this is hands down one of my favorite chapters, enjoy ;)
Ella-
"Don't look at me like that."
I was currently sitting across from Mia, who was leaned up against my black marble counter tops trying to make a sandwich.
"I can look at you how ever I want." She poked, the butter knife coming up in the air to wag in my direction.
It was around 2 now, we've been laying around in my living room or kitchen since Mia had dragged me out of 6th period, the bell barely ringing before we reached her car. She had left Caleb behind, the look on his face pure shock, not really knowing what happened as he watched us leave the room.
I thought something was deadly wrong but when we got in the car she started laughing and drove to my house no even saying anything. No I'm wrong, all she said was 'Is Mali home?' and when I answered no, she turned down my street and whipped into my driveway. Basically running out of the car as the car was running itself.
I hadn't text my dad though. I was home and he told me to text him when I was home and I haven't done that. The guilt was eating away at me for the past few hours, nothing really calming my nerves and my attention was never really being on what Mia was talking to me about. I was being a shitty best friend but at least I wasn't acting like nothing was wrong.
"Ella." Mia's voiced snapped causing my head to spin around as I tried to focus my eyes back on her own.
"What?" I questioned, not really wanting to deal with anything else right this second. I was already feeling guilty because I hadn't texted my father, I wasn't listening to Mia, and I was feeling a bit queasy.
"Jesus what's with the tone?" She questioned, not trying to sound as offended as she did, her mouth quickly falling shut as soon as the words left her mouth.
"I'm sorry." I muttered, my eyes falling back down to the black marble that my tanned skin was currently leaning on. "What were you saying?"
"I was just wondering if you were actually considering going to dinner with Clay?" She lied through her teeth, changing the topic either to irritate me more or because the old topic would have.
"Maybe." I shrugged. "He's a friend, he said as friends. We both know he won't do anything."
She rolled her eyes, narrowing them after like she was trying to pry valuable information from my brain when in reality that was the truth and that was the end of the discussion.
"He tried to do something in class." She spoke, twisting her body around so her back was facing me.
"According to Ryder." I spoke warningly, knowing Mia heard the story from him first during their third period math class.
"Why don't your stories match then?" She stated with her back still facing me and her hand waving the nice around trying to make a point.
"They do." I replied, not really caring about it anymore. All I could think about is I should be on the phone with my father right now.
"Doesn't seem like it." She snorted as her body spun back around to face me.
My attention was caught by her statement. My eyes shot up looking at her with warning eyes, not sure what exactly to do next. Though the fact that she was believing Ryder's story over mine seemed absurd. She has trust issues as it is but with Ryder, after freshman year she thought every word that came out of his mouth was a threat or lie. So why now was she trusting every word he was saying?
"Mia." I sighed before continuing, my eyes not meeting hers. "Ryder told me I could go if I wanted to. So i'm not sure what he told you but we agreed on what happened."
She shrugged her shoulders in a way that I can't honestly describe but it pissed me off royally. She wasn't believing me. I wasn't sure if it was because of our dads leaving or the new brothers or maybe Ryder's and mine relationship was showing her people change but she wasn't even bothering to believe a word I said. She just went right back to building her sand which and then taking a nice big chomp out of it.
I literally almost screamed. Like I'm not even kidding I was so close to screaming my head off. I was upset this morning because my dad wouldn't talk to me, school allowed me to calm down and get my thoughts in order, then here we are with Mia getting all pissed and riled up again.
I was so close to telling her to get out when my doorbell sounded and Mia nudged her head in a way telling me to go get it. I huffed, slamming my hands down on the counter top as I pushed my body away and started walking to the front door.
I was mumbling things under my breath, mainly about my best friend which I know is wrong of me but I genuinely felt like a child being scolded by the parent. Besides were basically sisters, nothing we could do or say to each other hurts that much. We work through it always.
My hand found it's way to the doorknob, flinging it open not even checking through the peephole or side windows to see who it is. I was utterly annoyed to put it nicely so my eyes were shut and mouth open to ready to speak my mind to whomever was to be at my front door.
"What the fuc-" I spoke with my eyes opening halfway through my sentence to reveal a very worried looking Ryder and a Caleb who was doing his best to stifle his laugh.
"Calm down tiger." Caleb spot, his hand finding its way to my shoulder to rub small, calming circles.
"Shut up." I mumbled as my eyes shut, my index finger and thumb found their way to my nose bridge.
He chuckled deeply before brushing past me, planting a kiss on the top of my head and then breezing inside. My body suddenly feeling cold as Caleb's warmth left me to wander around my house. My eyes were still wired shut, not even wanting to open my eyes or speak nor really knowing what I would say or see since I was still beyond irritated.
A pair of warm hands reached for my upper arms, his fingers slowly tapping around my shoulder blades before curling into my skin and pulling me in. His cologne filled my senses, the hand that was pinching my nose bridge now fell down to rest horizontally on his chest. My head nuzzling down into his hard chest that was still clothed in the purple fabric.
