a/n; sorry I took long again. I was ✨𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨✨ also though the book's name is 'Bokuto-san is the worst', consider this name as a secondary one 'Akaashi Keiji is always right'
『𝘁𝗲𝗻』
how do you know what someone's thinking if they won't say it?
how do you know how they feel if they won't even meet your eyes?
the questions remained as shared concerns for both of you yet you were afraid of the answers.
the electric feeling from the encounter was hard to ignore, yet you both chose not to address it.
instead, in an attempt to get rid of the tension caused by the silence, once both your breaths had evened out, bokuto tried to joke, "ah i must've been too drunk"
you could barely find the energy to laugh with him, instead you still latched onto him as your heart thumped rapidly.
your brain immediately began to connect that him admitting he wasn't sober meant that his head wasn't clear when he made the decision.
if that was the case, his feelings were misplaced and the intensity of the feelings were one sided.
your train of thoughts made tears in your heart and reluctantly you loosened your grip on him; faked a smile though you couldn't meet his golden eyes.
"yeh we....probably shouldn't have stayed longer" or got so close.
as if he could hear the end of your statement that couldn't find its way through your lips, he stared at you silently and observed as you crawled off of him.
feeling his eyes made you feel more conscious of what happened, you drew your knees to your chest and rested the side of your head on the window
the feeling of where his lips were now made your gut tie up; you now felt uneasiness rather than happiness from the intimate moment.
"I should've just told him no huh?" 'Do you regret it?' he asked as he averted his eyes from your saddened state.
"Maybe I should have admitted I was single instead?"
'do you?' you answered his question with another.
too afraid to ask what you both really wanted to ask and too afraid to answer the questions that were said aloud; you both fell into silence again until the door was finally opened.
the mood was ruined or rather the fantasy had ended.
of course, the dear captain realised and instead of staying longer he called a cab since he didn't trust his sobriety to drive.
he didn't even follow you home.
looking back at it though, Bokuto realized that if he should have said anything, no words that left him that night were the ones to be said.
in fact he felt horrible. a terrible feeling that made him feel sick to his gut
regret. of course. he regretted it....
in fact he hated himself more when he thought of it.
but for the wrong reasons.
what the ace regretted was stopping since if it weren't for sato, they'd be no stopping him. what he hated was the fact that it was the only thing he regretted.
when he even tried to force regret for touching someone other than his girlfriend, his thoughts always wandered to what would happen if he didn't stop.
and so he began to wonder if he was even loyal in the first place.
was it always this easy for me to kiss someone else?
then thinking how he'd feel uneasy when he saw other taken guys talking up girls, he thought:
am I pretentious to believe that I was different from everyone else?
confused because he wanted more and didn't know why, he zoned out the rest of the night.
he hadn't even realised when the cab had left you nor that he was still laying in his backseat until the rain stopped falling andl he was staring up at his ceiling of his car; dazed by what happened yet another time.
he was frustrated, the more he imagined...the more he wanted to know.
"should I call her?" he mumbled to himself aloud, rubbing an eye tiredly as he blindly reached for his phone.
"she probably won't pickup" he said listening to the rings and close to the last ring, his girlfriend picked up.
"kōtarō..." she answered tiredly and he tensed.
"oh hey did I wake you up? sorry I didn't mean to" he said and she laughed softly "it's okay. I was just on my way to bed. and you?"
"Yeh...same. did you eat?" he asked chewing on his lip, talking to her somewhat distracted him from the ruckus in his head.
"Ah yeh thanks for reminding me. I didn't. I was too busy with preparing my presentation" she said stifling a yawn and he stared at the ceiling blankly.
comparing his evening to hers, he pinched his leg even though the sting from it wouldn't be enough.
im a terrible person.
"Kōtarō ? did you need something, did something happen?"
'how would she say my name?'
kou...kun
realizing his thoughts still wouldn't waver despite reminding himself how horrible he was, he pinched harder.
I feel guilty, but why don't I regret it?
"No. I just wanted to...hear you..." he settled on answering and it earned another laugh as she told him it was silly.
eventually the call ended and Bokuto spent some more time laying silently with a hand over his eyes. his headache was certain now.
without looking, he dialed another number that he knew by heart and the answer was immediate.
