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AZ
Song: Bad Blood - Taylor Swift
"What the actual fuck Gramps?!"
"Baby, I can explain..." He says and takes a few steps closer.
"Don't you come near me!" I rebuke and take a step back, trying to keep as much distance as I can between myself and this man who I don't recognize anymore, this traitor, this liar.
"I promise you it's not what it seems"
"It's not what it seems?! It's not?!" I ask, still in a loud tone. "There's just one explanation for all of this... Mom didn't die while giving birth to me, she killed herself... she killed herself and you and Grammy have been lying to me my whole life!"
"Baby..."
"Don't call me that! You all lied to me for all these years!"
"It's not like that baby, let me explain... I promise it will make more sense when I do..."
"Explain? Explain?! You had eighteen years to do that" I say and walk towards the door while still holding my mother's suicide note.
"Baby wait..." Gramps says grabbing my arm and my hand involuntarily collides with his right cheek, making a loud smacking sound. Gramps holds the cheek and the look on his face tells me he is just as shocked as I am at what I did seconds ago. I regret what I just did, but I know better than to apologise for it. I deserve an apology if anything and he deserved that slap... even worse!
I walk out the door and head down the stairs while wiping my eyes and I hear Gramps call out my name. I increase my steps and as I approach the main door, I see Shura ascending the stairs into the house. She walks in before me and I try to walk out but she grabs my arm
"Az are... Are you crying?" She asks with creased brows.
"Azinwi please wait" Gramps says finally catching up to me.
"Let me go!" I demand and shake Shura's grip off.
"Donald what's going on?" She asks him while still looking at me and grabs my arm when I head for the door again.
"I... I..." Gramps stammers
"What's going on is that both my grandparents are bloody liars! They lied to me my whole life! They made me believe that my mom died during childbirth when in actuality, she slit her wrist and bled to death!" I stretch the letter towards her "here's her suicide note"
Shura takes it from my hand and looks at it for a bit before looking back at me. She looks at Gramps, then back at the letter and then at me again. She doesn't have a hint of disappointment or suprise or anger in her eyes.
"Why do you seem like you aren't the least bit affected by this?" I ask her and she opens her mouth to say something but closes it."You don't even seem shocked? It's like you knew about it already..."
"Azinwi I think you should listen to your grandfather..." She says and realization hits me.
"You... You knew... You knew!"
"Az..."
"You both knew!" I yell
"Baby wait..."
"You knew the truth and you kept it away from me?!"
"I did know... he told me the day before your birthday, but Az you have to understand that it wasn't my place to tell you."
"Fuck you..." I cuss. "Fuck both of you" I say and grab the note from her before heading out the door.
Despite the weight I feel in my chest, I am able to run out the gate and go as far as I can away from them.
I hurry out of the gate, with tears pooling out of my eyes and hire the first motorcycle I see. I hear Gramps call out for me again but I don't care. I don't care about anything right now, I just want to get as far away as I can.
When I arrive at the safehouse, I grab my keys from Sui without a word and take the stairs this time around, climbing them as quickly as I can till I finally arrive the floor of my own apartment.
Like everytime when I'm in a bad place, my hand is trembling like hell and I can't slut the key in. I keep trying and trying till the key falls to the ground. I shake the door knob in a pointless attempt to open it but nothing. I scream and hit the wooden door violently with my hand till it becomes numb from pain. I pick the key up and then I finally succeed in opening the door. Immediately I open the door, I lock up and slide down to the cold tiled floor.
Then and there, I break down. I start full on crying at the doorpost of my safehouse. I hug my knees and bury my face on them and I let out everything. I wail and scream and cry till I feel my throat closing up.
I have never felt so horrible in my life. Despite all the tragic things that have happened to me in my eighteen years on this planet, I have never felt so terrible. Even when Lautner left, even when I left Zoe back in Australia, even when Nanny Jinwi left, even when Kacely threatened to break up with me weeks ago, I didn't feel this way... none of those instances even come close to what I feel right now.
My grandmother looked me in the eye and told me I killed her child when I was barely six years old and Gramps never ever contradicted those words. He let me believe a lie for eighteen fucking years...
Honestly, I don't know what hurts most; the fact that I have been lied to my entire existence or that my mother did not see me as reason enough to keep living. She gave birth to me, held me in her arms but then went ahead to kill herself. She left me to be alone and motherless in this cruel cruel world. I wasn't enough for her... But then again, she was sick... She was traumatized, she was mentally unstable so I can't blame her... I have Gramps and Grammy to blame for this, but Gramps especially.
Grammy died years ago and Gramps has been here for much longer. Grammy made it clear from when I was a little girl that she didn't care for me. She never carried me, never smiled at me and never played with me. I always knew that she didn't like me, talk less of loving me. But Gramps... Gramps!