I felt his head dip down, planting a kiss to the top of my head gingerly and his hands traveling up and down my in a calming motion. His fingers tapping across my back as his hands traveled, his head ducking a few more times to plant small pecks all over my curls.
"Your so tense." He chuckled deeply before planting another small kiss to my hair and pushing my body off of his.
"I like when you hold me." I muttered under my breath with my eyes still closed hoping he would come back.
He just chuckled again, his hand finding mine. He spun us around, pulling us into the house. The only definite sound was my front door shutting and locking as my body was being pulled away. I popped my eyes open to see Ryder leading my by my hand back into the kitchen where the voices of our two friends could be heard.
He looked back, his curls sweeping lightly across his forehead as a smile curled on his lips. It's felt like we were alone in the world, just him and I wandering around somewhere other than the hallway of my house. My thoughts were quickly cut off by the sound of Mia's voice filling my ears making my blood boil yet again.
Ryder's had that had since turned away from me was nothing turning to see my face again, which was simply furrowed eyebrows and a frown. He noticed my cues, holding my hand tighter as he dragged me toward the couch away from our best friends leaning and munching against the counters of my kitchen.
Their voices were filling my ears, my body gliding as we turned around the corner and the fluffy couch was growing closer and closer. My hand was lightly torn away from Ryder's as he flopped down on my large couch, his white vans slipping off his feet and thumping harshly onto the floor. His fingers started to crawl up my own hand again to pull me down against his chest. My body meshing perfectly against his, my shoes slipping off and thumping on the floor just as his did a few moments before.
His arms wrapped around my waist as his leg wrapped around my smaller two, pulling my own legs up onto the couch in between his own. My cheek laid flush against his chest, rising and falling as his breathing steadied. His thumbs rubbing small circles on my lower back with his chin resting on the top of my head peacefully.
"I like holding you more, baby." He murmured a response to my previous statement as his arms tightened around my body.
I nuzzled my head further into his chest as we laid against each other in silence, allowing the words of Caleb and Mia to suffice for the lack of talking. Mia was yelling at the two of us from the kitchen, asking if we wanted food or what we were doing or that we were disgusting or blah blah blah.
I groaned, pushing my body further into Ryder. His hands running up and down my back trying to calm me done, solely because my body was growing stiffer and stiffer the more Mia spoke.
"No Mia." I spoke more like spat with my eyes shooting open and my head turning so my chin was resting on his chest.
"Something is up her ass." She whispered, hoping for me not to hear but here I am rolling my eyes at her statement.
Ryder's eyes looked back down at me, his blue eyes bouncing all over my face trying to figure out my emotions. My body grew less tense as Mia turned the conversation away from us and back toward Caleb. His head came down, pressing a slight kiss to the tip of my nose, watching as a smile spread across my face and his followed into suit.
"Did you talk to your dad?" He hummed as his hands trailed up and down my back, sending shivers down my spine and causing him to smirk playfully.
Ryder was the only to know about my dad and how weird he's been with everything. Though he did find out by default. Uncle Luke had been talking to him almost every hour on the hour since he landed in San Francisco. He was being a gossip and telling his son that his girlfriend's father has been crying, avoiding, and freaking out about simply hearing my voice.
During lunch at school today, Ryder bought us some food and sat with me in pure silence until the guilty ate away at me and I finally spoke, spilling my guts. He was very sympathetic, listening as if he heard it all for the first time and he hadn't just gotten off the phone with his own father minutes before I opened the door to leave for school.
He watched me ramble on and on about every single possibility if I spoke to my father or if I don't or he never calls or or or. He watched half amused though he was genuinely listening to what I had to say, knowing that I wouldn't have acted the way I did in the car or the rest of the day, besides English, if it wasn't bothering me. So he listened as he stabbed his chili cheese fries and munched on the food like he was watching a movie of me speaking.
"No." I answered with hesitation and guilt, my eyes turning down to look at his gold cross necklace that was sitting nicely on the hallow of his throat.
"Ella." He threw his head back with a groan and a smile. "Why not?"
I looked up at him this time with a very confused looked on my face because truthfully I was confused as to why I hadn't myself.
"I couldn't tell you." I spoke with the same guilty tone and a shrug of my shoulders.
"Call him." He spoke with a dominant tone. His hands removed themselves from my body, falling to his side in a way of telling me to get up and call him.
I went to open my mouth, my lips barely parted before he pressed a long index finger up to my lips. My eyes went wide with a mix of shock and lust as he smiled watching my lips pressed against his finger.
"I said call him." He spoke with a nothing less than a demanding, almost demeaning tone as his finger removed themselves from my lips and fell back away from my body.
I pouted due to lack of touch, my body suddenly feeling cold as his arms were down to his sides and not wrapped around my small waist, running up and down my spine. He pouted back in response, followed by his tongue sticking out in annoyance before his hands trailed up my arms until they reached a firm spot on my upper chest and began to push my body up away from him.
"No." I spoke, dragging the 'o' out as I moved my arms so I could grab the edge of his hoodie hoping to pull my body back down against his.
