The next morning, Keigo sat out in front of his favorite yakitori restaurant. He tapped his foot rapidly and took deep shaky breaths, waiting for Rumi. It wasn't long till the bunny hero appeared near him, grinning brightly.
"Hey, Kei. What did you want to see me for? I didn't think you wanted to see me after you bailed on me yesterday to do some interview for the commission," She teased. Keigo chuckled awkwardly, picking a bit at his arm.
"Sorry about that. Duty sort of called. I had to go in. Besides, I saw on your Instagram that you were meeting with some pretty lady yesterday. I knew you would fall to the charms of the Todoroki family one of these days!" Keigo laughed. There was something hollow behind his laugh, but Rumi didn't mention it, not wanting to upset him.
"So... How are you? I mean after you called me a couple of nights ago and-"
"I... I'm fine. There's nothing that you have to worry about, okay? I was just really out of my element that night. I'm okay now," He looked down at his hands quietly.
'Yeah, you're never in your element, Kigo. You're worthless. There isn't a single thing that you can do right. There never was,' Hawks didn't flinch at the voice this time. There wasn't much use arguing with the truth, now was there? He strained his cheeks a little bit more to make his smile a little bit wider.
"Yeah Ummm, no. I know you, and you don't just have a panic attack for no reason," Rumi sat across from Keigo and gently took his hand, smiling sweetly in a kind older sister sort of way, "You can trust me with these sorts of things. I want to be able to help you, so c'mon. Spill." Her words made Keigo's smile falter just a bit, but he forced himself to keep it up. His eyes started to sting, but he held the tears at bay.
"I just made a little fuck up on my mission. It wasn't anything big really. You know me. I'm not exactly the calmest person in the world. I'm fine now," Keigo said. He had to fight the urge to start scratching at his arm in the moment. Rumi sighed.
"Hawks... I really think that you should go see a therapist. You have a lot of shit in your head, and you need to get it sorted out soon before-"
"Rumi, I'm fine, okay?... Can we just have a nice lunch for a while? I don't want to talk about this," He kept his eyes down. Rumi sighed softly, frowning deeply.
"I'm sorry... We can stop talking about this, I just... You know that I worry about you. I can't just leave it alone when I know that you're hurting inside. I love you,"
"I know you do... I never doubted that you did. I kind of just... I want to spend some time together where I don't run the risk of frustrating you or pissing you off, y'know..." Keigo mumbled. He called one of his feathers into his hands, and he began wringing it and picking at it nervously. He felt eyes on him when no one was even looking in their direction. He had to take a moment to breathe. "I'm... really sorry, Rumi... I just don't want to upset you right now is all."Rumi got up and hugged him tightly, quiet as a mouse. She didn't let go or head back to her seat till she knew for sure that Keigo was okay.
For the rest of the lunch, neither of them brought up Keigo's anxiety even once, trying to keep everything happy and in balance. Keigo even made more of an effort to push his emotions down into the deepest depths of his mind. It wasn't long till he was walking the streets alone again, starring at the ground in front of him. Halfway to his agency, he was approached by Jin who stopped him in his tracks.
"Hey, Hawks! Just the man I wanted to see. Do you maybe wanna come back to my place in a bit, and- hey... what's wrong?" Jin stopped beside Keigo. There were fresh tear tracks on the hero's face, and his eyes were all red and puffy. Keigo shook his head and rubbed his eyes a bit.
"It's nothing. Just lost in my own head is all. There's nothing to it, I- HEY!" Keigo yelped as Jin grabbed his arm, and started dragging him up the stairs to his apartment, determination in his eyes.
"Nope nope nope nope, You're going to sit down and tell me what's going on with you. We don't need you running into some battle or something with a fucked up head. That only spells trouble for everyone involved. Now, sit down, you self-sacrificing idiot," Jin chirped as he shoved Keigo into a beanbag chair and sat beside him. Keigo just sat there chewing his lower lip.
