(Tw - mentions of suicide and dark thoughts in this chapter)
☽☽☽
"DORCAS YOU HAVE TO LET HER GO" Kingsley sighed. It had been about twenty minutes since Athena and Dorcas had found Marlene dead and Dorcas was inconsolable. She was hanging onto Marlene for dear life and crying to the point that her lungs must be aching.
"NO" Dorcas cried as she held onto her love tighter. Athena moved away from Remus, seeing everyone turn to her. Even Sirius gazed at her in sympathy rather than the anger he had shown towards her at the order meeting the previous day.
She placed her hand lightly on Dorcas' shoulder and the girl looked up through large tear filled eyes.
"Don't make me leave her Rena" Dorcas shook her head, "I don't want her to be alone"
"She's not alone" Athena smiled as she crouched beside her friend, "she's up there... with Gid and Fab, they'll look after her Dorcas"
"But she should be with me" Dorcas murmured as teardrops fell onto Marlene's hair.
"She'll always be with you Dorcas" Athena murmured, "she'll always be with you" Dorcas looked up at Athena and nodded.
She picked up the body of Marlene in her arms and stared down at her.
"I love you so much" Dorcas whispered as she placed her down onto the bed, her curls so perfectly placed that she looked like sleeping beauty.
"We'll take care of her" Kingsley smiled sympathetically.
"Let's get you home, ok?" Athena wrapped her arm around Dorcas and let the girl lay against her. Remus stared at the two of them with a questioning glance, he was seeing whether she needed help but Athena was sure that Dorcas didn't want to be crowded right now so she shook her head.
Athena didn't have time to cry or scream anymore, she pushed her grief to the side for the time being and concentrated on Dorcas who was still crying softly into her shoulder. Turning on her heel, Athena apperated back to the apartment they had been in less than an hour ago.
Dorcas stumbled forwards and leant on the dining room chair where Marlene's patronus had formed. Then her eyes moved to the cherry pie, probably cold now.
"Something for her to come back to" Dorcas murmured. Athena felt her heart break yet again as she saw Dorcas stare at the pie, imaging Marlene's face light into a smile when she came home and saw it.
"I'm so sorry" Athena sighed. Dorcas pulled the chair out and fell into it, burying her face into her arms as her back began to shake again.
"Why her?" Dorcas asked, "what did she do to deserve this?"
"She didn't deserve this" Athena told her, "of course she didn't Dorcas"
"We were supposed to have a life!" Dorcas cried out, "we were supposed to adopt, there were so many places we wanted to go... after the war... we were going to go to Paris"
Athena leant against the wall as she ran her hands over her face, trying to understand what had just happened. She was half expecting Marlene to walk through the door with a smile. Death never felt real, maybe it would after a few days or maybe it would never really sink in. Maybe Athena could never believe that Marlene was actually gone, it wasn't fair. Nothing was fair anymore.
"How am I supposed to go on?" Dorcas asked as she lifted her head from her arms. Her face was blotchy and red, she looked so different without her smile. Dorcas was always smiling, even if that was a sad smile, a sympathetic smile or a comforting smile. She was always so strong.
"I don't know" Athena answered honestly,
"I can't go on" Dorcas shook her head, "I can't stay here without her, I can't live without her Rena I can't"
"I know it's going to be hard—"
"It's not going to be hard it's going to be impossible!" Dorcas yelled out, "I can't do it Rena, I really can't... this isn't going to work"
"You need to calm down" Athena pleaded,
"How can I calm down?" She shouted, "how can I clam down when I just found the love of my life dead! Murdered!"
"I'm sorry" Athena murmured as tears graced her own cheeks.
How was she supposed to tell Dorcas everything would be ok when she knew it wouldn't be? She couldn't tell a lie that was impossible to believe. Something that was obviously not true. Athena knew that things were just going to keep getting worse, so how could she comfort her friend?
"Kill me Rena" Dorcas sobbed, "please kill me"
"What?" Athena frowned in shock, "no Dorcas don't do that, don't say that"
"I can't live without her!"
"She wouldn't want you to die!" Athena replied.
"But I want to see her again" Dorcas mumbled, "how else am I supposed to see her again?"