Before he could answer or even push me further off his body a pair of strong hands grabbing the edge of my hips, hoisting my body up and away from his. I squealed as the pressure was causing bubbles to shoot up into my stomach, giggles escaping my lips.
My eyes fell down on Ryder before they closed as my giggles were slowly becoming uncontrollable. The last image that was pressing in my mind as my eyelids shut. Ryder's curls were sprawled out over the red couch pillow, his smile shinning brighter than a million suns watching as my lips turned up in a crocked smile with the giggles streaming out of my mouth. He was watching me intensely as Caleb was lifting me in the air, his eyes full of playfulness rather than the normal dominance and hint of jealousy that would normally flush over was lacking. God how I loved him.
When my eyes finally fluttered open, Caleb's two strong arms wrapped around my waist though my body was almost hovering over the rug since Caleb really wasn't doing too hot after the accident. But regardless of his lack of strength, he still had my body pressed tightly against his body with an extra tight grip. Ryder's eyes were still trained on my joyous expression, one that I hadn't had all day.
"C, put me down." I spoke, wiggling my toes against the fluffy rug that I was inches away from resting my feet on.
He happily obliged, resting my body down on the floor as he took deep breaths trying to calm himself. His hands were still wrapped around my body in a brotherly fashion, his head resting on my shoulder as he tried to compose himself.
Ryder was now sitting up on his arms, his upper body lifted off the sofa but his legs were still pressed up against the fluffy black couch with his feet digging in between the two cushions like a child. He was smiling at the two of us, Caleb being extra stupid as he started to wiggle his fingers against my sides making me squirm as he knows just how ticklish I really am.
My body pushed away from him as my back arched as giggles began bubbling up again. I jumped, my body now almost fully away from Caleb. My feet pushing off the ground so my body could be launched forward over to Ryder and to the couch. My body falling down in between the back cushions and Ryder's torso with my legs hanging over his stomach, either of us grunting at the impact.
All the of us went up in a fit of laughter as Caleb slumped his body down into the arm chair. Though all of our laughter silenced as Mia started walking over into the living room and setting herself down on the other side of my couch. We didn't quiet down because of something she did or whatever, we all just felt awkward. Including Mia.
"I texted your dad for you." She muttered causing my body almost jumping out of my skin.
My mouth had dropped down as my head tilted first toward Ryder who had a sly smile on his lips and then back up to Mia who was sheepishly avoiding my eye contact. I never told her that my father was ignoring me nor did I want to bother her with my problems when she was suffering herself.
"You what?" I deadpanned with raised brows, my mouth still agape at her pervious statement and I had no intention of bringing it to close.
"He had texted me earlier asking if you were with me." She shrugged, "I told him that we got home an hour ago or so. He said he would call you asap."
Her mouth popped the p at the end of her sentence, her eyes bouncing all around the room to clearly avoid any eye contact. Almost like it was on cue, my phone began to ring, vibrating against Ryder's side. All four sets of eyes darted to the bright blue phone case that Ryder was now holding in his hand.
"Call for you, baby." He spoke as he tried to pass my phone but I quickly backed away from him putting my hands up to push the phone back in his direction.
"I said call for you, baby." He spoke again in the demanding tone he used earlier as the phone was shoved and dropped into my hands.
I sighed before accepting the phone in my hands just as it stopped ringing. Only for another sigh to escape my lips in guilt but that emotion was quickly washed over as the photo of my father, one from my sweet 16, flashes across my screen yet again.
My body lifted off the couch, my back to the three friends that were all seemingly quiet. My eyes flicked up to the TV screen that has now turned on, causing my attention to turn back to a very concentrated Caleb fiddling with the remote. His eyes met mine before he started waving for me to leave the room and answer the phone. I reluctantly turned around, my thumb pad pressing on the call button before starting to walk away in my fathers office.
My thumb slide across the screen as I gently bumped the office door with my hip shutting it slightly. I brought the phone up to my ear, the sound of my fathers laughter filling the otherwise of the line, spreading a smile across my face.
"Hey flower." His words fluttered through the phone and into my ears like a sweet harmony.
"Hey dad." I murmured, my eyes scanning the room. My body moving toward the chair that I've sat in countless times growing up.
My body settling into the dark blue arm chair, my knees drawing up into my chest as I leaned back against the velvet fabric. My free arm wrapped around my shins, pulling my knees even farther into my chest. I could hear rumbling through the phone, Uncle Ash's voice evidently clear as my father kept hissing at him to 'piss of.'
"You busy?" I queered at him, my eyes scanning all of over the room. All the pictures of my father and I scattered across the bookshelf's, next to awards and other memorabilia.
"Never too busy for you El, ever." He spoke genuinely with a slam following before he huffed. "How are you doing?"
"I'm..." I pondered on my words before speaking. "going."
He let out a large breath, one that he must have been holding in since he pressed my name on the call log. I could almost hear his teeth chattering, something he did often when he wasn't sure what to say or much to nervous to say anything at all.
