The Kismet of Penelope (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER 12

Tired

Fall down. Rise up. Repeat.

I bought a new phone on a nearby mall before I went straight to my grandparent's place.

While driving I suddenly remember the last conversation I had with Rebecca. 

"Hoy, are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

I saw her pause a bit before giving me a smile.

"Yeah! Of course! I just you know, miss you really, really bad!" She giggle while facing the camera.

I frown pero kalaunan ay ngumiti rin.

"Ikaw talaga! I told you naman diba, uwi ka nalang kasi dito para maka gapa na tayo. Stay ka ng stay sa New York eh!"

She only smile and nodded.

"I-I'll be there soon, wait for me. I'll just fix some things here tapos uuwi na ako," she added.

'She's going to fix something. What is it?'

I feel so weak. Nanlumo ako sa nalaman ko.

A lot of negative thoughts came out of the picture and I just can't help but blame myself.

We were apart from each other after we graduated high school.

I went through a lot while I was in Cebu and I blinded myself with the thought that maybe, 'makakabawi rin kaming dalawa sa isan't-isa after kong grumaduate'

But just after graduating in college. Our work made us go far from each other.

Having a long distance relationship with a friend hurts.

She stayed in Maguin when I was in Cebu. I went back to Maguin and then left again for Manila. 

When I stayed in Manila, she went to New York.

Now that I'm back in Maguin, she's just nowhere to be found.

Yes, we were always there for each other. Back then we call each other almost everyday.

But, I did not know we were slowly giving each other the smile that's completely different to what we actually feel.

I'm sure she wanted to open up about it.

But, I guess we're jist too shy to open up to each other because we both know marami na kaming pagkukulang sa isa't isa.

That feeling na para bang, sa pagdaan ng araw unti unti na naming hindi na nakilalan ang isa't isa.

I mean with all the pain and changes we've faced alone. It was our choice.

I wasn't a perfect friend, maldita ako, insensitive, at masyadong vocal sa lahat ng bagay.

Other people can't accept all of me, only few people can accept me for who I am. Rebecca is one of them.

'How could I let this happen?'

I was always physically stronger and fearless that no one dares to cross the line but I am not truly what I am based from what people see.

'I did not even thought that maybe she is depressed!'

'Rebecca didn't do what Claudia did years ago right?'

My hands starts trembling.

Claudia died hanging herself inside her room when we were in high school. A week before our graduation.

I always knew there's something wrong but I ignore it.

On her last days she talked to me about how she wanted to rest because pressure's drowning her confidence too much.