edited - didn't change much, just some phrasing
'𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚠?'
'𝚒 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝... 𝚍...𝚍𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚖𝚎?'
'𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝. 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚒 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛?'
『𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻』
"Please wait bokuto-san , I'm sorry but I really can't—-It's impossible!" you said walking behind Bokuto to the bus stop and he walked backwards so he could face you with the straw between his lips.
he slightly quirked his brows, his cat like golden eyes took in your every action. It was clear that you were mostly panicked.
"why not?"
"I'm just a junior. I'm still an outsider to everybody"
"Pfft. They all know your name y/n. Everything is okay. And they all respect and like you"
akaashi doesn't.
"I'm just invading their space. And I'm not good with crowds" you glanced from his face to the side of the road as you continued walking.
"You'll be down on the courts with us. Isn't it less crowdy there than in the stands?" Bokuto smiled a bit and you clenched your firsts beside you when you realized each of his points were valid.
but you knew why you stopped playing. it haunted you to know you were no where near able to even be in tense situations without passing out
"I couldn't possibly manage a powerhouse like-" you began to say as you shivered at the very thought of the anxiety you would come across.
just watching them makes my stomach twist in angles it shouldn't
" But you went to nationals?" he countered as he cut you off and you set your jaws.
"that was in middle school! This is much more serious. I'll mess up"
"Messing up is legal you know" he chuckled as he turned around and it somehow frustrated you how much he was belittling your worries.
why isn't he listening?
"Bokuto-san" you said digging your heels into the ground and realizing the change in tone and that you weren't following him anymore, he also stopped.
though he didn't look back. he just kept his hands in his pocket as he faced the other way.
" I really don't get it. when you told me you liked volleyball, at first I thought you weren't being honest. but today I saw something that I've never seen before. it was almost like a love story. A relation between someone and their passion being reunited.
When you're on the court it's like you're the only thing out there...Like when the moon comes out after a storm. Just watching it made me happy. I thought you'd be happy...Why aren't you?" he asked and you chewed on the insides of your cheek.
his tone was different, disappointed even. somehow knowing that you had caused him to feel even relatively disappointed made you squirm uncomfortably.
you felt guilty.
but you didn't know what to say.
truth be told, you were happy that he suggested that you be the manager. ecstatic even when the other boys told you it was the first time he ever pulled a stunt like that.
it made you feel, useful.
happy and moved to the point of tears. that's what you were....but if you told him that, it would just add to his argument.
he made you feel so competent but responsibilities made you feel sick in the stomach, stress made you feel out of breath and most of all, attention made you feel like you'd collapse.
you were soft spoken, indecisive and lacked the passion they would need.
worst of all, how could you be there manager when you were already biased with treating Bokuto with favor.
it would be so obvious and getting closer to him would hurt.
more.
what would the dear captain say if he heard all the reasons why you couldn't do it? Would he look at you differently and avoid you because of your pessimism?
you didn't want that.
the thought alone could make you ill.
"women are hard to please because of their mixed signals. can people also fake passions the way they fake love? if so, how can you tell them different?" he carelessly mused aloud, feeling deflated as he zoned out, eventually finishing the drink and discarding it in the trash with a certain harshness.
you heard him and winced but your brain was already occupied with a resolve.
it's better to disappoint him now than later.
was there any logic to your reasoning?
no. you just wanted to avoid whatever pain that would come from being around Bokuto too long.
I'm a coward.
he hadn't noticed what what was happening until he turned to see you, handing his jacket to him folded.
his face was nonchalant and unreadable as you apologized and returned the fukurodani jacket that he had offered barely moments ago.
"I'm sorry".
the words were hard to get out over the build up tension but even when you left him standing there to board the bus, he still heard the words in his head.
a sound rejection that echoed as he sat at the bus stop and watched the bus drive away.
'I guess I was wrong again' he thought to himself, then thinking of what had just occurred, he grew frustrated.
"what did I say?" he sighed exasperatedly as he stared at his hands clasped in front of him and the armband that he wouldn't take off.
he facepalmed since , for some reason, you turning down his offer hurt more than being ignored by his literal girlfriend.
the tension was there for the rest of the week, you even felt too ashamed to visit their practices.
because you didn't go to the practices, you got home earlier so you didn't get to see Bokuto at the bus stops.
you weren't really avoiding him, you were trying to avoid any questions from the rest of the team.
all in all, you tried to forgot the small bond of sorts that you'd both managed to make seeing that it was over.
but you couldn't.
by Friday evening as you cooked dinner for yourself, it ate at you more.
more than the hunger you had felt moments before.
mid cooking you turned off the stove, losing your appetite, and went to sit in your room. you were playing a game on your phone as you unconsciously worried.
do we still meet tomorrow?
are we still on or is he avoiding me too?
it's midnight now so it's probably too late to ask him.
then again, despite me disappointing him...why was he being so hard on me?
you chewed on your bottom lip as you thought of the other perspective you'd gained by Thursday.
the one that made you realize that even if you did reject the offer, it wasn't really your fault.
you weren't obligated.
was it wrong to think like that?
