I really wanna write the other stories I planned but I already have a hard time updating so I'll just tease with the covers for now.
ALSO
I love you guys so let me warn you. I see that many of you thought the last chapter was angst. I don't consider chapter 11 as angst 😅. I'm saying that to you say that...what I'm planning will hurt more. I go hard with angst because I like to feel and make people feel (p.s.death doesn't need to be in there for it to be hardcore angst).
So yeh...in short if you don't want to feel pain then this book probably isn't for you 😀💀
『𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲』
akaashi's warnings resonated deep inside your body. vibrating on every nerve ending and made a horrible noise in your head whenever there was silence.
in class, in the library, at the bus stop, and worst...at home where you spent the majority of your days alone.
whenever you'd remember his clear message you would always stop whatever you were doing and stare out in space.
even now, two days after the incident and under the soft pink evening lights through the window as you diced carrots for the curry you were about to make for dinner.
even now...the noise was present.
the knife wouldn't make its way to the other end like it used to. in fact, your hand trembled from the applied pressure but the only result was a wound you got in your palm from the knife slipping.
It's Friday night, isn't there a game tomorrow at Sato's school.
he hasn't even contacted me.
we didn't really have anything special really...it shouldn't hurt me so.
it's not like at any point he blatantly said he was interested in me.
why would a taken man be interested in me?
then running your hand under the pipe as you compared the wound on your hand to your heart, you exhaled long, tiredly.
though I don't feel like bokuto-san would actually use anybody.
do I know him enough to assume that?
you chewed at the thought, taking out your anxiety on your bottom lip before ultimately releasing it.
and with dull e/c eyes, you returned to the quest of making your lunch as you thought.
I don't.
Saturday came as soon as you ate your dinner and though you spent most of the day doing assignments and cleaning up—even going to the nearby convenience store—you consistently glanced at your phone.
Funnily the act reminded you of him and instead of hating him, you began to grow weary of the sorrow you felt for him.
why didn't he text me?
was all that akaashi said true or did he just not go to watch a match today?
why doesn't his girlfriend text him? so I wouldn't be enslaved to every vibration from my phone.
Saturday passed without any contact from your favorite ace. If this wasn't concrete evidence enough that you weren't needed, the only thing left was to meet his girlfriend yourself.
To solidify this rumor that she was a real human being.
you had conflicted thoughts throughout the rest of the weekend that made you feel sick to your stomach.
he's a coward for making akaashi talk for him.
he's the worst for not even caring.
and then another set of thoughts.
it's not his fault.
I'm the one that keeps crossing the line.
is he okay?
the last thought plagued you every moment you spent not crossing paths with him though truth be told, you were avoiding him.
"find yourselves into groups of five. I'm hoping to get all the assignments by the end of class. Ms. l/n are you here with us?"
what?
Monday came in the blink of an eye as well. you'd somehow found yourself no longer under the comfort of the television lights, but now in your first period of class.
though you weren't exactly sure when or how you got there, you were sure you didn't get a wink of sleep.
the only thing you knew is that the teacher was standing by your desk with somewhat of a disapproving expression since he had caught you zoning out.
"oh yes! I'm sorry sir. I'm listening..." you lied and offered a nervous smile as you met his stern grey eyes.
he issued other instructions to the class than before you could join a group he spoke softly "you're not yourself today. did you rest or would you like to go to the nurse?"
at the caring words of your sensei, your smile faltered and you flinched slightly.
'you can tell?' the thought came to you as your eyes flickered between his and for the slightest moment, the remainder of the pain and the need to talk to someone almost made you confess that you weren't doing well at all.
you'd spent so much time around the ace that you forgot to make friends from your classes and other classes. now with such a burden of thoughts and no one to share it with, you had to remind yourself that your teacher was not the person to talk it over with.
or rather, the one person you wouldn't want to tell.
is it that obvious?
I'm acting normally though?
how did I act while he still kept in contact with me?
you averted your gaze as you stood and grabbed the sides of your desk since you saw a group beckoning for you to join with them.
"I'm really okay Sakamoto-sensei. sorry for worrying you" you said offering another soft smile before you moved to the group of four.
I've never been good at lying. strangely, it feels easier than before.
being near bokuto made you a great actor.
as soon as you joined the group, they informed you of the instructions that Mr. Sakomoto gave since they understood the pains of zoning out when it mattered most.
