When the Sun Sets

39.

I make some tea for me and his mom and none of us speaks until I set the cups down and sit down, too. "So! How was your trip? I hope everything was well."

"It was. Thank you, Kadience." She turns to Fai then. "You have a lovely girlfriend, Fai."

"Lovely," he repeats incredulously, his eyes settling on me again.

I just support my head on my hand and give him a smile.

If I hate anything, I hate liars. Fai knows that.

I knew he was lying that day. Not only because Harper is a shitty liar, but because I've come to know Fai. I'm basically living with him and we spend a lot of time together. I know all the little details about him, everything that others may overlook. He is a guy that hides his truth well. He's learned to contain his feelings and he learned not to show his emotions.

But he can't hide from me. I know what makes him angry, what makes him sad, what makes him happy just by little changes in his expression or just the small changes in the tone of his voice.

I was so mad. So extremely mad at him for lying because I thought he was the person I could trust and rely on.

And then I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to do something to him that'll make him feel the same way.

Now we're here. And I don't regret a single thing. This is his lesson. I hope he's learning it well.

"You came here alone?" Fai asks when he finds his voice again.

"Yes," his mother replies. "It was safer." Her words, I realize, seem carefully chosen. She speaks slowly and uncertainly and I note an accent, but it's as if she's testing the English words out, as if she hasn't spoken the language in a long time. And maybe she hasn't. She doesn't live in America anymore.

She nervously looks at me again. I know she expected a different kind of meeting, but I didn't lie to her. I told her Fai doesn't know about her coming here and it's a surprise and I never lied about him being excited or anything. I knew he wouldn't be.

I put my hand on Fai's thigh. He can't seem to stop staring at her, afraid to even blink, afraid that if he does, she's going to disappear. "You shouldn't be here," he tells her.

Her eyes sadden and she looks down for a moment. "Yes, maybe not. But ... you've grown so much and ... a mother not knowing about their child ... it was killing me, you have to understand."

"It's too dangerous. I'm still not –" he cuts himself off. "It's still not over."

She nods as if she understands, but she looks like she has a hard time accepting it. "I understand. I knew the danger, yet I came anyway, even if to just see you once and never again. I wanted to see that you're okay. You're ..." She doesn't finish the sentence. It seems like she can't.

I suddenly get a lump in my throat from all of the emotions I can feel in the air between them. This just might be one of the saddest things I've seen.

I know Fai will think I did this to deceive him and get him back. And, yes, I did it with that thought in my mind – get him back. Hurt him. But as I'm sitting here and now, I realize I don't want to hurt him. Even though he decided to cold-heartedly do it to me, I don't want to see him in pain because my feelings are way too strong and I'm too soft when it comes to him.

Right now, I'm actually happy I invited his mother here. I know when he talked about her, I felt the sadness radiating off him. The sadness of not knowing where she is, what she's doing, if she's safe. And now he has a chance to reconnect with her.

The loud sound of chair dragging across the floor takes me out of my own thoughts. Fai is standing up now, pent up with energy. "I need a word with you." He points his finger at me. Accusingly so.