It doesn't matter.
I spent this whole month trying to figure out what to do about my future and college stuff.. I've never saw someone so scared to make a choice, even the simple ones, like me, so i haven't found any answers.
However, there is one thing i just realized today. It's been years with this emptiness, sadness and misery, so it doesn't matter where i go, what i choose, or what i do, somethings will never change.
I'm doing what i can to make those who actually believe in happiness and somehow see the point in living, happy. Because someone need to be happy here, if its not going to be me. So I'm trying to get into a college my parents want. It's a hard one and since i seem to be in a mood that all i can do is be mad at myself and everything around me, study is not a easy thing here. Said that, i don't know what am i gonna do when i fail this thing again . I don't know if till the year's gone I'll be breathing or if i will somehow see this whole point and decide to stay breathing, just know that I'm not ok for a long time, and i have no idea how long will it take to me to finally explode.
Life's not good nor beautiful. At least not here with me. I feel nothing, my energy is even lower to do one simple thing. I am angry all the time. If I'm not able to like me i don't know how should anyone like me either. I don't deserve this air, this family or this world.
One more year through hell, good luck to me.
YOU ARE READING
Dear sad diary
Random- A diary cannot feel. I can. And I'm sad. It's my shitty life and this sucks, so don't read it.
