Looking at the calendar Draco sighs loudly. It is currently seven thirty am on August seventeenth, way too early for a Sunday morning and way too early to be feeling this annoyed. His neck is sore from sleeping on the couch for the second week in a row, since sleeping in his bed seems to be too much for him, it remind him of when Harry would stay over. It's been a few days since he's been to work, Charles has been begging him to come in as he needs some more help. Draco just hasn't felt like doing anything since the papers have been hounding him about Harry's and his relationship.
How is he supposed to tell them if he doesn't even know?
Harry has been very good at keeping his word, after owling over the love potion antidote he promised he wouldn't talk to him until Draco was ready. Draco is kind of regretting not writing him back, he misses his brunet. It's weird, getting so used to being around him for two months just to have it ripped away like that. But Draco isn't sure if he's ready to face seeing him again, not yet at least. Those words stung, by now they just feel like a slight paper cut compared to being slashed open and gutted by a sword like it had originally felt. Hermione has stopped over a few times, complaining about Ron and other things. Draco finds it comforting, she doesn't bring up Harry and doesn't say anything about him unless Draco asks. Ron on the other hand is a lot less subtle. Draco stormed out of the room the first time Ron had said something about Harry around a week and a half ago. Draco wasn't ready to talk about it, but Ron sure was.
Draco smiles smugly remembering the deadly shouts of Hermione echoing in his apartment as he slammed his bedroom door shut after Ron had made some offhand comment about Harry being miserable. It made him feel slightly better after hearing Hermione rip him a new one.
He sighs, he knows he needs to go into work today, he really doesn't want to though. He really just wants to lay on the couch and not think about anything at all. Though, Charles hasn't stopped blowing up his phone for the last few hours so he assumes that maybe he might actually need him today instead of Charles just being Charles and wanting someone to talk to. Getting up from his couch seems to take more effort than Draco wants to exert.
He grabs his bag from where he had thrown it in the closet a few days ago and grabs his car keys, swinging them around his fingers as he procrastinates going to work. He sighs, he can only procrastinate too long, so before he can talk himself out of it he opens his apartment door and locks it behind him quickly. He looks at the elevator and groans, down again, it never seems to be working and today he could have used that little bit of help getting to his car. He glares at the elevator and curses whoever maintains the building before descending down the ridiculous amounts of stairs towards his car. Stepping out into the early morning he glares, it's already hot and he is not looking forward to getting sunburnt or dealing with any stupid girls today, as when it's hot they flock to the umbrellas and flock to Draco. Is it too much to ask for, for one more week of moping before he has to deal with anyone?
He opens the door of his car after clicking it unlocked and steps into the sun warmed cab while throwing his bag into the passenger seat, his seat is uncomfortably hot and his seatbelt seems to want to brand him. He turns the ignition listening to the car hum to life, he taps his fingers on the steering wheel and furrows his eyebrows. His CD is slightly skipping, he sighs knowing that he needs to get a new one or change the radio to live music, he doesn't want to listen to whatever everyone else is, music hasn't been good lately. He digs around in his little CD case, the ridiculously pink CD case, thumbing through the large amounts of CD's he debates on what to listen to before pulling out the blue one that Pansy had given him around a month ago. He sets it on shuffle listening to the music fill the cab.
Driving down the streets he listens to the music, quite enjoying how the traffic seems nonexistent on this early Sunday.
"Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me," Draco frowns. He really likes this song but it kind of cuts him a little. Harry hasn't been around Hermione and Ron anytime he's around, a small part of him was hoping they would run into each other and they could actually talk about it instead of all this open air. He doesn't know why but hearing the song makes him think Harry is forgetting about him. He's being dramatic and he knows it, just the annoyance of everything turning his thoughts sour is all.
Draco sighs, he hasn't been awake for more than two hours and ninety percent of the time he's spent it thinking about Harry.
"I hate the way you say my name, like it's something secret," He frowns deeper, remembering the way Harry had spat his last name like it was poison, well after Draco had spat his last name at him. He shakes his head and tries not to think too deeply into a song. He doesn't want to ruin this song, he quite likes it. He quite likes this whole album, he doesn't want to ruin it.
He listens as the song changes, maybe he shouldn't be listening to a break up album. That might help some of his issues.
"My heart is on my sleeve, wear it like a bruise or black eye," He sighs louder, he just won't listen to the lyrics. He's just going to enjoy the song. He's just going to listen, not think about anything but driving his car.
"'Cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap, negates the pains I went through to avoid you," Draco's eye twitches as he skips the song quickly. He's letting it get to him, he knows it, but it's hard not to when the song is blasting into his eardrums and invading his brain.
