"So then I said, 'okay, call me a bitch one more time and I'm sticking this margarita up your ass." Casey says as I'm staring ahead at the striped blue diner walls.
"Hey."
"Hellooo?"
Suddenly, a fry hits my face making me clutch it with my hand. "Ow Casey, what the fuck."
"Pay attention. You've been literally zoned out for the past 30 minutes while I've ranted." Casey responds annoyingly.
"I'm sorry, I'm just- I've been so out of it lately." I whisper looking down at my food.
Nina has been avoiding me for the past few days and it's been really strange.
She usually doesn't do this and she didn't really respond when I'd asked her how her interview went. She just responded with a short "Fine." under her breathe and didn't really give me much more.
I really do hope she got the job but if she didn't, it would kind of explain why she's avoided the topic or me.
"How come?" Casey asks.
I shrug my shoulders, looking up at her. "Nina hasn't been really speaking to me lately."
Casey frowns with confusion taking over her face. "What? I thought you two were doing well. What happened?"
"We were. This was just really out of the blue." I mutter back. "I'm not sure what's happening but she hasn't really been responsive with my texts. She'll give me really short answers and it's a little bit frustrating."
"Isn't that what you do when you're mad?" Casey says slowly making me squint up at her in an annoyed expression. "Sorry, just- an observation." She coughs awkwardly looking back down.
"It is but I'm the one to do that, not her. She's always vocal about what's bothering her." I respond.
This was so strange and not at all Nina.
"Do you see her today?" Casey asks. "Maybe you can ask when she comes over."
That's true. Nina had a couple of things she wanted to grab for Lenny who was staying with Rosa for tomorrow.
"I do see her today." I think. "I could probably ask then." I just don't want her to completely shut me out.
Communication is one of the things we were doing so well in. I just wish she'd be open with me.
"Alright, well there you have it. Just like you always tell me, everything will be fine." Casey says. "It's funny how you always say it but you always have doubts about it yourself."
I frown, grabbing a fry of my own and throwing it at her face this time, making her groan. "Ouch, okay that hurt."
She speaks nothing but the truth but I'd never admit it to her.
I roll my eyes, taking another bite of my burger before looking back up to Casey. "How's the new single life."
"Lonely and sad." Casey chuckles shaking her head and sipping her milkshake. "It's a weird feeling. I know that we weren't together for too long but it all happened really fast. It's hard to believe someone would do something like that. Especially someone I really loved and trusted. You know that some days are worse than others for me and that's when I call you."
My heart wrenches hearing her words before responding to her softly. "People can be really selfish sometimes. It happens to the best of us."
I know Casey has been through a lot of unimaginable things. She's lived most of her life surrounded by selfish and terrible people and I can't help but feel for her.
"Not to be rude or anything but have you ever considered therapy?" I question making her look up at me with a laugh.
"Therapy?" She repeats, not exactly sure if she's heard me right. "I have you. Why do I need therapy?"
"Just something to consider." I say. "As your best friend, I can help and I'll always be here for you but I won't always have the answers that might be able to help you. Plus I know you've gone through so much, Casey. This might be really good for you."
I remember going to therapy growing up as a teenager. It was something my mum wanted me and Gemma to try after my father had moved out. She'd known how much hurt he'd caused our family and although he never physically laid a hand on us, he was very verbally abusive. I'm so thankful to have had my mum as a role-model rather than that asshole.
"I don't know if I'd trust a stranger." She says looking down. "It seems like a lot."
"I was a stranger once." I point out. "You're comfortable with me."
Casey shakes her head, "Yeah but I had to build up to trusting you. It was a process."
"Yeah? Well so is this." I respond. "Just try one session and see what happens."
For the rest of the day, I spend more time talking to Casey and hanging out when I finally decide to go home and wait for Nina.
Today was Sunday, which meant Lenny had class tomorrow but she wanted to stay with Rosa for the weekend again and Rosa gave in saying she'd take her to school the next day. I remember Nina wanting to pick up a few things for Lenny before dropping it off at her moms the next morning but I was going to take this opportunity to speak to her about what's been bothering her lately. It's really killing me not knowing.
