The next time Sabrina woke up, she felt much better and ate almost all of the meal Sehaèri brought her. She received Selémahs and Therenden briefly; when they left, Darice came by, looking abashed.
"I have to apologize, my lady, for allowing that incident to endanger you," she began. "I—"
"Darice, don't be ridiculous. You are only supposed to precede me into dangerous or uncertain situations; how could any of us guess my conservatory was dangerous? And you did very well. They didn't get me, after all."
"That was you, not me," Darice said ruefully. "And Citizen Nikolar. He fought like a wild animal." She took a deep breath. "After such an incident, I am obliged to offer you my resignation—"
"No!" Sabrina exclaimed. "I won't accept it. I don't want any other bodyguard. And I don't want to hear any more about it. You did very well; I'm pleased with your performance. Besides, I don't want to have to get used to anybody else. I'd miss you if you left."
"Thank you, my lady," Darice said, gratified. "I'll do my very best. It won't happen again."
"Good," Sabrina said. "Citizen Nikolar has already tried to take the blame, and I think I lost the argument, so I'm not going to argue it with you."
Darice smiled. "I've been helping clean up the conservatory. The royal gardener is trying to save your yellow rosebush; he has repotted it and is lavishing attention on it. And some of the botanists want to do a genetic analysis of it to see if they can develop a version that will thrive in various Praxatillian climates, but they've been told they must wait for your permission. We're also installing better security there. Those apartments have been disused for a long time, and even when they were in use, the Guardian doesn't generally require a lot of help security-wise."
"Yes, I know," Sabrina said. "I always thought that giving Mara a bodyguard just gave her something else to worry about. Not to offend you."
"No, of course," Darice said. "I always knew I was more decoration than anything for the Queen."
"Well, you've just proved you're very necessary for me," Sabrina said. "When are they going to let me out?"
"I think soon. Secretary Sansfir is going frantic trying to conceal the reason for your indisposition."
"Is there any word of Scotty?" Sabrina asked.
"No, except that he is no longer on Naferi Station. I don't know any more than that, except that the team Commander Rayland sent after him are on his trail. I'm sure it won't be long before they find him. We do know he hasn't gone to Homeworld itself; we've been monitoring the traffic."
Sabrina sighed. Darice hesitated, then said earnestly, "Please don't worry too much about him, ma'am. We'll get him back. The Commander doesn't fail when he sets out to do something."
"I know," Sabrina said, more to cheer Darice up than from any real belief in getting her brother back.
______________
She was discharged later that day and spent the afternoon reviewing paperwork and meeting with Rassir. Justek sat down with her and worked out her schedule for the next few days, a light one as the doctors insisted. She was to have another meeting with the Citizens Council the next day; that was one meeting she was adamant about not rescheduling. Since their first meeting, the members of the Council had been back to their constituents, collecting ideas for speeding the planet's recovery and suggestions to improve existing programs. Sabrina wondered when Tassan had found time to go back to Zarn.
Rayland came for dinner, reporting on the search for Scotty with a theory that he had gone to Lthos after Naferi Station—a theory Sabrina suspected was based more on hope than evidence. But she hoped for it too. With Haaron on Lthos, it was certainly the best place for Scotty to be. He also reported that the three agents for Homeworld arrested for her kidnapping attempt had undergone mindscans and were in rehabilitation; the two would-be kidnappers had turned out to be mercenaries and were being held for trial.
"That reminds me," Sabrina said, "was it really necessary to force Citizen Nikolar to take a mindscan?"
"He was not forced," Rayland replied, puzzled. "He volunteered. He was concerned that he might be an unwitting agent—though Major Darice and I believe that if so, he would never have helped scotch the attempt by tackling the kidnappers. Had he done nothing, Major Darice might not have been able to stop them alone. And if he were an agent, he had only to attack her to ensure the success of their attempt. But we mindscanned him at his request, and he is clear. I have granted him access to your conservatory, since I understand that is your wish."
"Yes. Thank you," Sabrina frowned. "Why didn't he tell me he volunteered? He acted like he'd done it under protest."
"Perhaps he did not want to admit his fears," Rayland said. "He was quite upset by the entire incident." He paused. "I have increased security around your apartment, and in addition to Darice sleeping within call, I am posting a secondary bodyguard to stand watch within your apartment at night. But, if you would feel safer, I do recommend moving you to the Royal Residence structure, preferably the Royal Apartments themselves. The security there is unparalleled."
"No," Sabrina said. She had stayed there before, with Mara, but that was before Mara's marriage. Somehow it would be too odd to sleep in Mara and Tirqwin's bed. It would make her miss them more than she already did. "I'll stay here."
"I have made arrangements for a room for you in my apartment in case you should need it," Rayland said. "I was not sure how much care you would require when you were discharged. Also, we feel it might be wise to move your location from time to time at night. You would stay here in your own rooms most of the time, but occasionally you would sleep somewhere else, somewhere that only Major Darice and those on duty in Control would know about. I think you might consider putting to use one of the bedrooms in the same suite as your conservatory. Those rooms are safe now too."
"All right," Sabrina said. "I wouldn't mind that, I suppose. I'll have Sehaèri see to it."
