Well.... it was that time of the year again. Christmas.
I was prepared for how I would feel today, given how I felt on Thanksgiving. And, if I was being totally honest, I never felt like celebrating Christmas anyway. Nor did my dad. We actually made Thanksgiving a bigger celebration... Christmas was always too hard for us after the car accident.
So, given that my dad and I often ignored Christmas anyway, today sucked, but I was feeling okay. At least, I was definitely feeling better than I did on Thanksgiving.
Hannah and Blake had already gone home again, so Jax and I were alone. I knew he'd probably be coming in here to check on me soon, and I didn't want him to find me like he did last holiday. Instead, I pulled myself out of bed, grabbed my shower caddy, and headed to the bathroom.
I took my time in the showers today, letting the hot water cascade over my body. It was quiet in here since everyone had family to visit during our two weeks off. Well, everyone but Jax and I.
I wasn't even sure what I was feeling up for today. We had already finished our Twilathon, but perhaps I could convince him to watch cheesy Christmas movies with me? I loved how dumb some of them were. If anyone's life was more messed up than mine, it was the main character of a hallmark movie.
When the water began to run cold, I decided it was finally time to head back to my dorm and start my day. Besides, I was starving and wanted to go to the dining hall.
I walked down the eerily empty hallway in my towel. Normally, I brought clothes with me to the bathroom, but since there was hardly anyone here, I didn't bother today.
I was lost in thought as I opened my door, stepping inside and dropping my towel as I closed it. I couldn't wait to get into my warm, comfy lounge wear.
"Emery!" A male voice sounded from behind me.
Oh Fuck.
I was so zoned out I didn't even realize Jax had let himself in already. To be fair, he was seated at my desk chair, which was under my lofted bed and therefore, slightly hidden from my view. My cheeks flamed as I hurried to cover myself back up.
"What the hell, Jax!" I scolded, "You didn't feel the need to give me a warning that you're in here?"
He stood up, facing the window away from me. "You dropped your towel literally .5 seconds after entering your room. I don't think you even had the door fully closed."
"Welp..." I said, making sure he was fully turned around before I yet again, dropped my towel. "This is awkward. Don't turn around until I tell you to."
He chuckled, "Looks like we crossed yet another line. I can honestly say, I've never seen a client of mine naked. Not that I've ever wanted to before...."
I finished pulling on my leggings before I grabbed a pillow off the futon, hurling it in his direction. It hit him in the back before falling to the floor. "I'm not just 'your client,' you asshat."
"I know. I'm sorry," He said, running a palm across the back of his neck. "I saw you naked... and you're so hot... I'm just being awkward. I'll shut up."
I couldn't help but laugh. Jax was rarely thrown off; I loved that I had that kind of power over him sometimes. I pulled my festive sweatshirt over my head. "You can turn around now. I'm clothed."
He turned around slowly as if he didn't believe me. Once he realized I was, indeed, clothed, his eyes hovered on my sweatshirt. It had a portrait of Santa holding a white claw on it.
"Santa Claws?" Jax asked, "Where did you get that?"
"Hannah gave it to me as a Christmas gift. You like it?"
He chuckled. "It's... it's something."
I smiled. "So, what are you doing in here?"
"I wanted to come and wish you a Merry Christmas," he said, shooting me a smile back. I could tell though that he had alternative motives for coming in here. He was checking on me. He probably expected me to be a mess.
"Thank you," I said, forcing another smile back at him, "Merry Christmas to you too."
"Well, you're out of bed at least," he said, inching towards me. "You doing okay today?"
I thought for a moment, sitting down onto my futon. "Would you believe me if I say that I am?"
He wandered over, sitting beside me. "Do you mean it?"
I sighed, "Yeah; My dad and I haven't celebrated Christmas since... well since my mom and sister died. Today for me is just another day."
He nodded, searching my face as if he wasn't fully convinced.
