Vienna's POV
"So Miss Vienna...you have a lot of explaining to do I guess" Samantha said with her hands folded, grabbing my attention.
"Yeah...I guess so too" I replied with an awkward smile.
There was a small moment of silence before she hugged me tight, taking me by surprise and as a reflex action I hugged her back a few seconds later.
Well I was expecting a lot of questions and also some rude accusations I guess...because duh I did hurt her brother and everybody knows that at least, if not what actually went through between us.
And though deep down I might expect her to cut me some slack considering that I'm not just her brother's girl but her close friend as well...but at the same time I also know that it's not entirely fair of me to expect her to do that because let's be honest, blood is thicker than water so obviously she'll side with her brother...well also because I'm at fault in this case.
Anyways, out of all these things, a warm, welcoming hug was surely the last thing I was expecting from her...not that I'm complaining rather I'm just pleasantly surprised.
"Where have you been all this time Vienna. You know I was so worried when I got to know that you were miss since three months" She said pulling away.
"Sam I just..." I trailed off not knowing what to say to her because I don't think I'm ready to share whatever happened with anybody except Ryan, yet.
I mean yeah Samantha is my close friend and I know she'll support me and comfort me in any situation and if this topic comes up again, some time in the future then I'll tell her whatever happened but not yet...I just don't think that I'm ready to share this personal information with anybody yet.
And honestly repeating it all...I mean explaining everything to someone all over again will just scratch up my raw wounds and only I know how hard it was for me to tell everything to Ryan as well...but at the same time I also knew that he needed and deserved to know it so I just had to do it no matter how much it hurt me.
"Vienna. Say something" Samantha said snapping me out of my dilemma.
"Sam you are a really close and good friend to me, you have always been...but I just don't think that I'm ready to..." I replied with a shrug.
"Ready to share whatever happened between you and my brother, right? It's fine Vienna, you don't have to feel guilty or beat yourself up for not telling me...I get it, sometimes some things are so personal that they need to stay between two people only" She said interrupting me, saying exactly what I wanted to tell her.
"But I'm just glad that you are back and safe" She added as all I could do was smile at her understanding nature.
"Sam, you are Ryan's sister and I think that somehow I owe not only you but also Grace an explanation...I have hurt not only Ryan but you all too and I promise that whenever I feel ready, I'll tell you guys everything" I replied with a reassuring smile.
"Okay" She said shortly with a small nod and a smile.
"But now everything's okay between you and Ryan, right" She asked.
"Yeah..." I nodded.
"Everything's fine" I continued.
Though I said that everything was fine between us but at the back of my mind I still had this insecurity that...was everything really fine now?
Somehow I'm worried that, what if whatever happened has changed Ryan's love for me?
I know he doesn't blames me for the loss of our baby...he said it himself, multiple times but I also know that he's hurt and knowing that I'm the reason of his pain is somehow making me insecure about our relationship.
I know that right now he's happy that we are back together but what if some day in the future when this happiness subsides and he finally thinks clearly and comes to a conclusion that somehow it was my fault that we lost our baby.
What will happen then?
What if he decides that be doesn't wants to be with someone who is responsible for the loss of his first child?
I don't think I'll be able to survive yet another separation...especially when I have finally accepted him with his new life.
I love him too much to live another day without him.
•••
Later that night.
"Ryan..." I called out in a whisper as we were lying in the comfortable and peaceful silence of his room.
"Hmm" He just hummed a reply stroking my back gently as his arm was wrapped around me.
I laughed feeling ticklish by his touch as I was only wearing a thin, loose and long top, which almost reached till my mid-thighs.
"Ryan stop" I said through my giggles as he continued stroking my back with his fingers.
"Ryan...please stop" I said once again, laughing before looking up at him.
"Stop what love" He asked innocently.
"Tickling me" I replied.
"I'm not tickling you...my fingers are just touching your back softly" He said with a shrug.
"Through your clothes if I might add" He added.
"Yeah but that's still ticklish" I replied resting my chin on his chest as he finally stopped stroking my back.
"You were saying something" He asked a moment later as I remembered that I needed to tell him something.
"Yeah actually today Sam..." I replied only to be interrupted by him.
"Oh please, don't involve me in your girls talk. I'm not at all interested" He said closing his eyes once again.
"Ryan at least listen to me" I replied with a frown as he opened his eyes sensing that I was just seconds away from getting annoyed, which might also result into a tiny fight...but nothing serious though.
"Okay say, what is it" He said causally.
"Yeah. So Sam asked me about what happened...like what happened between us and also while these three months that I was away" I replied and I knew that this grabbed his attention as he realized that this wasn't the 'girly' talk that he thought it would be.
"Okay. So did you tell her anything" He asked.
"No actually. I don't think I'm ready to tell anybody yet but I'll tell her and also your mother whenever I feel ready...if that's what you want" I replied.
"It's fine by me if you don't want to tell anybody from my family at all and honestly whatever happened or happens between us is too personal to share with anybody...so I think it should stay between us only" He said.