"And you?" I was speaking overly formal with the man who raised me. I couldn't help myself from reverting into my 'big words' mindset, one that I used when I was speaking to unfamiliar adults or in uncomfortable situations.
It almost made me sick thing of this as an uncomfortable situation.
"I'm ok Els." He took yet another sigh, probably contemplating what he should say next but my voice quickly cut off any train of thought he may have had.
"I'm sorry I didn't text you that I was home." I breathed out, finally letting the guilty feelings that were weighing in my heart all day, wash away swiftly.
"You don't need to apologize, I was the one being a shitty father." He almost whispered the last part, probably hoping I would mishear and ignore it.
"Your not a shitty father." I spoke, sucking in sharply as the harsh word left my mouth and my fathers deep chuckled filled the line.
"Ella." He warned, because of my 'language.' Unless it was a dire and deadly situation I was pretty much always scolded for using bad language even if he instigated the behavior.
"Father." I mocked, my body leaning further back into the chair as I scanned his desk.
The line fell silent for a moment as he knew I already had seen all the articles from the past three days, him crying, me crying, us crying together etc. So truthfully we both didn't have much to say regardless of how much we missed one another.
"Where are you?" He queered, I can almost picture his face lighting up as he thought about being back home with his family.
"Your office." I muttered, standing up out of the navy chair, sweeping around to the other side of his desk and taking a very slow seat in his large office chair.
My feet were planted firmly on the floor, pressing them harder as I started to sway my body back and forth in the swiveling chair. My eyes fluttering over the hard, black painted oak desk where he had a handful of pictures of us, his family. One in particular of my mother and I, her eyes sparkling as she was trying to make me laugh but I looked utterly grumpy and disinterested.
He loved that photo. He had a copy everywhere in this house. He had one in his wallet, one in his room, a larger version of the picture hung in the stairway, he had many in the offices and all around. He just always thought it was the cutest photo on the planet of the two women he loved so much, or in his words "the only two woman I have ever loved and will love forever."
"That's invasive." He snorted in a joking matter. "Are you alone?"
His voice was utterly curious just because Mia had texted him earlier, so he was unaware especially since he knew for a fact that Mali was not home. He was also probably trying to snoop out of I already had Ryder over, which I did but I didn't invite him and we weren't alone. So technically I am not breaking any rules.
"They are all in the living room." I heard him huff because he doesn't like when I over simplify. "Caleb, Mia, and Ryder are in the living room."
He chuckled at my exasperated tone, I can hear his hand running over the scruff that was building on his chin as it muffled the sounds through the speakers.
"I'm glad your not alone Els." He spoke sincerely through the phone, I could almost hear his smile as a slight giggle, yes a giggle, escaped his lips in joy.
"Yea, me too." I nodded although he couldn't see me, just letting myself acknowledge that I really am slightly better than I was this morning.
Our conversations were never awkward, even if I was in trouble or something along those lines. Even this one wasn't filling with awkward silence. Both of us were just letting the sounds from the environment of the other fill over through the phones speakers.
I loved my father, he was genuinely my best friend. My heart has been broken by almost every person in my life but him. He has never hurt me like Ryder had or as bad as it sounds like my mother had. He has been my strongest and most trusted friend, the one who genuinely cares about my well being, not because he obligated to but he wants to. Because he loves me.
"You cried last night." I bluntly stated.
"I did, yes." He spoke with hesitation, unsure of where exactly the direction of the conversation is going.
"You ok?" I asked, almost cringing due to how much I despised that overused phrase.
"I promise flower, I'm fine." He replied with a ring on annoyance almost filling the empty space, sending shivers through my body in fear that I was pissing him off.
I just hummed a 'hm' because my attention was caught on my the top drawer in my fathers desk. Curiosity getting the best of me as I dragged the drawer open and scanned the contents. Mainly just pens and paper, a single pack of cigarettes which made me almost vomit just seeing them sitting there. I hated his stupid bad habit, the one he couldn't break no matter who or what tried to help.
When I was 12 I blew up on Uncle Ash because I was watching an interview where Uncle Ash revealed that he was the one who started the addiction and even though he is clean himself he couldn't get my father to shake it. So as you could imagine a 12 year old, running up to her uncle form behind because she was trying to jump on his back out of anger, didn't sit well with the judges, who were all the uncles snd the aunts.
I grabbed the pack of cigarettes, flicking the top open as my fathers voice filled with the other side of the line speaking to whom I presume is Uncle Luke. I scanned the cardboard box that is normally 20 cancer sticks full seeing only about 15. He never really used this office when he was home, so the fact that 5 were missing almost worried me because now it's a 'stress' habit, not just craving he has anymore.
"Are you stressed when your home?" My voice now echoed back at me so blaming I was on speaker, probably because Uncle Luke needed my father to get something or to get up because Cinderella (aka Uncle Luke) wanted to make his bed.
"Luke I - what?" He had heavy breathing as he came closer to the phone again, "What are you talking about?"
