I step outside to get some fresh air.
I arrive at the balcony as the mist of the night sprays lightly on my face. In the last few days, things have been super overwhelming. I keep receiving severe tense headaches non-stop. Not even the pain-killers can kill this pain that I have inside. No matter what I do - relax, sleep, meditate, take different medications everyday - nothing can just let this pain go away. I don't even feel like I have control of my own body anymore. I don't express the same way I used to - so vibrate and vividly like the other kids' childhoods. My emotions are dull and just not there. I feel like they just let me go a while back ago.
Or have my real emotions come back to pay a visit or to retire..
..here?
But, still, I just don't have the same control of my body anymore. Like come on! I barely can pay attention to my own thoughts. I can barely write as my thoughts badly influence my productivity in my work. I even feel my arms and my legs tense just by thinking that I just don't have the control of my own life now!
I look up to the night sky.
Empty.
New Moon.
Just like everything else that is going on in my life. But, I mean, hey things have been great too in the last few months - years. I haven't had my share of being on the top of the hill since.... Since forever! Seriously! And it feels great too!
Like, I have everything!
I have a job that I love! My dream actually! I am the proud CEO of the thneed - a thing that everyone needs!
But do I need it?
Of course I do! I mean if it wasn't for the thneed I wouldn't be on my own pile of glory. I wouldn't have all this! Everything I wanted!
Like hey, I even drive my own Mercedes Benz.
And pure gold! Isn't that cool?
And by the matter of fact,
People finally pay me respect! Admire me even! However, I do feel like some small growing crowd is gaining fear from me instead. Hey, I'll just give them something to shut them up! Either I give on their hands or tied...
"No." I said out loud to myself.
No, Onceler. You'll never do that! I mean you're the good guy and always have been. You have not been born so bad, not actually wrong. I'm the brightest star in this town.
Also, my family loves me! Like to the moon and back! They confessed that they were a little tsundere about their feelings about me, but that's okay by me! I understand. I get a little shy whenever I express my feelings to...
I look at the forest in order to interrupt the thought.
"Hey, the forest looks great - even when it's dark! I am keeping my promise." I said as I smiled proudly.
And I got tons of cash! More that I could ever spend in my entire life!
"However, is this specific life worth it?"
I turn and see my reflection on my own custom gold vase, full of red lilies.
The color red.
Power.
Passion.
Determination.
I admire how I look in that specific reflection.
I think we all do.
I am The Onceler of course. People love me! They love me because I improve their lives for good!
And oddly enough, a lot of people find me highly attractive after all this. People never actually ask me out before, or ever told me that I was handsome before - My cousin Georgina doesn't count!
She's a mule afterall! She seemed really fond of me until she married a dragon.
Who else told me I look great - y/n of course but she's only just joking, right? But who cares of the past, now, people are flocking around me begging for me to lay my eyes on them. Every time they look at me, their eyes refect the color green, black, and gold. I keep finding random phone numbers in my pocket, receiving mutiple love letters, random calls, etc. I find it kinda flattering, but I just feel super overwhelmed. But, like my mom said, I don't have time for that 'nonsense.' I need to focus on my job since it's not stable. Beside, I'm not interested. Well, I am!
But...
"I have everything any person could dream of and times it 40." I said to myself loudly. I try to sound proud.
"But why do I feel so broke?" A whisper escape from my lips.
Is it because of...
No.
No.
Nononono.
I look down at the balcony and see my dull full reflection of myself, the factory, and the trees on the blue swimming pool that I haven't used before even though I ordered it a few months ago.
"What I did was the right thing to do. Mom says so too!" I said as I comforted myself. "I did what is best for us."
Suddenly, my arms stretch forward from my body. It raises towards the night sky as it tries to grasp the new moon that it's already hidden from me.
Taken from me.
I almost lost my balance. Luckily, I grasp the balcony tightly.
After my mind had been cleared, I decided to head back to work. I walk towards my desk as I hear the echo each time my wooden sole from my custom shoes hit the high-maintenance glossy wood floor.
As I reach my desk, I sit down on my chair. Made with the highly exquisite material or whatever the salesman told me the last time I traveled abroad. I really didn't understand him due to his accent, but at least I can say is that he seemed really happy that bought this nice chair. Hey, I didn't even check the price! I still don't know the price of this chair. Got to ask my mom next time I see her.
I lay my gloved hands on my lacquer desk. The same color as dark chocolate. My mom's favorite candy.
Feels sturdy as my future, that's all that I can say.
I log into my computer. My fingers fly all over the keyboard - like a professional pianist.
I head my mouse to check my email. As I normally do every day, but this time I decided to check after work hours. Besides, it's only 10:00 p.m. I have nothing else to do in life than to work while y/n hates me from limb to limb.
I hope she's okay.
I hope she's not cold.
Anxious.
I just want to see her again, but I can't because it's against the rules.
Just forget about her, Onceler.
For now.
Or like my mom always says...
...forever.
Haha, My mom is such a jokester. You just got to love her for that. She really wants what's best for me. She kinda like the mom from the Disney movie that I never finished watching, even though y/n insisted me to watch it - but I fell asleep in the first 20 minutes.
I skim my inbox in order to see if I have some urgent emails. Most of them business related. Some of them are newsletters from Pancakes and Rock and Roll Magazines. And I normally stop looking as soon as I reach the previous day's emails.
But that didn't happen tonight.
I just keep on scrolling through my email like it's some social media or like I'm some student waiting for their teacher to respond due to this overwhelming online school.
All of this went on for 30 minutes until something caught my eyes.
"West Coast Paradise?"
....to be continued.