"What's wrong with 'cool man'?" Remi asks me quietly, and I grin down at him. I see him look back at Ezra sadly to the point that I wondered if it was wise for him to see him this way.
Ezra had his head lowered a bit as he stared at the ground. He didn't really have much emotion present, but he did show emotion to what Remi said.
"Nothing is wrong." Ezra mumbles quietly, looking back up to look at Remi.
There was this forced smile on his face that didn't sit right with me. Remi noticed as well and he pouted by such a thing. He rushes towards Ezra and sits before him, hugging his legs as he looks up at him.
"You look...so sad. Why?" Remi asks him himself now, completely disregarding what he said.
"I'm sad because of memories." Ezra croaks to him, and Remi frowned.
"Memories...? Then why think about them?" Remi asks him another question.
I was going to contemplate picking him up, taking him away from his legs. It wasn't best to rehash those things and keep prying. Except he was too innocent to know any better.
"Because I can't help myself." Ezra confessed to him softly.
"You...you can think of new memories! Have good times! Those bad stuff can't hurt you now, you...hurt self thinking about it. Those bad memories are bad memories 'cause you let them be-."
"But I know so that they are bad memories. Remi this isn't a game or anything that can be understood by someone at your age. What you say...won't change anything. It's about love." Ezra interrupts him, but not in a rude way.
Remi looked up at him with his lips parted in shock. He didn't look like he could comprehend what he just said.
When he looked at me I could see the confusion. I saw him trying to comprehend it further and he tried looking at me. Immediately I knew he was hoping that I'd give him his answer.
That's when I move my hand slowly. I rest my hand above my heart and Remi slowly did the same thing. He looks away from me slowly and back at Ezra.
"Love like how I love my bugs?" Remi questions him.
"No."
"Love like how I love my favorite food?" Remi asks another question.
"No. Nothing close to that at all-."
"Love like how I love my mommy?" Remi interrupts him loudly, grasping his shirt tightly.
Ezra looked at him now, and Remi waited a bit. I saw him waiting for his answer eventually Ezra smiled.
That caused Remi to smile too, but soon Ezra's smile dropped frighteningly. I could tell that startled Remi by his actions.
"You know nothing. I don't know love like how you do. Your version of love is the purest love ever and you know absolutely nothing!" Ezra snapped, and I glare at him.
"Ezra watch your mouth. Don't talk to him like that." I growl at him. The way he spoke to him angered me.
"Watch my mouth...watch it? I can't watch my mouth. No one else watched their mouth when they said those cruel things to me. Xavion never watched his mouth when he said those things to me and did those things to me so that I could suffer. Stellan didn't watch his mouth when he said as much hateful things to me so that I could be broken down. You...didn't watch your mouth when you called me evil and said those insults. Why do people get to say those things to me and then when I want to say something they tell me to shut up? To watch my mouth? I'm done watching my mouth!" He exclaims angrily, standing up now.
I see him bump into Remi and cause him to fall onto his bottom softly. It wasn't much, but it still infuriated me.
"Ezra it does not...matter what you say at this moment now. Watch yourself and be careful of those around you." I sneer at him, causing him to look down. When he saw who he bumped into he didn't do anything about it.
"You aren't...even listening to me-."
"I am listening, but if you do anything in the manner that will hurt Remi then-."
"I wouldn't dare." He interrupts me instantly.
That's when he plops back down on the couch, glancing down at Remi. Remi looked up at him still from the ground. I don't know what was going on through his mind...and that made me nervous.
"It was...simply my body bumping into his. I wouldn't take it to heart." He mumbles under his breath.
He didn't understand why I was mad. If he was like this now then how would he be with the twins?
"I don't like you..." I tell him quietly, and he grins.
"As if that is much of a surprise."
"I don't like you...this side of you." I finish now, and he still had this sad grin on his face.
"You don't love me...do you?" He just questions me outright. My eyes divert onto Remi as he waits for me to say something.
Why did he have to do this conversation before a child?
"No...I don't. I don't think you know what love is." I tell him honestly.
Out of nowhere I saw all of the spirit in his eyes vanish. He wasn't angry anymore or anything...just looked dejected.
"You're right. Maybe I don't. I don't know what love is..." He croaks, and that's when Remi slapped his hands on Ezra's thighs.
I saw him shaking his head at him, wrapping his arms around Ezra's waist - tried to at least. His chin pressed to his chest and looked up at him...lovingly.
Ezra looked down at that and I saw him still look dejected.
"You do know love! You are loved too! I love you Ezra." He says his name for the first time, and immediately this rush I haven't seen for some time came to his face.
Even I was shocked that he said his name. It has always been 'cool man'...
"You love me...?"