I'm sure many other girls will say yes to him.
mid-fighting a boss though, your phone rang and you dropped and caught it numerous times suddenly since it took you by surprise.
Another thing that surprised you was the contact.
you would've let it ring out as you did with most calls but this time you answered on the second ring, immediately forgetting the boss fight.
"Oh hey." he said with his usual deep energetic voice now careful and quiet.
just hearing his voice sent blood to your face and you cursed at yourself internally as you swallowed hard. your lips parted to answer but the words couldn't make it past the blockade in your throat.
all because you heard his voice.
this is why I could never be the manager.
" have you ever watched sword art online?" when you couldn't find a response he continued "it's actually a pretty cool anime about two people that got stuck in a vr game. they have to beat the floors of the game to go back into real life-"
"i know, I'm actually playing the game right now" you said to which he murmured an "oh"
"well I don't remember the full plot, can you remind me, bokuto-san?" you lied and eventually his chirpiness returned.
he retold the plot of the fantasy like animation while clearly showing his biases to certain characters. about how if he was in the game he feels like he wouldn't try to rush and beat all the floors. about how great it would feel to live in a world where regrets were non-existent.
it warmed you, dangerously. even after the argument. and yet for some reason, you couldn't pinpoint the actual aim of bokuto's late phone call.
"are you there?-"
"Oh yea sorry I'm here...Bokuto-san" you said gripping your knee and cringing when your voice broke .
is he going to call me out for avoiding him? Or tell me not to bother going to the game?
maybe he hates me now too.
was that why he tried to ease the atmosphere with talks of that anime.
"I never thought you'd be awake so I was planning to leave a voice message to be honest. since you're here it might be better, but I wanted to say it to your face. I haven't been able to cross paths with you much though so hear me out"
you held your breath in anticipation, the silence being filled with your pounding heart. Even your inner monologue was muted.
" I was terrible for what I did and what I said. You must have lost all respect for me as your senior now huh? I pressured you to join on the spot without asking you first, then I got upset and was inconsiderate when you rejected it.
I guess fukurodani kinda spoiled me so I didn't expect it. I should've asked first and even then, no means no. I'm sorry if I made it uncomfortable for you to visit the practices again. I want to get rid of the tension.
It makes me feel uneasy because I really enjoy being around you....You've become my dear friend and I honestly never thought this would happen. I was trying to be motivating."
dear friend
"I wanted to see you smile but I went about it wrong. You should never have to apologize about not wanting to do something so let me apologize for making you apologize " he went on and you stared out in space as you listened to his every word.
his sighs and intakes between each statement. the words he stressed and the way he pronounced each word. His apology felt like a love story. It was like you could feel his hot breath through the phone and it enveloped your body.
"l/n-chan. I'm sorry" he said and you continued to chew on your lip. somehow just knowing that he'd call you to apologize because he also wanted to amend the bond made your heart swell.
to big to stay inside your chest.
his voice swayed you closer and closer to a painful crush.
'would you still call me your dear friend if you knew how I felt?' you thought of saying but those words could never leave you.
you were a coward after all.
"It's okay! as you said, I showed mixed signals. It's my fault too" you laughed nervously; being around him made you better at pretending.
does that mean I agree to it being his fault as well? Should I have worded it different ?
"Is it really okay? You don't hate me now?" he breathed and you laid down on your bed feeling your body grow hot again from your rushing blood.
quite the opposite.
"no no...I don't......d...do you hate me?" you asked and your heart racing made you fumble on your words.
"Of course not. How could I ever." he laughed and you pressed your warming face into the pillow, trying to calm yourself down.
at this point you were at a lost for words because it was if he was right by your ear saying it. your imagination took your breath away.
bokuto took your breath away.
"Can I...still see you tomorrow or is that too soon" he asked and you let out a shaky breath.
why does everything he say make me feel like this.
why must he do this to me.
"yea" you answered with your voice muffled by the pillow.
"yes I can see you or yes to soon-"
"No no...yes you can see me"
"no no yes yes, you're really confusing you know, y/n" he teased and in embarrassment you smothered your face some more with the pillow.
"..I'm looking forward to it then" he said and you could hear the smile in his voice, it made your ears hot.
maybe I should go outside and touch some grass. even roll around in it if necessary.
"okay"
"good night y/n"
"...good night bokuto-san"
it was only when he hung up that you realized how you'd gone from almost pinning the blame on him to utterly falling for him by just hearing his voice.
he really was the worst.