It had been several weeks since Erwin sent off the invitation inviting y/n to meet with him and he received no response. He began to wonder if his letter may have scared her off because he was too forward or if something bad had happened. Or if she'd got all the information she needed for the article and abandoned the letter writing.
Since he had sent the last letter Erwin hadn't slept much, the faces of his fallen comrades haunted his dreams and he couldn't bear to feel the guilt he felt whenever he closed his eyes. He worked tirelessly through the night to sort their death papers. Delivering them on foot to the families of those who went to battle to never return.
Seeing the sadness on their faces did nothing but cause him to spiral more, he stopped taking walks and even locked his office door at times so he wouldn't have to speak with anyone. At times he even skipped out on shaving and blonde stubble began protruding from his jaw and chin.
Most of the higher ranks were busy with the new cadets and most of the other survey Corps members were either enjoying their time off or training like usual.
The lavender soap was all but gone, a small purplish smudge remained on the side of the sink but nothing more.
Almost like y/n had never existed and was simply a petal that had floated by on the wind never intending to stay for any more than a moment on the breeze.
Erwin often wondered how he could be so foolish as to miss someone he'd never even seen. He didn't even know what colour her eyes were, let alone if her intentions were as pure as he'd tried to imagine.
Despite his almost constant sadness he still found some strength to put up a front when neccesary to carry out his duties. When enrolling the cadets he gave out his speech as usual, speaking of passion and bravery. But behind his eyes there was nothing but darkness.
On one of his particularly dark days he sat in his desk chair looking out the window his head resting on his elbow. His eyes darkened from lack of sleep the stubble clear as day and his hair uncombed.
There was a sudden thud followed by a string of curses as the door to his office shuddered slightly as someone tried to fling it open but with no success. Erwin wasn't in the mood for visitors.
"Erwin you better open up this goddamned door right now or I swear I'll kick it in." Levi angrily stated from the other side of the door.
Erwin didn't reply instead choosing to remain silent and pretend he wasn't in.
"I know you're in there Erwin. I can see the candles." Erwin glanced over to the door and could just make out Levi's face inches from the floor the glint of his eye barely visable under the door.
"Well, isn't that a compromising position!" Hanji's laugh echoed through the building.
"Shut it, psycho. Stand back." Levi was clearly pissed.
"What? Why?" There was a loud
THUMP
And a
TWANG
As the door fell forward revealing a red faced Levi and a concerned looking Hanji.
Erwin rubbed his eyes quickly to dispell any tears that might be forming and cleared his throat. He stared at Levi for a moment before speaking.
"Can I....help you... Captain?"
"Get up, now. Go and touch some fucking grass and get your head out your ass." Levi glared at Erwin
"E-excuse me?" Erwin shook his head a little. Taken aback by Levi's rudeness.
"You heard me, old man" Clearly Levi was not in a mood to play games. When was he ever?
"U-uh... Commander, I came to update you on the Titan experiments we've been running?" Hanji peered into the office holding yet another stack of papers.
"Fine, come in both of you." Erwin gave up the act and sank down in his chair.
Realising something was seriously wrong Levi's face softened slightly and he motioned to Hanji to help him lift the door back onto it's hinges.
After fixing the door they both pulled up chairs by Erwins desk.
"Commander, you haven't been sleeping have you?" Hanji spoke with a voice full of concern for Erwin, not just because he was their Commander but also as his friend.
"Not really...no. I just keep thinking about them..." Erwin put his head in his hands.
"We all have guilt Erwin. You of all people can't let it consume you. We need you to be the strong head of the Survey Corps. You can't do that looking like you've just escaped jail for war crimes." Levi sighed. "Hanji take Erwin for a walk out to see the Titan experiments while I clean this room. The dust in here is killing me."
Just as Hanji and Erwin were about to leave Levi stopped them.
"Wait. You can't go out looking like that. At least shave. If anyone sees you like that they'll never shut up about it." Erwin nodded limply and went to shave after which he and Hanji left to go on a walk.
"So, tell me more about how you've been feeling. You were so happy a few weeks ago. Like nothing could bring you down. Now all of a sudden you're moping around your office practically rotting away. Something changed, but what was it?" Hanji linked arms with Erwin as they walked.
"I'm not sure. Perhaps it has something to do with the last expedition, maybe it's the fact that someone I considered a friend has vanished off the face of the Earth?" Erwin wondered which was the larger cause. Missing y/n's letters or the latest failed mission.
"A friend? Would it be per chance a lady friend? Maybe the recipient of those letters you're always sending?" Hanji leaned closer to Erwin eager for the gossip
"Who told you?" Erwin frowned at Hanji "Was it Levi?"
"You're forgetting I posted one of them off for you remember?" Hanji grinned "You rarely write letters to anyone outside of the Military and I could tell from your writing that it was more than just a regular old letter you'd send to Commander Pixis or something."
"Hm." Erwin pondered as to how correct this statement was. Did he really change his handwriting depending on who he was writing to? Hanji interrupted his thoughts.
"Why don't we visit her? Or at least stop by her house? Maybe she's just sick or busy? Come on let's go!" Hanji jogged off ahead of Erwin.
"I don't have her address." Erwin sighed.
"Umm yeah you do. You write her letters?"
"They go to her work Hanji. What am I supposed to do turn up to Berg Newspapers and demand to speak with f/n L/n?" Erwin chuckled a bit.
"Well maybe not demand but Yeah pretty much. Let's goooooooo!" Hanji ran off forcing Erwin to follow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a short ride on their horses they arrived at Berg Newspapers. They both dismounted and Hanji waited with the horses whilst Erwin walked up to the door and pushed it open.
"Oh! Commander Smith! To what do we owe the pleasure!" Roy bowed his head a little in respect.
"I've come to inquire about one of your employees. A miss f/n L/n? "
"Oh gods, what has she done? I do apologise for any trouble she's caused sir and we'll remove her from our staff team just as soon as she returns."
"Heaven's no! She's done nothing wrong. We've just been writing letters back and forth about an article and I've received no response from my latest letter. I was worried I might have over stepped the mark." Erwin glanced over to the desk in the corner where his letter sat covered in a fine layer of dust. "Is this her desk?"
"Why, yes it is but she took off a few weeks ago to visit her mother. She does it every once in a while. Its such a nuisance. That girl can never give me any notice when she's going to need time off she just up and disapears she didn't even tell me herself this time and instead had young Stefan tell me. No-one knows when she'll be back." Roy said clearly exasperated by y/n's lack of loyalty to her job.
"Well, when she does return do you think you could let her know I stopped by? Hopefully my letter will better explain why I was so concerned for her wellbeing. Thank you for your time." Erwin bowed a little before exiting the shop.
"Of course Commander Smith. Any time."