"I love you." Remi says it again happily, and he gasps.
"Why...?" Ezra asks him and I could hear the tears in his throat. He was trying not to cry again...I could tell.
Remi hugged him more and leaned his head against his chest.
"I love you because you love mommy. I love you because you are nice. I love you because you gave me things and mommy said I not be too spoiled. I love you because you are funny. I love you because you feel like...my daddy. I love you because you make us both happy. You save me and mema, grandma...you're so cool!" He squeals at this point.
I see Ezra crying now. He was staring down at Remi and I saw his arms wrap around Remi. Hugging him close to his body, I saw how sweet he was being.
My eyes became watery from it. I wish I didn't have to become so emotional from it and at this point I wanted to blame the pregnancy; but I know I'd be lying.
I am bonded to Ezra.
Now that I know that I can't help but feel this pain. He's hurting...and I can feel it. When he heard Remi say he loved him I felt in the invigoration immediately - I saw it.
This makes it all the more realer.
Suddenly I saw Ezra taking Remi off of him. I saw him just rush away from us and go inside. I see Remi looking happily as he smiles at me.
"He is crying happy tears. I make him so happy." Remi gushes excitedly, and I nod in agreement. Even though I knew there was more to it than that.
"Bean, how about you go inside and check on your bugs? I bet they miss you." I recommend to him. I could tell that worked as he rushes past me and I knew it worked.
That's when I look over my shoulder and over the balcony. Since we weren't living in that house anymore he instead had us move into this extraordinarily large condo. Had three floors and if I didn't know any better I'd think he just owned the whole building.
I sigh, going inside as I go after Ezra. Though when I find him he was balling his eyes out. He slowly breaking down before me again.
He was crying harder than I've seen him cry and I go to him. Right when I was about to touch him he dodges me.
That was surprising instantly because I was trying to help-.
"You don't love me...why are you helping me? Go away." He growls at me, and I look at him in surprise.
"Yet, I should've said that after-."
"No, I'm happy you didn't." Ezra interrupts me now, wiping his tears away more. He starts to set his eyes upon me and then sniffs. "You aren't one to lie Theo. Don't give me false hope."
"But...I'm not. Two days ago...before Caden came and all-." I gasp, remembering what Caden did. My eyes divert off of him and he just waited.
I can't bring that up now... I haven't even seen him since then. Did Ezra hear him? Is that why?
I shake my head, I can't think about that. I'll deal with that when he pops up again like he always does. Setting my eyes back onto Ezra, I nod.
"I said...I liked you-."
"An inkling of a like, an inkling of deep interest. I remember, and that's nothing compared to how I felt about you. You'll never feel the same way about me and I've finally gotten enough sense to see that. I won't...push my feelings onto you anymore. I won't...anymore." He tells me, and I didn't really...believe him.
Because I...didn't want him to stop.
"'Felt'. What...now? You don't love me anymore-?"
"It's like what you said, I don't know what love is; so how would I know what I felt and feel towards you was and even is love?" He questions me, and I don't say anything.
Now I...found myself becoming nervous.
This was aggravating me, on my part. Why was I becoming nervous?!
"I shouldn't have said that." I...whimper to him, and he scoffs. "I'm serious! I should not have said those cruel things to you. You're not evil... You do know what love is. You just so happened to have gone through certain things and I shouldn't discredit your ideas of love because they don't match mine. I'm sorry."
Ezra doesn't say anything still. He just folds his arms and sighs.
We both stood here awkwardly...very quietly. My hands were beside my hips now and they were balled up... They were trembling a little bit...and I hated that.
Why am I nervous?
Was it the Bond? I'm still...troubled and confused by that. I might check that out the next time I go to the hospital to make sure.
"Don't apologize to me." He says, and I look up at him. Except he didn't look at me the same. "You said you didn't like me back there - this side of me. Well...too bad. I guess you'll forever dislike me, but not that that's anything different."
Ezra walks around me and once he walked past me I felt my heart stop. It felt like the room froze for a second when he did.
I turn around quickly and grab his arm, stopping him.
"Theo let go-."
"I am sorry. You do...know what love is. Love is that feeling you get when you look at someone and you can't imagine yourself without them. You want to do everything to make them happy, you want to protect them always, they are your joy that brings sunlight to your stormy days... They are your everything!" I cry to him, and he glances off. "You see...there that you do know love. You do love me...a-and Remi."
"That's not what I felt for you."
I flinch, Ezra yanking out my grip. He walks away from me now and I just stood here silent.
He didn't feel that for me?
Is he just saying that to hurt my feelings?
Because that's what it's doing - it's w-working!
I shake my head quickly, rushing back after him. I stood there for too long...pitying myself - I was close to doing that!
