Losing Alyssa

CHAPTER FOUR

By some miracle two days before, Epton Secondary had already announced that they would be holding a memorial for Alyssa on the oval at 11 AM. This would be the first of two, as the city council would have one scheduled for the following week. Although the news of Alyssa's death had only officially been released to the public four days prior, it didn't take long for the school to organise one.

He didn't want to think about any of this. He wanted to just go home. It was painful just to sit there beside his classmates, looking at the giant picture of Alyssa, her face surrounded by wreaths of colourful flowers with many candles lit on the miniature table underneath. They sat in silence the whole way through, listening to the people who came up and spoke about their fondest memories of her, and how important it was to 'talk about our feelings with others'.

Bradley turned to the side and saw Ruby sitting six seats to the left of him, staring at Alyssa's portrait with swollen red eyes and a blank expression.

Alyssa had other friends, of course; (everyone liked her, there was no reason not to.) Namely Lauren, Claire, Lance and Ruby. Bradley didn't know any of them very well, as none of them had ever tried talking to him in the past despite all being Alyssa's friends. For whatever reason, they just didn't seem to like him.

Ruby looked over at him and smiled slightly, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. He didn't blame her, though. Bradley awkwardly smiled back out of politeness, not sure what else to do.

Ruby got up in front of the school then to say her piece as one of Alyssa's closest friends. She held a paper taught in her hands, glancing down at it every so often.

"I'm Ruby Anderson," she introduced herself, voice shaky. "I was one of Alyssa's best friends. Our dads have known each other since high school, so we met soon after I was born. We've always been really close, growing up together, going to school together. We were as close as sisters."

That should be me up there, he thought. I knew her. I was there for her. But he knew that if it were really him up there, he wouldn't be brave enough to speak.

"One of my earliest, most treasured memories is of when we were toddlers." Bradley shifted in his seat, thinking back to when he and Alyssa were in first grade. Their parents had always been good friends too, going over to each other's houses for play dates, going for walks in the forest, and small picnics along the river. They fixed up the cubby there together, too. Playing on the bank of the river, collecting rocks and laughing when their parents warned them of the possibility of drowning if they got too close to the water. Knowing that the two of them would never do that again hurt more than he thought he could ever put into words.

Ruby continued, "Our parents had taken us to the park by the river. We saw some ducks and decided it would be a good idea to feed them our leftover sandwich crusts. They wouldn't leave us alone after that, they followed us around for an hour." Her green eyes glistened at the memory. "Alyssa was an amazing, beautiful person who brought infinite joy to the people she met. We were lucky to have her, and we'll never forget her. While we are all devastated by the news, I know Alyssa would've wanted us to move on." Bradley stopped listening after that. Part of him wasn't willing to move on, wanted to stay sad and hopeful she'd come back forever. Deep down he knew that wouldn't last, eventually he would have no choice but to move on.

At some point, Ruby had to have finished speaking, because the next thing he knew there were tears streaming down both his and Ruby's faces and everyone around him began to stand up. The principal started telling them to hurry back to class, but how were any of them supposed to focus after that?

His class soon made their way into the main learning area, joining the sea of older students filing back into their classrooms. The hallways were packed, the tense atmosphere from before still lingering. Bradley swallowed the lump in his throat, rubbing the back of his hand nervously. He felt someone tap him on the shoulder.

"Hey, Bradley." He turned to face Ruby. She smiled at him again, only this time it seemed genuine.

"Hello." He awkwardly replied. Why was she reaching out to him now? she'd never done this before. If anything, she avoided him at all costs, even before any of this mess.

"I was just wondering, how are you were holding up? I know there was a lot of talk about who you can reach out to and all that, but I find it can be more reassuring if it comes from a friend."

Oh, so we're friends now, are we? Good to know.

"Thank you. It really means a lot," he wouldn't describe himself as a liar, but he seemed to be doing so much of it lately. "But I have to go now..." Ruby seemed to realise the entire classroom behind Bradley were now staring at them, the teacher clearly waiting but not wanting to upset anyone further. Ruby smiled apologetically (at him or the classroom, he couldn't tell) before racing through the corridor to find her classroom.

Turning back around Bradley made his way over to his desk, almost feeling the eyes of his classmates on him. The teacher was kind enough to get right on with teaching instead of interrogating him.

Once the rest of the class had turned their attention back to the teacher, Bradley could finally let himself think.

Why was Ruby talking to him all of a sudden? Why now? Calling him her friend, asking if he was okay, she'd never done that before! Not for him, anyway. Maybe she was just reaching out, and really did care? When they were first starting school, Alyssa had tried to introduce them. Bradley didn't remember much of their first "interaction", but enough to know to stay away from her. He had given her a shy "hello", and she in turn looked him up and down before walking away.

Most of his classmates didn't seem to like him. It wasn't like they bullied or teased him; they just avoided him. A few would make small talk with him every so often, but it never led to any long-term friendship. But at least he had Alyssa.

And now she was gone, too.