거대한 아기
"And it's uploaded!"
I bit my lower lip when I saw our dance cover being posted on our official youtube channel. It's been months since we last opened it, and I'm glad that there are people who waited for us, though they basically don't know us. All they see is our dancing, but not our faces. And it just proves that some people really do be liking some kpop groups not just because of their visuals, but also for their outstanding talents.
"Congrats to us, Byul!" Mulan eonnie told me before giving me a tight hug making me hug her back. I was so scared that the fans would hate it, but according to our manager, they all liked it.
So I checked the comments myself, it was all so heartwarming. There are Korean and English comments, some are other languages such as Spanish, French and Chinese that I understand really well, since French is basically my second language, while some I'm not really familiar with.
Damn, so this is how it feels like to be appreciated.
"They're asking for a face reveal!" Mulan eonnie shrieked beside me making me laugh at her reaction, since this would be the loudest she'd ever been. And of course, they would. I'm sure this is what the company wanted.
To make the viewers curious about what we look like.
"Next time, you should upload a video of you sword dancing, eonnie. I feel like that would blow up the whole internet!" I enthusiastically told Mulan eonnie and she laughed at my crazy suggestion.
"I don't know. It's been a while since the last time I exerted a lot of effort in dancing. It feels weird, you know? Because I usually eat a lot because of my dance routine, but since there are hindrances, I can't seem to find my way back to my old routine." Mulan eonnie opened up making me listen attentively to what she was saying.
She was never the type to open up that easily. She was way too secretive. And although we're getting closer, there's this wall she's trying to build so that there's a boundary between us.
So now that she's saying what's in her mind, it makes me feel happier knowing that she's getting comfortable with sharing me her problems.
"It's almost as if I'm scared of eating too much, because I might get fat. I know it's a petty reason, but I was used to always being fit ever since I was young because of my dance routine." she said making ma gasp.
Is this the reason why she seems so afraid of eating too much?
Before I can even ask her, the door to the dance practice room opened, revealing our other members who just got here from our dorm.
"You uploaded the video without us!" Eunkyung eonnie shouted making me roll my eyes, but smiled nonetheless.
"Let them be!" Nari eonnie said making Eunkyung pout before going to Hiraya eonnie who just laugh at them.
"Please scold Nari for me, you're the only one older than her!" Eunkyung eonnie said to Hiraya eonnie with her puppy eyes making Nari eonnie almost punch her for not using formalities, but thank God Mulan eonnie was there to stop her.
"I'm only months older than her though? But, please the both of you should behave, okay?" Hiraya eonnie asked, with her gentle voice making me want to listen to her talk all day long.
"You really should be the leader," I suddenly blurted out making them all look at me.
"What?" I asked, afraid that I may have said something rude or wrong.
"That's a great idea, Byul! Hiraya eonnie should really be the leader!" Nari eonnie said making Eunkyung eonnie agree with her. I also even saw Mulan eonnie nodding her head.
"Eh? Why me? Besides, I'm a foreigner. We aren't given such titles, right?" Hiraya eonnie asked making me frown at what she said. She has a point. It's always the korean members who are favoured and the foreigners pushed on the side.
"Then we need to change the rules. Won't it be awesome? You'll be the first ever foreigner leader in YG entertainment!" I told her, a smile on my lips because it's really awesome to think about it.
But Hiraya eonnie only gave me a small smile before coming near me and petting my hair.
"That's not how this works, Byul. But I really appreciate your suggestion," she whispered before fixing my messy hair.
I only pouted before nodding. I guess, some things can't change easily.
"I'll try to talk to our director then. I'm sure they'll be glad to have you as our leader, Hiraya." Nari eonnie told her making me look at Nari eonnie with a huge smile on my face.
"Yes! You're the best, eonnie!" I told her before clinging to Hiraya eonnie who just shook her head at our persistence.
"I mean, I'd rather have Hiraya as our leader instead of Eunkyung, you know?"
And that's when another war between Nari eonnie and Eunkyung eonnie happened.
Yup, this is our daily routine.
• • •
Another day of wasting time inside the YG café. Yup, that's what we're doing right now. It's already 7 PM, and me and my members decided to take a break from practicing.
"Yoshi!" Nari eonnie whispered-yelled, waving at her fellow Japanese artist from YG entertainment, whom she's very close with ever since they were in Japan.
Yoshi sunbaenim waved back and even the other members who were with him waved at us. I look at the place, and was glad that it was only us inside. And some staff members in the café too that I'm sure wouldn't say anything about what's happening inside right now to other people.
