TW - depression
...
December
Mitch
It the sound of things crashing upstairs that causes everyone in the room to look worriedly at each other. I knew we shouldn't have let Harry go off by himself. One of us should have stopped him, and I curse myself for not letting it be me. Harry's an emotional drunk and I feel like screaming at Ryan for bringing those pictures up while he's inebriated, although I can't entirely blame him. He was just doing his job and I'm sure he meant no harm. He doesn't know Harry like the rest of us do, and he also probably wasn't aware of Harry's excessive drinking tonight.
"Let me go check on him," I mutter. "You guys can stay here. I'm sure he's fine,"
I stand up, Sarah joining me as well. I give her a look but I don't say anything as she follows me out of the room. Maybe having back up will help because judging by the loud noises coming from wherever the hell Harry is, it isn't good.
"What do you think happened?" Sarah quietly asks me as we follow the sounds echoing through the house.
I shrug.
"Don't know. Maybe he's just frustrated and decided to smash up his room? You know how he gets when he's drunk. He's either super soft or doing stupid shit," I reply.
Sarah huffs but doesn't disagree. She knows I'm right.
Eventually the two of us find ourselves outside of Harry's bedroom. Sarah hesitantly knocks on the door before slowly pushing it open, revealing an absolute disaster of a room. Pillow scatter the floor, amongst other things like pictures frames, clothing, and books.
"What the fuck?" I murmur.
Harry sits on the edge of his bed, his head buried in his hands. His shoulders also slightly shake, indicating he's probably crying.
"Oh Harry," Sarah whispers.
The both of us walk towards him, Sarah sitting next to him and throwing an arm around his shoulders. She pulls him close to her in an awkward side embrace, but he doesn't resist. He gives in quickly, allowing himself to be held.
"I fucked up," Harry mutters, a slight slur behind his words. "God, I fucked up,"
"What happened?" I ask.
He huffs and removes a hand from his face to push back some of the loose curls that were beginning to fall.
"I called her," he quietly says, his voice gravely.
"You what?"
"I fucking called her and I blew up. I said things - things I definitely shouldn't have. She - she hung up on me and now she won't answer my calls,"
Harry breaks down into a silent sob after the words come out of his mouth. I frown seeing him so sad. This whole situation with Amelia is really taking a toll on him. I've avoided interjecting in their relationship but I'm reaching a point where I feel like I have to do something. Both of them aren't handling this well.
"Do you want me to try calling her?" I ask Harry.
He peers up at me through puffy, red eyes, contemplating my suggestion. He hesitates before ultimately nodding, like I expected. I know Harry appreciates a little bit of help. He's never been in a serious relationship before - only short term or flings. He's not used to all of these struggles and heartaches so I try to do what I can to guide both him and Amelia through it. I'd hate for them to breakup because of their miscommunication or misunderstanding. Part of me just wants to stick them both in a room and lock the door until they hash out those issues, but I also fear that might cause more harm than good.
I pat Harry's shoulder and then share a look with Sarah before exiting the room. I find myself wandering down the hallway to one of Harry's spare bedrooms while I pull my phone out of my jeans pocket. I sigh and dial up Amelia's number - I had somehow memorized it the last time I had to fix Harry and Amelia's relationship. While it rings I sit down on the bed, huffing to myself.
"Hello?" a voice answers, only it's not Amelia's voice. It's a guy's.
"Hello?" I respond, confused as to who this is.
"Uh, hi. This is Mitch, right?"
"Yeah? Who is this?"
"Christian,"
Ah, yes I know Christian. We hung out when he came to Harry's tour with Amelia. I like him. He seems like a good guy, and good friend to Amelia.
"Hi, Christian," I begin, trying to figure out how to jump into this conversation. "I'm just - uh - well, I'm sure you know why I'm calling..."
Christian laughs.
