consequences// 5SOS

7

"You're scaring me,"

"I'm sorry,"

"I wanna go home,"

"I'll get these results,"

Luke left, Ashton kissing both our heads before leaving us alone. Gently, she ran her hands through my hair and quietly sniffed, kissing my cheek.

"I wish I didn't faint,"

"In a way, I am glad you did,"

"Because I got found out?"

"Yeah,"

"I wanna be fine,"

"Whatever is up, we will fix it,"

I nodded and wiped my tears, staring at the needle in my arm. I couldn't help but think I'd be seeing them in me a lot.

"So your other friends... do they all work today?"

"Some of them, but I don't think today is a good day,"

"Okay,"

"Wanna watch tv?"

"No,"

"Okay,"

"Can we go home tonight?"

"No," Ashton said, coming back in, "I am sorry,"

"Please,"

"We are scheduling a minor surgery to get a better look at what is going on, and you will have to stay for monitoring,"

"When?"

"In a few hours, since you ate,"

"It's not cancer though, is it?"

"We don't know, this is why we are going to look,"

"Can I nap?"

"Of course,"

Kaykay slid off the bed and covered me with a duvet, then sat beside Ashton and watched me until I fell asleep.

When I woke up next, it was for surgery prep. A cap got put on my head, and Luke came in to answer any questions. Kaykay had more than me, and all I asked was if the surgery would take long, which didn't even matter since I'd be sleeping.

It all felt like a blur.

Today didn't feel real.

Ashton and Kaykay said goodbye, one more dramatic than the other, then Sierra joined Luke as he wheeled me down to the OR with some nurses.

They transferred me to a table and laid one of my arms out, then everyone began to get properly scrubbed up and looked quite scary.

"Are people watching me?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, some interns are gonna watch,"

"No. Nobody is watching,"

I went to sit up and Luke firmly made me stay put, quietly hushing me.

"They want to learn. We are hardly cutting you open anyway, it's a tiny hole,"

"Okay,"

"I was an intern once too, they only want to watch and learn. Think of how you are helping them!"

Sierra came the other side of me and held my hand, then they put a mask on my face and I took deep breaths. All I heard was a faint 'see you soon' before heading out.

**

It was like the first time.

My hearing came back.

My smell came back.

My touch came back.

This time when I jumped, someone threw their arm over me and hushed me, the room dropping into silence.

Squinting, I opened my eyes and panted, Kaykay giving small sips of water. Then, Luke shone a light in my eye and listened to my heart, took my temperature and gave me a small smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired,"

"That's normal. The surgery went well, but I had to make two incisions due to the masses. I decided to also get a sample which is being analysed right now, so you may feel a little more discomfort than anticipated,"

"Okay,"

"When we were in there with the camera, we found things the scan didn't pick up on," Sierra started, "And saw some abnormalities around the general area. Depending on the results of the biopsy, Luke and I are tempted to remove them,"

"Do it,"

"If it is cancerous then we do chemo, then the surgery, and then chemo again if still needed," Ashton said.

"So you're saying, it could- I could have cancer?"

"It is becoming more likely, yes,"

"It has run in our family in the past," Kaykay sniffed, "How far has it spread?"

"More than we would like, but it is not at her vital organs right now,"

"Right now," I scoffed.

"We need to start chemo in the next week if it is cancer,"

"What?"

"I do not want to sugarcoat this because of how serious it is," Ashton said quietly, "As much as I would love to. You have to understand that you are not fine,"

"I understand now! I understand, okay? So stop shoving it in my face that I am dying, and sick, and that I left it so long. I am scared. I have been so scared. This wasn't a secret for some fun. Please just... just tell me I will be okay,"

"Izz,"

"Tell me I will be okay!"

"If you let us do our job, you will be okay,"

"Promise?"

"I cannot make promises in my job,"