you're staring. - tommyinnit

𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗼𝗺

slight cw: mention of getting sick

i had slept for nearly a full day when i got home that afternoon.

i managed to sneak an ice pack up to my room before wilbur noticed, but after it melted under my body heat, all it became was a burden.

when i wasn't sleeping, i was staring at the ceiling. my phone almost always was blowing up with calls and texts from evan. i even saw his car drive by my window once that day.

the things i thought that day are things i don't think i'll ever forget.

i wondered about my future. i wondered if i'd be stuck here forever.

my fans were worried. i hadn't streamed in nearly a month, and my twitter mentions were always full of people asking if i was okay. i considered deleting the app at one point, but never did.

i felt like i was an outsider. like i wasn't me. i felt like i was watching myself from above as i shook in the bed wilbur had provided me.

when the thoughts of tommy invaded my mind, i felt as though i was going to throw up again.

and when i finally retreated to the bathroom to lean over the toilet bowl, the thoughts didn't leave with what was in my stomach.

they remained as i used what little makeup skill i had to cover the bruise blooming on my face.

and they remained when i had returned to the bed, wrapping my arms around my torso and holding myself still.

the memories of him and i infected my brain and i hated it. they spread across my entire body in a metaphorical sense. they made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my knees lock.

they made the back of my throat numb, with the looming threat of nausea.

i would do anything to hear his voice again. or to hold his face in mine.

i'd tuned into one of his streams, but eventually left, seeing as the chat began to notice my presence after a moment.

i'd watched the way he moved slightly slower than usual. and the way his eye bags were prominent in the lighting.

i sighed when i saw his backpack still sitting in the back. remaining untouched. i see that he's still wearing the clothes i lended him.

he must have forgotten they were mine.

......

a/n: sorry for the late update!! i love you all! was spending a few days with my friends in my hometown and was just busy!! ahah. kisses and hugs! as always i appreciate opinions on the chapter!

also shout out to these comments

i missed y'all too!! hahah!! it suprised me that y'all even noticed i hadn't updated lol. sorry again!!

i'll update asap!

-honk (cooper)