Ryder
I can genuinely say I have never ran to anyone faster.
Not even Ella.
I was flying toward my best friend, who was quite literally stumbling over his own feet and falling around. I scanned the area, not seeing anyone but Caleb. My eyes burning into his skin as my body kept moving forward in the direction of him.
I can hear my father calling both of our names, with my mother screaming into her phone, Uncle Cal was flying just behind me his words mixing with my fathers. Though my mind was running much to fast to seemingly care what they were telling me to do.
"Caleb!" I ducked my body just under his before his body hit the ground.
I could feel his body weight falling on my own, my lips falling into a straight line as I used everything in me to hoist him up to my feet. My arm was strongly wrapped around his waist, dragging his body with his feet pulling in the grass.
"Your ok C, your ok." I mumbled in his direction just as my eyes lifted to see Uncle Cal making a b line to Caleb's other side.
I felt Caleb's weight lift off my body slightly, his feet shifting trying to help us carry the load. I kept my eyes trained on the floor as both myself and Uncle Cal huff and grunted trying to pull Caleb in the direction of my house.
In a swift moment my eyes look up to Ella who was shuffling under Mali's protective arm, her thumbs moving quickly with something on her phone before moving it up to her ear.
"Fuck me." Caleb mumbled under his breath just as Uncle Cal hoisted him up his arm, pulling him closer to his body.
My anxiety was at an all time high at this moment. My mind was running a million miles a minute and my eyes couldn't stay focused on one thing. I just kept my grip on my best friends side as I moved us up the stairs to my front porch.
My mom moved away from me to allow room for the door, her phone still pressed up against her ear as she spoke clear and annoyed to who i'm assuming is 911.
"I can't, I-i need to sit." Caleb mutter, his words stammering just as his feet were.
"C stay up, we're almost in the house." I spoke clear just as Uncle Cal pulled him through the threshold of my house.
All three of us moved swiftly into the house, barely even making it past the entryway as Caleb fell feverishly onto the stairs, each movement his groans only increasing.
I allowed my arm to slip off his body, my eyes scanning everything on his body, watching as small amounts of blood falling from his face. His white t-shirt turning red down on his left side beat the edge of his pelvic region.
"Hey, hey." I can feel someone's hands resting lightly on my shoulder. My eyes turning up to see Uncle Cal giving me a softened look. "Go get everyone inside, I got him."
As much as I shouldn't have I gave him a skeptical look. This wasn't a fist fight, no where near close but I was always the one that took care of him after he fucked himself up. It's hard for me not to feel unsure when someone is taking that from me.
"Ryder." He murmured. "Please go get them inside."
I reluctantly lifted myself up in an upward position, spinning back on my heels headed back toward the door where the red and blue lights now flossing the entrance of the house.
Man Ella and I wanted our parents to sober up. But not like this.
I felt my body not moving in any direction. My brain was telling my legs to move but nothing was happening. I can feel my my eyes glassing over as I can hear my best friend groaning in the corner behind me. I cant move my body. Nothing in me can make me move.
"Baby."
My eyes shot down at the familiar voice with a quivering lip, tears now forming at the edge of my eyes. A pair of soft, uncalloused hands tracing small circles with her thumbs on my cheeks.
"He's ok." The small words uttered from her mouth almost ruined me. The tears began to fall and I was unsure if they would stop.
My eyes shot up quickly to see my mother giving me a pain expression on her face as my father was pacing around the edge of our porch. Mali was walking into the house, her hands running through her knotted hair in exasperation.
I couldn't move again. Forward that is.
I pulled Ella into my body, her hips crashing against my own as I ducked my head into her shoulder, allowing the tears to fall into her hair. Her hands ran up and down my spine as my own wrapped around her smaller waist, pulling her into my body so we were flush.
"He's ok Ry." She murmured into my shirt. "Shush bubs, he's ok."
The more she spoke the more I pulled her into my body. I felt like a mess, fully a mess. The more she spoke or the faint sounds of Caleb groaning in pain, the more I cried.
"Fuck I cant help him." I mumbled into the fabric of her navy jacket, my hands squeezing her hips tightly.
"Ryder he's going to be ok. Uncle Ash will be here soon." She cooed into my chest, her hands tracing small circles on my back.
I seem dramatic. Especially since I didn't act this way with Ella. But you see the difference is with Ella I felt like the life had been sucked out of me, every ounce of my body is full of her love. She is my everything and nothing would ever change that.
