Storm - Luke Hemmings // COMPLETE

2.5

We spent the rest of the night talking about how we felt that week, how miserable each one was. We both haven't slept in days but we also didn't feel like it now that we finally have each other again. For the first time in days, I'm feeling happy, I'm not feeling tired at all and neither does Luke.

I never thought that Luke would be so devastated without me and I never thought that I almost couldn't breathe without him, in a non-toxic way, in a non-cliché way, in a way that my mental and physical health where beating me up and I didn't have any control over it. I missed him so much but it's not like I can't live without him, I lived without him before and I could do it again if this doesn't work out - although I really want it to work - but I felt so bad for doing that to someone that cares so bad for me and I care so much about, that I was mentally beating me up for doing such thing and that led to an awful week. It certainly wasn't awful just because of that, I missed having him beside me cause I never cared for someone - besides my family - like I care about him and the thought of losing him was killing me from inside out, but in the end, I just want him to be happy, even if that means that he's with someone else and not me. That was the moment that I knew that I really love him. Loving is caring for someone so much at the point that you want that person to be happy at all times, even if that means that you are going to be sad for a while - because, realistically you're not going to be sad, you're going to be happy that the person you love is happy, that's what true love is... is letting go when you know you aren't making the other person happy anymore, even if it hurts you. In the end, I knew that I still made him happy for a while, even if in the end, I hurt him but he wasn't the only one hurt. He also hurt me.

At the end of the night, we both acknowledged that we hurt each other mutually and we were now trying to solve things, trying to better our communication... trying to better ourselves for each other but especially, for ourselves, we needed to grow mentally too and this week thought us a lot in that sense.

This week I had several anxiety attacks that left me crying on the floor for hours, almost out of air and no one knew. I battled them myself, trying to control what was uncontrollable and that was one of the things that I knew that helped me grow this week. I battled something that tormented me for years, all alone. The more I thought about how much I hurt Luke, the more uncontrollable the attacks would get - some left me tearless from how many hours I spent crying - and more painful too. However, when I thought about my moments with him, even back when I still hated him, they would be more controllable because I would get distracted from all the pain... because I was thinking about the moments when we were happy.

Luke also told me that if it wasn't Calum, he was probably still laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling and crying, sleep-deprived, and without eating for another day... another week, who knows how long. At this moment, I'm so grateful that Calum helped him and helped us! Calum is a great guy, such a sweetheart and whoever ends up with him is going to be probably one of the luckiest persons alive.

×××××

It's now 10 am and we still haven't sleep. We talked for hours and at one moment, we laid in my bed, facing each other and just contemplating everything. I was thinking about how lucky I am at this moment, to have Luke here with me and I know he was thinking the same thing. We didn't have to say that to each other because even the blindest person when it comes to love, could tell that from the looks in our eyes. We laid in silence for hours and it wasn't weird at all, in fact, it was calming, even heartwarming. We both needed that moment of peace after the Storm of a week we both had. Because before a Storm, there's always peace, but even after the darkest and rainiest one, we can still find peace.

-Do you want to eat something? You look like a breadstick. -I break the silence after so long, trying to make a joke.

-I always look like a breadstick. But, I think I could some food now. It's been a while since the last time I've eaten and I'm pretty sure food can pass my throat now that I don't have this massive knot in it. -He smiles. I know that he was also trying to make a joke out of it but it sounded so dark... so sad. It made me think that I was the reason why he hasn't eaten in so long, and I'm kinda right.