My aunt was the coolest aunt north of the equator. Of that, I was sure. When we went shopping on Friday the week after, she made me laugh until my stomach hurt, with dramatic gestures and outbursts while trying on outfit after outfit. Obviously I was too much of a fashionista and she was way too traditional for my liking, and the poor sales associates were close to a mental breakdown before we were done. Sales associates in plural, yes, because we were in several stores, and for each time auntie Dorothy got a little bolder in showing off her curves and boobs. I can tell you that at the age of almost fifty, she had a body women half her age would envy. And that included me.
"How on earth are you still up and walking in those heels, Mia? I'm wearing flats, and my feet hurt," she whined, after exiting what we'd decided would be the last store for today.
"They don't hurt anymore. They're so numb I can't feel a thing from knees down," I giggled. That wasn't true, though. My feet stung like I was walking on knives.
"Goodness, girl. It's time for some late lunch, then. Domino's?"
I looked at the crowded café across the street, and immediately shook my head.
"Too many people."
"Frank's Pizza Palace?"
"Sure. How far is it?"
"Down the street and around the corner."
I pursed my lips. Then I looked in the direction she'd pointed out and groaned.
"Okay. Just a second."
"Huh?"
Then she burst into fits of laughter when I started pulling off my high-heeled leather boots.
"You can't go barefoot on the street, Mia. It's winter!"
"So? Then I don't need ice to cool them down when we get home. My feet are literally burning."
"See? I told you you should go for sneakers. The red converse?"
I raised my eyebrows while I stretched my toes."
"Damn, auntie. You've actually listened to what I've said today. Even shoe brands? I'm impressed."
"Oh, you know," she blushed. "It's not every day I get to spend quality time with my bonus daughter."
She looked at me with so much love that I got tears in my eyes.
"And I'm really, really proud of you today."
"How so?" I asked curiously.
"You didn't have a single panic attack!"
I blushed and smiled, embarrassed that the few passing people around us heard what she said.
"That's because we avoided the stores with too many people."
"Doesn't matter. You're doing better for each day, and I'm really proud of you."
"Mia? Dorothy?"
We turned simultaneously at the sound of the familiar voice behind us.
"Benji!" auntie Dorothy exclaimed so joyously that it made me blush. Thank God for my high dosage of melanin so it wasn't so obvious.
"You've been shopping, I see," he chuckled, nodding towards the many paper bags in our hands. Then he suddenly looked horrified when he saw my feet.
"Why aren't you wearing any shoes?"
"Uhm... My feet hurt a little."
I heard loud laughter next to me, and wanted to elbow her to make her shut up. Benjamin just stared at me with an unreadable expression.
"Where are you heading?" he asked.
"Frank's Pizza Palace."
"Okay. Dorothy? Take her bag. Mia? Jump on my back."
"No! Benjamin!"
"No discussion."
"You better listen to the boy," auntie Dorothy said strictly, although still with laughter bubbling inside of her. She grabbed my bag, which contained the outfit I was going to wear later that night.
"Mia?" Benjamin said, and placed himself in front of me. And with a deep sigh of defeat I did as they said, and held back a moan because of how good it felt to get the weight off my feet.
His arms felt so strong underneath my bottom, and his shoulders felt massive between my arms as I clung to him like a monkey. With firm strides he took me down the street, carrying me like I didn't weigh anything at all. And he refused to put me down until we'd found a table at the cozy, and not too big, pizza place that obviously belonged to a guy named Frank. And according to the sign outside, he had a mustache, a funny hat with curls sticking out from underneath and a big belly.
"That really wasn't necessary, but thank you," I said, not able to hide how grateful I really was. Way more than I wanted to admit.
"Any time," Benjamin grinned.
Then we heard my aunt hum knowingly behind us.
"If the two lovebirds can move a little, then maybe I can sit down as well. I feel like a donkey here, carrying everything on my own."
Both Benjamin and I stepped away from each other, startled at how it probably looked for people around us. And both of us were blushing profusely.
"Auntie! We're not together! We're just friends."
I felt Benjamin's presence freeze next to me, which caused me to look at him. His eyes were wide and searching, and I gave him a tiny smile in return. I bit my lip for a second before I nodded.
"You mean..." he said, and I looked down.
"Friends," I stated, and he beamed towards me. Then he tried to act a little calmer.
