Lunch with the family is awkward, as Colton and I don't really talk much. I'm starved however, so I'm too busy eating anyway.
I feel bad that I asked him about how he died, but he didn't have to take it that far. Clearly it hits a very soft spot, but that only makes me more curious as to what hurt him so badly. Why was he so scarred by it? I didn't react that way, so it had to be way worse than my death.
I just wish we were on good terms to begin with so that this trip wouldn't be so bad. Things would have gone a lot smoother.
It's hot. I feel like a nice cold shower right now, but the only thing I'm going to get is an ice cold bath in a dirty lake.
I hate being hungry all the time, the feeling of my stomach aching just because I need food is irritating and inconvenient. My feet actually ache after I walk long distances and I run out of breath quickly. My muscles get sore after using them so much and gravity pulls me down more the more exhausted I get. All of these are things I forgot about after I died.
"Can we play at the lake tonight, Mommy?" Ekram prompts, wiggling in his seat with excitement.
"I suppose that's alright." Emine replies, carrying a few dishes back inside. "You both have to get ready then while I wash these dishes."
Kara and Ekram's eyes light up with delight and they both instantaneously dart towards their house. I guess that means Colton and I are staying in tonight unless he actually wants to watch the kids play around in the dirty water.
I glance behind me to make sure none of Arslan's family is watching us. I drop my towel and sink into the freezing water, then sock my small cloth into it.
I rub it all over my face, my arms, my chest and the rest of my body and make sure that I'm doing it as quickly as possible so that I am able to get out of here before Colton arrives.
Aaaand he's here.
"Beat me to it, huh?" He sets his towel down onto the bench and begins undressing. I turn around and lean back, wetting my hair.
I hear him jump into the water, and a few water droplets land on my face.
I finish my bath and reach for my towel just as Colton reaches the surface.
I widen my eyes at him, telling him to look away while I get out of the lake.
He abides and turns around, and I quickly step onto the dirt and wrap the towel around my chest.
"How can you sit in there for so long?" I ask him while I shiver like crazy. The air outside is warmer than the water, but I am still freezing.
"I don't know, I guess I'm just not a wuss like you." He replies.
"If I was a wuss, I wouldn't have agreed to leave the Afterworld to save my brother." I counter.
He grins. "Fair enough."
After a few moments, he finishes cleaning himself and pulls himself out of the lake, which is when I decide is the best time to leave and get dressed back in our cabin.
Colton actually wanted to watch the children play in the dirty water. I didn't want to be in the house alone with nothing to do, so I guess sitting on the bench wouldn't be so bad.
By the time Emine prepares everything for the kids, the sky is starting to get dark. This day felt so long yet so short. Lunch only seems like it was an hour ago and here we are watching the sunset.
The bright sky reflects off of the lake, each and every vibrant color.
"Here's a blanket for you two, it's going to get cold pretty soon." Emine tosses a large blanket onto Colton's lap. It's just one blanket.
Without looking at me, he pushes one end of the blanket towards me and I drape it over my legs. Luckily it's big enough to the point where we didn't have to sit so close to each other.
Colton and I are slightly isolated from the rest of the family, who are sitting on a large log situated by the lake. There isn't enough room for us so we get the bench.
I can't take the silence anymore. Colton is too stubborn to say anything, so I'm going to have to be the bigger person and speak up.
He spoke to me a little a few minutes ago, but he was quieter than usual. "I'm sorry I kept trying to ask you about your death. I was just curious."
He glances at me before responding. His face is glowing, probably because of the constant sun hitting his face all day.
He grins ever so slightly and looks at the ground. "I don't blame you. I get defensive sometimes."
"That's very true." I laugh, "but I just want to help you since it seems to bother you so much."
Colton shakes his head. "I don't need help, especially not from a stage two. It's not your fault for not understanding."
I narrow my eyes in confusion. "It's just a nice thing to do, at least admit that."
Colton turns towards the lake as the kids splash around in the water with their handmade toys. I remember being entertained that easily as a kid. Everything was so simple in my mind back then.
When he doesn't say anything, it's more like he's actually saying something. His silence tells me that he couldn't care less about people being nice to him. These kind of people are never happy because they don't let anyone help them, or even enter their life or emotions. People like Colton rather suffer than be vulnerable.
I don't want to bother talking with him, he would just make me more angry. He shouldn't be my main concern, it should be Nick. Tomorrow I am going to go to the Underworld to save him and I don't even feel prepared for it. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick.
"Well in that case," I stand up and give him the rest of the blanket. "I'm going back to our guest house." His eyes watch me as I walk away. He doesn't say a word and I didn't want him to.
I have to start jogging as I get closer to the house, as it is getting very chilly. Inside isn't much better, it's not like Arslan installed a heating system. The only thing the cabin does is block the wind.
I envelop myself into the covers and close my eyes, hoping I can go to sleep without my thoughts keeping me awake for too long.
Every time I close my eyes it's either an image of fire or it was what I imagine Nick going through. Both are horrifying, but I can't seem to control my own thoughts, they always wander off to the worst ideas when I just want to get some rest.
I just want to sleep peacefully for once.
Not one day has gone by without me reflecting over my death. Not one day has gone by since I died where I didn't think about my family and Nick. I honestly don't want to figure out what it's like after I died.
The door swings open.
Was I really thinking for that long? Were they already done swimming? I open my eyes and look at him. He has the blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his cheeks are red from the cold.
He doesn't say anything, just slips into his bed and lies onto his back. I close my eyes again, just so that he would think I'm asleep and won't bother me about something.
The silence is piercing, though. I feel like I have to fill that silence with my voice, but I need to restrain myself from doing so. There would be no point. He's just going to shut me out.
He sighs very loudly. "I was a spy in World War II. They captured me and killed several of my family members in front of me to get information about the Battle of Midway. I didn't give it, I couldn't. They tortured me for weeks and eventually..." he pauses, "slit my throat."
I sit up in my bed in shock. I didn't think he knew I was awake. I didn't think he would actually tell me. "Colton I'm..."
"I don't want your pity. There's nothing you can do to change it." He's taking deep breaths as he speaks, I can see his chest rise and sink.
"That is a horrible way to die. I'm so sorry that happened to you." I pause. "Don't you think that if you share your trauma then you can relate to people and cope?"
"You should take your own advice." He mutters, then suddenly sits up in his bed and points at me with a serious look on his face. "You are one of the only people I've told. You better not tell anyone or I'm sending your brother back to the Underworld. Got it?"
I smirk. "I won't tell. I promise." He lies back down on his back and I do the same. "What was your scar?"
"It was a dagger." Colton retorts. I peer over at him, trying to examine his arm. There's a whole lot of scars, I wish I could try and help him but he's like a wall. He blocked everyone out of his life.
"I bet it was really cool. I bet you were a really good spy too."
He scoffs. "Good enough to get captured."
"Yeah but being a spy sounds so badass, you know? You're like James Bond or Tom Cruise."
"Tom who?" He questions.
"It's not important. I just think you're too hard on yourself."
There are a few moments of silence. "They kept me alive for months because I was their most reliant spy. They knew where I was and people were sent to rescue me. All of them were lured into the enemy's trap and killed. They killed twelve spies because of me."
I can't say anything after that. I didn't think it could get worse, but it did. "It's not your fault. You were an amazing spy, I can just tell."
"Whatever, Juliet. Rest easy." Colton shifts into his side.
"Goodnight."
How brave of Colton to share his story. Love to see it love to hear it.