Hello my crazies, I'm back with another chapter. Sorry that I kept you waiting. I'm still not feeling like my old self, but I thought I'd push through since a lot of you guys asked for another chapter. Thank you bitches so much for loving my books! I've put a lot of work into them and it warms my heart when you guys comment how much you love reading them.
I know it feels like I've ruined the story by killing Lilly, but trust me, It's not ruined. I promise you will enjoy what I've got planned for you. I told my sister the concept, and she loved it, so I know you guys will love it too.
There are new characters coming in the next couple of chapters and I hope you will give them some love as they will be dealing with some f**ked up shit. Killian will have to play hero again, maybe.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this and comment below because I love reading your comments. Don't forget to vote as well.
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Killian's P.O.V
I don't know how long I've been sitting here, but this place seems to be my favourite place at the moment. When I first bought my house, I never really cared for the barroom in it as I'm not much of a drinker. I'd must rather have a room dedicated to guns and knives. However, lately, I've spent much of my time in this room trying to find solace at the bottom of every bottle that I can lay my hand on.
"Are you planning to tell her parents about her funeral?"
I grunted, "Tell them what? What the f**k do you expect me to tell them, that their daughter who they thought was dead for seven years turned out not to be dead but ended up dying two days after coming back into my life?"
I took a sip of the bitter brew that was in my hand as I regarded Mik. He was giving me that pitiful look that everyone seemed to be wearing in my presence lately. I didn't need it, I really f**king didn't need it.
"Well, f**k, when you put it like that, I can see how telling them might be a bad idea."
It's not that I never considered contacting them, but my attempts over the years have been futile. Red's parents blamed me for her death and wanted nothing to do with me, so it definitely would not be in my best interest to contact them.
"What about your mother, she was a part of Lilly's life for the past few years?"
I put my drink down and scrawled at him. What the f**k is wrong with him today?
"What the f**k, have you suddenly turned into a family relations officer?"
Mik stepped closer to me, laying a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off, but the bastard just put it right back.
"You're not in your right mind right now, and I know that Lilly would want the people she cared about to say their final goodbye to her."
I swiped the glass off the counter, it hit the wall shattering into tiny pieces, the dark liquid leaving a stain that I knew would be a bitch to get off later. Mik looked at the pieces on the ground then turn back to me. That look of pity was on his ugly face again.
"Firstly, stop looking at me like I'm some bitch that doesn't know how to control her feelings. And secondly, stop f**king talking about death and final goodbyes!"
I got up and walked away, leaving him standing there. The headache that I seem to be living with the past few days was digging a grave in my head. My world was coming in and out of focus and I pray that God, (if there was one) would end my suffering and take me to wherever my baby was.
No such luck though, as my knee banged into the steps as I tried to stumble my way up to my room.
The tip of my boots caught the end of the rug and I fell forward, landing on my bed. My sheets still smelt like her. If I close my eyes, I can still feel her hand on my body, hear her defiant voice telling me how much she loves me.
I grabbed the remote that was beside me and turned the tv on. Her beautiful face lit up the screen. Her eyes bored into my soul and her smile was telling me that I was going to get through this.
My hand crushed the remote as anger filled me.
"How the f**k do you expect me to get through this without you, Red?"
Her image mocked me. Smiling at me like she didn't f**ked up my life by going and get herself killed. I pressed play on the remote and watched the video that I've watched countless time over the years come alive.
I found it a few years ago when I was going through her things. A video she made for my birthday but decided not to give me.
Her beautiful voice tugged at my heart, as her laughter fill the room. I watched as she restrains Kinsley, who was desperately trying to get to the camera.
"Lilly, you cannot let Killian see that video, he'll kill me for telling you."
She laughed, "Fine, fine I'm going to redo the video and you can add it to your stupid collection."
She let go of Kinsley and sat down on the bed with a sigh. The camera was forgotten, as Kinsley sat down beside her.
"You're still mad at him for letting Natasha stay?"
She shrugs, "It's not like I have the privilege of getting angry. He thinks I should just shut up and be a good little girl because apparently..." She air quote, "...I'm the only woman he's fucking. Arrogant bastard." She finished.
Kinsley giggled, "But you still love him."
She threw her head back and sighed miserably, then threw herself back on the bed. Kinsley followed.
"God, I love him so much, Kins, I just love him."
Kinsley turned to face her, propping herself up on her elbow. "I don't get it. Even after everything, he has done to you, and the crap he has put you through, you still love him?"
Red nodded her head, "Even after all of that. I just love him. He's a part of me Kins, a part of my soul."
Kinsley laugh, "What, you mean like your soulmate?"
Lilly laughed as well, "No, more intense than that, he's like my twin flame. I'd die of a broken heart if I ever lose him."