But I won't let him get me down! I refuse.
I follow his scent, finding him in the library unusually. He was just...reading calmly.
Reading a book called, Bared to You. I've never heard of that story in my life. Why is he...doing this?
What...what is wrong with him?!
"Ezra." I say his name, and he continued to read.
I stood here a little bit longer...waiting for him to say something. Only to become angrier faster and sneer.
"Ezra-!"
"What is it?"
"You didn't feel that for me! Then what did you feel?!" I shout at him, and he sighs. "I-I'm serious!"
"You told me what love is...right?" He questions me, and I nod. "It's-.
"That feeling you get when looking at someone and you can't imagine yourself without them! You want to do everything to keep them happy, you want to protect them always, they make you so happy and fill your heart with joy! They are your everything - that's love-."
"Then I didn't feel any of that for you." He interrupts me now, and I feel my face heat up.
I watch him go back to reading his book. How could he be so calm?
It was...demented.
"You...what is wrong with you-?!"
Ezra's book slams closed. I flinch when he looks at me and says nothing. Just stares at me for a while...and I wondered when he'd finally say something.
"That love you describe...it's your version of love. I feel all of that for Remi - not you-."
"But why-?!"
"Let me finish." He interrupts calmly, startling me when he stands up. "That love you described...that's love you would feel for...let's say your child, other family, maybe even close friends. I don't see you in that light - I don't consider that love. I feel none of that. Let me tell you the love I feel for you Theo, what I think love is - my version of love."
I found myself frozen in place...as if I was under a spell. Ezra came closer towards me and looked deeply into my eyes.
I began to feel his hand rest on the side of my neck...and his other hand wrapped around my waist. Pulling me closer to him, I didn't know where this was going, but I couldn't move away from it.
"What I feel for you...the love I feel is too passionate. I want to kiss you all the time and touch you. I want to kill those that have ever hurt you, and I mean that. I have to...almost stop myself constantly from not collapsing before you and hugging you. When I see you happy and with Remi, something within me ignites and it makes me want to see you with my children - children I have with you. I want that...I want all of you." He murmurs to me, and I didn't even realize we were moving until my back was against the other side of the wall.
I was so mesmerized by his words that I didn't even realize...we were moving.
"The other side...wants to make love to you. I want to bond you to me, and Mate with you. I want to have kids with you...too much. I want to hear you moan loudly for me, to say my name. To say it...over and over again. To wrap your arms around me and want me as much as I want you everyday. If you felt...what I felt for you everyday - how much I try to hold back...you'd be amazed. I want to make love with you and hold you so much. I want to love you so much... To kiss...and touch every inch of you until I have done just that to the point that you can't deny I've seen all of you. To be mine, and I be yours. I want to always be in you, and just loving you. I want to love you." Ezra husks towards me.
My heart beating rapidly and he finally pulls back. Going back to the couch, just getting his book and opens it back up to the place he was at before.
"That's my version of love." He finishes calmly, reading again.
Except I was slowly slumping down the wall...
I was...hard.
I looked at him and saw him just reading. How could he read right now?
He knew I was hard.
Did he?
I just sat here, not knowing what to do.
This was...embarrassing.
"You could masturbate there...and I wouldn't judge you." Ezra just says out aloud, not even sparing me a glance.
That's when I wondered if I should tell him...
"I've...never masturbated before." I whimper in even more embarrassment.
He doesn't even react to what I say, just keeps reading.
This is torture.
"If that's the case...then what did you do if you got an erection?" He inquires.
"I just...waited for it to go away."
"How noble of you." Ezra mocks me, and I whimper. "I think you get the gist of how it's done. I don't think I need to explain it to you-."
"P-please..." I beg him now.
I see him close his book again, and set it beside him. He crouched before me now in a way that made me shy. I see him looking at my erection through my pants and looks back up at me from under his eyelashes.
"When you...masturbate you just do whatever feels right to you. You keep doing that same movement and play with those different feelings until you reach that climax. In your mind anyone can cross it and it'll affect how this goes. Just let your hands move on their own...it'll start to feel natural eventually." He explains to me and starts to stand up straight.
For him to just...walk away again startled me. Usually he'd be all over me. After what he said to me earlier...this is contradicting it.
I started to move my hand into my pants. Even though I was hoping Ezra would help me I knew he wouldn't. He's still mad at me.
I feel my hand go around my cock and I couldn't move. It was too sensitive. When I would move just a bit it would be too much and I'd moan. This wasn't supposed to be happening.
"Ezra..." I moan his name, and as soon as I did that I saw him before me. His finger was pressed to my lips and I looked at him in shock.
"Don't do that."
"But...you said you want to hear me moan your name."