Whereas Caleb, you see is very different than Ella. I'm never careful with him. He's never careful with me. We're brothers, that's how we've always been.
I felt rage right now. That's the difference between the two. With Ella I felt fear but in this very moment all I could feel was the rage boiling through my body though I wasn't sure who it was directed to yet.
But this right now, carrying my best friend into the house, blood staining my clothes and the small droplets on the floor is different that hove Ive ever seen him. He's the one walking away clean and unharmed, not the other way round.
He's in pain and I'm being the baby crying my eyes out to the only person who can calm me down. Which she is, but right this moment I couldn't take it anymore, and that scared me.
I soundlessly pushed the pretty girl away from my body, her eyes scanning every move I made. A frown pulled at my lips as did her own when both of us turned back to see my best friend, leaning his head back against the wall.
"Talk to him." She ushered her arms in the direction of Caleb. "I'm going to get the alcohol and stuff to clean him up."
She didn't even wait for me to move, I just felt her arms slide down my own and watched her body walk deep into my house.
If there was one thing she knew about me it was when I was upset and that was her least favorite Ryder to be around. She hated every part of the person I became when I acted like that. I became demanding, overly jealous, I was nothing but an asshole.
Yet she always stayed.
No matter what I did, no matter what I said, and no matter how many years had gone by she would always give me the same look. A look that I loved so much. She had fondness in her smile even if her eyes were laced with hesitation due to my anger.
After freshman year I could have sworn she wasn't going to ever look at me with such fondness again, yet sophomore year when I showed up to her house crying my eyes out, there she was with the same level of fondness filling her face.
I sighed before twisting my body around to face my best friend, his eyes wired shut with Uncle Cal trying to get a conversation at out of him. I shifted forward in the direction of the stairs, Uncle Cal's gaze lifted to meet mine.
My sadness has since faded to frustration and anger within a split second. No more tears hiding what I genuinely felt. My hands balled into fists without my knowledge, my chest was puffed, and my Uncles eyes went wide.
"Hey Ry, hey." He placed his hand on my own fist. "Calm down, it's ok. Caleb's fine."
I scoffed in response looking at my best friend, though I regretted that action immediately and my Uncle knew that, so he pulled his hand away and let me go. I could hear shuffling and cursing of a soft voice I identified to be Ella's coming from down the hall. Her father seems to noticed too and is hesitate to leave me.
I heard mumbled speech, my fathers stern voice talking to whomever was at our door. Nothing really happening besides the fact Caleb was groaning in pain and my Uncle Cal had his hand resting firmly on my shoulder.
"Please Ryder. It's not your fault. You know you that." My Uncle Cal mumbled, patting my shoulder before Uncle Ash came flying through the house pushing us apart.
"Caleb!" His voice was strained, the words almost sounding like they were being yanked out of his mouth.
My eyes were quick to shift in the direction of the scene before me. Uncle Ash was cupping his sons cheek. His son who I might add hasn't opened his eyes since he got in here and also is groaning in pain every couple of seconds.
"Hospital C, we gotta go." My Uncle rushes out, though my friend shakes his head in refusal. "No Caleb, none of this."
You see my dear old Caleb hates hospitals. Hence why we didn't see the babies there very much, why he got all funny when we had to take Ella, and about any and every other time we've had to go there.
"I'm fine." He stated through gritted teeth. Which of course he didn't look.
Uncle Ash looked up at me hoping for me to knock some sense into the boy. Which I doubt is going to work. I mean it's Caleb. The same boy who basically threw Ella's ex boyfriend across the cafeteria because he said that she was a 'good fuck.'
Sense is something that isn't in Caleb's vocabulary.
Uncle Ash reluctantly lifted himself up off the edge of the stair just as the yelling of Caleb's mother was projecting from outside. His head snapped in the direction of the door before his feet's swiftly moved out and away from his son after his wife. Though I'm sure he didn't know who was more in need of him at this moment.
"He won't talk to anyone." Uncle Cal mumbled in my direction before sauntering off in the same direction as Ella.
I let out a rather hefty sigh as I moved my way closer to my best friend who's eyes were starting to peek open. My body grew heavier as I slide down on the opposite side of the stairs, my eyes scanning his body in fear of what could be wrong.