I grabbed the pack of cancer sticks, flicking the lid shut and shaking the pack against the edge of my microphone. He knew the sound well, he would often shake them when he was nervous or because he was supposed to. I'm not entirely sure because I find smoking utterly repulsing and my mother felt the same but her exception was my father. I heard him suck in a sharp breath as well as mumbling a 'fuck' before stammering over the start of his sentence.
"You going through my things daughter?" He finally settled on a statement, though I knew that's not what he wanted to say, not even close.
"The drawer was open and they were staring at me." I spoke innocently, causing a large hearty laugh to be heard echoing through my fathers hotel room, one I can identify as Uncle Luke for certain.
"You better not have one in between your lips." Again with the double standard. I hated smoking so I wouldn't even bother trying a stick. But everything my father does, if my eyes even show excitement for the thing he scolds me.
For cigarettes I understand. For drinking I understand. For most thing I understand. I was his little girl and he didn't want me to falling into the same bad habits as he did. But hearing your father scold you for simply cracking a joke about taking a shot or yelling 'fuck' when you stub your toe can really get on my nerves.
"I should be offended that you think I would." I replied, not really giving him the satisfaction of knowing my mood.
"Why do you have them out?" He spun a question back on me.
"Why did you smoke when you were home?" I placed a question back on him, my eyes no scanning the camel that was standing on the white package.
I heard a mumbled statement, not clear enough for me to make out what Uncle Luke spoke but I know it irritated my father.
"Fuck off Luke." He huffed with the sound of a slamming door following closely behind.
Silence fell over us, neither one of us having an answer. I heard scar thing at the door until it was pushed open and Dukes small feet padded against the wood floors over to my ankles. He didn't beg to get up on my lap, rather he just climbed over my shoes and curled up in a ball against my legs.
"I had a smoke the night we came home from the concert." He coughed in awkwardness, the sound echoing loudly through my ears.
"why?"
"The four of you pissed me off." He tried his best to cover his annoyance but the groan that followed proved otherwise. "Then I had another one the night of your incident in between you going to sleep and your nightmares starting back up. No I had three that night because nothing was calming me down. Then one Thursday night because I couldn't sleep knowing I was leaving the next day."
I didn't realize how difficult I made his life until right this second. That was all in a few weeks and I was the cause of every single one of them. I sighed as my body fell back into my fathers chair, slipping the pack of cigarettes back into the drawer, slamming it shut before my eyes followed.
"Don't start blaming yourself, flower." God he knew me so well. He knew as soon as he told me I would start overthinking every action of my own.
"How could I not?" I questioned. "You haven't smoked at home since mom passed and here I am making you give into your unraveling all in less than a month. Hell it was all practically in a week."
"I'm trying to stop. But me smoking is my own doing, why I smoke is my own doing, you have nothing to do with it." He speaks trying to reassure me, knowing simply how much I hate smoking and how much I hated the fact he was giving into death.
"I still feel guilty." I spoke my feelings aloud, finally letting the new wave of guilt wash over me.
"You shouldn't." He sighed, most likely running his hands through his hair. "I haven't smoked once since we got here. Does that make you feel any better?"
"Yea." I spoke sincerely.
My father smokes practically before every show, sometimes before important interviews. So I wasn't lying when I spoke. Yes I was upset that he felt stressed enough to smoke in our own backyard. But the fact that he hadn't in san francisco, almost made my heart sore knowing that it's the start to the end of his walk to death.
"Wanna see what i'm doing right now?" He asked overly excited, my eyes opening in confusion. Most fathers don't ask their children that.
"Sure?" It came out as a question, his laugh filling the speakers before my phone dinged with a notification from him.
I brought my brows down in confusion, clicking speaker before my thumb pad swiping across the screen opening up my messages from my father. My eyes going wide as my lips turned up in a smile. He looked like a dork, my lord.
"Why are you so serious?" I giggled as I stared at the photo, my eyes happy to see him doing something that he's only ever done with myself or Mali.
"Excuse you Ella Mali, I think I look rather stunning." He huffed in a joking manner. The conversation was taking a turn upward, the way the conversation should have been from the start.
"I feel left out now." I almost pouted until I realized that he can't even see me.
"Text Mali, she can get you guys some on the way home." He spoke happily. "No, I'll text her for you."
I was laughing now as I heard him speaking under his breath and the sounds of his thumbs talking against the screen. The one thing he loved more than talking to me was talking to his sister, so he was happy to make sure that his sister and his daughter were getting alone. Though we get along perfectly fine, he just loves family bonding time.
"Ok sent." He spoke with nothing but bubbling over joy in his voice.
"I could have talked to my aunt ya know." I joked with him, I could see his eyes rolling now.
"Your ruining my relaxation." He muttered playfully, trying to make me stop hounding him for treating me like a child.
"I love you daddy." I spoke, using the endearment term that I had only used a handful of times before with my father, mainly all in the span of the past few days.
"I love you Els." He spoke with the same endearment tone, the sounds of the shuffling around him made me think he was trying to get ready to relax before a long day of shows.
"I'll let you go, I miss you." I ran my words together, all just above a whisper tone.