"So... I need to get going. I have some errands to run, and I... Uhm. See you tonight, then?"
"Sure."
"Great. Pick you up at seven."
"I'll be ready."
Benjamin waved goodbye and left, and I sat down on one of the chairs and picked up the menu on the table. Auntie Dorothy kept staring at me with a smirk that threatened to reach all around her head.
"What?" I exclaimed at last, a tiny bit annoyed.
"Just friends... That's the biggest lie I've heard in a long time."
"But it's true!"
She just kept smirking while studying her menu.
"How about beef and pineapple?"
"Pineapple has no business being on a pizza," I muttered. Auntie Dorothy just chuckled.
"Beef, olives, mushrooms and extra cheese, then?"
"Why beef?"
"It's no pizza without proper beef."
I wanted to giggle, but I was still grumpy.
"Whatever."
"And you two more than just friends."
"We're not."
"Yes, you are."
"Shut up."
"Denial."
"Shut. Up."
"Just wait and see. I'm right."
I leaned forward on my elbows and glared sourly at her.
"So what's the deal with you and Patrick, then? Are you guys dating yet?"
That shut her up.
<><><>
"...and she's Tim's girlfriend. They've been dating on and off for about three years now. She's into horses, by the way, and has a large black beast in a stable outside the city. Oh, and a dog named Theodore. She'll probably tell you all about them, and..."
Benjamin was serious about telling me about his friends before I met them. It was almost a little too much. But I appreciated it. To be honest, I appreciated pretty much everything he did because he was so incredibly considerate. And now that we were walking through the streets to Rowan's house, I was fascinated by the way he gestured to make me understand, and how he took his sweet time to make sure I was well prepared before we got there. He made me feel safe.
"Are you ready?" he asked before he rang the doorbell, and I giggled. He seemed even more nervous than I was.
"Never been more ready."
But when we were welcomed by an abnormally tall man with an almost empty glass of beer in his equally large hand, I wasn't so sure anymore. He seemed nice and all, and I knew it was only my stupid mind acting up, but I still sought comfort by standing closer to Benjamin.
"And you're Mia, right?" he said to me, and reached out his hand. Long, dark fingers wrapped around my hand and made it look tiny. His skin was a little darker than mine, and he had braids that laid slick along the top of his head, all the way down to the nape of his neck.
"Yeah. Hi."
He sent Benjamin a look, and added a mischievous smirk that made me nervous. Then he nodded for us to come into the living room where the others already were seated. They were watching a movie, but of course, all heads turned to us as we entered. God, I hated this. Why couldn't we just sneak in and be invisible? I didn't really mind a small group of people like this as long as long as I wasn't the center of attention.
"Hey, Ro? Gimme another beer," one of the guys said. He looked Asian so I guessed he had to be Yak, according to what Benjamin told me. He had a slight accent and was busier reading a sports magazine rather than staring us down like the others did. Thankfully.
Everybody presented themselves, and Benjamin and I sat down on the couch next to the window, just like he'd said. Then they continued their smalltalk, and I gradually started to feel a bit more relaxed.
"You okay?" Benjamin whispered, and I nodded and gave him a brave smile. I didn't know what he'd told them about me, or if he'd said anything at all, but right then I didn't really care. They seemed okay. The ghosts were all in my head.
"When's your next game?" Yak asked when Rowan came back with a six-pack of ice cold beer. He held one out for Benjamin, who gladly accepted. Then he offered me one as well, but I shook my head and thanked him anyway. I didn't like beer. I didn't mind them drinking, though.
"Tuesday."
"He's trying to be the next Michael Jordan," Benjamin explained, earning a kick in the leg from his friend.
Michael... Why did I need to be reminded of him now?
"Bullshit. I'm gonna create my own name. Rowan Knox Parker - The Black Legend."
There was a groan from someone on the other couch, then a yelp when the same person got smacked on the head.
"You know he's good," one of the girls named Frida said, accompanied by the others.
"See? I'm the King."
King of pop... Please stop.
"So, how long have you been dating?"
The question made my eyes snap to the guy asking. His name was Ryan, and he was giving Benjamin a similar smirk as Rowan did earlier.
"We're not dating. We're just friends," Benjamin stated. I knew he noticed how I tried to shrink into my seat.
"Right," he laughed. "We've barely seen you lately. You've obviously been busy with..."