He breathes deeply, stopping at the traffic light and staring straight ahead. He will not think about Harry. Even when the next words of the song send an image of Harry straight to the front of his mind.
"Will you be able to tell me 'sorry' with a straight face?" Draco practically screeches, his forehead coming to slam on his horn making it honk loudly. He jerks up and blushes brightly at the people staring at him, he waves his hand trying to seem friendly and ignores their glares.
He hates his life right about now.
He pulls out a different CD as the light seems to be taking forever and he doesn't know if he can take listening to the album anymore. He grabs the dark red album glancing over the artist and humming appreciatively. He takes out the Fall Out Boy CD and tosses it on the seat as the traffic finally starts to move and throws the Maroon 5 into the stereo. He loves this song.
"You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone. Not fit to fucking tread the ground that I am walking on," Draco practically chokes on his words as he remembers Harry playing this while he was trying to get those cuff links on the suit, it was his birthday. He curses loudly to himself, his voice filled with venom. Fucking Harry, he can't even listen to music without thinking about him.
He angrily turns down the music, instead listening to the quiet hum of the car in the now silent cab. He won't listen to music, he won't! Because apparently it is national 'Miss Harry So Dearly That I Want To Combust' day.
He tightens his grip on the steering wheel and turns into the parking lot of the Pool. He quickly puts his car into park and turns the ignition off. Stepping onto the pavement he takes a deep breath, just get through today and you can have a mental breakdown later, he thinks.
He grabs his bag from the passenger seat and slings it over his shoulders quickly before stomping into the building. The desk workers wave at him and Draco barely musters a smile and a small wave back before trudging towards the lifeguard office. He hasn't been in for a full day in over two weeks, he told them he had caught some sort of flu that made him extremely sick and no one questioned it, the doctors note he conjured may have helped. He's been working odd hours, a couple hours here and there just to make enough money for rent. Not that he needs to, if he wanted to he could have just been sitting at home moping, but Hermione convinced him that he does indeed have responsibilities.
He quickly opens the door to the lifeguard office and sees Charles sitting calmly at the supervisor desk, his feet kicked up and sipping on a soda. He narrows his eyes seeing the ragged mess Draco is. Uncombed hair, wrinkled shirt and loose joggers. Definitely something is up, he hasn't been around much these last two weeks. Any time Charles saw Draco he was just there for a couple of hours, doing a few rotations and then rushing away.
"What crawled up your arse and died?" Charles asks watching Draco throw his bag into his locker roughly. Draco sends him a dark glare, if Charles didn't already have an immunity to Draco's dramatic mood swings he might actually be concerned.
"Charles," Draco sighs his hand running roughly through his hair, catching a stray knot and wincing slightly. "I am in a terrible mood and unless you're going to help, I would suggest no funny business today."
"Well, Drake, sit down and talk to papa," Charles folds his hands in front of him seriously, his sunglasses sliding down his forehead and landing haphazardly on his nose. He doesn't miss the slight upturn of Draco's lips and he definitely doesn't miss the loud snort that erupts from his mouth either.
"Never call yourself that ever again, for your sake and especially mine," Draco chuckles slightly moving towards the desk and grabbing himself a chair.
"Tell me what is wrong my dear son," Charles says resting his hand on Draco's shoulder when he sits down. He knows he's being ridiculous, but he knows Draco finds it amusing.
"Where do I even start?" Draco asks his hands rubbing his face tiredly.
"Tell me why you look like death reincarnated, we'll start there," Charles sits up slightly, noticing the dark circles under Draco's eyes and the slightly paler skin. He wasn't joking when he said he looks like death.
"Hmm, well, probably because I've been on a break with Harry for the last almost three weeks and I can't function like a human being anymore because some of the things he said were really fucked up. But I said some messed up things too," Charles' eyes shoot up towards his hairline, well, he wasn't expecting that.
"What? Why didn't you tell me?" Charles leans forward again, his hands resting on his knees and staring at Draco's slight frown.
Draco just rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair. He huffs lowly and folds his arms over his chest tightly.
"Because I didn't want to make it a big deal," Draco finally says after pouting for a minute or two.
"Well, it's obviously a big deal when you come in here looking like a zombie. Have you been sleeping? Eating well? Have you been taking care of yourself?" Charles places his hand over Draco's forehead before moving it to his cheek and checking if he's okay.
"I'm fine, you make it sound like I'm dying," Draco rolls his eyes again, this time a little fondness is in his stare though. "I'm fine, Hermione is enough of a mother hen I don't need you hounding me too."
"So, if I see Harry can I perhaps, maybe hit him with my car?" Charles asks while staring at the blond. Draco lets out a startled laugh and shakes his head quickly.