"I miss you more." He sighed before finally getting at by we both needed to hang up, he was tired and I needed time to process him not being home with me. "Give duke tons of love for me. I'll call you first thing in the morning. K?"
"M'kay." I spoke, nodding my head again knowing that he couldn't see me. My eyes turned upward to the door, seeing a very attractive looking blonde boy leaning up against the doorframe. A smile rushing to my face as he faces mirrors.
"Bye Els, love you." He spoke, his voice moving away from the microphone.
"Bye dad, i love you."
And with that the phone was line went dead. I brought the phone down away from my ear as my eyes fell back upon Ryder who was still leaning aging the office doorframe with his arms tugged down into his pockets. His smile was utterly breathtaking, his teeth on full display for me as his head lightly tapped against the doorframe.
I lifted my hand, wiggling my finger in his direction to come closer to me. Which he happily obliged, pushing his body off the doorframe, his hands coming out of his pockets as he fiddled with his fingers moving over to me.
His body stopped right in front of the chair, hovering high up over me, his smile never leaving. My head titled up so my eyes met his, watching and following them as his body slowly lowered so he was squatting over the floor. His hands trailed up my thighs as he lowered his body, his fingers stopping just below the nook where my hip ends and my leg starts, giving them a light squeeze.
He steadied his body as he hovered over the floor, my head turning down so our eyes were still connected. Shoving my phone under my thigh, my hands now free wandered over to Ryder face. Lightly racing his cheeks first then slowly moving upward allowing my hands to tangle in his curls.
"How'd it go?" He asked so innocently, my hands rubbing and pressing into his scalp as he stared at me with intent.
"Better than expected." I spoke, titling my head to the side and leaning my body back against the leather seat.
"I'm very glad." He smiled, his head slowly titling so he could plant a kiss on my wrist that was closest to the nape of his hair.
I nodded, watched as he pressed yet another small butterfly kiss to my wrist with his eyes never leaving my own. Everything this man did was enthralling. My whole body felt simply numb at the sight of him, let alone his touch. Speaking of his thumbs were pressing down lightly against my inner thigh, causing me to squirm from the intense emotions it was sending through my body.
"Your perfect." He smiled up again at me before turning his lips away from my fair skin of my wrist.
"Beg to differ." I replied, half joking but his expression turned serious and his thumbs stopped pressing against my thighs.
"Don't start that baby." He spoke with a stern tone, both of us knowing that he didn't like when I demanded myself even if I didn't mean it whole heartily.
"Sorry." My eyes fell back down to my lap where his hands were resting against the fabric of my jeans. One of his hands lifting from my jeans, making the spot feeling empty and cold now.
His hand found its way to my chin, lifting it lightly so I my eyes meet his own. His smile returning to his face as his thumbs flicked over my bottom lip and ran back up to the side of my cheek. My head leaned into his palm, my eyes fluttering shut but quickly back open as his other thumb began pressing hard against my inner thigh.
"Mia and C still here?" I questioned, his calloused hand still rubbing up and down my cheek with his smile never fading.
"Nuh huh." He shook his head, almost humming his response as he dragged the hand away from cheek and ran it down my neck, tracing the tip of his finger down my arm until it reach my right hand that was tangled in his curled hair.
"You staying for a while?" I asked with hope in my eyes that he would stay at least until Mali got home. Not because I wanted to do anything "naughty" with Ryder and I could tell he wasn't going to try anything either. I really just wanted hint of hold me tightly.
"As long as you want." He replied, bring the hand away from his hair.
Both of his hands now holding my waist tightly, slowly pulling me off the leather chair. Wrapping my legs around his waist as he slowly lifted my body out of the chair with either hand holding tightly either on my waist of bum.
He started moving us out of the office. My hands were still caught in his hair tightly as my head rested on his shoulder with my eyes wired shut, feeling every breath he took. The cool metal of his gold cross making me shutter as it somehow slipped under my own hoodie due to our closeness. He was humming a tune, my body not certain where we were until I felt his body carry us up the stairs, shifting left to right with each step.
I was genuinely almost sleepy as I nuzzled my head deeper into his chest, one of his hands removing itself from my body to open up my bedroom door. I could only tell if was my own bedroom due to the smell of my perfume and candles that was now mixing with Ryder's own cologne and musk due to my current position against him. The sun from my windows that lacked curtains was beaming through, the afternoon light always being my favorite as it made my skin hot, feeling like it was glowing.
I felt his legs stop abruptly before my body was gently placed down against my very fluffy white comforter. My eyes fluttered open as I looked at the person standing over me, pulling his purple hoodie off his body, getting ready to quickly climb over my body. His curls hung over my face as his hands were planted gingerly on either side of my head. He had a slight smirk on his lips as his legs were laid in between my own, his hips slowly pressing down on mine.
His head ducked down slowly, his eyes fluttering shut as electricity was sent through my body by his simple touch on my neck. Plump, pink, perfect lips began pressing light kisses on my sweet spot just below the ear. Nipping every now and then against my untouched skin.
