I groan and settle into the passenger's seat of Kieran's car, my bag in the back seat. He had texted me last night telling me that I was going to have to be up early but that he'd bring the coffee.
"Why in God's name did you have me wake up so early? I thought taking the day off would allow me to sleep in for once."
Kieran rubs his hands together and then offers me the hot coffee that is in his cup holder.
"I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry. It will be worth it, I promise."
"Don't make promises you can't keep," I grumble in response. I take a sip of my coffee and sigh, content now that I have the warm liquid in my body.
Kieran gets quiet and I look at him. He's staring at the steering wheel. I begin to apologize, not knowing what I said but having a feeling I said the wrong thing.
"I'll try not to." He turns to me, his eyes glistening, but a small smile on his face.
I bring my hand to his cheek, touching it softly. "I know." I return his smile and then tell him to start driving. "Let's go! I'm itching to see what you have planned for me."
Kieran responds with a salute, "Ay-ay, captain!" Then he starts to drive.
As we exit the small college town, I realize that we're going the opposite direction of the way I go when I head home to see my dad. We're going east, not west. There are a few towns this way that I've never been to before but have heard they're small.
"So, you're not going to tell me where we're going?"
"I guess I can tell you now. We're going a few towns over, the place I grew up. It's only about an hour away. I wanted to bring you somewhere."
I smile, knowing that it's a big step for Kieran to bring me to his home. I take a sip of my coffee and then set it back in the cup holder. My hand makes its way to Kieran's leg and I gently squeeze.
"Thank you."
He responds by taking my hand in his, squeezing back. There are no words spoken for a few minutes until he asked me to plug in my phone for music. I squeal, yes squeal, in excitement because I know that we have the same taste in music. I laugh at myself and apologize to Kieran for the noise but he just chuckles.
I plug in my phone and scroll through my music, deciding on a playlist that includes the bands we both listened to growing up. The first song to play is Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low. This band is apparently going to be our thing now.
"Wow, I haven't listened to this in so long!"
I smile at Kieran's reaction, and we start singing along.
"When the lights go up, I wanna watch the way you take the stage by storm."
"The way you wrap those boys around your finger, go on and play the leader."
I turn to Kieran, singing to him and waving my hands, being dramatic. He looks at me briefly, singing back to me in the same theatrical way. Then we start singing the chorus together, terribly.
The song ends after a couple of minutes of us screaming our lungs out and I sigh, feeling completely happy in this moment. I decide to tell Kieran just that.
"I'm happy. You make me happy."
Kieran's smile widens and he takes my hand to his mouth, kissing it gently. He's slightly out of breath from our sing-along.
"You make me happy, too."
--
The rest of the car ride goes by quickly, the music entertaining us the whole way. We enter a town that says the population is 3,000 people and I squint, making sure I'm seeing that right.
"Talk about small towns...my goodness."
"Yeah, it has its perks but mostly it's terrible."
I look at him to see if that was even a little bit of a joke, because it doesn't sound like it from his tone. I notice he has a grimace on his face, and he looks tense.
"Everyone knows each other's business and it can be really toxic. I think that's part of the reason why Jillian went down the path she did at the end. I don't really like coming back here but it's my home. It's where I have memories of her and our childhood. I also try to visit her mom when I'm here."
I listen closely to everything he's saying. It's not often that he talks openly like this. Though I've known him for a little while now and I've been spending a lot of time with him, I still don't know a lot about his life.
I know his favorite color is teal, that he hates gummy bears – which is fine, because more for me, and he likes flowers. Like, he really likes flowers. He told me how he used to garden with his mom when he was a kid but that's all I've really heard about her.
That's when I realize that I'm going to be meeting his family and my breath hitches suddenly. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.
I'm brought out from my thoughts when Kieran starts to talk again, what he's saying takes me by surprise.