I let the silence flood around us. My mind fully going blank to the sounds and muffled speech around me. I was focused on Caleb who was staring back at me now, his breathing still uneven due to his pain.
"Your car looks like shit C." I finally spoke, a small wise crack grin spread across either one of our faces like two idiots.
"Really?" He suck in sharp breath before continuing. "I thought I could drive it out of here."
He spoke with a shaky voice but he was trying to be Caleb. The Caleb that messes around with me, gets a little too drunk when we are home alone, will defend us with his life, the Caleb that doesn't lay down after falling hard.
"God fucking damnit Caleb." I muttered under my breath, my hands running through my hair as I can feel cool metal railing pressing against my back.
My eyes never left Caleb's, who was holding his side tightly, leaning up against my stark white wall. His hair was sweaty, the ends pulling together with blood. None of the cuts looks all too deep, they looks superficial and nothing less.
"What happened C?" I spoke with a softer voice and my eyes falling to look at my hands in my lap.
"I just lost control." He didn't speak clear or loud like he normally does. His voice was small, barely audible.
His eyes wouldn't meet my own but he knew not an ounce of me bought that answer. I shook my head, pressing my body further back into railing. My eyes only drifting away for a few short seconds as Ella come out from the hallway adjoined to where we were, holding a rag and some alcohol.
She didn't speak rather her body was lowered down to Caleb's level, her fingers gently grabbing his chin and moving his head slightly from side to side. She knew she couldn't help much but she wanted to help some, so she dabbed the rag in alcohol before gently pressing it to his forehead.
"Fucking hell Ella." Caleb grabbed her wrist to push her away but he couldn't. He could never push Ella away from him because she was like his little sister and at the end of the day she was helping him.
She kept her eyes still on the light cuts to his face, his eyes rolling back in pain. Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as she was worried of doing anything to hurt him, which was fear number 1. She was extra gentle which I don't think helped the cause because Caleb doesn't do gentle and she knows that.
"Els," Her head snapped back to see me, my hand reaching for her own. "I got it."
She released the supplies into my hands, lifting her body out of her pervious position before planting a gentle kiss to either of our foreheads before turning away from us and heading to her father.
"What happened?" I asked again, this time with a firmer voice as the rag touched his cheek.
"Ok dad." He spoke with annoyance dripping off his tongue, his eyes rolling half due to pain.
"I'm gonna go get your dad if you don't tell me." I spat back, dipped the rag back into the bottle trying my best to do what Ella was, though I was failing.
"I liked it better when Ella was here." He spoke this time clear, doing his best to get me off his case but my eyes didn't waver in emotion. "I was going to meet someone."
Now this peaked my interest.
I moved my hand back away from his face so we are looking at each other. Everything in me was hoping it wasn't Jackson or one of his goons so I was hesitant when I asked who.
"Her names Taylor, one of the girls friends." We both nodded before I urged him to continue. "I had a shot or two before I left, but a random number kept calling me and I kept ignoring it."
That is when we both gave each other weary eyes before I leaned back far enough to see Caleb's car slammed up on the sidewalk with a black suburban keeping it there.
My eyes fell back to my lap just as his mother came running into the house, pulling her son up with adrenaline strength Im guessing, her arms wrapping around her sons body which was limp, pulling her down.
"Mom-m your hurting me-e." Caleb stammers our before Aunt Kaykay removed her arms and Caleb just about went falling down toward me.
"Oh shit, no I-i uh." She was so flustered, her green hair sticking to her face from her tears and sweat.
I caught Caleb before he managed to hit the stairs too hard. My eyes scanning his that were now shut tightly again. I kept his body positioned on mine before lowering him down slightly to rest against against the wall.
I hovered over him just for a little to see if he was ok enough to hold himself up against the wall. As soon as he shit me an approving hand I stood straight up, my body almost going weak at the lack of weight I have been removed of.
"What happened Caleb?" His mother asked with a soft voice, her body lowering down in a crouching position, hands cupping his cheeks.
"I guess, I guess I just lost control." He shrugged, his eyes opening slightly.
I gave him the side eye before turning my head back to my father who was motioning me to come outside. I obliged, giving Caleb one last warning glance before pushing my body off the stairs and toward my front door.
I could still feel the rage boiling inside me. One small step out of line and I'm sure I would act up like a crazy person. I stalked over to the door, leaning against the door frame and doing everything to keep my eyes off the smashed car and flashing lights in front of my house.