"Good." He smiled at her. "I hope you realize these are only temporary measures. Once Homeworld agrees to talks with us, they will halt their attempts on you. They will not risk having their allies accuse them of negotiating in bad faith."
"Wonderful. Now if we can just get them to the table. Ambassador Olviron doesn't seem very confident of that."
"But he will do his best. And sending Citizen Haaron to Lthos may have been a stroke of genius. The Wayfarers will be curious to speak to him, to get his stories of life aboard Khediva and what went on there. He may be able to convince them of our good intentions more than all the proclamations and official communications we could ever send out."
"That is what I'm hoping. But I miss him," Sabrina sighed.
"I know. It is not easy for someone in your position to make friends; it must be that much harder to send the ones you have away," Rayland said.
"Yes, and they are all gone now, except for Therenden, and he's as busy as I am. And I count Selémahs as a friend, but she's even busier than I am," Sabrina said. She paused, then said quietly, "Tell me, Father, honestly: I don't have much chance of living through this, do I?"
He considered. "You have a fighting chance, Sabrina. Do not give up. Ever."
"I wish I had that air of serenity you Miahns all seem to have. I...it's important to me to die well, and I'm afraid I won't. I'm afraid I'll be too terrified, that I'll do something cowardly or awful."
"I am not afraid of that," Rayland said. "I think you will die as you have faced life: with composure and compassion. Keep your eye on the goal, Sabrina; do not spend too much time worrying about where you put your feet. That is a sure way to trip and fall."
"In other words, don't think so much about being afraid of death?"
"Precisely. Avoid it, as far as lies within your control; for the rest, you must just accept what comes."
She sighed again. "That's the hard part."
Rayland waited for her to say more, then changed the subject. "I have told Lady Imari what really happened last night. And I have asked her to discreetly convey the information to Lady Ælieni, in hopes of encouraging her to return to Lthos. I do not think Homeworld would endanger their alliance with Lthos by harming her, but if we are to have incidents of this kind, I would rather not be responsible for her any longer."
"I agree." Sabrina drummed her fingers on the table as she weighed her latest horrific thought. "Father...if it's true Scotty has gone to Lthos...can we be sure he hasn't gone there to turn them against us? I mean, the way Homeworld is about these things, I wouldn't put it past them to stage an attempt on him and blame it on us, or something like that."
"It's a possibility," Rayland said. "That is why, when we do retrieve him, we have to act discreetly. We cannot be seen to force him to come back."
"Yes, I know. But I've been thinking, and...maybe this isn't the best place for him either. You've never had much success with rehabilitating Homeworld's agents if they're conditioned above just a surface level. Maybe we should take him somewhere he can't do any harm. Maybe we should take him back to Earth, let him pick up his old life there. They'd lose interest in him, and he'd be safe."
"I haven't given up on Scotty's future on Praxatillus," Rayland said. "But if things turn out as you postulate, I would certainly consider confining him to Earth. Still, I have hopes that whatever influence he is operating under can be reversed. For one thing, the Guardian—"
"No! Not that! I remember what happened with Abraël. The Xoentrols set a trap in his mind. Homeworld might do something similar, knowing that Mara would try to heal him."
"True. We shall have to wait and see," Rayland sighed.
Sabrina shook her head. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't seem to think straight about this. About Scotty. It's almost as if I think if I don't think about it, it isn't true. As if I can't acknowledge what's happening."
Rayland leaned back, his eyes taking on a distant look. "Betrayal, even inadvertent betrayal, is hard to bear. Once, when I was much younger, I was captured by the enemy and imprisoned. Praxatillus believed me dead. The lady to whom I was pledged grieved for me, and then, as time passed, fell in love with a friend of mine. They were about to be married by the time I managed to return. I was furious. And yet they had intended no betrayal; they thought I was dead. It took me a long time to recover from that, but I am glad I was reconciled with them in the end. I don't think I could have borne it if they had died while we were estranged."
"But I'd gladly be reconciled with Scotty. I'm not angry at him."
"Aren't you, my daughter? Somewhere in your heart, don't you resent what he is putting you through? Perhaps the reason you cannot face what he has done is that you cannot face how it makes you feel."
"Are all you Miahns amateur psychologists?" Sabrina demanded.
"Only to those we care about," Rayland replied gently. "You are still weak from your ordeal, and need to rest. I will stay with you if you prefer, but I believe it will take Homeworld some time to organize another attempt."
"I'll be fine," Sabrina said. "I'm sorry I snapped at you like that."
"I think you are a very private person, Sabrina. I can understand your not wanting others to probe your feelings. It is all right."
"Doesn't anything make you angry, Father?" Sabrina asked, cocking her head curiously at him.
"Yes. My brother's murder made me angry. Malvarak's betrayal of my niece made me angry. This situation with Scotty makes me very angry also, and the attempt on you not only angered me, but frightened me." He smiled, reaching out to stroke her cheek. "I have told you that I intend you and Scotty to be my legacy to Praxatillus, mine and my brother's and Shariara's. You will help Mara rebuild what we could not save. You asked me if you would live through this, Sabrina. I tell you that you must, for my sake. To outlive one's legacy would be a tragedy indeed."
"I'll try, Father. I'll fight for it."
"I know you will, my daughter. Now, get some rest. Our task is far from over."