"I'm not gonna break, Jax. I'm so sick of breaking," I assured him.
He placed a warm palm on my face, forcing my eyes to meet his. "I believe you. You're much stronger than even you give yourself credit for."
He leaned in, brushing his lips against mine in a light kiss. A spark of heat shot through me. He was so perfect. Everything he said to me just made me fall for him more and more. I kissed him back, this time with a little more force.
He followed my lead, lacing one of his hands through my damp hair as he moved his lips against mine. Wanting to be closer, I wrapped my arms around his neck, parting my lips to allow entry of his tongue.
He shifted so that his hands found my hips. He lifted me, and I made it easier for him, placing my palms on his strong shoulders as I straddled him on the futon. I broke the kiss, trailing small kisses down his neck as I grinded against him.
His hands found my ass, squeezing and lifting in a rhythmic motion as our lips met again. our tongues swirling together. I loved kissing Jax; really, I did. But with him... I always found myself wanting more. I was addicted to his touch.
During times like this, when I could literally feel that he felt the same way for me, I wondered if he would cross that line. There was being intimate, and then there was... being intimate.
This time, however, I didn't get to find out. I had almost forgotten how hungry I was when my stomach decided to chime in, rumbling with an aggressive amount of volume. I could swear he probably felt the vibrations against his own stomach.
Jax broke the kiss, his lips curling up into a smile. "Hungry, Em?"
I chuckled. "Very. Sorry about that."
"Let's go get some food then," he said, shifting to stand up.
I tightened my grip on his neck as he stood, lifting me up with him. I loved how strong he was. "We don't have to go right now..." I said, placing another kiss on his lips as he held me; his strong arms supporting my weight by my thighs.
He kissed me back, moving his hands up to my back as I wrapped my legs around his waist. I almost convinced him to move back to the futon when my stomach growled again, awkwardly loud in the quiet room.
My lips curled into a smile against his, and I released my legs from his waist as he lowered me back down.
"Yes... we do," he said, placing a hand on my lower back as he ushered us towards the door.
Damn you, stomach.
******
"You should slow down," Jax chuckled, watching as I finished my second glass of wine.
We actually had a really nice Christmas so far. We went to the dining hall and ate our weight in bacon, then, on our walk back, it started to snow.
Normally, I wasn't really into snow. It can be pretty... but after a while, it's just cold, wet, and turns to brown slush. But... I liked it today. It felt festive.
Plus, Jax had kept a warming arm around my shoulders as we walked back to the dorm, and the large snowflakes were getting caught in his dark brown hair.
I liked the look on him; he was just so beautiful. The soft, bright snowflakes softened his hardened features and made his ice-blue eyes look even more striking, if even possible.
Then, when we were home, we watched Elf, and two other ridiculous Hallmark ones that I forgot the names of. Now, it was nighttime, and I was on my second glass of wine and halfway through my chicken Alfredo.
"Oh come on; it's a holiday," I said, holding my glass out to him.
He rolled his eyes, pouring me another glass.
"I just don't understand why you like these movies," he said. "This one is ridiculous. She's a famous celebrity who's returning home for the holidays? There's no way the relationship with this guy would actually work out."
"Oh yeah?" I asked, "why not?"
"Because she's a celebrity. She's got big goals, and he wants to stay in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere."
I chuckled. "I love how into this you are."
He shook his head. "I'm not into it. I think it's ridiculous. But, I like that they make you happy."
I turned my attention to him, taking in his profile. "They do. Maybe I just like rooting for relationships that are... complicated."
He turned his attention back to me. "I see what you're doing."
"And what is that?" I asked, feigning innocent as I took another sip of my wine.
"You're trying to justify our relationship by comparing it to your shitty hallmark movies," he chuckled.
"Was it that obvious?"
"You're not the most subtle."
"Damn," I said, leaning into him a little so that my shoulder was resting against his arm.
"But for what it's worth," he continued, "what we have is nothing like these movies, and I'm rooting for us too."
