When I met Toby Mitchell, I instantly melted, literally falling over his feet and face planting the ground. I remember the first look when he leaned down to help me, my eyes were stuck on him for a beat too long, searching his features, mesmerised by them. I can still feel the deep intake of breath that involuntarily took over, and how my heart accelerated to an unhealthy pace.
It was a whirlwind of whiplash and mind-blowing sex. Feelings hit me like a tonne of bricks and I never thought that I'd even be in a relationship with him, my assistant, never mind being pregnant to the American with a serious case of insanity.
I wish I steered clear of him, left the office with everyone else so I didn't trip over him on day one. I shouldn't have taken his number and accepted his offers to walk me to the hotel, allowing him to dive into my mind by asking me question after question.
I should have kept it professional with him, not committing sexual acts in a hospital meeting room or broom closet, in an alleyway or cinema hall. Emotions got involved, too involved, and that's when I allowed Toby to truly destroy me in ways I never thought possible. I cut myself off from social media, my friends, and even the person I love the most in the world... Jason.
I fell into a deep hole, well... Toby practically shoved me into it by drugging me with antipsychotics, driving me into so much stress and anxiety that I drank for weeks on end.
He broke me.
And I let him.
So why the fuck am I experiencing all of these confusing emotions? Why am I staring into his needy eyes and feeling my heart skip a beat? He's an arsehole, a first-class, grade-A prick. I don't want to feel my pulse quicken or the tension building around me. When he loosens his grip on me so he can hold me to him, staring at me with such sadness in his eyes, I nearly falter.
I need to hate him.
I want to hate him.
"Aria..." Toby starts but stops, clutching my hands to his chest, searching my face for some sort of reaction. "I missed you," he says in a low tone, dipping his head so we are eye level. "I'm sorry about Justin, and everything that happened. We were getting somewhere, and I had to go and fuck it up."
My eyes fall on his mum, standing in the corner of the hotel room in silence, her head down, fiddling with her purse. "You're helping him?" I pull my hands away from Toby, ignoring everything he just said as I walk to her. "Do you know how much this goes against what he needs?"
"You have no idea," she replies, her eyes that are identical to Toby's shifting to him behind me, his chest now pressing against my back.
"Leave," Toby orders, his hands on my hips, making me gasp as my eyes widen at her, pleading with her to stay. "I'll call you when we're ready to go."
"What? No, stay here," I beg her, feeling my heart instantly racing in panic. "Don't leave me. I-"
"Mom," he interrupts me, encircling his arms around my waist, both hands protectively on my bump, resting his chin on my shoulder. "Fuck off so I can speak to my girlfriend."
Oh my fuck.
She nods at her diabolical son, obviously not thinking about how he's most likely about to make a bloodbath out of my body in this room. Giving me one last glance over her shoulder, apologetic and worried, she leaves me alone with Toby as the door beeps to indicate that it's now locked.
This is it; this is my end. I need to remain calm and do nothing to kick him off, keep my voice at a reasonable pitch even though I want to scream at him for everything he's done.
"Toby," I sigh, lacing my fingers in his. I pull him away from me and turn to him, searching his relaxed features. "I can't be here with you."
"Why not?" He frowns at me, crossing his arms.
Even with a tracksuit top on, I see the outline of his muscles pulling taut against the material, the same arms that have lifted me many times while he rode me senseless.
I hold my breath, chewing on my bottom lip nervously as my eyes stay on his. "You tried to... to..."
I gasp as he comes forward, his fingers reach up into my hair, his palms against my cheek, lowering his mouth dangerously close to my own. "Don't say what you're about to say. It wasn't me." Our foreheads meet, seconds turning to minutes of silence, watching his jaw tense as pain floods his features. "I'd never hurt you, Aria. I'd never do anything to hurt our child. I swear. I'll protect you from..." He takes in a deep breath, nudging our noses. "Everything." Attempting to fuse our lips together, I flinch away from the intimate gesture, making him huff and drop his head. "Just tell me what to do, please? I promise that I won't let anyone hurt you again."
"You hurt me," I reply, pulling away from him and turning to look out of the window, the busy Westend roads filling with more snow, a full view of the beautiful Botanic Gardens from the thirteenth floor. "Justin only stabbed me because you told him to."