"What is it that you love about him?" Kinsley asked.
Lilly used her hand to cover her face as if to hide, "The sex." She said with a little giggle. Kinsley grabbed the pillow and throw it at her, causing her to laugh harder.
"Bitch, please, I do not need to know what freaky things you and my brother get up to."
Red sat up, hugging the pillow in front of her. "I do love the sex, but I also love his smile which he rarely does. I especially love his frown which he seems to do a lot. I love the way he ran his hand through his hair when he's frustrated and the glare that has become his constant look lately. I love it when he touches me and when he says, 'Spread your legs for me, baby."
Kinsley made a gagging sound which made Lilly laugh.
"But what I absolutely love is hearing him call me Red, but not just in his normal tone. I mean, when he's so worked up and angry and you can hear the warning of danger when he yells, RED!"
Kinsley laughed, "Killian has succeeded in turning you into a crazy bitch. You're both sick in the head, you couldn't be a more perfect pair. You both belong in the looney bin."
Lilly threw the pillow she was holding at her, "Well, maybe I'll just do something crazy, like tell him you told me his middle name is Luxliam."
Remembering that the camera was still recording, both girls jumped up. Lilly laughing as she blocked Kinsley from getting to the camera and Kinsley getting frustrated with Lilly. The girls bustled with each other before the camera fell and cut off.
I turned the tv off and threw the remote across the room. I didn't think I could look at her smiling face anymore, but the moment I turned there she was, smiling at me in the picture on my nightstand.
Right there I lost it. I completely lost it. I grabbed the picture and started shouting at it.
"Oh god, Lilly, I miss you so much, baby! Why the f**k didn't you take me with you?! How could you be so selfish to leave me to live without you?! Didn't you think I need you?! Is this your way of punishing me?!"
She was so close but yet so far, it pissed me off. "You were the best part of me, baby, I really don't think that I can do this without you. I love you so f**king much, woman."
In my anger, I threw the picture across the room and almost immediately when to retrieve it. The broken pieces from the glass cut into my hands but, I didn't even feel the pain. I brushed at the picture, clearing it of the broken glass and the blood from my fingers smeared on it.
I couldn't stop the images of her being shot and falling to the water filling my head. It played on repeat, over and over like a glitch on a computer screen. The more I tried to wipe the picture, the bloodier it got.
Seeing her smiling face smeared with blood tore away at my heart. I tried to breathe but every breath was harder than the next. I turned the picture down, hoping to get control of my emotions, but that damn glitch kept playing in my head, forcing me to relive my baby's last moments.
One gasp, then another. Eyes closed, desperately trying to pull myself together, but failing miserably. I pulled myself up off the floor, her picture still in my hand. I tried to clear my mind, to think of something else, anything else and slowly my breathing started to even itself out. Risking it, I turn the photo over again and that was my undoing.
I couldn't stop the strong surge of emotion that overtook me. One heave after another, I tried to breathe slowly, hoping to catch my breath as I fought for air through a throat clogged with grief.
My knees connected to the floor, but the pain was distant compared to the one I was feeling in my heart. I felt off-balanced, so I dropped my hands on the ground to steady myself. I barely felt as the broken glass ate into my flesh.
Anger filled me. I felt angry at Kinsley for keeping my wife from me for seven years, angry at Red for dying on her own and angry at myself for failing to protect her.
I lowered my head and my fingers dug into the rug causing the glass to cut deeper into my flesh. Through all that anger, I screamed. The energy left me as I let my forehead touch the ground and proceeded to sob until I had nothing more to give.
I don't know how long I spent like that, but a soft knock on the door and a little voice calling, "Daddy," drifted through the fog in my brain.
Picking myself up off the floor, I took my shirt off and cleaned the blood off my hand the best I could. I walked to the closet and grabbed a fresh one before opening the door to my daughter.
She was standing there, hugging a worn-out doll to her chest as if it's her lifeline. Her eyes were filled with sad and fresh tears were still running down her cheeks.
"I miss mummy, can I sleep with you tonight?"
She looked so much like her mother it hurts. I smiled at her then bend to pick her up.
"I miss mummy too and you can definitely sleep in my bed tonight," I said as I scooped her up in my arms.
She glanced at the mess on the rug as I placed her on the bed and asked, "Why is the remote on the floor?"
I smiled at her, "It fell."
She bit her lips much like her mother and cocked an eyebrow at me in disbelief. I couldn't help it, I laughed. Moving away, I grabbed the remote of the floor then got in the bed next to her.
Another soft knock at the door caught my attention and I turned to see Freya, standing there looking very unsure. I patted the bed beside Rose, and she smiled timidly as she entered the room, and close the door behind her.
When we were all in bed, I turn the tv back on and we watch a few recordings of Lilly.