"He alright Ry?" My father spoke with hesitation, his body leaning against the open end of the doorframe as my eyes fluttered over to my mother sitting on the steps of my porch.
"He won't tell me what actually happened." I mumbled, my eyes never leaving my mother.
My mind started to wander as I hadn't seen Ella since I took over cleaning up Caleb. My head titled back into the house as I glanced for her though I didn't really want her with me which never really happens. There is never a damn moment that I don't want her near me. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
"The driver of the other car split, but this was just definitely not Caleb's fault." A familiar voice that didn't belong to my father spoke up, Aunt Mali making her way back to our house.
I didn't know where either of my uncles were, Ella was somewhere in my house, and I felt like a bubbling bowl of rage. I hate it.
"He doesn't seem too bad." I murmured with all eyes shooting to me. "Superficial cuts on the face, bruised sides, a cut on his left lower region. Though I don't have X-ray eyes, I cant see through him."
My mother turned around with her mouth agape at my knowledge of my boys injures, my eyes now hopelessly falling onto the smashed black lexus that was pushed up on my sidewalk.
"Uncle Ash needs to get him to the hospital." My father spoke, clear and with any agenda. He didn't date look inside as the mere thought of blood make his eyes took back and his legs go weak.
"Agreed."
The only word that my mother has muttered this entire time and the only word she will utter the entire night.
I just let the world fly away as my eyes burned into the scene in front of me. Police looking through each inch of the scene. Someone fucked my friend on purpose then left. I could feel the rage just about to bubble over but the sound of Ella's sweet voice just about pulled me out of my little la la world I'd been in.
"C? Hey, talk to me."
I can just hear the expression on her face. The sweet and never ending small gaze she gives when she looks into your eyes, her hand probably on his cheek as she rubs her free hand on his knuckles. Didn't matter the person, it was the same routine.
My head cranked back but my body stayed forward, my eyes falling back on the curly head swaying side to side from lack of balance. I lifted off my off the door frame, turning my body round to be the same direction as my head.
I let my feet carry me over to my two best friends, both of them speaking lightly enough that no one other than them can hear. I wanted so badly to sit and listen to them, I wanted to see what exactly he was telling her that he couldn't tell me. I wasn't jealous, no. I was curious.
Caleb's mouth went open to speak but quickly shut as he saw me approaching, his eyes looking down at Ella who quickly spun her body round, looking up at me.
"You two want a minute alone?" She has hesitation in her voice. I hated that. She was nervous and it was seemingly my fault.
"Yea, sure baby." I smiled down at the girl, my hands reaching down to pull her up to me.
Our eyes meet as both of us stood still for a split second, neither of us doing much but staring at one another. She shot me a smile before disconnecting our hands, her name being called by my father so she slipped out away from me.
"Don't blow up at her tonight." Caleb spoke to me with a stern voice, sounding like Uncle Hood.
"Kinda hard not to be angry when someone did this to you on purpose." He huffed, my body still standing up over his own.
"Ryder her and I are two different people." Annoyance filling his voice. "I swear if you get in a fight with her tonight you and I are gonna have bigger problems than my fucking bruised ribs." He spoke through gritted teeth, eyes rolling.
"Then go to the hospital C." I am now sliding down to the edge of the staircase so I can sit down across from him.
"Over my dead body."
"That'll happen if you don't go."
We sat, staring at each other with rude expressions. His because he doesn't want me to hurt his little sister and mine because he won't fucking go to a place to get better.
We were like five year old sitting on the stairs. If he huffed, I huffed. If I sighed, he sighed. This went on for what felt like ever and we were both getting fully fed up.
"I won't yell at her." His eyes shot up to mine. "She knows I'm mad though, huh?"
"She knows it's not at her." He shrugged, knowing damn well she doesn't do well around anger.
I let the silence wash over us again. My mind rushing with thoughts of Ella, her being just as scared as I was when she saw Caleb but not letting it affect her as she feared it would send me falling. I hate the fact that she's all flustered and it's partially my own fault.
"I had called Ella and she didn't answer." He sighed as my eyes lifted to see his face. "But her location on the group chat said she was here, so I wanted to stop by. I needed advice."
"The number wouldn't stop calling me as I moved away from my house. I was getting exasperated and I grabbed my phone from across the seat, my hand left the wheel." He sounded plenty pissed off.