"I know I don't talk about my family a lot, but it's hard for me to. My mom passed away when I was thirteen. She had a brain aneurysm and it completely caught us off guard. We had no idea and it happened one day when she was in the garden. I'm the one that found her."
Kieran takes a shaky breath as he puts the car in park. I look out the window briefly and see we're parked in front of a diner. He continues before turning the car off.
"It's been me and my dad since then. We're close, and I come to see him as much as I can. When I asked for your help covering shifts that one weekend, I came home because I wanted to see him. Sometimes I just get this feeling that I need to see him, like he needs me, and I listen to my gut.
"When I got home that weekend, he had been struggling with missing my mom. He was okay, but he needed me. He doesn't usually admit when he's feeling that way because he knows I'll come running." He smiles then and looks up at me. "I also wasn't doing so great when I got back to my apartment that day, which was why I was drinking. I'm sure you smelled it on me that night. I'm sorry, but like I told you before, my coping mechanisms haven't been productive." He sighs and then continues.
"I want to share this stuff with you. I'm sorry it's taken me so long."
"It's okay. I haven't exactly been open either. But I want to be, later. Right now, it's about you." I give him a supportive smile and add, "Plus, it really hasn't been that long."
He nods and takes another deep breath. "This is the diner I told you about. Mine and Jillian's place. This is the last place I saw her alive."
My stomach drops, realizing just how important today is. "I don't know what to say."
We sit in silence for a few minutes as my mind wanders. Kieran bringing me here is such a huge thing and I guess I didn't realize just how serious he is about our...friendship. Or whatever it is. But I'm happy about it. I investigate the diner's exterior, which looks a little run down but that seems to be a part of its charm.
There are only a few cars in the parking lot so I'm guessing it's not terribly busy. I wonder why this is their place. I turn to look at Kieran who is staring out the window like he's reliving something in his mind. I gently set my palm on his shoulder.
"Kieran?"
He jumps slightly and then puts his hand over mine, squeezing. I notice a tear go down his cheek and I move forward, using my other hand to wipe it away.
"It's okay." I pull him to me, his head in my chest. I rub his back and stroke his hair, whispering things in his ear about how it's okay and that I'm here for him. We sit like that awhile until I feel him tug away from me. Kieran wipes his eyes and chuckles.
"Sorry, I'm a mess."
"It's okay, I understand. Want to go inside? I'd like to hear more about her."
He nods and we exit the car. We walk slowly towards the building and Kieran opens the door for me, letting me enter first. I step inside and notice that the place is almost empty. There are two tables with a couple of people at them and one person at the makeshift "bar" counter. I notice that there is one waitress there in a yellow uniform and a white apron. She's pouring coffee into a man's coffee cup.
The waitress looks up when she hears us enter and a smile appears on her face.
"Well, who do we have here? Kieran!" She sets down the carafe and walks to us from behind the counter, pulling Kieran into a hug. "How have you been? I haven't seen you here for a while, but I've heard you have been in town. Why haven't you come to visit?" She punches his arm playfully.
I notice then that the waitress looks like she's in her late 40s. Her name tag reads "Brittany".
"Britt. I'm doing alright. I'm sorry I haven't been here, but I just stop quick in town to see my dad usually so there's not a lot of time for much else." Kieran rubs the back of his head and has the other hand in his pocket. He looks almost embarrassed. I guess he wasn't kidding about how small this town is and how everyone knows everything.
Brittany grins and rolls her eyes playfully. "That's okay, Kieran. I get it. No need to feel bad." Its then that she realizes I'm here too. Her eyes widen and her smile grows larger. "Who is this?"
I stick my hand out, "Gemma. Nice to meet you."
She looks at my hand and waves her hand, pulling me into a hug instead. I stand awkwardly for a few seconds before I gently pat her back, unsure of how to act. I don't hug people very often. Especially not strangers.
She releases me and apologizes, "Sorry! We're huggers in this town." She stares at my face for a moment before saying, "Wow, you look so much like her."