chapter 12 | thoughts

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The pain was something I know damn well.

It's always been with me and will be.

Olivia, my long-term 'girlfriend' broke up with me not too long ago. I couldn't give her the attention and time she wanted so she decided it was best to break up. I know I can't give her all my time but still, it had a big impact when she actually said it. I guess it's for the best with all things going on, it wouldn't be safe or smart.

We never talked more than necessary and she spread rumors about us dating which I could've cleared out but I didn't feel like going through that.

Her and I were just fuck buddies.

Now, I just keep it up to sex and that's it. But recently, I can't even do that. Something rather someone is stoping me to do so.

That something is this caramel brown-eyed girl with brown hair and long lashes.

Jasmin; Firefly.

Her eyes hold so much pain just like mine but yet she's still a good person unlike me. She tries to make everyone around her happy. Just yesterday, Anthony was feeling down when I was 'resting' and she confronted him. Even now, when the shitheads try to do something, she doesn't get much mad. I think she's thinking that if they do that to her and it brings a smile on their faces it's okay.

How can someone be so nice?

I only knew one person who was as nice as her.

She's been stuck in my head ever since I first noticed her. The day I bumped into her but blamed her.

I know, I'm a shithead myself.

She had this light mixed with a wish to be happy that I was extremely jealous of. She reminded me of fireflies because they are full of light and happiness.

She tries so hard to be this girl who is happy and isn't in pain. But, she isn't genuinely happy. I just know it.

She's also very selfless, the day when she bumped into my car she said "it's okay". How is anyone okay after hitting their head on the hood of the car?

And, then when we went to go eat I paid for her food and she just had to pay me back. I wanted to treat her but I don't know what she doesn't understand of that.

I still have that money in my bedside drawer at my house. Whenever I feel down I'll just pull it out and smile.

Also, she slept on the floor so I could sleep comfortably on the bed. She told me to blame her when the dickhead Steve decided to harass her. I wished I had noticed earlier that day but I was too engraved into my thoughts. When I heard a whimper I saw him touching Jasmin and I lost it. The school can't shit do to me anyways. But, Jasmin still tried to get the blame so I would get the stupid scholarship. I'm not even going to college I'm already a multi-billionaire at the age of 17. I'm not proud of how I earned the money but what can I do when it runs in my blood. The Knights.

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