"I-I... um... I... um... um..." Keigo felt himself starting to slip, his breaths growing shaky as he rubbed at his arm. No... no, he couldn't tell him... not now... He didn't deserve help. Not in this. He couldn't-
"Hey! It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but... You need to breathe. I know that look," Jin rested a hand on Keigo's shoulder, smiling weakly. Keigo just sat there for a moment, still stuttering and fighting back tears. "You know that it's okay for you to cry, right? I won't tell anyone. Not even Dabi. If you need to let it out, just let it out," Slowly, tears began dripping down Keigo's face. It started as a small drip and soon turned into a full-on waterfall. He broke down, wrapping his arms and wings around himself. Jin came over after a few minutes and weaseled his way into Keigo's wings and hugged him tightly, smiling lovingly. Slowly, Keigo started to relax, sighing.
"You're too sweet, you know that, Jin? Really too sweet..." He mumbled. Jin smiled and helped him sit back down in the chair with a teary smile plastered on his face. Jin nuzzled into his hair, huffing a bit.
"I'm just being nice. That's not too much now, is it?" He asked softly. Keigo shook his head and closed his eyes a little bit.
"Thank you... you know, for not making me feel like an utter fuck up all of the time," He cuddled closer, feeling his heart warm in a brother sort of way. The two of them stayed like that for a while, just holding each other.
"No more tears for the birdie, got it? You need to be all smiles from now on," Jin said as he ruffled Keigo's hair, "All the love for the smol baby of the heroes!" Keigo laughed. at that statement.
"I'm not a baby! shut up!" He giggled happily. Jin poked the tip of his nose.
"Yeah no, you are. Seriously though, there is something that I want you to say for me, okay Keigo?"
"Oh um... okay?" Keigo looked up at him questioningly. Jin sighed.
"I want you to tell yourself that you're worth fighting for, okay? Even when you feel like you're nowt, you are. You're not a failure or a waste of space or fuck up or anything like that. You're worth so much more than that. You deserve to be able to fight for yourself sometimes. I can see it, Tomura, Toga, and Dabi all see it. I need you to see it as well. I need you to see yourself as worth it like we all do," He said. Keigo felt his heart stop a bit as tears gathered in his eyes anew.
For a moment, he could hear Rumi's voice in his head telling him the exact same thing just years ago. He didn't say anything for a while, just clinging to Jin.
"Say it, Keigo. Tell me exactly what I just told you," Jin said softly. Keigo swallowed a bit before nodding.
"I-I'm... I'm um... I- I can't..."
"Yes you can, Keigo. Say it. Say it like you mean it. Like I'm that bully inside you- wow that sounds bad!- You get what I mean. Say it!"
"I-I'm worth fighting for, Um... um... I'm not a f-failure or a w-waste of space or-" Keigo looked down, messing with his hair just a bit. Jin huffed and grabbed his shoulder.
"Keigo, stop hesitating. Say it like you're angry. Say it like you're PISSED stop looking down. Look right at me while you're saying it, all right?" He grabbed Keigo by his shoulders. The pressure on his shoulders wasn't harsh or intrusive like President Gaelen's grip was. This grip was warm and grounding like a hug from Rumi or a kiss from Dabi felt. Jin was quiet, waiting. Keigo took a breath, working up more courage.
"I'm worth fighting for. I'm not a failure or a waste of space or a fuck up or a mistake, and I'm not a fucking toy to play with. My life worth is living. I'm not letting people push me the fuck around anymore," Keigo said, his eyes sparking with brave strength.
"And you know it! Go out there, and kick some ass, Hawks!" Jin yelled, dragging him downstairs. Keigo didn't even have a moment to thank him before he was shoved out of the house, grinning brightly. He waved up at Jin before heading off to his agency with pure determination in his eyes. He stormed into the agency with a bright smile on his face. It only fell when he noticed Endeavor waiting for him in his office. He swallowed thickly, feeling every last bit of confidence drain from his entire body.
"Hawks, there you are! We need to talk about something."