Gramps and I have visited mom's grave severally. We've talked about her countless times, we've even cried over her... but he never told me the truth!
I look at the note again and run my thumb over the blood which is now dark and endless tears soak the paper. My poor mother...
Flashes from the photos of the blood come to my mind and when I look at the note again, it's like the drops of dry blood are fresh again. I scream and throw the paper away before hugging my knees again. My phone starts ringing and when I look at it, Gramps's name is visible on my screen. I shoot the phone against the wall and it splits into bits when it falls down to the floor. I head for the mini cupboard and grab each glass from it, one by one and throw against the hard wall. All the empty bottles and saucers. No matter what I break, it can never make me feel satisfied in the slightest way. The ache in my heart won't allow it.
I immediately hear someone knocking on the door.
"Weti di happen inside dey? Any problem?" A male voice asks while knocking. My hunch tells me it's a security guard and the last thing I want now is company. I ignore the knocking until the man eventually goes away.
I just want to be on my own right now.
SHURA
"She finally found out" Donald says as he paces the room and I don't know what to say to him. "I shouldn't have sent her to get that hospital book. That way, she wouldn't have seen the note"
"Honey calm down" I urge him and my words seem to have no effect on him. "She was bound to find out eventually"
"I should have listened to you... I should have told her on her birthday or anytime really. But I didn't know how to and now... now I've lost her"
"No you haven't" I say and walk towards him, urging him to sit down. "She'll come back eventually, she always does"
"This time was different Shura." He says, looking at me. "The anger in her eyes, the distance... It's not like the other times when she was throwing tantrums, it was far worse... She hates me" he concludes and looks into my eyes.
"No she doesn't... No she doesn't..." I try to convince him but he shakes his head no.
"Yes she does, she even slapped me"
"She slapped you?"
"Yes..." I know Az can be extremely rude and reckless sometimes, but slapping her grandfather? That's over the edge, I never thought she could do something like that.
Donald tries her phone again, but nothing. He tries and tries till he shoots the phone against the wall before pushing the flower vase to the ground.
"Donald!" I yell in suprise as the glass collides with the floor. He doesn't even look at me... He keeps looking outside.
"This is Prosophine's fault" he mouths to himself. "She laid the foundation for those lies, she was the one who..." He stops talking and stares at something. When I look over my shoulder, I see Kacely standing at the door with a puzzled expression.
"I'm sorry, I... I... I didn't mean to interrupt. This seems like a bad time... I'll just come back later" He says and turns to leave.
"Kacely wait" Donald begs and hurries towards him. "I'm sure you came here to see Azinwi"
"Yes, but I can come back tomorrow. I'll just call her tonight"
"Azinwi isn't here Kacely" I speak up
"OK... Where is she?" He asks me
"She ran away, she left home again and it's all my fault" Donald says and sits down.
"I don't follow"
"I can't give you the details Kacely, it's more of a family thing. But if you have any idea where she could be, please help us find her and bring her home."
KACELY
There's only one place where Az could go to; The safehouse.
As I head out the gate, I wonder what happened that could have caused her to leave again.
She's been doing alright lately so what on earth happened?
I try calling her while in the cab but nothing... Her phone won't even go through, I bet she put it on airplane mode to keep anyone from talking to her and that's reason enough for me to know that something's up.
When I enter the massive building, Sui tells me Az already took them, confirming my suspicion. I arrive on the floor of her apartment and try to open up but as expected, it's locked.
"Az... Az open up!" I say and keep trying to open it. "It's me, it's Kacely. Please open up" I plead but nothing.
"Come on Az! I know you're in there! Open the door for God's sake!"
She keeps ignoring me till when I give up and head for the stairs. Sui might have some spare keys or something I can use to open the door. I stop midway when the door opens and I see Az peeking at me through the tiny space between the door and the doorpost"
"Babe?" I ask and walk closer slowly. She tries closing the door again and I block her while looking into her swollen eyes. Her lower lip trembles and she starts crying again. I finally get inside and pull her into my arms.
I look at the mess she made and I know that this is no ordinary problem. Something worse happened this time around. I know she's in no condition to talk about it but I want to know
"Tell me what happened Az" I demand softly and wipe the tear streaming down her cheek.
Az gives me every single detail and my heart aches for her. I don't even know what to say about it. I can't imagine how horrible she felt after seeing the pictures of the incident. I have no words, even after she shows me the letter in question.
I look at it, hold it and read it.
Az's mother did commit suicide. She didn't die like they said, the blood on the sheet is proof enough.
"I'm so sorry babe" I manage to say and hug her as her body shakes from her quiet sobs.
"How'd you find out I was here?"
