So This is Christmas

Chapter 1

"Ouch! Shit!" I heard someone shout.  To my left, I saw a girl stumble and fall to the ground, landing hard on her side.  The crowd of people around her were all in a rush to get inside to the show.  Not only did no one stop, they practically trampled over her. 

"Hey, are you okay?" I shoved past a few people and knelt down next to the girl to make sure she was alright.  She was a pretty brunette and her eyes were puffy, like she'd been crying.  But despite that, her heavy black eyeliner still looked perfect-- in fact all of her makeup did.  I was envious for a fleeting second as I tried to give her a hand to help her up. 

I felt someone's knee bash into the middle of my back, and I promptly fell forward.  Now I was sprawled out on the ground too.

"Hey, watch where you're going, asshole!" the girl shouted vaguely at the group of people, towards the one who'd accidentally knocked me over. 

As I started to pull myself back up, I made eye contact with the girl and she suddenly burst into laughter.  I followed. 

"Shit.  Look at us," she laughed.  "What a disaster. Thank you for trying to help me.  I'm Shelli, by the way."

"I'm Anna," I answered as both of us got back to our feet. 

"Damn it, I knew these shoes were a bad idea." Shelli gestured down at the black stiletto heels she was wearing with fishnets and a teal shift dress.

"It's a great outfit, though," I complimented her.  "I wish I could pull that off."  I felt plain next to her in an old pair of jeans, tennis shoes and a worn gray sweater. 

"Ugh, thanks," she answered, brushing the dirt off of her dress.  "I was trying to look nice for my boyfriend tonight, not that he's noticed."  She rolled her eyes. 

"I'm sorry," I answered.  "I guess you could say I have the opposite problem.  My boyfriend has been so clingy since I've been back from school that I needed to get away from him for a night."

"Eww.  Been there, done that.  That's never a fun situation." 

"Yeah, it definitely isn't."

"So you came here by yourself?"

"Yeah.  I don't live too far away, and it's been way too long since I've had the chance to come to a show."

"That's cool.  I'm pretty much here alone too, you could say.  I mean, my boyfriend, Krist, is in one of the bands, but they're busy all night."

"Oh?  Which band?" I asked. 

"Nirvana. He's their bassist." 

"Oh, awesome.  I've heard a few good things about them.  I've been excited to hear them tonight."

"Well, I think they're really good.  I might be a bit biased though."  Shelli laughed.  "Anyway, since we're both basically here by ourselves, do you want to be my concert buddy tonight?  We can drink beer and keep creepy men away from each other."

"Sounds like a blast," I answered, grinning.  There was something very bubbly and likable about Shelli. 

"Cool. Let's find some drinks!"

The show was so much fun.  I'd forgotten what it was like to let loose and relax like this.  I was in my second year of studying chemistry at UC Berkeley, with hopes of getting accepted into a PhD program at Washington State University so that I could come back to the Seattle area to earn my doctorate.  My parents were both professors there, and they expected it of me. 

Their expectations were exhausting.  I was not naturally good at science, so I had to scramble and study almost all of the time.  Even so, there were still a few classes where I'd only scraped by with a C.  I missed having free time.

My boyfriend, Cole, and I had been dating since my senior year of high school.  He was studying public policy at Claremont McKenna with plans to go to law school.  He hated us being apart for college, so he'd been horribly clingy since we'd been home for Christmas break. I honestly was starting to feel like things weren't working out between us anymore.  But my parents really liked him, so I was trying to make it work.

Shelli wasn't kidding about Nirvana.  They were the best part of the show, by far.  They had such great energy and stage presence.  They were different, in a really good way.  Shelli and I had made our way to the front of the crowd, and we cheered loudly for them after every song.  Krist must have gotten over whatever problem he'd had with Shelli, because he waved to her and even goofily blew her a kiss between songs. 

I wished that the night wouldn't end.  I hadn't had so much fun in a really long time.  But all the bands were finished performing.  The overhead lights were back on, and everyone was finishing up the last of their drinks and slowly filtering out of the club. 

"That was such a good time," Shelli commented.  "You're a lot of fun, Anna."

"Thanks, you are too," I answered. 

"You should party with us tonight."

"Oh, I don't know. I probably ought to get back home. Cole will get worried about me."

"C'mon, Anna.  You said yourself that you never get to have any fun anymore. It's just one night. And you're on break from school."

"I just don't know if I should..."

"Look, if your boyfriend is so clingy that he can't even let you go out alone for one night, then fuck him.  You don't need that in your life." I thought about her words for a minute.

"You know what? You're right. I'll come."

"Yay!  I'm so excited!"  Shelli clapped her hands together.  "I'm going to let Krist know, and then we can head back to the house while they get their stuff packed up.  Wait here for a minute."

"Okay," I answered.  I watched people continue to filter out as I waited for Shelli to return.  I missed this scene so much when I was away that it made my heart hurt.  None of the few friends I had at college in California were interested in the Seattle music scene.  And I'd been too busy to keep up with any of my friends here. 

"Hey, Anna! You ready to go?" Shelli called from behind me. 

"Sure," I answered. 

"Are you okay to walk? It's not too far.  The guys need the van for their equipment."

"Sure, I can walk.  Are you sure you can in those shoes?" I asked, recalling what had happened earlier. 

"Funny, Anna.  I'll go barefoot if I have to." Shelli laughed.  "C'mon, let's get back."  We walked briskly.  Luckily it was warmer than usual for December, and thankfully not raining.  Plus the alcohol I'd had kept me warm. 

"So you're from here?" Shelli asked.

"Well, not Olympia," I answered.  "I actually grew up in Seattle.  My parents decided to move out here two years ago after my older sister and I were out of the house.  They were both college professors, but my dad retired and my mom is just working part-time now." 

"Wow," Shelli answered.  "Well, I hope you don't mind hanging out with a bunch of working class folks. Half of us didn't graduate high school, let alone go to college."

"Of course I don't mind!" I answered. "I'm not my parents."

"Do your parents pressure you?" Shelli asked after a moment.

"Yeah. Kind of. I mean, I guess I pressure myself too. It's just that they were both really successful college professors and I'm worried I won't live up to their expectations."

"What about what you want though? You know, it's not all about your career or your status. It's about finding a way to be happy."

"Yeah. I honestly don't know what I want. I've always just been following this path, you know?"

"I just hope you figure out what Anna wants, instead of living your life for everyone else." I paused for a second, taking in Shelli's wise words.

"Yeah. I hope so too."