(kuroken fanfic)

🦋~Part 10~🦋

Kenma spent the next few hours cuddled up to Kuroo, spooning his body against Kuroo's chest, they lay still for the entirety of the night. The only sound present in the uncomfortably familiar room was Kuroo's deep breaths, telling of his life. It was a comforting sound, it let Kenma know that his soulmate was awake, still fighting.

Kenma didn't want to think about what Kuroo had said last night, how he thought that he was the weak-link, Kenma was and he knew it, or had known it. Now that he thought about it he recalled how close they had become, how similar and how they had each balanced some portion of each other. Kuroo was strong for the both of them, Kenma was successful enough for the both of them, it was even and in the grand scene of things, one of them didn't work harder than the other, they fit perfectly, they were meant for each other, after all.

Kenma looked over at the window and spotted something just outside the glass, two white butterflies fluttering in the cool morning air, light shining from the rising sun shone through them, creating a beautiful span of pastel colors. Kenma pulled himself out of bed and lingered over to the window and opened it, letting the two butterflies inside, one landed on the sill and one on Kenma's head.

Kenma chuckled lightly, "Kuroo, look its like the dice."

Kuroo didn't stir.

"Kuroo?" Kenma whirled around and drifted over to the side of the bed, Kuroo was still, his body, covered under the blanket. The butterfly on the sill landed on Kuroo's head and flapped its wings a few times before taking off, finding some other place to land in the room.

Kenma shook Kuroo's heavy shoulders, "Kuroo? Kuroo! Kuroo!"

Kenma felt everything fall apart, he brushed the back of his hand against Kuroo's lips, they were as cold as ice. He began to breathlessly shake Kuroo, but to no avail, his body remained frozen in time. Kenma wrapped his arms around Kuroo and squeezed him tightly, he squashed his eyes tightly, he didn't want his tears to fall on Kuroo's skin, his perfect skin.

"Please, you can't be gone, you can't, we're gonna get married, right? You said we would get married and there would be light, those stupid fucking lights you bought that you liked so much, they would be at our marriage! Thats what you said Kuroo! You promised me, please, please!" Kenma felt his voice break in his throat, tears came than, like a wave, washing over his cheeks. He fell to the group as heavy sobs echoed through the small room, heavy sobs that were coming from Kenma, he curled himself into a ball and lay against the hospital floor.

One of the butterflies landed on the ground in front of Kenma,

"We were supposed to get married and live out our days, thats what he promised me, thats what he said would happen. So why did he leave me, why is he gone?", the other butterfly was no where to be found, Kenma assumed that it had left the room and had flown out the window, maybe it was taking Kuroo to heaven.

By the time that the nurse had come in to check on Kuroo, Kenma's tear ducts were dried out, he just laid on the floor, his eyes wide open in some stage of shock, his body shaking lightly. Ellen had convinced Kenma to come out of the room, she had taken his hand and had walked him down the hall and into a dark room with a couch and a rug. She had sat with him for several hours, not saying anything, just sitting. Kenma didn't sleep, eat or leave his position on the couch for three days, they tried to convince him to go home but he refused, and they didn't press the matter.

The cool air of the small, dark room washed away his vague memories of Kuroo, what he smelled like, what his skin felt like, the way Kenma could hear his heart beat when he laid on his chest. They all came flooding back though, when Kenma went back to the apartment.

Kuroo's stack of unread books on the coffee table, the toothbrush he had left on the counter, his jacket that he had left on the back of the chair in the kitchen. Kenma walked past them, tears stinging the corners of his eyes, he just wanted to get to the guest room where he could burrow himself under unused sheets, sheets that didn't smell like Kuroo.

He opened the door and threw himself onto the bed, not bothering to turn the light on. He could feel himself crying again, this time it was silent, he was silent.

Kenma didn't know what to do over the next few months, he left the guest room only to leave the apartment, he never went into his Kuroo's bedroom or the living room or kitchen. He didn't want to be reminded of what he could have had, and what he so tragically lost.

The days blended together, Bokuto and Akaashi had visited him once and had sat in the guest room, Akaashi had made an apple pie for Kenma, who had no appetite. The funeral had been about a month after Kuroo died, Kenma didn't go, but he had gotten numerous letters from old friends and family member's.

His company still was under his ownership, but he wasn't very active in it, he had said that they should just let someone else claim ownership but they were persistent in Kenma remaining in charge. Kenma grew thin and dark circles developed under his eyes from sleepless weeks.

Ellen came to his apartment and checked up on him every weeks, she would bring food, something like soup, she would watch him eat it and let him talk. She never talked about the hospital and she never forced him to talk, sometimes they would sit in silence. Kenma never found out why Kuroo's heart had stopped, he never asked either.

One day in the November Kenma wanted Kuroo's jacket, he wanted to be warm and wanted to be reminded of Kuroo, no matter how painful. He wanted to slowly melt back into his apartment, not sleeping in his old room, but not being afraid of to sit in the living room without seeing Kuroo's reading glasses.

He opened the door and stepped inside, his toes froze against the cold floor. He stepped over to Kuroo's and opened the top drawer, he dug down until he found it, Kuroo's high school volleyball jacket, he inhaled deeply, the smell whirling around him, making him remember. Tears dripped onto the white lettering, he let them, he didn't mind, he was certain Kuroo wouldn't mind either.

Suddenly his vision rested on a jewelry bag that had been shoved under the jacket, he pulled it over his shoulders and zipped it up. Kenma reached into the drawer and pulled out the bag, he opened it, a single die with fell into his fingers. The images had warn away until you couldn't tell what they were unless you already knew. The butterfly was the only image that hadn't warn away yet.

Choked weeping found its way out Kenma's throat, the tears in his eyes increased in intensity, falling down onto the small wooden cube, he dropped the ground, his knees hit the carpet.

"I still love you Kuroo, I promise and I will always love you and Im so sorry it was you instead of me, Im so so sorry." Kenma could imagine Kuroo's laugh, his gait, his voice as if he had heard it yesterday, as if he had seen and snuggled with his soulmate just yesterday. He pulled the jacket up over his face and took a deep breath.

"I still love you Kuroo"

THE END

Hi, I hope you guys liked my story, I really enjoyed writing it and thank you to anyone and everyone who supported my story, I love you guys so much! I hope you have an amazing day, you guys are so cool, and I love you:P