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E L I Z A
Don't tell anyone. Three words that the morning sun greeted me with after a dark night of tossing and turning and nightmares of what might happen if I tell someone. Don't tell anyone. The words echoed somewhere in the back of my head when Daphne asked if I was okay. I was not okay—I had been staring at the spot where Noah had been hours ago, threatening me with that photo of me.
Yes, I'm fine—Just tired. I had told her. Had lied to her.
Always an excuse. Always a lie.
Just like when I lied during breakfast when Pansy asked why I wasn't eating. I told her I wasn't hungry, that I was still full from the dinner I didn't eat. I was glad Draco was at Quidditch practice because he knows why I haven't been eating and the sick terrified feeling I feel now is so much worse than yesterday. Yesterday when Draco was there and was with me. I had felt safe and the sick feeling of dread had disappeared.
But now—but now was different.
Don't tell anyone. Noah's voice whispered in my ear all day. The photograph of me was a constant reminder and the threat of him hurting my friends was stuck at the front of my head. My head that was pounding but the fear of what Noah might do forced me to keep a smile on my face.
Don't. Tell. Anyone.
~
I first saw Draco in Potions. I was sitting in the middle of the class tugged between Pansy and Daphne, I peered over my shoulder when I heard the boyish chatter enter the class. I felt a moment of peace when I saw him with a smile on his face, laughing at something Blaise had said. But then his eyes met mine and I was reminded of those three words. A heavy weight of fear pulled my heart into the pit of my belly and made me feel nauseated.
But I tried not to let my face halter.
He had wet hair and it was falling messily to the tip of his dark brow. His jaw was tight as he looked at me, now completely oblivious to the boys surrounding him. They moved to the back of the class but Draco seemed to hesitate, like he wanted to sit with me but there were no seats left.
For a moment I was tempted to go and sit at the back with him but if I am with him, if I am close to him and talking to him, it will be even harder not to mention last night.
Don't tell anyone.
I looked away quickly, just as Snape walked in and the class slowly fell silent. I kept my gaze down the entire class. I just have to find this crystal and everything will be okay. I will be okay.
~
I walked out of Potions and felt a firm hand around my waist. My heart dropped, and my eyes widened as my mind instantly went to Noah.
"Woah—sorry I didn't mean to scare you," Draco's voice was dark and deep in my ear, and he was full of regret when I turned, "I didn't think—That probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. I just missed you."
Pansy and Daphne had joined Theo and Blaise who were walking ahead with a few others. I forced my lips to turn up into a smile as we began following after them, "No, it's okay. I missed you too."
Concern was swimming in his eyes so I spoke before he could, "How was practice?"
His hand intertwined with mine and he said, "Good."
"Just good?" I asked, sensing there was more to his answer.
"Yeah," he shrugged, "It's not the same as it once was."
I could see the disappointment in his eyes, "Is there a reason for that?"
"I don't know. It really just doesn't feel the same," Draco shook his head and then wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "I guess I'm just older now but it was good while it lasted."
"Are you thinking of quitting?" I asked.
"Yeah, but I'm going to do one last game," he shrugged and then turned to me with a grin slowly pulling up his lips. His eyes glistened with some sort of desire.
I narrowed my brows together, "What?" I could feel my cheeks heating just from that look he was giving me.
His grin widened and my eyes went to his jaw, noticing how sharp that part of his face was. I swallowed, remembering for a second Noah but Draco was here. Draco was here, I had to keep reminding myself. I am safe. I am allowed to feel heated for my boyfriend but for some reason, it feels like I shouldn't. I have more important things to do—like find the stupid crystal.
For all I know, Noah could be watching. The thought alone made my blood run cold.
Draco's hand dropped to my waist and gripped the curve of my back—chills erupted from his touch and all I wanted to do was pull him into a corner and kiss him. Devour him.
Fuck it.
Suddenly, before I could have second thoughts, I pulled Draco into a door which I hoped was only a storage room and by some miracle of Merlin, it was. My lips were on his even before the light from the hallway was darkened by his foot kicking the for closed.
Fuck Noah. And fuck his silly crystal.