I sucked in a deep breath as he started to suck just below my ear. A light noise escaping my lips causing him to smile profusely into my neck like a child. He continued to take bites into my neck and suck harshly against my skin with every intent of a leaving purple mark, like a claim on me.
A noise escaped my lips yet again as he stopped sucking my skin, pressing a wet kiss against the mark he knew was about to form before pulling back so I could see his face in full view. His smile was meant to distract me but my eyes fell back on his dark circles and sunken eyes.
I untangled my hands from his hair, bring my hands down to his cheeks, running my thumbs underneath his eyes with a sympathetic look resting on my face. He closed his eyes as my thumb traced around his eye socket and ran across his face. He also whimpered but not in a sexual way, he was almost begging for me to help him sleep.
Ryder had always been one to fall asleep with touch. He always needed someone to rub his back or rub his knuckles as he fell asleep. When we were kids he always tried to rub my back when I was going to sleep and I absolutely hated it but he thought he was helping because that's what he needed when he couldn't sleep, so I let him rub my back just because I loved him.
My hands were still tracing shapes across his face, mainly over the bags that had formed under his eyes since lunch this afternoon. He continued to whimper in a way, just out of exhaustion and the electricity he felt from my touch.
"Lay down Ry." I spoke, drawing my hands away from his body so he could come down and lay next to my body.
He pouted as my hands were drawn away from his face. He shook his head but as soon as she saw my hands no longer coming up to meet his body he gave him, spinning his body over to my right side, pulling my white comforter off the door of my bed and over our bodies. One of his hands resting just above my head and the other resting across my stomach and gripping the side of my waist.
He was laying on his side so his eyes could stay on me though my body was still in the position he had placed it in, my eyes staring up at my ceiling fan. I quickly switched my position so I could face him, our lips inches away from colliding as the hand that was resting across my stomach pulled me closer into his body with his fingers pressing tightly into my hip. His other hand that had been resting above my head turned down to start raking and massaging his fingers through my scalp.
His eyes were sleepy, the pale blue only growing lighter and lighter as he slowly let the sleep take over him. My hand went back up to his face as I began caressing his cheek, running my thumb under his eyes as I had been doing, The small whimper of exhaustion slipping out again as his eyes shut in peace. My free hand reached up to press against his chest, tracing absentmindedly against his tattoo that was inked just below his collarbone.
"Your too good for me." He spoke almost in a whisper as his hands still rubbed against my skin.
"No baby, we are perfect for each other." I replied in the same whispered tone, as my thumb pressed lightly against his eyebrow.
He was utterly exhausted, from what was something I couldn't put my finger on. Caleb and him surely must have gone somewhere and tired themselves out but Caleb didn't look as tired as Ryder did when we were in the living room. Though I wasn't going to ask not say anything on the subject since I wasn't too sure what he wanted to talk about and I didn't want to ruin what we had happening right this second.
"Talk to me." He whispered, his eyes not even moving as he spoke. He was exhausted, falling deeper and deeper as my skin touched his.
"About?" I questioned, my eyes scanning his beautiful face full of freckles with his curls sprawled across his forehead and all over my white case pillows.
"Anything." He whined out, my lips coming down to his jaw and planting a light kiss before my body pulled back with my fingers tracing yet again.
"Please." He whined out with puckered lips, his eyes still fully shut. A smile broke across my lips as so watched his head lean into my hand.
I hummed as I tried to think about what to speak to my boy about. My whole body being drawn closer to him as his legs wrapped around both of mine, tangling us in the sheets of my bed. His hand pressing further into my hips, the fingers holding me so tightly he may have given me bruises if he wasn't careful.
"My favorite animal is a hippo." I spoke my mind without even thinking about what was coming out of my mouth.
I saw the smile shine across his face that was still being illuminated by the sun of my window. His hand that was tangled in my hair was now massaging my scalp in his own was of relaxing and trying to get me to relax myself.
"A hippo?" He questioned, his voice raspy and low due to exhaustion.
"Mhm" I hummed as my hand snakes around his neck, rubbing and pinching the nape of his neck. "I absolutely adore when you call me baby."
This now caused him to hum, sending vibrations through my own body as well. The hand in my hair pulling my hair closer to his body, my head falling down against his chest as my hand fell down from his face, tracing down his arm until it rested on top of it.
"I've always loved it, makes my heart flutter uncontrollably, even when you called me it platonically for years before anything happened."
"It was never platonic." He rasps as a smirk formed on his lips and his fingers kept playing with the roots of my hair.
"I know." I pressed a kiss to his purple fabric that is covering his chest, my eyes slowly falling shut but I was forcing them open because I didn't want to be the one to fall asleep first.
His breathing was getting shallower as time went on, but his hands never stopped moving my hair or did his grip get any looser on my hips. He would take a deep breath every few moments, signaling to me that he was very much so awake.
"Keep talking." He rasped, his voice was so deep, honestly causing my stomach to flip. I genuinely don't think I have ever heard his voice this low before.