"I answered and laughter filled the other side of the line. I saw your car and before I knew what happened my body went flying to the left and here I am."
I didn't know what the hell to say to him. I was so upset that he was hurt and I was more than pissed that he was hurt on purpose.
"You gonna tell your dad?" I was cautious as I spoke to my friend, his eyes looking down at his lap.
"No." He let out a large sigh. "It was probably a stupid prank call and someone just crashed into me."
"That's the stupidest thing I've heard." I shook my head, my voice sounding nothing less than disbelief.
His eyes lifted to meet mine, his mouth open but shut just as quick. He shook his head, his eyes glancing upward to the shadow being casted over me.
"Let's go."
It was Uncle Ash and he wasn't asking. He was telling Caleb to leave. They needed to get to the hospital but he didn't want to go, he wouldn't.
Not to anyone's surprise he shook his head no.
"Caleb please."
Uncle Ash sounded desperate. This is the worst Caleb's been and it's not his own fault this time.
Again he shook his head.
"Caleb, come on." It was my voice this time that spoke up. Both of the Irwin men looking at me with two very different expressions.
"Stay out of it Ry." He wanted to be threatening but he groaned in pain, his head hitting the back of the wall.
My eyes had been torn away from my best friend, his eyes wired shut and his head banging against the wall. I shared a look with his father before hoisting my body up, hovering over his body.
'Count of 3' Uncle Ash mouthed, Uncle Cal standing behind him cracking his knuckles.
'1'
I bent down, my hands hovering over his ankles. All the mothers giving us weird looks but not questioning it.
'2'
My hands were basically wrapped around his ankles. My mother was protesting to the police about why they can't do more. I had no clue where Ella was and no matter if I wanted her around me or not I wanted to know where she was.
'3'
And just like that I wrapped my hands firmly around his ankles, pulling his body up. Uncle Ash pulled up his torso and Uncle Cal was our support system if Caleb was to fight us, which he was.
"Put me down." He was groaning, fully in pain now. Not from us hoisting him up, it was from his extra protesting.
His legs were flailing in protest, my grip only tightening round his ankles. He was hitting his fathers hands aggressively. Tears were falling down his cheeks in pain. The worst part was he was causing himself the most pain.
"Calm down C." Uncle Cal spoke trying to be the voice of reason.
His eyes were wired shut, tears still managing to slip through. Caleb's shows were still pushing up against my stomach, honestly half knocking the wind out of me. Each step hitting harder than the last.
"I don't wanna go." He shouted, our bodies now moving over the threshold of my house.
Uncle Ash was throughly exasperated with Caleb and his whining. All he wanted was his son to be better. Caleb can't see that because all he cares about is staying as far away as possible from the god damn hospital.
Uncle Ash basically yanked his boy out of grasp, his body falling down to the floor, his feet letting out a large slam as they connected with the concrete. I watched as Uncle Ash removed his hand from his wrist and pulled it up, his long finger coming in contact with his sons ribs.
"Fuc-dge dad!" Caleb squealed like a child, he stopped the quick slip up of cussing, which he rarely did in front of our parents anyway.
"You see that hurts." His father stated with gritted teeth, "So let's go."
Uncle Ash was probably the parent who got the least mad and the one who was always the nicest. But most of the time when Caleb ever acted like this, stubborn, whiny, and full of, well lack of respect for authority, he became Ashton, not dad.
Caleb sucked in a sharp breath before turning his eyes toward me. He had a pleading look in his eyes, a look I knew well and would normally help but I can't. He needs medical help.
"Please dad." He whined like a child, his feet lightly stomping though with each slam he would grab his stomach and double over in pain.
I did something I couldn't have imagined, I walked away.
I walked away from my best friend who was begging for me not to walk away. I turned back, my eyes looking at the crowd of people standing at my door. My father was holding my mom tightly against his chest, Mali was leaned up against the wall trying to calm down Caleb.
I made sure my eyes stayed away from Caleb, who was still crying and begging for me to not walk away. Instead my eyes fell on Uncle Ash who had tears streaming down his face, trying to hold his son back.
If anyone saw us now we wouldn't look like we were going to be 18 soon. We would look like little kids, crying snd shaking in pure fear. Little kids who miss their parents more than anything and they aren't around often. We were little kids, that's it.