"You don't understand I'm not just talking about our fights or the reason I left you...I'm..." The words halted in my mouth as I closed my eyes with a sigh.
"I'm talking about my...miscarriage" I continued as pain and sadness instantly flashed across his eyes.
"Well. I think it's better if that stays between us too" He replied as I gave him a slight nod before going back to resting my head on his chest once again as this time the silence around us was not peaceful or comfortable anymore...rather it was tensed.
"Okay...now tell me what's disturbing you" Ryan asked a few minutes later.
"Nothing" I replied shortly without giving much thought to his question.
"Your entire body is tensed up...I can feel it. You are not relaxed anymore like you were a few minutes ago" He said as I just sighed.
Of course he could sense my tension.
"I'm just..." I trailed off, licking my lower lip slightly as hot tears formed in my eyes.
"I'm scared Ryan" I managed to say but it was evident by my voice that I was crying which made him sigh before he sat up leaning his back against the bed's headboard.
"Why" He asked, simply wiping my tears away.
"I think that..." I stopped shaking my head.
I don't think I should tell him...he'll just think that I'm too insecure.
"What is it, love. Tell me, whatever it is that's eating you up" He insisted, caressing the back of my hand...as if saying that he was here with me and he'll always be, no matter what.
"I just think that right now you are happy that we are back together..." I replied.
"That, I am" He said interrupting me.
"Probably that is why you think that I'm not the one to be blamed for the loss of our baby" I continued.
"And..." He said, perfectly knowing that there was more to it.
"And after some time when your happiness subsides, you'll see thinks clearly and you'll probably come to the conclusion that it was my fault after all and then you won't want to be with me anymore" I added, staring down at his thumb caressing the back of my hand.
"So..." He cleared his throat.
"So you think that right now I'm too happy to think clearly and later on when this happiness settles down I'll realize that it was your fault that we lost our baby and then I'll leave you" He said, summarizing my words as I hummed in agreement.
"You have got it all wrong love" He said shaking his head slightly.
"Sure I'm happy but that doesn't means that I can't think straight in the haze of getting you back...I'm a grown ass man and I assure you that I can think straight in any situation...just except when I get mad at you for doing stupid and silly things like running away from me" He continued, saying the last part with a hint of humour as I couldn't help but chuckle remembering the time when I ran away from him only to be dragged back to where I belong...to him.
"And for the last time I'm telling you that it's not your fault that we lost our baby...I don't blame you, love and I never will" He added.
"Hey..." He said making me look up at him.
"I'll never leave you...I promise you, love" He said sealing his promise with a kiss on my lips.
"I love you" I mumbled as we pulled apart.
"I know" He said casually as I rested my head back on his chest and he, once again, wrapped an arm around me.
"Love..." He called out a few minutes later as I just hummed in reply with heavy eyes.
"I didn't get the chance to ask you..." He paused.
"Chance to ask me what" I asked sleepily.
"What happened after...after the miscarriage, you said that the hotel staff rushed you to the hospital after seeing you lying in a pool of blood on your bed, but you never told me what happened after that...what did you do all this time" He asked and of course after hearing his questions, sleep was the last thing in my head at the moment.
Of course. I knew that he would ask this.
"I lost a lot of blood that day, which resulted into weakness in my body so the doctor suggested that I should stay under observation for a few days but since I knew I couldn't afford to stay in the hospital for those 'few days', I asked them to discharge me the next morning after staying under observation for an entire day and night" I replied.
"After getting discharged I was left with a lot less money than what I had initially so I moved to a cheaper hotel...stayed locked inside my room for the next few days, not eating anything, crawled up in my bed all day, all night, crying at the miserable turn of events" I continued.
"And right there...that was the moment that I needed you the most in my life...and I wished so badly that you were right beside me...to hold me in your arms as I cried...to wipe my tears...to comfort me...but you weren't there and it hit me hard that it was my fault that you weren't with me...no actually it wasn't my fault, it was my choice and I had to live with it...and that made me cry even more" I added feeling a lump in my throat as Ryan just held my hand in silence, listening to me attentively.
"I couldn't even mourn my baby properly because I had to face the reality...the reality where I was running out of money which forced me to put my sorrows aside and put on a poker face and go and look around for even the smallest job by which I could at least stay alive...fortunately I did find a job at a small supermarket and I think I just got lucky because just a day back, a member of their staff got fired so...I started working there but just on the second day..." I explained only to be interrupted by Ryan...who I guess was just waiting like a time bomb to blast any second.
"Are you fucking stupid Vienna Green" He said in disbelief as I couldn't help but feel surprised by the tone of his voice...I know I shouldn't be surprised because I saw this upcoming lecture coming from a mile away.
Well. Good luck Green!
"Ryan just..." I tried explaining him further only to be interrupted once again.
"No no Vienna not this time...this time you'll just shut that sweet mouth of yours because I know if I let you speak any further you'll somehow make me agree with you and I'll never be able to get this anger out" He said.
"Well then go on" I murmured under my breath but he heard that.