His morning voice was always and is still probably one of the sexiest sounds I have ever heard in my entire life. But this, whatever his voice doing right now was making everything get hazy, my stomach flipping over and over itself. The rasp in his voice sending shocks through my body as his hands touched my skin, especially the one under my hoodie.
"Please talk." He whined, pressing harder in my hip and yanking my body closer with his leg.
I really couldn't function right now. The sound of his voice was sending shocks through my body, feelings that I hadn't felt before and I've felt everything with Ryder.
"I dream of you." I whispered hoping he wouldn't hear me, but it's Ryder, of course he did.
"Thank god." He breathed out, "I thought I was the only one."
I giggled at him, sending the vibrations through either of our bodies. A smile brushed over either of our faces as my hand tangled back up into his hair and I finally allowed my eyes to shut peacefully but making sure that my hands stayed moving on his body hoping for him fall asleep faster. He tapped against my hips i dictating for me to keep talking to him, so I did.
"You wanna know what it's like to be loved by you?" I questioned him.
I had been waiting to have this conversation with him for years now. But we are both more mature now and I think it's clear that we aren't leaving anytime soon. So I was hoping he would let me talk to him, let me explain what it felt to be loved by him.
He nodded eagerly as he pressed his finger tips into my hips harder and twisted his head to plant a wet kiss on my forehead before returning to our original position.
"Your love's like breathing in the salty air of summer, your love is like the feeling I get when my favorite songs spinnin' in my head and it's playin' on repeat. It's like flowers in the spring time, every day is Valentine's, it's so good it's hard to describe. It feels like Paris after midnight, us dancing in the moonlight."
I breathed, my eyes fluttering open so I could watch as we both broke out into a smile, his fingers tapping against me trying to tell me continue.
"It's like walking on the ceiling, can't compare the feeling, better than I could ever describe. It's like soaking in the sunrise with not a worry on my mind"
I watched as his smile only grew, lopsided and weak as he was dying of tiredness but I could tell he was listening to me intently.
"Your love is like talking to the stars at night about everything you dream of. It's like that pure feeling when your eyes fall on the omer person you love in a crowd full of people. It's a feeling that no matter how hard I try I could never shake it, the feeling of pure and utter love. Your love is like when you have your hands out the window, driving down the highway almost going 100."
I shut my eyes quickly, running my hand through the nape of his hair, tugging lightly.
"That's what your loves like baby."
I went to open my mouth yet again so I could keep speaking to the boy I love more than anything on the fucking planet, but I quickly closed my lips as his breathing was now completely shallow and his hands stopped pressing into my body or massaging my scalp. His breathing was now jagged, deep breathes coming as light snores escaped his lips every few minutes.
I allowed my hands to stop moving as well, knowing he was fast asleep helped ease my mind that he was getting well deserved rest, because whatever made his bags that dark was most definitely going to make me upset if I found out. God all I wanted was to fall asleep and wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life but I was 17 and in high school.
My eyes opened yet again, my face turning up again to see my beautiful boy who was being illuminated by the sun still peaking through window. God how I love him. That was the only thought that was running through my mind the entire time we had been together since this morning.
Fuck, I love him.
My mind always wandering back to freshman year though, always thinking back to how we really thought we were utterly in love but I let him walk in and break my heart. I've been letting him hold my heart in his hand, squeezing it until it breaks my entire life and I would let him do it forever if I meant I get to keep having moments like this for eternity.
"Please don't leave." I whispered before I pressed yet another kiss on his jaw, allowing my head to turn back down into his chest.
I was worried that he may leave yes, but I have pushed that thought as far back in my mind only every thought about late at night when i'm alone and fragile. I really hoped he won't leave me this time, i'm certain he won't. He would have already done it since it's been 3 days without our parents and he's still here, normally he would leave the second we left the airport and not speak to me again until they come back home.
My arms were resting still one on his chest and the other around his neck. Neither of us had moved since his breathing shallowed but I was startled when both of his hands removed themselves from my body and his entire body turned over away from me.
I lifted my body, propped up on my elbows to loom over at my sleeping boy. He cradled my lavender blanket, tucking it under his head, his cheek flat against it. His short curls sticking up absolutely everywhere, from a mix of my hands and his shuffling on my bed.
The sun was shining on the upper half of his face, the rest of his body as well as my own was in the shade of my darker room. He honestly looked pretty, just I would describe him as pretty.
His bare shoulders were peaking out from under the comforter, nor a blemish anywhere on his fair skin. I was beyond enthralled by him and all he was doing was sleeping peacefully but it was in my bed. He was asleep in my bed as if we do this every day, every night. God how I wish we did.
I leaned down, pulling my phone out of my back pocket and pushing my body up away from mattress so I was hovering over Ryder. I opened my camera because all I wanted in this moment was to capture of perfect he was, how perfect we were, and the entire day filled of small moments and kisses.
I flicked the button, pushing the small square to quickly fill my phone screen with the illuminated photo my pretty boy. A smile washing over my face with nothing but pure joy coursing through my body.
He was mine and I was his, nothing less and nothing more.
^ also I know that looks like luke but i promise that isn't him but it's helps because ryder is his kid soo