I turned my head back around, my body moving swiftly toward the edge of the sidewalk where the paramedics where waiting patiently with Aunt Kaykay as she begged them to stay because we all knew Caleb had to go to the hospital.
"Please g-go get him-m." I choked out my words, my eyes not meeting the paramedics eyes as they pushed past me.
I didn't even look at my aunt, I just wrapped my arms around her knowing she was overly freaked out. She doesn't like when Caleb fights, in fact she sends him to my house until his bruises are healed. So I know she isn't doing well.
"He's hurting so bad." She mumbled into my shirt, my arms wrapping tighter around the green haired aunt who cared with her whole heart about us kids.
More than you know.
I wanted to say that but I couldn't. She would never know how to survive if she knew how messed up Caleb was because of them leaving, because of his insecurities, his rage, and almost everything else.
She patted my back before pulling away from us. A string of profanity filling the air, pulling us both of our thoughts.
My eyes landed on Caleb who was now tied down in a gurney, his face flooded with tears, his olive skin is now flushed with rosy pink cheeks. He was hurting and the accident today just released the pain he holding deep within him.
"Fucking hell Ryder!" He yelled at me with nothing but pure anger, his eyes filling with tears as he tried to pull his arms out of the restraints but sucking in deeply at each try.
"Your my best friend! Fucking help me!" He was hurting so bad. The tears not stopping, his face getting extra flushed the more upset he got.
I couldn't understand. I wanted to but I couldn't. His eyes were trained on mine as he was being shelled away in the ambulance.
"Your hurting Caleb, please." I spoke, my heart hurting as he looked at me a way I haven't seen in ages.
When your 11 the world is a scary place. So here Caleb and I are here at the hospital because his grandma was sick.
Uncle Ash had to drag him here. And Caleb dragged me here because he didn't want to come alone. In fact Caleb didn't want to see his grandma in the hospital, all weak and helpless at all. It worried the living life out of him. He hated the fact that he couldn't help her and the rage that came with it didn't help.
We were coming up on the door. His whole body was shaking in fear. He wanted his Dad to be here with him but he needed to go to a meeting, all the uncles had to. So two 11 year olds are walking into a hospital room where his mother was standing at the edge of bed.
Her eyes shot back to us, sending a slight smile. She lifted her body off the bed and started her way towards us. She smiled and said that Caleb can have a moment alone with his grandma, she would just be outside.
So she patted our heads and walked out of the door we just entered. I stood standing by the door, rocking back and forth of my heels. I watched as Caleb didn't make his way to the bed, he just stood there frozen as he stared at his grandma.
"Go Caleb." I ushered him, giving him a slight shove before returning back to my place by the door.
I stood and watched as she inched his way over to his grandma who was non responsive, laying there, her chest rising very irregularly.
"Hi grandma." Caleb finally muttered out, his hand recusing up to hold his grandmas, a hand that he always felt comfort in.
Before he got too comfortable her chest stopped rising and a loud beeping sound came over our ears. I stood with my mouth open still and Caleb held his grandmas hand wondering what was happening.
The door flew open, hitting my back and pushing me against the counter as a file of nurses came rushing in. Aunt Kaykay followed in after them, her eyes darting to her son who was still desperately holding onto his grandmas hand with all his might.
"Caleb move baby." Kaykay spoke as she tried to pull his body away but every attempt he would hold on tighter.
This cycle went on until the nurses called out a random time, Caleb's eyes going dark as he let go of his grandmas lifeless hand.
He spun back in his heels, grabbing my arm aggressively as he pushed the hospital door open, his mother's voice calling out for us.
I dug my heels into the ground but nothing was working. Caleb was pulling me through the stark white hallways, tears running down his face and his hands balled into fists.
That was the end of it.
Caleb was finally settling. His eyes puffy and fully red, his cheeks stained with tears. He was tired, he was hurting and I couldn't help him, no matter how badly he wanted me to.
Aunt Kaykay was basically laying on top of her son as he piled him into the ambulance, Uncle Ash jogging in the direction with full intent as he climbed into after them. He placed his hand on Caleb's knees before the red doors were slammed shut, the lights illuminating my face.
And just like that my best friend was off to the place that he hates with a passion. I watched as the lights drove off down our street, the street we've grown up on.
"Fuck!" I turned my body to the nearest thing, I kicked the blacked out tire rims on my best friends totaled lexus.