They decided to sit in a table near us, and I waved at Haruto, and him being Haruto, he only nodded at me making me shake my head.
"Yah! I want to go back to Japan too," Nari eonnie told them and I frowned underneath my mask. I also want Nari eonnie to go and have a vacation in Japan too since I'm sure she misses her family a lot. But her wish, is kind of impossible for now, since as trainees, we aren't allowed to travel.
"That would be a bit difficult. I hope you can debut soon so that you'll get to travel too," Yoshi sunbaenim told her and I look down at my hand and was proud at myself for not feeling that nervous when someone talks about our debut.
Talking to Mrs. Im really helped me a lot. I'm glad the company helped me meet her.
"I heard Future Bounce and R.Tee sunbaenim would be the one who's going to help you with your debut song?" Mashiho sunbaenim asked and I nodded.
"Yup, sunbaenim. We've always been a fan of Future Bounce and R.Tee sunbaenim, so we all decided that it would be best if they're going to be the people who's going to mentor us." I answered him making him nod at me, his eyes crinkling making me aware that he's smiling under his mask, and that made me smile too.
"I heard even Teddy hyung is going to help, so I'm sure you're going to do great!" Haruto said making me look at him. I tried to stop myself from looking, but his deep voice is just so attractive.
"And of course, Loren oppa will help too since it's her sister's debut song after all." Eunkyung eonnie said making me kick her foot that's under the table, but she just gave me a peace sign using her fingers, acting all cute making me roll my eyes on her.
But I'm not sure if Loren can help us though. He's busy, being the one who's taking care of our mom's past profits and shares in YG entertainment. And of course, he released his own song too, making him really busy.
"If you need help, we're just here." Asahi sunbaenim said making me smile. He's really quiet and shy at times, but I'm glad he said those words. And, he's known to be one of Treasure sunbaenim's producers, so it's such a huge honor to have him offer us some help.
"Thank you, sunbaenim." Hiraya eonnie told him and Mulan eonnie even gave him a thumbs up.
After a few more chit-chats and eating our food, we finally decided to go back to YG building.
And of course, they took that opportunity to tease me and Haruto again. They made us walk together, while they all walked ahead of us, and the good thing was there were no fans lingering around. But that fact also made our members braver because there are no other people outside our circle watching us.
"My mom said that she saw your performance in MAMA, and she really loved it. I didn't told you right away knowing that it's a bit of a sensitive topic." Haruto opened up making me look at him then back to the road we're walking on.
"Tell her I said thanks," I told him. A genuine smile on my lips despite the mask covering it, because at least someone out there found my performance worth it.
It's true that it was a sensitive topic, but I already got over it. Despite my performance getting deleted, and my solo being postponed, I taught myself to be patient and be contented with what I currently have.
"And I'll be away. Nari might have told you, and you heard about this earlier, but I just wanna tell you that I'll be taking a vacation in Japan, alongside my other japanese members." He said, making me bit my lower lip before slowly nodding my head.
It was as if there's a huge lump on my throat at the thought of him being away was in my mind.
"How long will you be away?" I asked him almost whispering, while I play with my fingers. I don't want to look at him because I'm gonna admit that I'm very dramatic and sensitive whenever a close friend of mine would have to leave even for just a couple of days.
I once cried when Junkyu left me for Christmas break because the company didn't made me come with him.
I hate being left by people I love the most. It was like a trauma that I'm not sure if I still can overcome. Being left by almost everybody that I cherish wasn't a really nice experience at such a young age.
It made me feel as if I wasn't enough, and think that maybe that's the reason why they kept on leaving me.
"Hey, don't be sad. I'll be back before you know it, you crybaby." he teased, noticing my change of mood making me glare at him.
He laughed at my reaction before messing my hair. That action made me feel warm inside, I even fought the urge to chase for his hand when he finally retreats them.
"I know you'll miss me. Don't worry, I have something for you waiting at your dorm." he said before winking and running off to his hyungs when we're now in front of the new YG building.
I stopped on my track, and put my hand on my chest where my heart was located. It felt as if I just ran a mile at how it was rapidly pounding inside my chest, even felt it as if it's near my ears as I can hear it ringing ever so loudly, damn.
Why is it beating so fast?
Was it because of the excitement of knowing that something is waiting for me at our dorms, or the fact that he- haruto freaking watanabe- winked at me?
"Young love. How disgusting." Nari eonnie teased me, acting as if she's about to throw up at what she just witnessed, making me glare at her. I don't believe this is young love. I don't love Haruto more than just a friend.
And why is it always Nari eonnie who sees and hears moments like this?
When we reached our own practice room, we decided to dance a bit more before finally deciding to go back to our dorms. It's already 12 am afterall.
