Dear sad diary

Boys and 13 reasons not to date

Dear asexual diary,

Here I am again. I was reading some of the pages I wrote a longe time ago..

I think I only come back here when I'm completely lonely.

Sorry I'm not sorry 

So many things have and have not happened these days..

I have no energy to tell you about all of it, but maybe just the things that are happening lately.

I already talked to you about my ''bye bye friends'' hmm 5 minutes ago? Well, so let's just do this. 

There is no boys.

There's a Boy. 

He is, maybe, the most kind boy I've ever met. Maybe the only one I'll ever met?! (yes, me and my habitual optimism and great self esteem). He is one of the smart ones. 

It's probably the reason I was keeping this boy out.

Have you ever notice how we tend to dislike people who acclaims to like us? Is it because we don't love ourselves so we think no one can ever do it as well? 

 Hold that thought, cause I'm about to tell you what happened. 

after fighting him so much (I honestly don't know how he could still be wanting to be with me), me and my bff ( yup, me and my therapist. that's how lonely I am)

Well, we decided to give him a chance. Actually its kind of giving me a chance to try to feel something, to destroy this wall that keeps my feelings blocked.

By doing so, I may be falling for him as well. 

and what a person does when this happens? 

EXACTLY, think all about the good reasons I don't date anyone anymore. that's just simple. So simple that I can save us some time: I just have no energy or self steem for that (x13) 

Because dating someone demands feeling, caring, time, ENERGY...

Dating someone demands not to crash everytime we get out of his house just because I saw some pretty girl, or a smart one, or [the list goes on]  

It demands not to wonder and ask him why he likes you just because you don't get it. (seriously is it because he couldn't get a prettier girl, smarter, more funny and talented ? Poor damn thing, cause I'm nothing.  Because honestly, what do I have to offer him? Why me? Why not anyone else? )

But he is taking care of me when I need him the most.

and that's why I fight myself not to screw it. Even when I wonder about people from college talking about us when I dont even like to be seen at all, or even when I hope my girl friends cared enough to come back to me. 

He has defects

but If I did feel something,

I might love him back.

wow, 

-me