I couldn't feel anything, my whole body going numb in an instant. My body fell to the ground in exhaustion. I had my head in my hands as my body was pressed up against the forked car, tears falling down my cheek.
I heard mumbled and questions being spoke behind me, probably drawing straws as to who was going to come talk to me.
"Hey Ry Ry."
I turned my head up, watching as my mother lowered her body to the ground to say next to me. She used the nickname that she only ever called me, because I used to say it was too girly but hearing it now it gives me a sense of nostalgia.
"Hey mamma." I mumbled, my eyes shutting quickly as my head banged against the metal doors of the totaled car.
"He's gonna be ok." She put her hand on my knee, her tone was soft.
"I couldn't help him mamma." I muttered, my eye popping open to see my mother who was sitting in the same position as myself.
"He's hurting Ry, you know that better than anyone." Her head turning toward me, "He needed to go to the hospital and he knew that."
I turned my head in the same direction, both of our cheeks being pressed up against the cool metal car door with the cool winter air brushing against my skin.
My mom knew me well enough to not talk, she just let us take the moment in. Her hand rested on my knee, giving it a little squeeze every now and then. The cool air was getting thicker, the temperature dropping as the minutes went by.
"Mamma?" I spoke with hesitation, my eyes looking down at my lap.
"Yea Ry?" Her eyes were big and doe eyed, she had a small smile on her lips.
"The four of us, we uh, aren't too much work?"
"Oh Ryder." She sighed, giving my knee a light squeeze. "You kids have changed our lives in ways your don't know."
I saw her smile before turning her head down. She didn't want to but she couldn't help but laugh at my hesitant question.
"What happened tonight wasn't anyone's fault. But what's been happening, Ella's nightmares, your guys breakdowns, Mia's legit rebellion, that's all on us."
I raised my eyebrow at her, my face almost falling into a frown.
"We did this because we leave and we expect you guys to be ok. Your the best of us and we don't always act like you guys are. That's wrong of us, love."
Her head was hanging low, shaking as if she never realized that before. She removed her hand from my knee and began fiddling with her wedding ring. I could tell she wanted to say more but I found she couldn't bring herself to say anything else.
So she stood up, her body lifting off the floor, her hair blowing lightly in the wind. She extended her hand to me, lightly laughing as she thought she would be able to lift me off the floor.
I pushed myself up, standing in front of my mother with my arms extended. She walked into the openly, both of our arms wrapping around each other.
"I love you mamma." I mumbled, her hand rubbing up and down my back.
"I love you too Ry Ry." She spoke before pushing away from me, slowly walking away before looking back at me with a very content smile.
I followed in suit, my body feeling extra heavy probably from the high energy event that had just occurred. I had blood dried on my fingers and my flannel, I felt sweaty and sick. I wanted to sleep but I couldn't, not alone.
No one was on my front porch anymore, the tow trunk had just got here, starting to load both of the cars onto the flat bed. My neighbors were all standing on their porches, taking pictures and mumbling to the one another.
I wanted to die, each step up my front port felt like a mile. I pushed my front door open tracking the original group of people who had attended dinner the night before. All of them looked exhausted, some eyes puffy and other eyes confused.
My eyes scanned across the room looking for the one and only, my girl. Which I finally landed on, her body tucked under her fathers arm. Her eyes were fluttering open and closed every few seconds. Though once her eyes found me they stayed open, giving me soft eyes.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow." I mumbled before turning and dragging my body upstairs.
I didn't care that I didn't say goodbye to anyone individually and I didn't even kiss Ella goodbye, something I want to do all the time and now that I finally can, I didn't and the worst part was I didn't care right this second.
I reached my door, my hand spinning the doorknob to the right, the door flying open to revel my room. It was relevantly clean by my bed was a mess and it looked comfortable as hell.
I couldn't make it to my bed fast enough, my body falling into the soft mattress, rolling over onto my back in a hast to just stare at my ceiling. I look over to my door which I hadn't bothered to close before shutting my eyes.
"Ryder?" There she was.
"Hm." I hummed, my eyes still shut tightly on themselves half expecting her to climb into my bed and hold me or at least come near me but nothing happened.
"You ok?" I heard the concern earlier tonight but now it was on full display.
I popped one eye open to see her rocking back ans forth on her heels out of nervousness at my doorway.
