So This is Christmas

Chapter 2

"Drink, Anna?" Krist offered, holding up a bottle of Smirnoff.  The party was in full swing.  

"Yes, please," I answered from across the kitchen. 

"Is Coke alright with it?  I'm not gonna lie.  It's mostly vodka anyway."

"That's how I like it," I laughed, reaching out for my drink and taking a big gulp.  It burned, but I looked forward to the intoxicating effects it would soon provide.  I couldn't remember the last time I'd been drunk, and I was ready to have a good time.  

"Good thing the Coke was okay with you," said Kurt, the band's lead singer, digging through the refrigerator.  "There are sooo many other options."

"Oh?" I laughed. 

"We have half of a gallon of milk that expired two weeks ago and a bottle of fruit juice that's been here so long it's growing mold. And whatever the fuck this is."  He stood and raised up a Tupperware container that held what appeared to have once been some sort of leftover casserole.  "So I'd say be glad you took the Coke."

"Yeah, that can go directly in the garbage."  Shelli frowned at the Tupperware.  "I am definitely not a good housewife."  She chuckled and lit a cigarette.  

"Shame on you!" Krist shouted jokingly, putting his arm around her waist.  We all laughed. 

"I suppose it's Coke or nothing, then," Kurt concluded.  "Fuck it."  He grabbed the Smirnoff bottle and took a long swig. 

"Ah, that burns."  

"A few bites of whatever was in that Tupperware will cure that burn in no time," I chimed in.  Kurt raised his eyebrows at me and laughed.  He was pretty cute, I decided, and I felt myself grinning back.  The vodka was definitely kicking in.  

We were both leaving the kitchen at the same time to head for the living room, where some other people were scatted about.

"So, what's your deal?" Kurt asked me.  

"My deal? Well, I met Shelli earlier and she invited me back here."

"No, I got that. I meant like your life?  What are you doing?"

"Oh.  Well I study Chemistry at UC Berkely.  I'm trying to get into a PhD program."

"Wow.  Everything about that sounds horrible." 

"Yeah.  I mean, it's not the worst."

"So, you like it then?"

"It's okay." I shrugged.

"You don't seem very enthusiastic about it."

"I'm not, honestly."

"Then why do it?"  Kurt took a seat on an empty couch and motioned for me to join him.

"Well, I kind of have to," I answered awkwardly.

"You don't have to do anything," Kurt said to me more softly.  His blue eyes shimmered intensely in the dim lights and the long hair that framed his face looked golden.  

"Tell that to my parents." I replied darkly, shifting my eyes away from him. 

"They're making you get a PhD?" he asked.

"Well, not exactly making me," I answered.  "But they both have one.  Plus my older sister just got accepted to a program.  It's expected of us."  Kurt was silent for a moment.

"Hey," he said suddenly.  "Look at me.  Are you happy?"

"No," I blurted out without thinking.  Kurt's blue eyes drew me in.  

"Then don't keep doing things that don't make you happy," he answered.

"If only it were that simple."

"It should be that simple.  Listen Anna.  What do you love to do?  What would you be doing if you didn't have to do all this college work?"

"I love art.  I would go to art school."

"Then that's what you should do."

"But my parents..."

"Screw your parents.  You're not your parents. You should live your own life."  

I paused for a moment. I hadn't realized I was crying.  I tried hurriedly to wipe the tears away.  

"Hey, I didn't mean to upset you."  Kurt glanced at me awkwardly.  He offered his arm and I leaned against him.  He smelled so good--like cigarettes and aftershave.  "I just hate seeing people throw their lives away on other peoples' dreams."  

"I'm not throwing my life away." I defended myself, leaning back up away from him.  "Besides, what do you do?"

"Well, I am a very successful high school dropout from a dysfunctional family who sleeps on his best friend's floor and has a band that a few dozen people have heard of.  So I'm obviously the guy you should be taking life advice from."  He flashed another one of his grins. 

"Your band is really good though," I answered seriously.  "I mean, you're really talented... at what you do."  

"Thank you for that," Kurt answered, his eyes staring at the floor.  

"It's true," I answered.  There was a pause.  

"I can't believe that you want to be here," Kurt said after a moment.

"What do you mean?" I asked. 

"I mean, you're in college.  You have your life together. Your parents probably have lots of money.  I feel like..."

"You feel like what?" I snapped.  "Like I'm too good for this or something?"

"No.  No," Kurt answered.  "Just that... I mean, look.  Most of these people here are going nowhere in life.  By choice.  You're determined and obviously smart. I would hate to see you fall into this. I'm sure you have your own crowd."

"I've never had a crowd," I answered.  "I don't fit in at school, and I guess I don't fit in here, either."  

"I'm screwing this up so badly." Kurt sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.  "I--I-- the last thing I mean to do is insult you."  

"Then what are you doing?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.  

"I'm trying to give you every reason I can think of to leave," he answered softly, leaning closer to me.  His eyes were so beautiful as they locked into mine.  "Because I can't stop myself from hoping that you'll stay." 

He pressed his lips to mine and I was suddenly kissing him back.  I felt a wave of electricity shoot through my body and the whole room was spinning.  He leaned back away from me and my breath caught in my throat.  Our eyes met each others' once again, both wide with surprise.  

"I think you're right.  I think I have to leave."  I jumped up and bolted from the couch, weaving through other party-goers until I reached the front door.  I threw it open and flung myself out into the brisk night air, charging off in the direction of my house.