"Yeah it's probably the same reason why I'm answering," he replies. I hear him sigh and shift around on his end. "Amelia's not okay right now," he tells me, dropping his voice a little. "Harry really fucked up,"
I sigh and lean back against the headboard of the bed, preparing to get comfortable for a touchy conversation.
"I know," I respond. "I don't know exactly what he said and I'm not defending him, but just so you know, he has been pounding back the tequila all night and isn't exactly sober,"
"Fuck," he mutters. He pauses before continuing with our conversation. "I mean part of me is relieved because he clearly wasn't in the right state of mind but I don't know how he'll be able to reverse this. Amelia hasn't...she hasn't been okay lately,"
I furrow my eyebrows. I knew that Amelia was going through a rough time but I obviously don't know the extent of it. Harry might know more than I do. I know he doesn't tell me everything for Amelia's sake.
"How so? If you don't mind me asking..." I say.
Christian hesitates before responding, most likely searching for the right words.
"Hold on," he mutters. I hear him shift around again and then shut a door. I'm assuming he walked into another room for privacy. "I shouldn't be talking about this but I know she hasn't said much to Harry and I think he should know, at least to some extent. She loves him more than anything and doesn't want to hurt him...
"Amelia was diagnosed with clinical depression a couple of weeks ago. I knew something was going on with her because she stopped talking to her friends and family, her eating habits changed, and she's been overworking herself with this book she's working on. She's also just seemed...out of it. She's been a bit irritable, restless, and anxious. It's been going on for a while now but it's been especially prominent recently.
"She hasn't told Harry because she didn't want him to think he was the cause of her depression. His fame and all the attention she's been receiving certainly contributed to it, but she didn't know how to explain that without causing Harry some form of guilt. She thought it was just a stage and she could work through her feelings without Harry even knowing, but eventually it caught up to her,"
Christian sighs heavily while I lean my head on the wall behind me, shutting my eyes in the process. This is a lot of information to take in and it makes me feel queasy knowing how Amelia has been struggling for so long without anyone knowing. I've never been depressed like that before but I couldn't imagine feeling that way every single day.
"Listen, I'm not saying that Amelia handled all of this in the best way. She knows she didn't either. But what I am saying is that she's in this weird and uncomfortable place in her life where she basically feels like she's drowning while everyone else around her is swimming. I think she needs Harry - her best friend - to help keep her afloat, but it has to start with her first. She has to start kicking her legs otherwise it'll lead to dependency, attachment issues, anxiety. Does that make sense?" Christian asks me.
I pause, processing everything. It's a lot to take in. I knew Amelia was struggling but I could never imagine just how badly she was. I don't even think she knew how badly she was struggling.
"So she wanted this break to try and come out of her depression, at least somewhat," I hesitantly say in an attempt to translate what Christian is telling me.
"Yeah," he replies. "I think she wants time apart so she can find happiness other than Harry, and I mean that in the best way possible. She loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him, but she doesn't want to depend on him all the time for her happiness. She wants to be happy with him and not just because of him,"
I sigh heavily and run a hand through my growing hair, tugging at my roots slightly. Fuck, this situation just gets messier and messier. I feel horrible for Amelia. I wish there was someway I could help but I have no idea how.
"Christian," I suddenly say, feeling a bit more concerned and alert than I was a moment ago. "What did Harry say to Amelia?"
Christian sighs and clears his throat.
"Basically he threatened to leave her and called her ungrateful for all of the things he gave her. There was more but that was the worst of it," he tells me.
Oh for fucks sake, Harry. I love him, but he can be a moron sometimes. I know he's been hurting, and he has every reason to be because he doesn't know the severity of Amelia's depression, but that doesn't give him an excuse to be an ass.
"Listen, he's a fucking asshole for that but I know for a fact that he loves Amelia more than anything and he definitely does not want to leave her," I say. I puff out my cheeks as I exhale heavily. "Can I tell you something? But it needs to stay between us,"
"Okay..."