Draco's hands gripped either side of my waist as I arched my back, leaning up to his face where my lips attacked his. My hands gripped his jaw and the back of his strong neck. Our kiss grew stronger and became more intense with every second that passed. Breathless noises escaped us and our hands explored one another like we hadn't touched in eternity.
I kissed him like it would be our last time. It might very well be.
The blinding thought slowed my kiss and made my body shiver, and not from Draco's hands on my thighs. He didn't notice the fear in my eyes when his mouth moved to my neck and kissed me ravenously.
It was too dark in here. Too dark.
The fear was shoved to the back of my mind when Draco eagerly spread my legs and his body slammed between them, pressing against me. It was hard not to arch into him, grind against him.
My mind was a storm of thoughts. A deadly mix of dangerous desire and need and an awful amount of terror. I wanted Draco to take me right here but—but.
The door handle creaked down and Draco froze. A peek of light erupted through the doorway and instantly my heart stopped and I knew my face had paled. Noah. Noah. Noah.
Draco straightened my skirt, covering my thighs just as the door opened fully and Filtch's slender figure appeared. Relief. Utter relief rushed through me.
I looked up at Draco and saw him smirking down at me.
"Ah, here it is," Draco said, lifting up a bottle of some sort of cleaning product.
"What are you doing in here?" the crackly, angry voice of Filtch muttered. His brows crooked as they scanned us.
"Looking for this," Draco waved the bottle above his head and looked at it, making sure it wasn't something absurd.
"Students ain't allowed in 'ere," Filtch said as Draco helped me up off the table and held my hand in his, "Students should be in 'eir lessons."
Draco led me out of the door and slammed a hand down on the old man's shoulder, "Yes, that's where we're going right now."
I passed Filtch with a simmer of a grin and held my head downward.
"Don't be coming in 'ere again," he called after us and a laugh escaped my mouth when we rounded the corner and Draco dropped the bottle to the floor.
"I think we got a little carried away," Draco said as we continued down the empty corridor.
~
I laughed today. The one thing I thought I had forgotten how to do. I had laughed but the slither of glee I felt was ruined when the sun set. I was surrounded by giddy students making their way to dinner while I was walking the opposite way. I had lied to my Pansy and Daphne, telling them I was going to the toilet quickly before dinner but really I was on my way to the Library.
I had allowed myself to forget, to float around with too much freedom. The darkness had ventured to the back of my head and I spent the day laughing.
One week—that is all I have to find this crystal and I should be making sure every minute is spent looking for it. I shouldn't be kissing Draco in storage closets and laughing like everything is okay. Because it is not.
They will wonder where I am soon, maybe come looking for me but I have no choice. I am done pretending like everything's okay and walking around like a scared little mouse. I have done that all my life, I have stayed hidden in the darkness of innocence. It allowed everyone to walk over me. To use me. To think I was weak and afraid.
I. Am. Done.
I walk into the library with a blank mind. A numb mind. If Noah wants this crystal then I will hand it to him—if that is what will end all of this.
I went straight to the forbidden section because I am not stupid—anything Noah is after isn't going to be in the fairytale section—I wandered to the back of the library, hoping the librarian was also at dinner with everyone else and I started scanning the tattered labels on the shelves.
In this section, it smelled like old wood and rust. Something dark and taboo.
I found nothing on rocks or crystals after I looked and looked for thirty minutes. I pulled out a few other books that I thought might have something in them, like The Dark Histories and a few old news articles. I found nothing.
"Looking for something?" I jumped at the old familiar voice and turned around to meet the eyes of Hermione Granger.
Fucks sake, I thought but from the look on her face I must have said it out loud. I was tired. I was hungry and I was fed up.
"I know I'm not someone who you want to see," she said, a large book held to her chest as her eyes looked at me from head to toe, "but I have been watching you scan these shelves for an hour now."
It's been an hour?
"I'm not an idiot," she started, "I know you're looking for something."
"And what's it to you if I am?" I asked.
Hermione's brows rose and a smug chuckle escaped her lips, "That's not how you speak to someone who is about to offer their help."
I almost laughed, "You want to help me?"
She closed her eyes and sighed, "Not really but I have heard what happened to you over Christmas and who is after you. We may not like each other but if it came down to it, I know who I would rather win."
Was she suggesting there is to be a war? A coldness settles deep in my core at the thought.