"I don't really wanna talk about it." I spoke truthfully, my cheek still pressed to the side as I watched her avoid eye contact.
She just nodded as she started to tangle her fingers within each other, tugging on each one lightly before she spun back on her heels deciding to exit my room.
"Els?" I piped up because always I didn't want her near me the entire time all I wanted was her in my arms.
I shuddered at the fact that I'm cruel. I didn't what her near me, for a good reason or not, and now here I am about to ask her to lay with me when I now she can't.
"Stay with me?"
Now she actually takes a step into my room. She was nervous around me after we saw Caleb, because she could practically feel the rage fuming off my body. But her step into my room isn't one of hast it's of uncertainty.
"Ry." Her voice was strained, unsure.
"Please, please just stay with me."
I watched as she stepped further into the room before she spoke. My bedroom door shutting because her and I both knew what she was going to say and we both knew how I was going to react.
"Ryder you know I can't." She muttered almost inaudible.
"Fuck that." I spat back at her.
As soon as the words left my mouth I shot up out of bed, sitting straight up with my hand covering my mouth. I turned my head to see her reaction which was much different than what you would expect but she already knew it was coming so she just braced herself for it.
"Yea ok." She had her head down to the floor as she spoke, lightly lifting to see me but it didn't last long.
"Please Ella." I felt my eyes glass over.
I needed her. Not in a sexual way, not kissing her, I just needed her in my vicinity. I needed her in my arms, both of us waking up in my bed with my arms wrapped around her waist. I needed her to hold me as I cried because our family is so fucked. I needed her incase she had a nightmare. I needed her in every sense of the word.
"I can't." She stated again, louder and more clear.
"Fucking hell Ella please."
She eyed me before saying anything. She didn't love from her spot in the middle of my room. Her eyes had dark bags under them snd her blue eyes surrounded by red. Her navy jacket was a wrinkled mess from the way I was holding onto her and her hair was now pulled up in a bun.
Her rings were a twisted mess on her fingers. Her hands had dry patches form the alcohol, blood stain was on some tips of her fingers. Her shoes were scuffed which was her biggest pet peeve and her nail polish that was perfectly painted when she got her as chipped down almost all of her fingers.
"Ella say something." I said a bit more demanding than I wanted to.
"You told him you wouldn't fight with me." She spoke, wagging a finger in my direction.
"What I say to my best friend is my business." I rose off the bed as I walked towards her.
I didn't want a fight. We are so good right now. This isn't who we are. Ryder and Ella don't fight, no we don't. We are both tired and I'm being an asshole like I always am.
"Your not an asshole Ryder." She spoke again this time with a different tone.
Fuck I hadn't even realized I said that out loud.
"I'll see you tomorrow Ry." She spoke, turning her body in the direction of the door.
"Fuck what Caleb said! Don't leave Ella." My tone immediately softer as her name rolled off my tongue, though that didn't last long.
"I can't stay."
"Fuck! Cant you see I need you?" I spat at her, my body almost instinctively begging drawn to hers.
"Don't do that." She spat back, a fire starting that I didn't want to happen.
"What exactly is that?"
"You wanted a fucking new beginning with me Ryder?" She raised her eyebrows, "Here it is so I wouldn't start it by yelling at me."
I almost sunk back into myself.
"We both know I can't fucking stay Ryder." Her tone didn't ease up, it was stern and unwavering. "You don't think I want to?"
"It sure as hell doesn't seem like it." I scoffed wondering what the hell is coming over me.
"Well you seem like you wanna be alone." Her eyes avoided mine with every chance she got.
"Excuse me for being upset my best friend was in a car accident."
"He's my best friend too Ryder!" She shouted a bit louder than either of us, both sets of eyes going wide.
"I just want you to stay. That's all I ever want." I murmured, my eyes trying so hard to get her to look at me.
"Ryder." Her voice was trailing, unsure.
I watched as her fingers still played with her rings in nervousness. I watched as she was doing everything in her power to not stay with me. I felt drawn to her as my body was only a few more steps away from hers.
"Please." I mumbled, my eyes dropping as my body did. I felt weak and hopeless as I sat with my head basically at her knees. My eyes glassed over snd I felt my breath hitching.
"Please don't leave me Ella. Don't leave me like everyone else will."
a/n
hey! i hope this chapter was good 🥺
you probably won't hear from me for a few days because i'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow but i will see you vv soon!