"Bokuto... if you're calling because you want to go anywhere at this hour... it's a no" akaashi said.
"bokuto" he tried again when he realized the only thing he could hear was the breathing and atmospheric noises from bokuto's car.
Bokuto called but didn't know what to say, mostly because he was sure the moment he opened his mouth akaashi would already pick up something was wrong.
but wasn't that the reason why he called?
"Are you okay? should I come?"
even as akaashi spoke, bokuto replayed the feeling of your skin against his lips, his hands on your hips and the sound that escaped you when he pressed up against you.
minutes after being on the phone with his girlfriend, he had a hot face and familiar tightness in his pants about another girl.
"I'm the worst aren't I...keiji. "
at first the setter said nothing before he eventually sighed when he analyzed bokuto's words.
"where is she?" akaashi asked, disappointment clear in his voice but still a certain measure of concern.
"...already home"
"....did you sleep with her?"
"...almost" the ace answered honestly.
would she have allowed it?
would it really have gone that far if she did?
"and where are you?"
"ill send the address"
"I'm on my way"
you ended up with a self-induced stomach sickness and skipped school on Monday and Tuesday; the sickness being linked to the anxiety and guilt you felt.
during this you hadn't gotten in contact with the captain...nor did he with you.
though you preferred it.
if he texted you just to pretend as if nothing happened then it would hurt more. if he pretended that it didn't mean a thing, you'd prefer being left with the thought that he regretted it because it meant something.
Wednesday at school, you struggled to focus on classes and you got shivers whenever you heard the familiar voices of the volleyball members when they walked through the halls.
did he tell them? What if it all was a scheme?
again, you felt sick.
at lunch you found yourself in an empty classroom, picking at a nature bar that suddenly lost its flavour.
staring out at the window, you blankly stared at other students walking about and laughing. And you envied them, because their world did not seem to be the one you belonged in.
it completely distracted you from the eyes that had finally found you from the outside of the classroom and you hadn't noticed their presence until the person casually sat in front of you.
you turned around, jolted in your seat when you saw him sitting.
"hey. didn't mean to scare you" he said and you shuddered as you met his green eyes before glancing away, slightly intimidated by the guy that never had a liking for you.
"Relax, I don't have the plague. I am glad I finally found you though" akaashi spoke and your stomach knotted again as you eyed the exit, you wondered if you'd have to run to the bathroom in case you needed to throw up.
"why were you looking for me...akaashi?"
"can't you tell? i wanted to talk. you don't have to pretend, I already know" he said and you looked up, and noticing the look of betrayal on your face he quirked a brow with a lazy look in his eyes.
" keep the gasp in. you have nothing to worry about. nor do you need to feel betrayed. I'm the only one he's told. think of me as an extension of him. There is nothing about Bokuto koutarou that I do not know" he said and your grip on the nature bar slightly trembled.
"oh...is he coming here too?" you asked reluctantly when you looked away again to the exit. Akaashi said nothing, only frowned as he realized how fidgety and flushed you became and for some reason he couldn't tell if you were hopeful for bokuto's presence or if you were trying to avoid it.
when he remembered the same disparity between urges in bokuto, he realized the incident had similar effects on you. it annoyed him.
annoyed because he foresaw it yet it still happened right under his nose.
his initial decision was to send Bokuto his location when he'd found you so that he could help to resolve it as a third party. that was under the assumption that you regretted it, he planned to make Bokuto apologize like his life depended on it.
but realizing now that having you both near each other when you clearly didn't really regret it would lead to a crisis, he changed his mind.
he glanced down at his phone as it pinged, a text from Bokuto that he heard she was at school but he still hasn't seen her.
'me neither' akaashi lied via text, and then locked his phone with a frown.
he could deal with this on his own.
he'd stop the hazard before it turn into a disaster and save them both from what was to come.
"he's not" he settled on answering as he leant back in the chair and you looked at him nervously to which he met your gaze pointedly.
"just you and me y/n. let's have a talk"