Out of desperation and fear, I asked, "Okay, then please. . . help me."
Her eyes gleamed with something like sorrow and she blinked it away before dropping the book in her arms onto the table, "You're looking for something and I know you probably can't tell me what—"
Don't tell anyone.
I shook my head no, scared that even the shadows might hear my voice.
"—This is The Book Of Lost Things," Hermione said, "I don't know what you are looking for but whatever it is, this book will help you. Specifically page one hundred and seventy-seven."
I looked up at her confused.
She smiled, like she had expected my confusion or like she enjoyed it, "Trust me." She said and knew that I didn't. She then retreated a step back and looked at the book now in front of me.
"Good luck, Eliza," she said softly before disappearing into the shadows of the library.
I will thank her only when I have the crystal. For all I know this could be a trick but I have nothing else. And I am tired. So with the golden light of the lamp slightly flickering, I opened the book to page one hundred and seventy-seven.
I was beheld with a painting of a large oak door and writing surrounding it. Confusion creases my brows but I begin reading.
If you have lost something, The Room of Requirement is the first place you should look. It is also known as the come-and-go room, is a secret room in Hogwarts Castle that only appears to a person when they are in great need of it.
I certainly am in great need but not for a room. I sigh and continue reading
The Room Of Requirements will appear differently to everyone's needs and requirements. However, even though you are now aware of The Room Of Requirement, you won't find it or won't see it unless your need isn't great enough. The room can be all things and nothing all at the same time.
I skim my eyes to the other side of the page and read more. This may be exactly what I need.
To find The Room Of Requirement simply go to the seventh floor of Hogwarts Castle, and hope your needs are crucial enough for the room to reveal itself.
A part of me feels the urge to laugh with relief. It's been one day and I might have found this crystal, or at least a lead. Without wanting to waste any more time, I close the heavy book, place it on a shelf and make my way up to the seventh floor.
~
It's late now and well past curfew. I should go back and leave this for tomorrow because Daphne and Pansy are probably worried. Draco too, it's been hours since I told them I was going to the toilet but there isn't any search party yet and this cannot wait. The seventh floor is quiet as I walk along the corridor, my cloak following behind me.
Come on, where is it?
As I walk I look at every door I pass but nothing looks like the painting in the book. I walk back along the corridor, again looking at every door but nothing. Maybe I should try again tomorrow? Or maybe my need is great enough?
I turned and walked back toward the stairs but I made it all of one step and then I heard a loud creek from behind me. I turned around and to my surprise, a large door appeared in front of me. My eyes grew in shock and amazement as I watched the door grow in the wall. Higher and higher it reached and slowly decorated itself into that painting of the door.
I found it.
I smiled with sweet relief as I walked toward the door and wrapped my hand around the hefty door handle. I pushed open the door, it creaked as it opened. I closed the door behind me as I beheld the mountains of junk. Chests, boxes, cabinets and statues. It was filled with everything. There was furniture and boxes filled with books, glasses and a vast amount of other junk.
I walked through the room, almost amazed by what I was seeing. The room seemed to go on for miles and the mountains of junk reached high up into the room. This was certainly not what I needed.
I sighed and walked back to the front of the room. It has to be in here somewhere. It has to be. So I began searching and with each box I searched, I found nothing but useless junk. Annoyance was growing stiff in my bones and my eyes fell more and more exhausted.
There were so many piles of junk and so many boxes but so far nothing. No rocks. No crystals and no small brown boxes like Noah said they might be in.
"Fuck," I yelled and shoved the box in my hand to the floor. Then, because throwing that box hadn't satisfied my anger in the slightest, I kicked another box, its continents shattering to the hard floor and then I pushed over another box and another.
Tears welled in my eyes and I sunk my body to the floor, leaning my back against a cabinet. I pulled my knees to my chest and pressed my palms into my forehead.
But something was glistening, shining in the light of the moon that was peering through the long stained glass windows. I looked up through teary eyes and saw a bottle of alcohol lying by the scattered junk. Something wild and reckless slithered up my spine.
Don't do it. A voice whispered into my consciousness.
I was reminded of how freeing the feeling of intoxication makes me feel. How numb and happy it made me.
A sip won't hurt. I told myself before grabbing the bottle.
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