Ewan's car is visible from where we are, parked down the street, the engine still running, probably keeping the thing heated up for me getting back in it from the freezing cold.
My apparent meeting with Violetta has turned into a fucking shitstorm.
"I'm sorry, okay? What else am I supposed to say? I fucked up, massively. I let myself slip into something that takes over me, and when it happens, I have no control, at all."
"Like another you?"
He huffs, rolling his eyes. "I don't have a split personality, Aria, I already told you this. I'm me... there is only one of me and that's all I can tell you."
I turn to him, running my hands up my arms. "Why can't you tell me more? You said that if I came to meet you, you'd tell me stuff to help our child. Instead, you screw me then try to kill me." I've no idea where this newfound bravery has come from, knowing that one slight moment can knock the darkness of Toby free. "I have given you so many chances. And it's not just something little, you have done so many fucked up things to me. I nearly lost my job, everyone around me, even our twins."
"I know," he responds quickly, nodding. "I just need you to tell me what I can do to fix this, to fix us." He frowns at me as soon as it clicks, licking his lips and dropping to the seat next to a small circular table by the bed. "Twins?" He releases a sharp breath, his mouth wide open. "Fucking hell." My eyes flit to the door then to Toby, working out if it's even possible for me to do a runner. "I'm a twin." he blurts out. "Well... I was," he admits quietly, making my head snap back to him.
"I thought it was only you and your sister?"
He nods, leaning his elbows on his parted knees, clasping his hands, fingertips to his lips as he thinks. "You won't survive, Aria. You need to get rid of one when they're born. I already have a plan."
"What?"
He stands, making the leather of the chair squeak. "You need to give one of them to my mom. She already said she'd take the kid, so if there's two then we don't need to argue about it. We can keep one and she can take the other."
I stare at him in disbelief. "You're not taking any of my babies."
"Ours," he corrects me, stepping forward. "She only needs one, what's the issue? I already gave her permission, Aria. You won't be able to handle two of me. My mom knows the signs, she watched it take over me more and more, she watched every time I let go and gave in." He tilts my chin up, raising his brows. "We will keep them safe; I promise." He tucks a stray strand of blonde behind my ear. "I won't let the voices break them. But you need to meet me halfway and agree."
I feel all the blood leave my body at his seriousness, my breathing becoming erratic. I pull away, my back meeting the wall with a bang as the air leaves my lungs. "No," I whisper, making him huff and roll his eyes. "I need to go," I say, turning to make my way to the door.
Just as my hand wraps around the door handle, Toby grabs me, making me yelp as he presses me against the wall, pinning my arms above my head. "Don't do that. Don't run away when I'm trying to fix this." He keeps hold of my wrists with one hand, the other lowering so he can run his thumb along my quivering bottom lip. "You're afraid."
"Yes."
"Of me?" he asks softly, dropping his head so his lips are dangerously close to mine, his palm pressing against the small of my back. "You have nothing to be scared of. I just need you to tell me exactly what to do so we can be a family. I can't lose you."
"Go back," I manage to say through my tears and gasps, moving my head to the side as he tries to connect our lips. "You need to go back."
Releasing my wrists, he grabs my jaw gently, tilting it so I look at him, pressing his body against mine. "Are you still mine?" I stare at him, tears falling down my face as I feel a knife twisting in my chest. I can't lie to him, but I also can't tell him the truth without causing him to flip. So, I stay silent, chewing on my lip while he screws his eyes shut. "Aria," he sighs, gulping deeply. "Please, don't leave me. I'm a good boyfriend, I'll be an even better father. Please."
"You've done so much," I cry, my body heaving from the sobs. "There is no future with you like this, you need to go back and serve your time, get help and then we can see what happens."
He drops to his knees at my feet, my eyes widen as he wraps his arms around my legs, his body shaking. "Please," he begs me. "I'll try harder."
Pressing my palm to my forehead, I blow out my cheeks, one of my hands resting on his shoulder to keep my balance. "Toby, let go of me."