"Well thank you" He replied sarcastically.
"First of all Vienna, I didn't say this earlier but when you sat in that cab from the airport that day, you should have come straight to me, rather you just chickened out and secondly even if you chickened out it's fine, I get it, but at least you should have called me when you went through a damn miscarriage and you knew you needed someone...but then too you didn't call me or come up to me" He said.
"Lastly when you were running out of money, you should have returned home Vienna, instead of going around looking for a damn job..." He paused as I frowned at the job part.
Well...
"Don't you dare give me that feminist look Vienna, I know what's going on inside your head right now" He added as I mentally slapped my forehead thinking how transparent I was.
He knew that I was just about to go down that 'feminist road' and maybe even have a tough argument about my choices and rights with him.
"I'm not against you working or something, love..." He trailed off as I could tell that he was a bit calmed down now...well I just know because he did call me 'love' after all.
"I'm just concerned about you because..." He stopped with a sigh.
"Because you simply have me in your life...because your name is attached to mine...to a Mafia and I'll be honest with you, I'm not a saint sweetheart...I'm a Mafia, a criminal, I have done a lot of bad things...my hands are tainted with blood...I have killed people...which is why I have so many enemies waiting for a chance to bring me down and if any of them or their man recognised you as the girl they saw with me..." He said as I unknowingly interrupted him.
"I would have been dead" I said subconsciously.
"No, love. Dead is the last state that you would have been in" He replied, with a slight shake of his head.
"You would have been tortured until you begged for death" He said in a dead serious tone.
"I fucking hate to say this but they would have probably even sold you off with the tag 'Ryan Knight's Girl'...that is the kind of dirty business that goes on in my world...that is the extent that people in this world can go just for revenge...powerful people here just see women as a source of pleasure and nothing else and when that women is your biggest enemy's loved one...the pleasure and the victory just magnifies" He explained as a shiver ran down my spine by his words.
"I'm not saying all this to scare you..." He added a moment later, cupping my cheeks gently.
"I just need you to understand that sneaking out in the middle of the night to some damn party without any security is not adventurous or funny in my world..." He paused referring to the night I sneaked out to attend a party along with his sisters.
"Staying away from home on your own and working and living like some normal girl for three long months is not smart at all...it's dangerous" He said placing a hair strand of mine, behind my ear.
"You are not a normal girl Vienna, that people would just ignore and pass by...you are..." He added as I interrupted him yet again.
"The Mafia's girl" I completed it for him, with a nervous and kind of confused chuckle.
"Not just the Mafia's girl, love. You are his Queen...and I promise to treat you like one but I just need you to know what you are signing up for...you'll never be able to live a normal life..." He said with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
"Shush..." I murmured sneaking my arms over his shoulders, around his neck, pulling him closer...resting my forehead against his.
"I know what I'm signing up for baby..." I whispered.
I know that somehow he feels that I'm still not sure about my decision of being with him or that my decision of coming back to him is just built on the bases of my guilt for breaking his heart by leaving him.
But that's not the case here...the thing is that...I love him and I just can't help it, I mean I did try running away from my love...I did try staying away from him and there came a time in my life when I finally succeeded in breaking all my ties with him...but there was just one tie that I just couldn't break and that was my love for him...our love.
When I finally had my freedom at my feet, I realized that, that freedom meant nothing to me if losing him was the cost of it. When I finally had a chance at a normal life, I realized that I just don't want one, if he's not in it with me...to share each and every, smallest and biggest moments of my life with me.
"Screw normal life...I just want to live my life with you...I just don't care if it's a normal life or a Mafia life...as long as you are in it with me, always loving me, forever, not beside me but with me...holding my hand, I'm fine with it...just please don't ever stop loving me" I added.
"Well if in the future if you ever get bored and want to work at some normal place like some normal girl, I can't really promise that I'll let you...for your own safety reasons" He replied.
"Do you still want to spend your entire life with me" He asked.
"I do" I simply replied.
"I can't promise that we'll roam around freely like any other normal couple...we'll always have bodyguards lurking around us. Do you still..." He asked as I cut him off.
"I do" I whispered inching closer to him.
"In short love, I can promise you, your safety and an eternal love...I can promise that you'll have everything that you desire at your feet even before you ask for it...just except your freedom...the freedom that a normal life offers you" He said in a low tone.
"I only desire you" I replied with a small shrug.
"We'll never be able to live a normal life just as we dreamed in our college days, love" He said.
"I do" I whispered, leaving him speechless.
"Now you may kiss your bride Mr. Knight" I added dramatically before giggling out at my bad attempt of acting like a priest.
"You drive me nuts" He said shaking his head, with a chuckle.
"What should I do with you" He added wrapping his arms around my waist.
"For starters, just kiss me and...well you know the drill" I replied as he just shook his head once again before smashing his lips against mine within a second.
•••
Hey guys,
So I guess this chapter was long enough?
Anyways,
Please vote, comment and share.
Until next time.
Love,
Crystal ❤️