"No! God, Charles. No, you cannot hit him with your car," Draco lets out a loud chuckle and cracks up more at the pout on Charles' face.
"You're no fun," Charles says shaking his head in disappointment. Draco just cracks a grin and looks towards the door when it opens.
A couple more lifeguards are walking in the office, they offer him a glance before turning towards their lockers. A couple of them take a double take seeing the messy state Draco is in. Draco just halfheartedly glares at them in return, he's in no mood to actually say anything.
"Ready to get back into pool life?" Charles nudges Draco's knee with his own. Draco groans and lets his head hang off of the back of the chair, he stares at the ceiling already feeling a headache coming on.
"I think I would much rather pitch myself off of a tower right now," Draco ignores the quiet chuckles of people in the office. They should be used to his dramatics by now. He stands and walks to his locker, deciding he should probably go change into his suit. They're opening early today as it's the weekend and they close earlier.
He stares at himself in the mirror when he gets to the locker rooms. He does look like death today, doesn't he? He sighs running a hand through his messy hair and desperately ignoring the dark circles plaguing his under eyes. He really needs to not worry about things out of his control, well, or things he's not willing to fix right away. He doesn't know, it's messing with his head and he really needs to find a better coping mechanism.
He quickly changes into his suit, ignoring the slight protrusion of his ribs. He needs to have an actual meal sometime, not just takeout and water when he feels like it. It shouldn't be affecting him this much, he's an adult and he's acting like a bloody teenager again.
"You sound like you're sixteen again."
Draco growls lowly, turning on his heel and stomping out of the locker rooms quickly. It still hurts, it still fucking hurts. He thought that it was getting better, it was just an argument that got out of hand. He knows Harry didn't mean those things, that doesn't take away the sting of it though.
Sometimes he does wish Harry would have just left him in the fire, he wouldn't have had to face all of this stuff. Draco feels like he's going to have his umpteenth mental breakdown in middle of the hallway. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his beating heart. He puts on a smile for the guards in the office, his coworkers don't notice anything different. Draco has always been thin and pale. They just think it's because he was sick for so long, side effects.
Charles does his daily pep talk, cheering up the guards and telling them to have a good shift. Draco listens, he can't seem to even muster up a smile when Charles flashes one of his famous Charles Cheering Up smiles at him. It's like sort of black hole has opened up inside of Draco's chest and he can't escape it. It's sucking out any good thoughts replacing them with self loathing and a sadness so raw he can't even feel the rock he's sitting on digging into his legs.
Draco is on his break the first rotation, probably Charles' doing. The rest of the guards stand up, get ready to head out towards their spots as Charles, Draco and three other guards walk back into the office. Charles beckons Draco towards him, trying to shoo the other three guards off.
"Drake, if you're not feeling up to it today, you don't have to guard," Charles says watching Draco slouch down in his chair. He never usually slouches.
"I don't want to be useless," Draco mumbles, he doesn't know why it's affecting him so much today. Charles just smiles sadly at him, resting his hand on Draco's shoulder. Draco sighs again, he's been doing that a lot lately. "I'll be fine, Charlie."
"If you say so. I won't judge you if you need to leave early or anything, I completely understand," Charles smiles at Draco. Draco feels like he wants to cry, what did he do to deserve such a wonderful friend. Draco just nods his head, offering Charles a small smile in return.
"Thanks Charlie," Draco says laughing quietly at the scowl on Charles face. Charles just nods his head and looks at the clock, it's already almost time to go and switch the guards. First rotation is always the shortest. Draco grabs his hip pack, clicking it into place and puts his sunglasses on. He gives Charles a small smile and opens the door to the lifeguard office. He takes three steps out of the door before getting hit by a wave of Deja Vu.
Hermione and Draco make eye contact and Draco feels like his lungs have just been sucked in by the black hole. Standing beside Hermione looking the opposite way are Ron and Harry. Teddy is bouncing up and down with small blonde girl giggling next to him. Draco quickly turns on his heel and walks straight back into the guard office.
"Charles, I can't," Draco croaks, his voice feeling tight and ignoring the questioning stares from his coworkers.
"What happened?" Charles asks watching Draco throw himself into the chair next to him.
"He's here," Draco whines, his head buried in his hands. Charles just nods, grabbing his own hip pack and pushing Draco towards the desk.
"I'll guard, you can just do the office work today. That way you can still get your hours in, I need the sun too," Charles smiles widely and walks out of the door while Draco stares at the computer in front of him. Draco pushes his sunglasses up to rest on the top of his head.
Glaring at the computer, Draco thinks it's going to be a long day.