as always.
"I'm done, let's go," she said picking up her bag.
I take the bag from her before she could pick it up and walk out.
After I hand the bag to Ant I locked the door and made my way to the car to the driver's side. Ant sat in the passenger seat and the rest in the back.
I started driving when Karla speaks "Why are we leaving early?"
Here she goes.
"I got a call from work but I mean if you want to stay you can," Connor said annoyed.
I think it's just Connor and I who don't like her.
Jasmin probably elbowed Connor because he said "Ow,"
"What?" Connor hissed.
"Don't be rude," she whispered but failed. I saw Connor rolling her eyes from the rear mirror.
"He doesn't mean it like that," she said to Karla.
He most definitely did mean it like that. And, I would agree.
The rest of the drive was pretty quiet as Ant and Connor fell asleep. Karla was just on her phone typing furiously. Jasmin looked bored out of her mind but her selflessness didn't allow her to wake Connor up or interrupt Karla.
I also noticed she doesn't have a phone.
She must be extra bored now.
I looked up in the rear mirror and saw her pulling out a book. That's good she won't be bored now.
After a while, we reached San Diego.
The fucking Zogan's will beg to die.
•••