𝑵𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒏 𝑳𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 3

You made me believe Love was a game of power between possession and sporadic act of Kindness and I was so blind, I let you play that game because you were doing it so good I couldn't even complain. But love wasn't the way you painted it to be.

When I felt it for the first time, It wasn't planned, it wasn't decided. I haven't even noticed I was so dam into him till you pointed out. I guess I liked the idea of freedom James represented, more than him as an individual self. I was just a girl and his touch was so different from yours. I'm sorry if in the end, I was the one ruining whatever it was that we had but I couldn't keep living that life waiting for you to blow and start all over again your play. I would like to tell that I'm sorry for falling for James, but it wouldn't be true, because I liked every second of it; He gave me back that part of me you kept trapped and helped me grew up. I'm sorry just about one thing, the way I left you. It wasn't the nicest thing to do, you didn't deserve me leaving like a thief. However that's not my biggest regret. What I regret the most, was leaving my baby girl at your mercy.

I regret not sneaking into your house and taking them away from your hands that night when I came back. I couldn't do it for just one reason, the way you were looking at her like you were desperately holding yourself together. I watched you took her in your arms and squeezed her hard, crying as she caressed your cheek. I watched you fall for her the way you once fell for me and even if it wasn't right, I thought Grace could have succeed and finally freeing you.

Deep down I knew that if I'd took her away, you wounds would have never healed again. You would have been lost and I couldn't do that to you, I couldn't bring myself to hurt you the way you did hurt me, because despite everything I cared for you.

When you noticed I was there watching you, you switched off your humanity but for the first time in years, I held your gaze because I wasn't afraid of you; I was free and nothing could have ever took away that from me. You told me to leave, I tried to convince you to give me my children but you didn't want to give up to them, nor Paul, nor Grace. Despite the reality, you were so convinced she was yours and I didn't want to hurt you any further. So I took my little boy and left.

I've never told you the truth about that girl, but deep down I know you were aware she wasn't exactly your daughter, indeed she had your heart and that was enough to fill the gap you felt between us.

I flight to England leaving everyone behind and it took me sometime but I finally looked back. I have a new family now and I'm ready to start again. Life on the other hand seems to never want to leave me alone. I just discovered my daughter may have cancer, one of those things you can't eradicate from people system and sucks the life away from you little by little. She's not my biological daughter, as you can easily understand, however sometime I sit on the porch, watching the kids playing and, if I force myself, I can picture Grace instead of Kira. I can picture her blue eyes staring back at me, smiling and saying that she loves me. Kira knows it and she's putting space between us. I can tell she's smart like her mother and she cares about her brother more than she will ever care about anyone else.

But I can't help myself. There's no day I spend without imagine how she'd looks like, what she may like and I can't help but asking myself if leaving was worth all of this. If this family I have now or avoiding the pain you caused me, can be compared to the loss I feel for leaving my own children with you. I pray you treat her well, I pray you love her the way I love those two kids. I thank Arianne for leaving them and giving me a second chance. But she left also this terrible thing to Kira and we can't seem to be able to do anything to heal it.

She's so carefree though, even if she knows she has this venin inside of her, she doesn't stop from laughing and does all the things she likes. She's obsessed with clothes like I am, I wonder if Grace has this passion or any other one.