PARTNERS

chapter 2

Scarlett's POV

Being off work is agonizing.

I'm the type that needs to be busy to take my mind off pain, or use that pain creatively to express my emotions properly, not sit and drown in the memories all day. But, that's exactly what I was going to do.

Toren has been working from home the past few days in order to be close to me. He wouldn't leave my side, glued to my hip in fact. The events left him in a state of panic. Always kissing me more than normal, staring into my eyes a little too long, constantly touching me in some shape or form. I could tell, even when going to get the mail, he looked as though I might vanish before he got back.

Seeing what he saw made life more meaningful and precious. I wasn't made of diamond, or whatever other impossibly strong surface there is out there. I was fragile, and I could break too. The thought of losing me meant the loss of himself and that realization was terrifying.

He didn't want me being alone right now, but when that call came through to check out a new house available for the Happily Home organization, I practically forced him out of the door.

Helping survivors of abuse is what he's always been doing. Who knew the poor guy would have to do the work at home too.

I felt the guilt of him always trying to make me feel better. But, what about him?

He mattered too.

He didn't always need to be the healer. Sometimes it's the healers who need to be taken care of the most. They tend to over exert and put everyone before themselves, and that was exactly what Toren always did for me.

But it was my mission as of late, to let him know how much I loved and appreciated him. I would shower this man with the adoration he deserves, because trust me when I say, he deserves it. I had a plan, just needed some help getting it into motion.

Yet, there was one thing I just wasn't ready for yet. Talking about what happened with him proved to be difficult. How do I express that loss I felt from Ryder's passing with my boyfriend? How do I explain those emotions when I didn't understand them myself? My heart ached for him in a strange way because I had loved Ryder. I wasn't in love with him, like I was with Toren, but the person I knew as Ryder had a piece of me, a special place in my heart. I didn't know what to do with all of the newly surfaced feelings, so I often pushed it to the side and tried to deal with it on my own, or with my therapist.

After his departure, I attempted to get myself together and take a shower on my own. Having a bum hand is a serious issue. You don't realize how much you need it till it's gone.

The damage Tommy had done was beyond awful. The doctors needed to set the bones and manipulate them to position for them healing. It was just as painful as the breaks themselves. After setting the bones, a cast was placed with a reminder to come back in six to eight weeks.

As the doctor was making the appointment, I saw the tool at work in my mind that would get this cast off before that. I couldn't wait that long to get back to releasing my creativity. Not a chance in hell.

With the baggie over my hand, I attempt to wash my hair. Getting frustrated after dropping the shampoo and not even being able to pump it out, I turn the water off and say fuck it.

Sponge bath from Toren it is.

Getting into some pajamas and attempting to put my hair back, I give up and make my way to the couch.

As soon as I sit, I start thinking about it again, the memories flood my mind, and the chill and horror of that night closes in on me. The gunshots, the look in Ryder's eyes, the blood all over my face. The devastating loss of a friend and lover in more ways than one. Everything flashes before my eyes at every blink as the tears begin filling my eyesight again.