So now I'm seated at the table, just finished dinner when the doorbell rings.
Walking over, I open the door widely, greeting Nina. "Hey."
She gives me an nod, quietly responding to me under her breath before walking past me.
I shut the door, feeling the awkward silence become uncomfortable very rapidly as she walks towards the living room.
"How are you?" I question trying to make conversation with her.
"Fine." She mutters back. Her tone isn't harsh but it's very mono-tone.
I slip my hands into the pockets of my hoodie, shrugging my shoulders up before relaxing them. "Can you remind Lenny to practice her words? Teacher says she needs more work on that."
"Yep."
I wonder if this has anything to do with her job interview. I was really hoping she'd get it.
"Nina?" I ask softly.
"Yeah?" She says, stopping herself from moving any further inside and turning around.
"Can we please talk?" I ask. "You've been kind of ignoring me."
"I've been ignoring you?"
"Well, I wouldn't exactly say you've been responsive." I say. "What happened?"
"Nothing happened."
"Please don't lie to me." I mumble, my voice barely a whisper. "I know when something is wrong and something is definitely wrong."
Nina looks hesitant, her hand holding onto the stuffed animal in her right hand before shrugging. "I'm fine."
"No, you're not fine. You're upset." I shoot back more sternly. "We said we wouldn't keep secrets from each other. Please, talk to me."
I watch her shake her head and think deeply as she's putting her thoughts together. This is really starting to worry me.
"It's not so much what you did." She starts off. What I did? "I'm just upset with myself."
"What I- this was something I did?" I question in confusion, frowning at the statement. "Have I done something to upset you?"
She looks up at me with sad eyes and the hesitation clear on her face. "You said we wouldn't keep stuff from each other right?"
I nod quickly at her words. "That's exactly what I said."
"You would tell me if you went on a date?" She asks me. I scan her face immediately looking for some sort of joke but when there's no sign of it, I frown.
"A date? What are you talking about?" I say. "I haven't been on a date with anyone other than you."
Nina sighs, crossing her arms and walking over to me. "I saw you." She whispers.
"You saw me?" I respond. "What do you mean you saw me? I haven't been with anyone else!"
"Friday. The day of my interview. I saw you through the glass of a restaurant with a redhead. She was holding your hand and hugging you, Harry."
Realization hits me once I know exactly what she's talking about.
She thinks I went on a date that day???
"Nina, that was Maria." I say. "She's my assistant."
I watch her frown, "What?"
"I wasn't on a date. I would never go on a date with anyone but you. You should know this by now, I'd never do that you." I say starting to feel myself grow a bit frustrated at the fact that she'd even think about something like that. "Why would you even assume that?"
I stare at her as she remains silent, shrugging her shoulders slowly.
"If anything, I'm surprised this is even bothering you so much considering you've been pushing me away for months." I mutter the words before I can stop them from slipping from my mouth.
"That's really shitty of you to say." I watch as she glares at me.
"It's the truth." I state.
Nina shakes her head at my words, walking towards the door. "I don't want to hear this..." She whispers. "I know how much I fucked up. I don't need you to remind me."
"Well I'm not going to lie to you, Nina. I'm being honest. Whether you like it or not, it's the fucking truth." I say, following her. "And can you please just stay and listen to me for once!"
"I want to, Harry but hearing you say all of this hurts." She responds lowly.
"And you think assuming I'm seeing other people while I'm going on dates with you doesn't hurt me?" I question. "Don't you think it hurt me when the person I've grown to love so fucking much threw her ring at me?" I shouted back. "What about when I stood here waiting for you to come back to me and you never did? I was the one who had to try and win us back months later. Because that's what hurts me, Nina. The fact that I've had to go through, hell to win over someone who didn't even want to fucking look at me back then. So don't think you're the only hurt one here because I've been through a whole damn lot for you."
"I didn't know how to talk to you!"
"Well you should've at least fucking tried!" I shot back. "You avoided me at every goddamn opportunity you had. You went on dates. You did everything but talk to me so don't even begin to say you had even tried!"
