The Red Butler Arc will begin next chapter, which means that Grell will be introduced. I thought it would be best to get to this topic early.
Just know that I'm addressing the entire argument over Grell's gender and pronouns in this note. It's an important and sensitive topic that I want to go over to avoid conflict with my readers. If this isn't something that really affects you, I guess you don't really have to read through it? But if you're someone who really cares about this and you tend to bring it up when reading Black Butler fanfiction, please read.
As a bicurious (male-leaning) girl with a good number of gay/lesbian friends, as well as transgender and transsexual idols/acquaintances, I understand that this topic carries a lot of weight. I really don't want to end up insulting someone in the LGBTQ+ community out of ignorance.
Here are conditions about pointing out something related to Grell's gender in the comments:
1) If you'd like to point out a future mistake on my part that wasn't really reasoned for in this note, that's perfectly fine, I'll hear you out. Especially if I accidentally say something offensive without realizing. But please be polite about it, as I'm doing my best.
2) If you decide to grill me on something I already mentioned and explained in this note, I'm just going to ignore it. So, please read the entire note.
3) Remember that I have my own opinions and you have your own. Let's be respectful of each other's opinions and not try to force them on each other. If you really don't agree with me even after reading my reasoning, it's probably best that you stop following this story.
About my standing in the argument:
Look, Grell's pronouns are a huge, controversial topic in the Kuroshitsuji fandom. I looked through a lot of threads discussing the matter of how to address Grell, and there are so many arguments about it everywhere. For this story, I want to make things as accurate to Yana Toboso's work while being as non-offensive to the LGBTQ+ community as possible.
Let's start with something clear: Grell actually doesn't have a canonical gender. Yana Toboso herself uses both male and female pronouns when referring to Grell, and Grell actually refers to [him/her]self as both genders. Normally, I would just go with "they/them" pronouns for this reason alone, but there is the fact that canonically, I don't remember Grell being referred to with "they/them" pronouns (correct me if I'm wrong). Further explanations as to my choices are below, so please keep reading. Anyways, the lack of a canonical gender means that for the most part, Grell's gender is up for interpretation. I personally believe that Grell is genderfluid.
Grell is undoubtedly biologically male, which we pick up during the confrontation between Madam Red and Ciel. Grell said "he" was upset that "his" body could not give birth to a baby. However, during this time, Grell also refers to "herself" as a female. So, Grell is very much in touch with "her" more feminine side.
It also needs to be taken in consideration that Grell seems to have no problems with being either male or female, personally using both sets of pronouns. Grell would be more vehemently against the use of male pronouns (especially since everyone else in the Kuroshitsuji world refers to Grell with such) if there was a major issue with "his" current gender. But seeing that Grell doesn't object or show offense to everyone referring to "him" as male, I believe Grell is fine either way.
One of the main things that makes Grell unhappy about being biologically male is the inability to bear children, but Grell doesn't seem to hate it otherwise. This leads me to believe that Grell, while preferring to be feminine, doesn't take much issue to being male, and isn't uncomfortable about it.
Now, on the flip side, the expressed interest in being a female is what sparked the big argument over Grell's gender. Despite Grell not really disliking the fact that "he" is biologically male, "she" is a bit upset about not being able to present "herself" as female. I feel that Grell is strongly in touch with "her" more feminine side, using female terminology and dressing more femininely than the typical male in the given time era.
Which brings me to another point: this is the Victorian era. In terms of historical accuracy, Grell would probably be referred to as a male by pretty much everyone (which is canonically true). Remember that the past wasn't as open to these things, so it is a given that in public, Grell isn't really able to present "herself" as a female. I think this is partially why Grell expresses a desire to be female; it would allow a freedom of feminine expression in a time where men should be "masculine" and "gentlemanly."
In the end, my point is that Grell switches between the male and female gender, and is sometimes bigender, which is why I'm of the opinion that Grell is genderfluid. But, like I said, the entire topic is open to interpretation, and this is only my interpretation of Grell's gender. Others may think otherwise, and that is perfectly fine. But, for this story, as I'm the writer, Grell will be genderfluid.
How I will write about Grell given the circumstances of the pronoun dilemma:
Now, there's obviously problems with Grell being genderfluid when it comes to writing, because how will I write out the pronouns? I mentioned before that I wouldn't be using "they/them" pronouns.
The best way to be accurate to the manga is taking a leaf out of Yana Toboso's book. How? By using a mixture of pronouns.
I will try to minimize the use of pronouns when speaking of Grell, but obviously, it's impossible to keep it up forever.
When narrating, Yana Toboso refers to Grell with male pronouns, and other characters refer to Grell with male pronouns. I will do the same. However, if it is narrating in third person omniscient (from Grell's POV), I will refer to Grell with female pronouns. Grell will personally use female pronouns too, since that's how it went in the manga.
Below are some examples of how I'll end up writing Grell's pronouns.
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Example 1: Sebastian observed the red-haired reaper in front of him, wondering what he was thinking.
As you can see, this is third person, from Sebastian's perspective. So, the pronoun used for Grell is male, as Sebastian refers to Grell as such.
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Example 2: Grell stared at you. For some reason, her heart was palpitating, which was strange. Sebastian was the one she was attracted to, right?
And here, you see that it is in third person omniscient from Grell's perspective, and so female pronouns are used.
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Example 3: You watched as Sebastian threw Grell a... look. The reaper was fluttering his eyelashes flirtatiously, and you giggled to yourself when you saw the demon's expression.
In this one, it's from your point of view, and in the story, you basically view Grell as genderfluid (like I do), seeing Grell as both male and female at different times.
For the most part, the pronouns in your perspective are consistent with whatever pronouns are used in the rest of the sentence. In this example, it's male pronouns but that won't always be the case.
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Example 4: You stared at Grell, who sent you a grin as she winked and said, "Did you miss your favorite, lovely lady in red, dear (Y/n)?"
Here's another version of Example 3, where it's from your perspective, but using female pronouns to stay consistent with Grell's own use of female pronouns.
As I said before, the reader sees Grell as both, and I will write the pronouns to be consistent within the same sentence.
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Basically, I'm just going to end up alternating between male and female pronouns like Yana Toboso, since Grell is her character. When Grell is playing butler, obviously, I'll be using male pronouns because that's consistent with Grell's current role. Basically, I'm aiming for a balance that keeps the sentences consistent, if that makes sense.
If you want more reasoning for each side of the argument, I suggest reading a post titled "On Grell and Gender: (Almost) Everything You Could Possibly Want to Know." It covers pretty much everything I could possibly think of concerning Grell's gender, and it really helped me make my final decision on how to go about the issue with Grell. It's also unbiased, which I really liked.
As I mentioned in my conditions, if you have a problem with the way I will be writing my story, even after reading through my reasoning in this note, it is probably best if you stop following my story. I don't want to argue with you, and I don't want any opinions being forced on anyone, whether it's mine or yours.