"I said; we're not dating."
Benjamin spoke slowly with a voice that changed into a louder and more demanding tone, and his eyes were dead serious. If it was me he was glaring at, I'd be scared. Instead I was getting scared for other reasons.
"You'd be a great couple, though," Frida said, and smiled at me. I didn't return that smile. My heart was beating too fast.
"If you don't make a move, then..."
"Show some respect, Ryan!" Benjamin snapped, and sat up at the edge of his seat, ready to get up. And that was all it took for my stupid anxiety to spin out of control. My palms were sweaty and I tried to grip the couch cushion as if I was about to float away or faint. I already felt dizzy, but that was probably due to my shallow breathing.
"Yeah, that was rude, man," Rowan agreed. But Ryan kept snickering.
"Don't listen to him, Mia. He's drunk and a dickhead," Frida said and grabbed a handful of potato chips from a bowl on the table, like nothing happened. Everything seemed normal to them. To me? Not at all.
I felt Benjamin's gaze on me, and from the corner of my eye I could see him sit closer. And when I didn't react, he gently and discreetly placed his palm over mine for comfort. He knew. But it was too late. Fuck all exposure therapy and relaxing techniques! I needed to get out. So I got up and hurried towards the door with Benjamin following right after.
"Mia!" he called out and tried to stop me, but I shook my arm out of his grip.
"I need to go."
"Ryan's an ass. Don't listen to him."
"Benjamin, I can't... I need to go home. I'm sorry. I..."
I was breathing so quickly now that it was hard to talk. And it didn't help that Ryan kept throwing comments after us.
"Pussy whipped! Man, with a woman like that, I wouldn't leave the bedroom for weeks."
"RYAN! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Benjamin yelled. He was furious, which scared me even more. Then he disappeared just as I grabbed my coat and ran out the door, and the next thing I heard was a lot of shouting far behind me.
I just ran. I didn't even know if I ran the right way.
"Mia! Wait!"
I didn't. And when I heard running footsteps behind me, I ran even faster. Until I felt a hand grip my arm.
"Mia, stop! It's me. It's okay. Nobody's gonna hurt you."
Then he pulled me toward his chest so I couldn't run anymore, and for a long time I listened to his rapid breathing against my ear before he turned me around so I was facing him.
"Are you okay?" he asked, when I finally started to get control of my spinning mind. What I couldn't control though, were my tears.
"I'm so sorry!" I kept repeating, feeling like shit for ruining what was supposed to be a great evening with his friends.
"Shhh," he cooed into my hair. "You did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. Do you hear me?"
I nodded, but I still kept apologizing until he lifted my chin to look at him.
"Mia. This was all Ryan's fault, and I bet he regrets it now."
He chuckled and raised his hand up between us. Then he clenched his fist a few times and revealed sore knuckles.
"You hit him?" I gasped, and he just shrugged and smiled halfway.
"He asked for it."
"Oh, my God! Benjamin! You can't hit your friend!"
His smile disappeared and transformed into a serious frown.
"I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Even Rowan threw in a punch."
I gaped and Benjamin chuckled at my reaction.
"Are you okay?" he asked again, and I nodded and wiped my teary cheeks.
"Gosh, I feel so stupid. I ruined..."
"Nothing. You didn't ruin anything, Mia."
"But they probably think I'm a nutcase and a freak, and..."
"Who cares what they think? I don't. And neither should you."
He nailed me with his sparkling blue eyes, and for a moment I felt like I drowned in them.
"Wanna go back?"
I hesitated a little bit, and pulled away from him.
"No!"
"I meant home. To your aunt. Or we can go to my place. My dad's away for the weekend, and my sister's visiting her friend for a sleepover."
Did I want to be alone with him?
"I mean, it's okay if you say no. I understand. I can walk you home. I just don't want you to be alone. Not after what happened. But your aunt is probably better... Like, she's a woman and easier to talk to. She understands... Not that I don't understand. I really try. I just want to make sure you're safe and don't lock yourself up with your thoughts. You know, in your mind. Not in a room. Or maybe a room too, I don't know how you handle..."
I stepped forward and placed a finger on his lips to silence him, and our eyes connected the same special way they did moments ago. Then I felt a tiny smile wipe away the rest of my irrational panic attack.
"I'll come with you."