"I do." He nods, and I whimper as I felt a chill run down my spine.
"What's different now?"
"You know what."
I flinch when I felt my lips part again. I felt myself come right there in front of him...and I didn't do anything - it was just his voice.
He stared down at me...very expressionless. I continued to moan despite how embarrassing it was that I came from his voice. His comprehension to what I just did didn't even seem to phase him.
Now Ezra stood up and I saw...how hard he was. He was very hard to the point that it looked painful. Just to see that... When he was about to walk away I grabbed his thighs.
I press my lips against his cock through his pants, staring up at him. He looked down at me with no reaction still.
My teeth bit on his zipper and I pulled it down. I see him continue to let me do this and when I gripped his briefs he finally rested his hand on the back of my head.
"Ezra..." I moan his name again, and he stayed emotionless.
Why was this...turning me on so much. It's embarrassing me every second that goes along.
"Be careful, your actions can be chosen at this moment. Choose wisely."
"I am...you have choices too. If you don't want me to do this then...walk away and take a cold shower." I recommend to him, reminding him that he had an option too.
"I can't." He states quietly, and I raise my eyebrow.
"Why?"
I saw Ezra beginning to breathe heavily. His eyes closed tightly and I waited for him to respond. Except there was this...scent wafting around me.
It became very thick to the point that I didn't even feel like I was breathing normal air. All I could smell were his pheromones and when I saw him stagger back it made more sense.
Was this his rut?
For Alphas, a rut basically causes a lot of symptoms and irregular states come. Was this...sudden change in emotions it?
When his eyes opened back up I saw his pupils dilated to the point that it seemed nonexistent. He looked at me closely and his hands clenched into fists.
"Get away from me." He almost...demanded of me. Except I was still on my knees and just sat on my legs.
I started to unbutton my pajama shirt and Ezra was quick to be before me. He stopped me from doing so, my eyes softening on him.
"If...this is about needing my permission, I'm giving it to you. Make love to me-."
"I can't do that in this state. It'd...be more of fuck and I will unintentionally knot you, I can't afford that. I will...hurt the babies." He says to me.
"You won't knot me, you have more control than that. I'm fine with a fuck...as long as we can have sex. I'm letting you...I want you..." I beg of him.
Now he looked at me with narrowed eyes. His hand entered my shirt and felt it run along my skin. I bite my lip by his touch, this want was getting stronger. The fact that I couldn't avoid this want was startling the longer it went on.
"I want you." He husks, and I moan as I lean towards him. "I want you...to get away from me."
I was surprised that he picked me up and opened the door. Setting me on my feet outside it, I put my foot in the way before he could close it.
"Wait, don't you need me? Why are you...wanting me gone? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?" I ask him in a rush, and I see him look at me.
"I will be aroused just knowing I could protect you. That's enough for me, unlike you - I can jerk off. To you: to your voice, body, imagine things with you. That will have me lasting all night - thinking of you." He husks and didn't give me a chance to respond.
He just closed the door in my face instantly.
This can't be happening to me.
Why...do I want him so much right now?
I want my body to stop, stop it.
How words were resonating in my head...too much. I could still feel his words as if they went through me each syllable at a time.
And it's all because he's told me his version of love. It fascinated me, yet turned me on.
Because I realized I've never, ever experienced that love before. Just for that moment...I wanted to experience that kind of love with him. So much so that I was willing to give myself to him.
...and I didn't care how, I just wanted to feel that. I want to feel how powerful it was.
I wanted to feel what he feels for me, even if it's for a hot second. I didn't care...I just want to feel it.
...with him.
_____________________😳
You want to feel it, huh? 👀
Stop denying what you feel then. 🤷🏽♀️
Though for Ezra... 😬
He's insane. 🤯
I don't really know what to call his behavior. 😨
It's obvious he's going through some shît. 😶
His thoughts are getting the best of him. 😪
Remi was so kind - on a side note. 🙇🏽♀️
I hope I have a child like that... 🤧
Wouldn't a lot of people? 😌
I can't speak for others, but... 😕
Honestly, I'm fine with whoever my child becomes. 🤗
For Ezra's behavior- 😲
Don't count on it getting better any time soon. 🤥
How do you see that going? 🤔
Whoever had faith in Theo...do you still do? 🥴
I mean, he seems to have made it worse - actually. 🤦🏽♀️
I'll let you imagine how that'll go. 🤨✨
Hope Ezra's character...was understood a little bit more today. 👁👄👁
What do you think of him now? 🤨
Does it explain his past behavior- 😧
Of course not! 😗
Still...I mean, how do you see it? 🤫
Vote 🗳
Comment 🤩
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~ YOLO❤️