Shaking his head, he tightens his hold, hugging my legs as he continues to beg. "Just... tell me that you still love me, that you want to be with me."
"I can't," I whimper, my other hand dropping to his head, running my fingers through his hair as his body shakes more. "I care about you, Toby. But we can't be together, it's too dangerous."
He rests his forehead on my small bump. "I won't let her take you both away from me," he mutters under his breath, making me frown and pull away from him. He bends, both hands on the carpet with his head down. "Why is she doing this to me?"
What the fuck do I even do at this point? I can't run and I definitely can't give in to him. I want him to agree with me, to follow me out of this hotel room and come with me to the station to hand himself in. Toby has an amazingly soft side to him, one that I still feel so drawn too, but the evil side is terrifying and wicked, one that should be locked up and put on some sort of treatment to help him mentally.
I'm so lost in the moment that I can only stand here, staring at the man falling apart at my feet, unsure if I should comfort him or try to run again.
"You don't love me anymore," he states as he chokes, shaking his head and wiping his eyes with his sleeve, looking up at me with a snarl. "After everything that I've done for you, this is how to repay me? You fall out of love with me?"
"Stop this," I snap, stepping back. My eyes find the clock on the wall, seeing that I've been here for over an hour. "I need to go, I have a work meeting at seven and I refuse to let you rip that away from me, too."
"Like you're ripping my kids away from me?"
I huff, chewing the inside of my cheek. "I'm not taking them away from you, you did that on your own when you drugged me and decided to kill people."
"Decided? Firstly, that boy was an accident, and the other guy..." He stands, glaring at me as his nostrils flare, the sadness now wiped away from him and replaced with rage. "He was going to fucking kill you, what was I supposed to do?"
"You drugged me."
He throws his hands up, exasperated. "I told you that I gave you them to calm you down, you were losing your fucking mind with working too much. They did their job, didn't they? Whenever I feel myself about to fall, I take them, and they help me. I know it was wrong, but I wanted to help my girlfriend not drop into a dark pit of despair. Sue me."
"And where the fuck am I now, huh?" I accidentally shout at him, fed up with this back and forth, trying to keep him level by pussyfooting around him. "Do you know there are news reporters everywhere? People are throwing things at me, hitting me if they get close enough. I need escorts to and from work, and do you know what they call me?"
He tenses his jaw, nodding. "I've read the articles."
Psychoslut.
I swear, I could slap him right now with the smirk slowly pulling along his face. "What's funny?"
"You're hot when you're mad. It does things to me," he says, biting his lip with a glint in his swollen baby blues.
I roll my eyes at the prick, huffing, crossing my arms and turning my back to him. "Fuck off."
He chuckles and moves his mouth close to my ear from behind. "I'll make a deal with you."
I glare at him over my shoulder, watching him sniff and wipe his eyes once more, crossing his arms to mirror me as he moves back a step. "If I can make you fall back in love with me, will you leave with me?"
"What?" I grimace at him, shaking my head. "I can't leave with you; I have a job and Jason is here."
"Ah, Jason." He nods, smirking. "I can remove him from the equation, maybe Ewan will stop sleeping on the couch." I feel my heart drop, everything in the room a blurry mess. "Oh, and I watched him get into our bed." He walks until his warm minty breath hits my face; my frozen form stuck to the ground. "I had to sit there and watch him wrap his arms around you."
"What are... what are you talking about?"
Can he watch me? Is there a camera in my room? Fucking fuck!
With anger, he grits his teeth, screwing his eyes shut. "I should have killed him then and there, but I wanted to make sure you didn't screw him." He clenches his fists, baring his teeth as he turns. "Why are you always with him?"
"He's Jason's father."
"Bullshit," he retorts, slamming his fist down on the table. "Do you love him? Is it his fault that you don't want me anymore?" I stay silent, my eyes watering yet again. "You always go running back to that cheating piece of shit, and all he's going to do is break your heart."
I laugh in distaste. "You're unbelievable. Like you cheated on me? Don't think I forgot about Kayla and what she said in court." I have no idea why, but I grab his chin in a tight grip, digging my fingers into his cheeks. "And don't you ever threaten Jason again."