"I went over to see you and met your grandfather and Shura in the living room. I bet they were talking about it. They told me you left and asked me to help look for you. I knew this was the only place where you could go to."
"Do they know you came here?"
"No" I shake my head.
"You can't tell them."
"I won't"
"Promise me"
"I promise"
"I'm serious Kacely"
"I promise... but you'll have to go back home eventually"
"I feel so betrayed" she says in a shaky voice and I run my fingers up and down her arm "All those times... All those years during which I thought my mother dying was my fault. All those times I cried myself to sleep, hating myself for existing, wishing it could be the other way around, wishing she didn't die... That I died instead, that I could do some sort of exchange. They were all lies... Lies!"
"I'm so sorry babe" it's all I can say
"I hate them... All of them! Grammy, Gramps, Shura! All of them"
"Hate is a strong word Az"
"And it matches what I feel for them"
"Don't say that. You feel angry now but you won't later on. Just..."
"Don't you tell me how I fucking feel!" She yells and gets down from the bed "You haven't the slightest idea about how I feel! About what I'm going through so don't act like you do!"
OK...
"You're right, I don't. But I'm trying to understand..."
"You can never understand!" She yells "Your mom didn't kill herself! Your grandmother didn't blame you for it! She didn't look you in the eye at six years old and lie that you killed her daughter and your grandfather didn't back it up! You can't even begin to act like you get it, because you don't!"
"Yes, I don't... No one understands but you. But I'm trying to be here for you, to be by your side, to stop you from being irrational"
"I'm not being irrational! How dare you?"
"I didn't say you were being irrational, I said I'm trying to stop you from being irrational" I elaborate and she stands still. "I'm not against you babe, I'm here for you... I'm on your side"
"I'm sorry Zacchy" she starts crying "I just... I don't even know what to feel, I'm so hurt and angry."
I walk towards her and hug her again as she cries.
"I honestly think you should go back home"
"What?"
"I think you should go home and hear what he has to say about everything"
"I can't, I can't be with him and Shura in the same place, you know she also knew about it. Everyone was in on the joke except me"
"There might be a reasonable explanation for everything"
"An explanation?! What fucking explanation?!" She says and gets out of my grip "there's nothing to say!"
"I'm just saying you should give him a listening ear"
"Whose side are you on?!"
"Az..."
"You said a second ago that you were on my side!"
"Yes I did but there are actually no sides! This is just a misunderstanding"
"You're defending him!"
"I'm not! What he did was wrong, but there might be more to it. Everyone deserves to be given a listening ear. It's like what happened between us... What if I didn't hear your side when you cheated?"
Um... maybe that wasn't the best example.
"You're comparing what happened between us to my mother's death?! How dare you Kacely?!"
"No, that's not the point"
"And let's not forget that you cheated too!" She yells and pushes my chest.
"This isn't about us! We already moved on from that!"
"You were the one who brought it up!" She yells and pushes me again. "You forget that you were no different from me."
"We're not doing this" I tell her and look away, trying to calm myself down
"You always act so innocent but you cheated on Ara with me and cheated on me with Bryana!"
"Well I wouldn't have cheated if you didn't go and sleep with Kenfack when I was away for three days!"
"You know what happened to me and why I had issues controlling myself! What was your excuse? What's you justification? Huh Zacchy?!"
"So what if I didn't have a justification?!" I yell back "I'm sorry that I wasn't sexually harassed as a kid and that it didn't cause me to go around hooking up with tons of different people like a..."
"Like a what?"
"Nothing"
"Like a slut? A whore?!"
"I didn't say that"
"But that's what you meant to say, isn't it?!"
Az stares at me with bewilderment and I feel so low. That was the word that almost escaped my mouth and even though I managed to stop myself, she figured it out..
"Kacely I want you to leave this room" she slurs with her eyes closed.
"Az I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." I say and reach for her hand
"Don't touch me! Get out"
"I'm sorry... I just wanted to remind you that everyone deserves to be heard no matter what it is they did"
"I said get out!"
"Az I didn't mean it"
"Get out of here!" She demands harshly, hitting me in the process.
"Az..."
"I said get out!" She yells and starts throwing things at me "Get the hell out!"
"Fine! I'll leave!" I yell back and pick up my backpack "I just hope a day won't come when you will look around and not find no one around you because you sent them all away"
With that said, I open up the door and leave.
As I head for the stairs, I get a call from Shura
"Did you find her? Do you know where she is?"
"No" I lie
God, I've missed you guys so much 😩
And I missed writing!!!
Hope u all enjoyed this chapter.
Please vote and share as always. And please check out the author's note. Feel free to comment as well😊
Editing Mankish: I can't believe Kacely said that... merde! Anyways...