Introvert
Do you ever feel like you need time alone, without people and just relax doing nothing? Maybe not doing nothing but at least to stay alone sometime. Well, I feel like that all the time.
I rarely like to see or talk to people. And when I have to do it, I do it against my will. I prefer to stay alone with my books, reading and enjoying the beautiful words engraved in the pages. I'd rather stay home reading then go out partying any day. Is it a bad thing?
Is it a bad thing that I only have few people whom I trust and let into my comfort zone? Is it bad that even those people don't know everything about me? Is it bad that sometimes I don't wanna hang out even if it's with them? Is it bad that I am paranoid about the thought alone of someone betraying me again? Is it bad that I can't stand to think that I'm never good enough and that I'll never find a friend loyal enough?
Yes it is, and you know what's worse? It's that I can't trust anyone anymore and I think this is the worst punishment I could give for the people who really care. But how can I know they do when all my life was spent with those who didn't give a shit about me? How can I be sure of their intentions when all my life I've experienced the betrayal of friends who would leave at the mere blow of the wind?
This is why I'd rather stay with my books. But it's also because if I go out there and face the world, I'd maybe get tempted to act like the people who hurt me and hurt others. Maybe it's not just that I don't trust the world around me, maybe it's that I don't even trust myself and my own actions...
Elxx
