With a heart that's eager to jump out of the chest, Tomas slowly entered Roy's room.
An impeccably clean and organised room. It followed a similar theme as the first floor. Minimalism with elegance flowing all throughout. Just like the living room, one side was a large window that opened to the terrace with a view of the swimming pool in the compound. From the room, he could also see the thick growth of neatly maintained bushes and mango trees that spread throughout the backyard.
There was a mini library on both ends of the glass door with a reading chair placed looking out at the view.
He saw Roy's nerdy glasses placed on top of an open book as a book mark. He climbed to the small steps leading to the reading corner and opened the book placed. He had missed Roy's glasses for a long time. He remembered Roy does not wear them anymore, he used to look so cute in them, whenever he used to see Roy in the film set.
"Don't you know you shouldn't take other people's stuff ?"
He felt Roy walking up to him, trying to snatch the book from his hand.
He held the book up, tiptoeing. They both were of almost the same height, so Tomas had to tiptoe just so that Roy would not reach him.
"Rumi's poems", Tomas read out the caption of the book louder slightly smiling to himself which annoyed Roy even further.
He could feel his ears heating up from their proximity. To make matters worse, he could feel Roy's minty breath fanning his cheeks trying to grab on to the book.
Tomas had to give up, or else, he didn't know what would happen.
"Okay, okay. You win. Here you go",
Tomas lowered his tiptoeing bringing both of their lips so close. Tomas looked at Roy and he could see something quivering in his eyes, just like always, he couldn't place this reaction.
Grabbing the book, Roy suddenly broke their eye contact and moved to the other side.
Tomas kept reading through the book shelf. Something caught his eyes and he picked it up from the shelf,
"Did you like it?", he asked holding a copy of call me by your name.
"I loved it", Roy said without delay. Realising his overly enthusiastic reply, he bit his tongue and blushed.
Seeing Roy's teeth biting on to his tongue, Tomas felt himself missing a heart beat.
"Have you read it, too?"
"Yes, I did. I loved it too. I want to go to Lombardy someday."
"Me too.", Roy replied trying so difficult to control his blush.
Tomas suddenly thought of the two of them riding a bicycle through the Italian country side. Without a care in the world. Where he is just Tomas, not a film star, not a heir. Just Tomas, who is so deeply in love with the nerdy boy standing right in front of him.
The thought made Tomas happy and sad at the same time.
The house keeper knocked on the door breaking both of their thoughts and Roy urged her to come in.
"You can keep it on the coffee table, aunty.", Roy said ever so politely to the old lady who came in with fresh orange juice and a few snacks on a tray.
"Sure, Roy. Just call me if you need anything", the lady retreated giving Tomas a gentle smile.
Tomas stopped his browsing through the books and sat down beside Roy on the couch and coffee table placed in one end of the room.
There was a gramophone record and a big record collection beside the couch. He also saw a guitar placed near the gramophone table.
"You play?"
He asked Roy pointing towards the guitar.
"Yes, sometimes."
Again the same blush and those dimples. Tomas gritted his teeth trying to control the emotions those dimples invoke in him.
Roy is slowly slurping the orange juice. His Adam's Apple moved in a particular rhythm, if only it couldn't get any more torturous for Tomas.
"Can you play for me?"
"What?" Roy stopped slurping and looked at Tomas amusedly.
"I meant the guitar.", Tomas replied gently pointing towards the Guitar.
"May be some other time."
A little disappointed, Tomas leaned back on the couch and placed his legs on an ottoman placed beside the couch. He leaned to the head rest of the couch, looking up at the ceiling. He didn't want to look at Roy anymore. It was killing him inside every time his brown eyes looked back at him, or those pink lips parted to call his name or those cheeks redden and reveal those lovely dimples. So he decided to stare away, at the ceiling, on a beautifully placed chandelier. Through the corner of his eyes, he felt Roy's eyes looking at him in complete bewilderment.
"Why are you looking at me?", he asked without bothering to remove his eyes from the ceiling.
"Nothing... It's just that, you seem really comfortable. It doesn't feel like you are in my home for the first time."
That's when Tomas realised it. He feels weirdly comfortable around Roy. It's as if everything else has stopped and he is alone with himself. Just another part of him, not another person. He feels relaxed and happy. He cannot explain the level of ease he feels around Roy. It's as if when Roy is around, life seems much simpler. Not rushed. Not stressful. It's as if he can breath finally.
"Yes, you make me feel really comfortable."
This is the second time in the span of an hour he said something so unlikely of him. If he had a choice, he would face palm himself and beat the heck out of his stupid head and tongue every time he says something stupefying around Roy. That also happened a lot, him blurting out stuff without thinking only to regret it moments later.
"You make me feel the same way too."
Wait.. what? That's not the response Tomas expected. He makes him feel the same way he makes me feel?. What does that mean?, before he could finish thinking, Tomas uttered another sentence that he would regret right after he said it.
"Does that mean you also feel like kissing me every time you look at me?", Tomas asked still looking up at the ceiling scared to look at Roy.
He felt a hand grabbing his shirt and pulling him sideways before he even realised what was happening, there was a set of pink plush lips that was finding its way on to his own pink lips.
After the initial shock passed, without further ado, he started sucking on those lips that attacked him.
He could feel his whole body feeling weightless.
Without breaking apart, he leaned more towards Roy, pushing him towards the couch and climbing on top of him, their lips still intact.
The passionate kiss only broke away for a few seconds just enough to take a breath.
He saw those deep brown eyes that captivated him the first time he laid eyes on it looking up at him, eagerly and patiently.
Tomas went back in, this time fighting at Roy's teeth to let his tongue in. He wanted to bite Roy's tongue with his own teeth, like Roy did a while ago. He felt both the tongues fighting for dominance, Roy's fingers etching at his shoulders.
He could also feel Roy's raging boner on his stomach and he felt shy knowing Roy could feel his own boner pushing at Roy's stomach.
The boys paused after they both felt breathless, Tomas slowly receding to his older position and Roy slowly rising up straightening his shrivelled hairs.
Tomas saw through the corner of his eyes, Roy wiping the saliva that surrounded his mouth and looking ahead at nothingness. Tomas went back to staring at the ceiling. He was unsure of what comes next, what to say. He didn't even understand what just happened meant. The ceiling was the same, but the way he felt then and after was different. He wanted to jump on the floor celebrating and he wanted to cry in a corner bereaving at the same time.
Roy knew he couldn't run away any longer and Tomas knew he couldn't avoid it any longer. But they both didn't want to break the spell of whatever happened in the last 10 minutes by mere words.
They just wanted to embrace that feeling, the feeling of being wanted. The feeling of being found even though they were never lost.
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other"
doesn't make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep."
Tomas slowly recited, holding back his urge to cry his lungs out.
"This is my favourite poem by Rumi", he said softly and felt Roy moving closer towards him, bringing him to a half embrace and placing his head on Tomas's beating heart.
Tomas didn't want to cry anymore, he just wanted this boy to sleep on his chest and not say anything, so that the rest of the world will stop existing around him.