I couldn't help my smile. Jax rarely expressed his feelings for me, and he definitely didn't comment on our relationship. With him, our relationship was kind of a don't ask, don't tell, and we might just be okay, type of situation.
"Daw, are you just saying that because you didn't get me a Christmas present and you're hoping being sweet is gift enough?" I teased.
He stared down at me, his ice blue eyes piercing mine. "What makes you think I didn't get you a Christmas present?"
I glanced at the clock, "because it's already 9:00? And you promised you wouldn't?"
"I made no such promise," he said.
I sat up off of him. "What? Yes you did!"
He shook his head, his eyes alight with humor. "No, I didn't. You said, 'I don't think we should do presents- it's too difficult to get them,' and I said, 'no problem.' Ergo- no promise was made."
I sighed, honestly not knowing what to say as he got up from the futon.
"Be back in a jiffy," he said, leaning down to kiss me on the forehead as he left the room.
Well... fuck. I didn't get him anything. I had wanted to, but I honestly thought we came to an agreement on not doing gifts. And anyway, I wasn't sure if he would freak out if I got him something. He had a tendency to pull away whenever I got too close too soon.
Whatever. Maybe he got me something small and dumb anyway.
He returned before my thoughts ran too wild, sitting beside me and placing a small box in my hand. It was neatly wrapped with striped red and white paper, and had a small, green bow on top.
"Did you wrap this?" I asked. It was actually really good. I sucked at wrapping and figured he would as well.
"Yep," he said, popping the "p." "Why do you sound so surprised?"
I shrugged. "You have fat fingers. I figured you'd need more dexterity to get tight corners like this."
He blinked at me, "First of all, they're not fat, and second of all, you're gonna feel bad about insulting me once you open it."
I chuckled, tearing into the wrapping paper and removing the lid on the small box. He was right... I was a dick.
The dainty necklace was beautiful. It had a shiny, thin, silver chain, and several small diamonds forming a tear-drop shape around a circular garnet. The red gem shimmered as I turned it this way and that.
"Oh my god... it's so pretty," I breathed, "Is that... my birthstone?"
He nodded. "It is. Not your fake birthday as Skyler, but your real birthday. I think it's important that Emery Starr be represented in this new life of yours, even in a small way. I happen to think she's pretty great."
"Thank you," I said, trying my best to keep my tears at bay. I will not break. I will not break. I will not break.
"Your birthstone- red garnet- also signifies protection, friendship, trust, and commitment," he rambled, completely oblivious to my tears. "I thought it was extra fitting for our situation. I figured wearing it could also remind you that I'm here for you; always."
Welp... so much for not breaking.
"Damn it, Jax," I said, sniffling in a way that was less than attractive.
He looked truly surprised by my outburst. "I'm sorry... is it too much?"
I shook my head yes... then no.... and then I just placed my hand over my mouth, staring at the shimmering necklace.
"I love it..." I answered honestly, "But... I didn't get you anything."
"That's okay," he said, "I don't want anything. I just... I want you to be happy, Emery. I know that given everything you've been through, happiness doesn't come very easy. But, I wanted you to know that you deserve to be happy. I hope this necklace reminds you of that."
More tears fell. "You... fuck, Jax. Thank you. Really. I love it. I'm only mad that you made me break my vow that I wasn't going to cry today."
He smiled, wiping a tear away with his thumb. "As long as they're tears of joy and not of sadness."
"They are," I assured him, wrapping my arms around his neck for a hug. "Thank you. Can you help me put it on?"
"Of course," he said, shifting behind me and brushing my hair away. His fingers lightly grazed the bare skin on the back of my neck, and I shivered.
This was one of the nicest gifts I had ever received. My feelings for Jax had been steadily growing over time, and I think part of me had known for a while, but I really knew now, without any doubt.
I was completely and hopelessly in love with Jaxon Hale.