I'm not sure where all of this anger is coming from. I guess all of my frustration about the struggles in our relationship are pouring out of my chest all at once.
"I know, alright?" Nina shouts. "I should've done a lot of things back then but that's in the past and I can't change what happened. You know how fucking horrible I feel for what I did and we've talked about that already. I really don't want to bring it up again."
"Alright then, answer this one for me." I say. "Why does it bother you so much that I was with someone else?"
She stops in her steps with her hand on the doorknob before shaking her head again. It's not until she turns around that I notice the angry tears in her eyes. "I'm done, here. I need to leave."
I clench my jaw, clearly frustrated but trying to keep myself calm for us to work this through. "Nina, I need to understand what's hurting you about this in order to figure this out. Just answer the question, please."
"I can't, okay?" She says.
"Why not?" I respond. "There had to be a reason behind you being hurt, Nina. I need to know what it is in order to help us figure this out." She lets go of the doorknob, rubbing her face with the palms with her hands before she groans.
"Because I love you, okay?!" She says choking out a sob.
I freeze in place, watching the way she grits her teeth and squeezes her eyes shut from the frustration. "I fucking love you and I can't stand seeing someone touching you like that."
"What?" I mutter out, feeling myself go breathless. Did I hear her right? I don't know why hearing her say this out loud almost feels unreal. I haven't heard her say it in months.
"You what?"
"I love you." She repeats as I watch tears begin streaming down her face. "I love you and I thought I was too late."
I shake my head, going up to her quickly and grabbing her hands tightly, squeezing them against my own before shaking my head. "Nina." I whisper. "You know it's always been you. You know I only ever want you."
Her cries continue and I find my own eyes welling up with tears as my body fills with relief and my heart wrenches as I listen to her. I pull her into my chest and hug her tightly against me while I'm still in complete utter shock. Although I can't explain what I'm exactly feeling right now, it's a burst of different emotions. I continue to rock her in my arms, trying my best to hush her cries while I leave multiple kisses on the top of her head and on her wet cheeks for comfort.
"I'm really scared, Harry." Nina says once her cries have quieted down. Her face is still buried into my chest and her arms are wrapped around me.
"What are you afraid of, angel." I whisper as my chins rests above her head.
"I really don't want to screw this up." She responds. "I don't want to hurt you."
I can't help but feel my stomach turn at her words. These words aren't unfamiliar. She's said this before and this is a fear that she's continuously had ever since we'd broken up.
"Nina, look at me for a second." I say. She pulls away from me and I take a look at her red puffy eyes, cupping my hands around her face and trying my best to wipe the tears that are still falling. "You're not going to hurt me."
"You don't know that." She responds quietly though hiccups.
"There's a lot of things I don't know, Nina but one thing I'm certain about now is that you love me and you'd never intentionally do anything to hurt me." I say. "Please, don't be afraid to love me again."
Her eyes fill with tears again as she goes back into burying her face into my chest. "I don't deserve you, Harry."
"But you have me, angel and you always will." I whisper. "I love you so, so much."
"I love you, Harry." She says as I let out a final sigh of relief hearing her say it again.
I'm not sure how long we stay like that. Holding each other like our lives depended on it but eventually we pull away and Nina looks up at me with a much calmer look. She gives me a smile before leaning up and placing a soft and gentle kiss onto my lips. I find myself kissing back, feeling the butterflies roaming inside my stomach.
This kiss feels different.
It's filled with an explosion of love and relief.
I feel Nina grab onto my cheek as she deepens the kiss and it becomes more passionate and hot by the second. She pulls away for a quick second, breathing out soft pants just like me before speaking. "I loved you then, I loved you when we were apart. I've ever stopped, Harry. My love for you never went away. It was always there."
I rest my forehead against hers as I give her a quick peck onto her lips and mumble an "I love you" into them.
"Let me show you." She whispers. "Let me show you how much I love you."
-
A/N:
I cried writing this...
🧍🏻♀️
How are we feeling?
-n