Losing Alyssa

CHAPTER TEN

Alyssa checked her watch, frowning.

"It's six already, I have to go. I'll see you at school soon, alright?" with that she rushed off, Bradley following close behind her.

The two had almost reached the edge of the trees when Alyssa stopped.

"You go on without me, I'll catch up. I just realised I left my coat at the cubby, mum will get really mad if I lose it." She smiled apologetically.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. Nothing's going to happen. Goodbye!" She promised before sprinting off into the forest again to retrieve her coat.

"Bye." Bradley turned back to see her figure disappearing into the dark forest, smiling. Out of the corner of his eye, Bradley thought he saw sudden movement in the dark. Probably just an animal.

Bradley woke up with a gasp, sweat drenching his back. He flopped back down onto his bed, rubbing his eyes with the corners of his palms. He hadn't had this dream in months, why did it come back now?

Four days had passed since the argument with his parents, which he still hadn't apologised for. And why should he? They had no right to force him into therapy, or tell him to move past what happened. Frankly, he wasn't sure he ever would.

Damnit.

Bradley groaned, he'd just remembered what day it was.

Of course.

Today was Alyssa's funeral. He wasn't sure if he was even ready, to face all those crying people and say goodbye.

Say goodbye.

Bradley had accepted a while ago that Alyssa was never coming back, so why was this so hard? If he tried not to think about it, everything seemed so much simpler: she went missing, she died, and today is her funeral. So why were his hands shaking so much?

"Bradley, time to get up." His mum called from downstairs, disrupting his thoughts. Grateful for the excuse to ignore the anxiety eating away at his stomach, Bradley quickly pulled on his dress shirt and pants, dragging a comb roughly through his hair. His cereal at breakfast seemed tasteless, the cornflakes becoming soggy and combining with the milk. The sky outside looked duller than usual and the birds weren't singing as sweetly as before. Everything felt grey, absent.

The drive to the church cemetery was silent, the confined space of the car making him more nauseous than he already was. Bradley had never been inside a church before, but this one was beautiful with ornate carvings on the wooden benches and a grand stained glass window. He recognised most of the people there as either Alyssa's family or friends, all of them wearing black. To the corner of the large hall, he could see Dylan, Lauren, Claire and Ruby talking quietly. Bradley didn't think he'd ever seen Dylan cry, not once, let alone Claire; her usually smug expression and evil grin had been replaced by a teary frown. Dylan gave Bradley a small wave and an even smaller smile. That's a first, he thought to himself. Ruby was soon at his side, her dark hair back in their regular plaits.

"You okay?" Ruby asked him, though she knew he wasn't.

"Yeah, yeah, I just had a dream last night and I haven't recovered yet." He chuckled humourlessly, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bradley briefly considered answering no, then remembered that Ruby was his friend. It wouldn't hurt to finally open up to someone he trusted, right?

"Yeah, actually." Ruby guided him to a quieter part of the hall, where they could talk privately. "It was that night. In the forest, I mean. I can picture every detail almost exactly, down to every leaf and tree I saw. I had this dream a lot back when Alyssa as still missing, but it was more like a memory, really. Only this time there was something else." Ruby's eyes widened.

"What do you mean?"

"This time I heard something moving in the bushes. At first I just passed it off as a bird or a possum, but I think it could have something to do with Alyssa's death." Ruby looked frightened, running a hand through her hair.

"Did you tell anyone..?"

"Yeah, officer Hoffman. He said he'd go back and have a look, but it's been so long, any evidence has probably washed away by now." Ruby nodded.

"I think you're right, yeah. I hope they catch whoever did it soon. I just want this to all be over."

The celebrant made their way to the podium, adjusting the microphone and looking out at the rows of grieving friends and family members.

"Thank you all for coming. We are gathered here to mourn and celebrate the life of Alyssa Green, a daughter, a loved one, a dedicated student, star soccer player and friend. Whether you knew her personally, were in the same class as her, or simply waved to her in the hallway one day, you each meant a great deal to her. Alyssa was a loving and inclusive person, always helping others out and very involved within the school community. I would like to give special thanks to Marcus and Julia from Alyssa's digital art class for making this beautiful slideshow I am about to present to you all. Remember to turn off your mobile phones and take this time to think about your happiest memories with Alyssa. This is a chance to say goodbye and thank her for everything she gave us."

The lights turned off, the room went dark and images flashed across the screen. All photos he'd seen before, either in his personal album at home or on his classmate's social media with captions like 'never forget' and 'come back'.

The song that played over the slideshow was not the typical sombre piano he'd been expecting, but a familiar upbeat tune instead. He'd heard it played before, from Alyssa's personal playlist as they danced like idiots around her room until their lungs hurt from laughter. Sure, it wasn't the most appropriate song for a funeral, but to Bradley it was perfect. It captured Alyssa as he'd always known her: the fun, fierce and bright best friend he'd never forget. One, he was certain, he'd never get back. In that moment he allowed himself to revisit that moment in time without feeling the heavy guilt that he carried with him every day. He also realised now was the time to say goodbye.

Bradley had never been one to believe in the afterlife or heaven, or that spirits and ghosts could ever hear him. But today was different.

Hey. I don't know if you can hear me, but today is your funeral. Since you've been gone everything's changed. It's been hell losing you, Alyssa. We may not know what happened to you, but I will never stop looking.