So This is Christmas

Chapter 7

"I basically broke up with him," I told Shelli, gulping down my second vodka and Coke. She puffed on her cigarette as she listened to me intently. "He still wants to talk in private about it, but it's over for me. I can't believe I did it."

"You're finally admitting to yourself that you're not who everyone expects you to be. And that's a good thing," Shelli offered.

"I just feel kind of bad about it." I shifted around on the couch, adjusting my dress.

"Would you like some different clothes? That dress looks miserable. I can find you something of mine."

"No thanks. I'm alright. I appreciate you listening to me and all my problems."

"Any time, girl. I'm always here. Plus, it gets boring here when the guys are at band practice. I enjoy the company."

I felt a little flushed from my nerves. I'd probably feel a bit better if I splashed some water on my face, I decided.

"May I use the bathroom?" I asked.

"Of course. It's back the hall. You can't miss it." Shelli motioned vaguely.

"Thanks." I stood and walked towards the hall. I spotted the bathroom, but something else caught my eye. There was a little room with a lamp on. I peeked in quickly. There was no one in there, but there was an easel and a bunch of paints and paper strewn around. But what caught my eye was the painting sitting on the easel.

It was a painting of me--a really good painting of me. It practically could have been a photograph. I couldn't help myself. I stepped into the room to get a closer look. I walked over and brushed my fingers over it. I had a strong feeling I knew who painted it. I started shaking all over as I stared and my eyes filled up with tears.

"Anna?" I gasped when I heard his voice. "What the hell are you doing in here?" I turned to face Kurt. His harsh face softened when he saw the tears in my eyes.

"You painted this picture of me?" I choked quietly. Kurt nodded, but didn't speak.

"It's really good." Tears started running down my cheeks. Kurt's expression was unreadable.

"Thank you," he said slowly. I took a step towards him.

"Can we talk, Kurt? Please?"

"I don't think your boyfriend would like that."

"We broke up tonight, Kurt. I listened to what you and Shelli told me. I'm trying to be myself instead of doing what everyone else expects of me." Kurt's intense blue eyes studied me for a few seconds.

"Okay, let's talk." He sat down on the floor. I followed suit and sat down on the floor as best as I could in my dress. We both stared at one another for a moment. Kurt's blue eyes were soft in the dim light.

"I--um--I'm sorry if you think the painting is weird," Kurt mumbled quietly. "I'm embarrassed that you saw it."

"I don't think it's weird," I replied. "It's really good. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come in here. I was just looking for the bathroom and I saw the light on."

"It's okay. I painted it on the night I met you. I was going to get rid of it, but now I'm glad I didn't."

"I'm glad too. I'm flattered, Kurt." I felt my cheeks blush as I looked at the painting again.

"When you were talking to me about art, it inspired me. As you can see, I do some painting and drawing too." He gestured around to the other drawings and paintings on the floor. "Krist and Shelli didn't mind me using their spare room to do art for a few days."

"That's nice of them." There was an awkward pause.

"Are you okay, Anna?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you're wearing a gown and you're here visiting Shelli. Plus you look like you must have been upset about more than just the painting. And you said you broke up with your boyfriend tonight..." I drew in a deep breath. I barely knew Kurt, but I felt like he was someone I could talk to.

"Well, I was at my boyfriend, Cole's aunt's Christmas party. It's always this big, grand event. I got really uncomfortable being there. When I talked to Cole about being uncomfortable, he kind of brushed it off and didn't understand. I ended up telling him that I want to end things. He didn't take it well, and he wants us to talk about it in private, which I understand... but I'm done with him, Kurt. I just--I realized I didn't love him. He was my high school boyfriend and our lives are going in separate directions... it was never going to work." I paused my rant when I realized tears were rolling down my cheeks again.

"Hey, it's going to be okay," Kurt said gently, reaching out and squeezing my hand.

"Thank you," I answered softly. Cautiously, I scooted closer to Kurt on the floor. He put out his arm, offering for me to lean against him. I rested against his side with his soft flannel shirt against my face.

"I think you made the right decision, for what it's worth."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, when we talked the other night, it seemed like you had some things in your life that were making you unhappy. It seems like you might be starting to work on changing that."

"You're right," I answered. "I'm honestly rethinking everything. But ending things with Cole was where it had to start."

"Well I'm glad to see you doing things for you."

"Thanks. I'm starting to feel better about it."

"Good." Kurt paused for a moment. "Hey, since I have all this stuff here, would you like to paint?"

"That sounds fun," I answered. "I might be a bit overdressed though."

"Oh, yeah," Kurt answered.

"I'm kidding," I answered, grabbing a stray brush that was sitting on the floor and dipping it into some leftover green paint. I swiped it across my dress a few times, smearing the paint all over. I started giggling at the absurdity of it.

Kurt laughed too. Soon we were both laughing and splattering paint on my dress.

"It's much prettier this way," Kurt explained, as he painted an alien near the bottom.

"I agree," I answered, adding giant yellow stars.

"Let's make some real paintings," Kurt suggested.

"Yes, let's."

And I began my favorite hobby with the person who made me feel more alive than anyone had in a long time.