When we reached our dorm, I almost run towards our room to go and find out what was waiting for me.
"Slow the hell down, Hanbyul!" Eunkyung eonnie nagged at me. But did I care? No. Not now, because I was dying of curiosity as to what Ruto meant a while ago.
When I finally reached my shared room with Eunkyung eonnie, there was nothing.
Was Haruto pranking me? I shook my head, before deciding to just let it go. It's just maybe one of his pranks. And April first is coming soon anyway, maybe I'll just prank him too.
"Yah! Byul! Come down, someone is looking for you!" I heard Nari eonnie shouting for me, making me run down the stairs and thank all the gods out there because I didn't fall down or tripped while running.
"Why?" I asked when I was now in front of them. Nari eonnie used her lips making her pout to point at the door and there I saw Hyunsuk oppa with a huge ass stuff toy in his arms.
"Oppa?" I called out, and he immediately smiled when he saw me and even tried to wave but failed because he was covered by the familiar stuff toy he's holding.
"Haruto was so shy to hand his gift to you, so I'll be the one doing it since he's like my son afterall," Hyunsuk oppa exasperatedly said before trying to flip his imaginary long hair making me snort at his action.
"Anyway, this is for you!" he excitedly said, almost squealing, making me just smile at his silliness.
"Stella meet Ruru," he said before handing me the huge white stuff toy making me gasp at the present.
"Omo- Really?!" I shrieked. It's my first time receiving a stuff toy as a gift so I was so happy, so excited, because finally! I now have one!
"Yup, I'm sorry though since I used that for a picture earlier to post on our twitter account. Since the other ruru stuff toy was inside Ruto's room because it's for his sister." He explained making me nod before hugging the stuff toy.
warm warm warm
I smiled as I nuzzled to it, feeling so happy at the gift he gave me. Because he was right, I sure am going to miss him, and this stuff toy is such a good present because it'll help in comforting me as he's away.
"So it's really mine now?" I asked once more, and Hyunsuk oppa nodded with a warm smile on his face making me smile even more.
"Yes. it's yours, Byul." he said before ruffling my hair as I hug the stuff toy tighter.
I feel like crying. I know this is just a simple gift, but it really means a lot to me. I feel so comforted and just so happy. It made me feel like I was a kid again.
Another thing to be called mine. Finally.
When Hyunsuk oppa finally left, I immediately went to my shared room with Eunkyung eonnie, still hugging the stuff toy. I was even glad that my members just gave me teasing smiles instead of asking for more details.
I immediately put ruru on my bed before getting my phone and dialing his number.
On the second ring, he answered.
What do I do now? I'm so awkward after all, what if he finds me weird now?
"Miss me already, shortella?" he teased on the other line making me snort.
"You wish, you giant baby." I teased him back making him chuckle at the other line.
Despite our shy nature, there's just something that makes me feel so comfortable around Haruto. It was almost as if we've known each other for years, because of how close we got the past few months.
"Anyway, I called to say thank you." I told him, and he became silent for a few seconds before finally talking again.
"I wasn't the one who gave you the ruru stuff toy, okay?! It wasn't me!" he exclaimed making me furrow my brows.
"Okay?" I said, not sure as to what to say next. Was he shy? Because I can clearly remember that Hyunsuk oppa mentioned that it was from him. Ruru was from Haruto.
My first ever stuff toy was from Haruto.
"I never thought of giving you a stuff toy as a gift to comfort you while I'm away, okay? That's a freebie given by Line so it was sent to you! Yeah, that's the reason why Ruru is there!" haruto was blabbering, and I smiled because of it.
"Okay you giant baby. I get it, Ruru is not from you and it's just sent to me because it's just a freebie and not because you want to comfort me while you're away." I told him, going with the flow with his lame excuse.
"Yeah. You're correct!" He said once more, his voice being a pitch higher because of him lying.
"Sure, giant baby. I'll miss you too, don't worry. Now go to bed, and thank you."
"What?! I said it wasn't from me, and who said I'll miss you?-"
Before he can talk more, I already ended the call before bursting out in strings of loud laughter. I even wiped some tears that were falling from my eyes because it was just so funny to hear him being like that, I can even imagine him panicking inside his room.
Haruto really suits his nickname. Because he is really a giant baby. And it was the first time I heard him being so defensive since he always has this cool aura, and it's also the first time that he was the one who's talking so much.
I took ruru in my arms once more before hugging it tightly, a stupid grin on my face as I replay his blabbering inside my head.
"Ruru, your past owner is such a baby."
to be continued. . .