"It'll get easier—"
"No it won't" Dorcas shook her head, "they always say that but it's a lie to get people to stay, to give people false hope"
"Dorcas please don't" Athena moved forwards and sat next to her, "please... she'd want you to carry on, you know she would"
"Well she's selfish!" Dorcas yelled, "because it's not going to work, it's not going to— fucking hell why does it hurt so much?"
"I don't know" Athena whispered. Dorcas stared at her for a moment through empty eyes.
"I can't do this"
"You can, you're so strong Dorcas, you're the strongest person I know"
"Not anymore" Dorcas replied, "not anymore, she was my strength and now I've lost her, I wasn't strong enough to save her"
"Don't blame yourself" Athena protested, "none of this is your fault, this is not down to you this is down to Voldemort!"
"I'll kill him" Dorcas snapped, "I'll fucking kill him"
"We will" Athena nodded as she grabbed hold of Dorcas' hand, "we'll avenge her death Dee"
"Yeah" Dorcas nodded through tears, "yeah we will"
"I'm here for you" Athena told her, "you've got so many people around you Dorcas please don't forget it, please don't shut yourself out"
Dorcas nodded again as she turned to Rena. She didn't say anything she just looked at her, thoughts whirling through her mind. Then she moved forwards and pulled her friend into a hug. Athena leant into her and moved her closer. Resting her head on Dorcas' shoulder she started to cry again.
"Why did she have to go to her parents today?" Dorcas sobbed, "if she'd only stayed at home, I said she shouldn't go... I said no good would come of it"
"Neither of you could have known what would happen" Athena sighed, "there's no point asking what could have happened"
"All her family too" Dorcas whispered, "all of them... her brother was fourteen Rena"
"Voldemort is sick, he's actually sick"
"When I find out who these imposters are you best believe I'm going to put their heads on sticks" Dorcas murmured angrily,
"I'll help" Athena nodded, she loved blaming things on Tessa and Peter at the moment, after all most things were their fault.
"She's never coming back" Dorcas continued, "how am I supposed to believe that she's never coming back to me... she hasn't just left me, she's left everyone... she's gone"
"It's terrible, she deserved so much Dorcas, the both of you deserved so much" Athena told her and Dorcas began to sob again. Athena just held onto her, remembering the reaction she'd had when she'd found Marlene. The scream that would now reside in Athena's mind along with everything else she knew. It was getting crowded in their with visions of death. So much death. So much pain.
Now she understood more than ever what Dumbledore had been talking about. She understood why it was so important for the war to end. People weren't going to stop dying until it drew to a close, innocent people weren't going to stop losing their lives until Voldemort was rotting in hell.
"Dorcas if you could speed up the end of the war, would you do it?"
"What kind of stupid question is that?" Dorcas scoffed, "of course I would"
"Even if the end of the war came with a price"
"What are you on about?" She asked as she pulled away and wiped her tears on her sleeve.
"I just feel that the wars not going to end easily" Athena shrugged, "so even if there was a terrible price to pay, would you pay it?"
"I would do anything to end this war Rena, ending the war would have saved Marlene so yes, any price is worth it"
Athena nodded at the words sunk in. The plan beginning to form in her mind, Peter had to be the secret keeper. She had to listen to Dumbledore, she had to trust him and (although she hated to admit it) she had to help him. Even if that meant losing Lily and James, even if that meant losing a part of herself.
☽☽☽
Athena stayed with Dorcas for a couple of hours. She really didn't want to leave her on her own but Dorcas insisted that she needed some time to breathe, to understand what had happened.
So two hours later, Athena was standing in her own living room. Her legs felt completely weak, her stature was frail as she leant absent the wall. She'd been holding up an act for Dorcas, creating a fake smile and fake words to coax Dorcas back to believing that death wasn't the option.
Athena knew that Dorcas wasn't considering it anymore. If she hadn't been sure, Athena would not have left her friend alone. She knew because she'd read her mind, enough so that she wouldn't realise. The grief and pain was still strong but Dorcas felt that she had reason to live, reason being killing Voldemort and ending this war.
She walked shakily into the kitchen and saw that Remus was sitting with a large bottle of whiskey on the table in front of him. He looked up through red eyes as she entered.