"Harry was planning to propose. That's why he was so aloof and sketchy with that Lauren chick. Her parents are designers at Cartier and he was working with them to create a ring,"
The line goes silent. Part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't have told Christian, but on the other hand I think it's important for him to know. He can understand a little bit from where Harry is coming from and also maybe use this information to talk to Amelia, without giving away the surprise of course.
"For real?" Christian asks me after a minute or so.
"Yeah," I reply.
"Well shit," he says. I hear him huff loudly. "Amelia can't know," He whispers. "It'll destroy her. I'm already worried about her as it is. If she finds out Harry was planning on asking her to marry him...I don't know what'll happen,"
I furrow my eyebrows, my heart starting to beat rapidly from worry.
"She's not going to like...do anything radical, is she?" I ask, carefully, hoping he knows what I'm alluding to.
"No. She would never, especially over a boy. I just worry about her mental health in general but it's not at that point..." he replies.
I breathe out a sigh of relief. For a brief moment I had this awful vision in my mind of Amelia possibly doing something extreme and it absolutely shattered my heart. I don't even want to think about it anymore.
"So what do we do?" I ask.
"I think...I think they should take a break, but a real break. They both need to cool off and figure out what's going on inside their heads. Then, when they're ready, we'll lock them in a room together to work all their shit out,"
I chuckle slightly at Christian's suggestion. Honestly, it's not the worst one I've heard. I agree that both of them need time apart. Amelia needs to sort out whatever is going on with her and Harry could probably do the same. They need to regroup before sitting down and talking everything out in person.
"Okay," I say. "I agree. Maybe I'll force Harry to go on a retreat to Switzerland or something, I don't know. He needs to clear his mind. He's been overwhelmed lately,"
"Honestly, if Amelia didn't have work I'd force her to do the same thing,"
God, I have no idea how I'm going to explain all this to Harry. I know he won't take it well, especially after knowing what he said to Amelia. He's going to be desperate to try and fix things immediately. He doesn't really like letting things simmer.
"So I guess I'll relay the message to Harry about the two of them distancing themselves for right now and then when the time is right, Amelia will tell him to come home?" I say, making sure I don't miss anything.
"Yeah. But make sure Harry knows that when him and Amelia reconnect, they're going to sit down and talk through everything. Those phone calls they were having weren't helping, at least not in my opinion. I think they should just focus on themselves and then I guess Amelia will be the one to call him, whenever that is, since she's the one that called the break to begin with,"
I nod.
"Okay. I think that's fair since she needs more time. I'll tell Harry," I tell Christian. "In the meantime though, let me give you my number so the two of us can keep in contact while our children get their shit together, just to keep tabs on them,"
Christian laughs and agrees, although he says he'll just hijack my number from Amelia's phone instead.
The two of us talk for a few more minutes before exchanging goodbyes and hanging up. I feel beyond overwhelmed, not entirely knowing what to do. I know I need to talk to Harry now, but I have to word everything very carefully. Maybe I'll take the night to figure out what I'm going to say. Harry's fairly plastered right now anyways so it'll be better for the both of us to have this painful conversation in the morning.
Fuck, I'm dreading talking to Harry. I hate seeing him so upset. I know he hasn't been handling everything well, especially after hearing about his explosive phone call. I still don't know why he said all those things - most likely pent up frustrations coming to fruition, but it still seems extreme. That'll just be another thing we have to deal with tomorrow, although I think Sarah is getting the brunt of it right now.
I take a moment to recollect myself before leaving the spare bedroom. Loud sobs can be heard from Harry's room, causing my chest to constrict a little bit. This is fucking painful and I hope to God him and Amelia can work through this. I know I can't fix their relationship, plus it's not necessarily my place to, but I make a promise to myself to do everything I can to help them. They're hurting right now but I have a feeling that if they can work through this, they can get through anything.
...
My classes start again on Monday and I am not excited!!! The thought of attending Zoom lectures in a class of 15 students is not appealing lmao