He smirks, like he's getting a kick out of my forcefulness. "Or what?" He's challenging me, squaring up as he walks us until my back hits the dresser. "What are you going to do about it, Aria?" I falter my grip as he grabs the back of my thighs, making me yelp as he lifts me onto the table and settles between my legs. I barely push against his shoulders, my breaths coming out in bursts as he leans in, my resolve breaking as his lips press against my throat. "Maybe if I fuck you hard enough, you'll remember what we had together."
I whimper, dropping my head back as he pulls my jacket and cardigan off my shoulders and down my arms, the thrilling feeling of his hands exploring the length of my body clouding my judgement for a split second. "Toby," I say his name, accidentally moaning it loudly. He moves his mouth up my neck, dragging his wet lips along my jaw and biting on my bottom lip. "I can't."
He halts his movements, pulling back from me with a heart-breaking frown. "You're refusing me?"
I nod, pushing his shoulders so he moves away, his hands raising to the back of his head. I'm thankful that he lets me jump down from the dresser and fix myself, that he isn't crazy enough to take from me against my will. "I need to go."
"I've lost you to him." He shakes his head, turning to face the wall, making me jump as both his fists slam against the wood. "I'm going to fucking kill him."
"No, you aren't," I warn him, fixing my cardigan and pulling my jacket back on. "I swear to God, Toby, don't you dare go near either of them."
He turns, rage filling his features, eyes darker than dark. "Then you stay away from them."
"What?" I ask in disgusted confusion. "No. Jason is like a-"
"Yeah, yeah, like a son, but he isn't your son and never will be. But, if you care about him and you don't want to see his father ripped apart, hanging from a bridge with no limbs, then you'll stay away from them both."
"You're revolting," I counter, seconds from slapping him across the face but deciding against it. "No matter what you say or do, you will never care for me the way Ewan does. And guess what?" I pull my bag onto my shoulder, watching Toby drop the back of his head to the wall, exhausted, looking at me unrecognisably. "I care about him enough to never go near you again."
I regret the words as soon as they fall from my mouth, watching his face twisting, taking a deep breath, and gulping hard. Toby is a big bag of mysteries, and as a professional, I should know better than to be so spiteful towards a psychopath, to try to hurt him.
"Go," he mutters, ignoring what I just said, dropping his head as his back slides down the wood.
"I didn't..." I cover my mouth, my stomach flipping with nerves. I try to lean down and grab his face, but he pulls away and stands, shaking his head and keeping his back to me. "I'm sorry but I... I don't know what to do. I don't know how to describe the way I feel about you, but it's not a safe relationship, it's toxic and I shouldn't have entertained it for so long. It's better for both of us if we stop. You need to concentrate on getting better, for our babies."
"Aria, leave before I lose it."
I try to pull him by the shoulder, but he resists and shrugs me off. "Look at me."
"They'll try to kill themselves while they grow up, even at the age I am now," he says, sniffing, staring out of the window. "They are going to be confused about everything and will wonder why everyone hates them. You're going to experience mood swings that will result in them both turning on you. And when that does happen, for your own safety, you need to leave them."
Tears trickle down my face at his tone, his words, the way he's refusing to look at me. "But you can help me," I say. "All you need to do is show them that they can get help and lead by example."
"The voices in their heads will have them doing and saying some messed up things, don't allow it to overtake them."
"Toby," I sigh, walking around him so I can see his face. I flinch at his red and swollen eyes, keeping his broken gaze on the window. "They might not even have whatever it is you have."
"Make sure they know that you love them. They'll play games with you and make you think they are crazier than they are, mostly for some sort of sympathy."
He closes his eyes as I grab at his face, cupping his cheeks with my palms. "I'm not saying that I don't care about you, Toby. I just think it's better for both of us if we aren't together."
"Enjoy being fucked off Ewan," he responds with a spiteful growl, grabbing my wrists and pushing me away from him. "But as soon as you go anywhere near him, you're going to have two funerals to arrange."
"Don't," I say, shaking my head in refusal. "Stop threatening them."
I let out a scream as his hand flies up, grabbing hold of my throat and pulling me to him so I'm flush against his chest, pressing his thumb into my windpipe, making pressure build behind my eyes as I fight against him by slapping his arms. "I will burn every single fucking part of your life to the ground before I let you take my kids away from me, remember that."