"Ah y/n you're good with sketches, right? you can be in charge of the design and we'll take care of the rest!" one of the guys, you didn't try remembering his name, said as the passed off a paper to you then one to the other three members.
isn't the design what we're mainly getting graded for?
I'm getting used again...
"I'll do my best," you said despite catching on and for the hopes of all your grades, you silently prayed that you wouldn't zone out the whole class before you were able to put a line on the paper.
as you began to sketch the idea they had in mind, you painfully listened to two of the members recall the events of the two practice matches you missed
somehow, it made you feel guilty.
knowing you promised that you'd always watch him yet you hadn't visited the court since the confrontation.
did he notice?
"ahh, the last spike in the final set bokuto-senpai did was amazing. I get goosebumps just thinking of it" one of the girls sad and your heart stalled at the sound of his name.
even the pencil lead snapped under your hand and you apologized quietly before pumping out another piece.
"yeh, he was especially fiery Friday! I wonder what happened"
oh...
"the match felt like a championship match! He didn't even allow the other team to score once" the other girl said earning an exasperated sigh from the boy that talked to you earlier.
"aren't you girls giving the ace too much credit? they're others on the team you know? They're even some first years" he said sounding slightly jealous from how they continuously spoke of the captain in high regards.
"We know that but...it's just different"
it is. you silently agreed to the girl speaking.
akaashi was right. there's no class in fukurodani that doesn't have a member of bokuto's harem.
"bokuto is a full pack deal don't you think? he's very handsome and built. he's always happy and grinning too so being around him wouldn't be depressing. I wonder what's his star sign. And he has a very nice way with words. just a look from his eyes could make your knees weak too." the other girl said then groaned when the boy clicked his tongue as if to call bullshit.
"you wouldn't understand. Only gals would understand his charisma. Right y/n?"
unbeknownst to you that she was looking for affirmation from you, you silently thought of her words as you zoned out.
yes, he was handsome...he had a toned body. but Bokuto was never always happy.
No.
he was just a good pretender. being around him made anyone unintentionally sponge up his overbearing emotions.
him having a nice way with words was also a lie. no words that never told their direct meaning should ever be trusted.
and his gold eyes...were terrifying. so intense with every emotion and desire he couldn't hide that it could suffocate anyone under his gaze.
so intense and pained. so quick to indicate that the person before him wasn't necessarily who he was focusing on.
still, I want to see them again.
you hadn't realized you were squeezing the pencil in bruised palm until one of them tapped your shoulder and you jolted back to reality, making a sound with your chair.
"Oh?...y/n? Are you okay? your eyes look...glossy" at her words you stood abruptly, frantic to be alone so you could regain your composure.
"Oh sorry. I'll go wash out my eye. I think...maybe some lead got in" your words came out rush, similar to the movements of your feet as you pushed out of the class, leaving your group mates to apologize to your teacher on your behalf.
why can't I stop thinking about it?
why won't he get out of my head?
why didn't he tell me to leave him alone instead of akaashi?
why-
drowning in thoughts as you fought to blink away the blurring as in your eyes, you hadn't even realized you walked into someone until they caught you by your shoulder, moments before you could fall.
"I'm sorry. I should've looked...."
I shouldn't have left class.
you should've recognized him from his strong grasp or his cologne. you should've assumed the moment you saw the senior tie around the taller male's neck that it could be him.
yet you wanted to be sure.
seeing his familiar golden eyes, slightly duller than usual, was what did the trick.
some part of you was happy, some part waited to hear if he said he came to look for you.
then again...this wasn't a fairytale.
"I should've looked. It's my fault kou...Bokuto-san. it's not your fault" you continued as you averted your gaze so he wouldn't see your glossy ones.
bokuto's hand fell from your shoulder and your heart fell with it.
that was so quick.
his touch barely lingered.
you waited for something...anything, in the silence of the empty hallways where you both stood.
then again anything was too broad a term.
you thought you would be pleased with anything but his polite smile that barely met his eyes hurt more than akaashi's words.
"ah...I'm sorry too. don't worry... but look ahead next time"
and with that, the ace continued down the hall leaving you tight-fisted and slightly wide-eyed.
did he see who I was?
did it... not matter?
he didn't even say my name.
your reaction, to say the least, scared you.
the interaction was so embarrassing and painful that laughed softly to yourself before you leaned on the wall close to you.
and he said I was like the moon to him.
he's the worst after all.