"How is she?" Was his first question,
"Completely broken" Athena replied, "she's in agony Remus"
"I can't believe it... I can't believe she's gone" Remus shook his head. Athena walked over and sat up on the bar stool beside him, dragging the bottle towards her so she could take a swig. Whiskey wasn't her favourite drink especially when it wasn't mixed with something however she enjoyed the bitter taste, the burning of her throat, the hope that this could all be forgotten.
"I know" Athena agreed as she leant into Remus, he placed his arm around her as a source of comfort as she took another drink and handed the bottle to Remus who did the same.
"You found her?" Remus asked,
"Yeah" she whispered in reply, "I don't know why but I thought she would be alive, I know her family were dead but I was so sure that she was going to be sitting up in that room waiting for us"
"Because it's Marlene" Remus replied, "Marlene is- was a survivor, I never expected her to die in this war... in fact I can't imagine her dying at all, Marls was going to live forever"
"She was just lying there, staring up at us" Athena choked back a sob as she laid her head absent Remus' shoulder, "and then... Dorcas just screamed and it was the worst sound I ever heard... I can still hear it, going around in my mind, I can hear it"
"I'm so sorry" Remus murmured,
"Don't be" Athena mumbled, "everyone's been saying that today, including me, but none of us need to be sorry... it's Voldemort who'll be sorry, it's his followers who'll be sorry"
"Yeah" Remus agreed as he took another swig, closing his eyes as the drink trailed down his throat.
"He's going to die" Athena continued, "Voldemort and when he does, the world will be better"
"Of course it will be" Remus smiled. Athena didn't even believe what she'd said, how could the world be better without Lily and James, without Marlene?
"Has anyone told Lily and James?" Athena asked. Remus shook his head,
"Not yet" Remus sighed, "Marlene is- was Lily's best friend... I don't know how we can possibly put what happened into words on a bit of paper... it's cruel that she has to find out through a letter"
"I know but she does have to find out, James too... they were always close, quidditch and all"
"Yeah" Remus whispered, "I can write it if you don't feel—"
"No I'll do it" Athena protested as she jumped up and moved out of the room.
She walked upstairs into the room that had once been her fathers study when he still lived here. Taking some parchment and a quill, Athena sat in the leather chair and stared down at the yellowing paper trying to think of something to say.
The quill scratched against the parchment, the ink laid out as her curving letters formed. Tears dotted the paper, some of the ink ran into it and she tried to blink them away. However she was sure that Lily and James would understand.
As she was writing, Remus followed her upstairs and leant on the door frame to watch. She didn't say anything, it was hard enough actually writing these thoughts into words. At the end, she sat back and read over the letter wondering whether she'd said the right thing. Athena was never sure whether she was good at putting things into words.
Dear Lily and James
I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this but I know you'd rather find out sooner than later. I hate that this is the way you have to find out but unfortunately for the time being I can't see an alternative.
Marlene has passed away, she was killed alongside her family today. I know nothing I can say will make this any better, just know that even though you must feel alone not being able to see everyone, you have so many people around you, so many people who care and who are here for you.
I know how hard this is, I suppose we're all feeling the same right now. Shocked, devastated, grieving. Even that doesn't quite cover it. I know she'll be somewhere looking over us. It's not fair, Marlene was so full of life until the very end. She died smiling, I think that suits her.
The Mckinnon's were all killed. It's tragic. I'm sure there will be a funeral, I hope there will be a way you can come but obviously I'm not sure that this is safe. I hope to see you soon, again I'm sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this.
I love you both endlessly,
Athena (and Remus of course)
She stood up, sealing the letter with a wave of her wand as she wiped the stray tears from her face.
"We don't have an owl" Remus pointed out. Athena nodded, usually she corresponded with people by using their owls for replies however today that would not be the case.
She held the feathered quill up in between her fingers and tapped the top of it with her wand. In its place sat a transfigured barn owl, ruffling its feathers. Remus raised his eyebrows, evidently impressed as Athena moved to the window. She attached the letter to the owls leg and watched as it flew out into the now night sky.
☽☽☽
A/n
Words - 2595
Published- 7th April 2021