"You're..." I struggle to get my words out under his tight grip. "You're hurting me." He releases me with wide eyes, the air filling my lungs in gasps as I cough, dropping to the floor as I press my hand to my neck to ease the discomfort.
It takes him a second to register what he's just done, and he falls next to me. "Aria, I'm sorry, I just..." I dodge his hands and shove him, hard enough that he falls on his arse, watching me with worry as I get to my feet, grimacing at him. "Aria..."
"Don't you ever do that to me again." I give him a disgusted look while keeping my hand on my throat, the harshness when I swallow making me gag a little. "You do need psychiatric help, Toby. You need so much to help whatever is going on in your head, but I refuse to be that person anymore. You can run, you can threaten me, you can somehow stalk me while I sleep, but you will never have me again."
I leave him sitting on the floor, trying to hold my shit together while I unlock the door, not turning back to look at him while I leave the room.
As soon as the door beeps, I rest my body to the wood, my head falling on it as I take in deep breaths. "Shit," I say to myself, feeling the coolness of the hallway against my heated skin, my mind all over the place.
"I've tried for years," Violetta breaks my silence, standing nervously next to the elevators, her eyes puffy. "He has gone to therapy; he's been on numerous medications. Nothing helps."
I huff, shaking my head as I point to the door. "Being out in the world and being that dangerous isn't going to be any better than what they could offer him. You need to do the right thing and hand him in, it'll be for him, not against him."
She shakes her head, smiling at me with tiredness. "He does love you, in his own way."
"He can't love. He's a psychopath who can't feel those emotions."
She shrugs. "His love might not be like ours, but it's strong and powerful. Toby would literally die for you."
"But he won't seek help for me." I laugh, shaking my head. "He also said that you wanted to take one of the kids from me, but I will destroy anything in my path if you try. I'm shocked that you'd set me up like that, you are aiding a criminal and I won't hold back from making sure you are found out."
I'm so mad, I have adrenaline pumping through my veins, making me brave and stupid.
She chuckles. "Oh, honey." Tilting her head, she starts smiling deviously. "You have no idea how dangerous my son is, Aria." She pats my shoulder as she walks by me, stopping at the door and lowering her voice to a whisper just as I hear something smashing in the room. "And I pray that you never find out."
___________
Breathlessly, I climb into Ewan's car, my heart racing. "Drive!" I yell at him, making him jump and hurry out of the parking space.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he asks, resting his palm on my leg, trying to comfort my shaking form while he makes his way down the busy road. "Are you okay?"
I feel my body relaxing slightly, now in the hands of someone who really cares about me, not someone who grabs me by the throat and threatens everyone around me. I let it all out, sobbing into my hands. "No," I cry, sensing the car coming to a halt and Ewan pulling me into his arms, my head resting on his shoulder while he stretches over the divider.
"I got you," he says repeatedly, stroking my hair. "You don't need to tell me until you're ready, okay?" I nod against him, gripping his top.
"Don't leave me," I beg him, remembering all of Toby's threats towards Ewan, my heart sinking at the thought that he'd go through with them. "I don't want you to ever leave me."
"I'll never leave you, Aria." I choke on a sob, lifting my tear-soaked face to his pale green eyes, his tattooed hand pushing a strand of hair out of my face with a warm smile. "As long as you want me around, I'm here."
I nod, letting out a deep breath. "I need to call the police from your phone," I say, sitting up straight with a focus. "Toby is with her."
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Firstly, sorry this update took so long! My chapters have gotten so long now and it's taking more of my time up to write them. This bad boy was 4.5k, my longest ever!
You probably all know Wolfie, someone I'm virtually joined at the hip with... like a big sister. I just want to say how thankful I am that she reads over my work and keeps me right when I lose my shit. Even though you're shockingly bad at 'words with friends' you're not too shabby at everything else ❤
Give her a follow, read her work if you aren't already. laurenwolfe12
Anyhoo, thought? Predictions?
Remember to vote, pressing the little star means more to me than you think and gives me the motivation to keep going