I Will Never be That Me Again • Spencer Reid

Chapter 42

⚠️TW
Mentions of drug abuse

Spencer walked quietly down the Corador to his apartment, Cat hanging on his arm as the large team of agents and swat followed them.

It's been six weeks since the wedding, five since the last time he saw Aspen.

He was spiraling.

After the night when they were taken hostage and JJ confessed her feelings, he wasn't able to keep a straight head.

He started using again, that night as he realized everything he could have had and everything that was taken from him. He doesn't remember much of the wedding but he rmebers what he said to Aspen but at the time had no reason to care.

But now... now he realized how much he fucked up.

The team, his friends, all hated him. After Morgan Beat the shit out of him and was sent to the hospital for the night the realization hit. When he got out and went to work, none of them talked to him. Even on cases Hotch made him stay at the station, not allowing him to work in the feild or talk to anyone, all he did was collect and sort information.

No one would tell him where she was and why she wasn't at work. He heard Garcia and Rossi on the phone with her a few times but the doors was shut once the saw him.

Every night he went back to his empty apartment and cried.

When she left its like she took all the color and beauty with her. The flowers she had painted on his book shelves, the painting she had given him when he was in prison... now haunted him, mocking him for what he had ruined.

So he started using again... every night to forget.

A week ago he met a woman at the park. They talked for some time after he opened up to her about somethings, but not Aspen. Her name was max and after that they met three other times to talk and grab coffee. Spencer knew it was wrong to try and find attention from another woman... but they were just talking and he knew deep down it wasn't going to turn into anything, because no one could replace Aspen.

But he still tried to fill the void.

Two days ago Cat called specifically for him, days before her execution. They found out real quickly why.

She had kidnapped Max's family to use as a pon against Spencer to get him to go on a date with her before she died. In the end they had no choice but to agree if they wanted to find Max's family and figure out the game she was playing.

He didn't understand why Cat had singled out Max so fast or how she knew about her in the first place. He had no option other than to go along with Cat.

After that they went roller skating making for an awkward time of Spencer trying to learn while agents and swat watched.  She insisted that when they were done that they go to his apartment, threatening if they didn't she would kill Max's family. Her favorite combination of words to say to him during the night.

The ride to his apartment was silent on his side, but car would not stop talking about the 'if's' if they got together, giving him a headache.

They stopped in front of his apartment door, the feeling of being here with Cat. He watched as cat scanned the hallway before looking up at him to scan his face with her brown eyes.

"So Spencie," she said, watching him," what happened to the other one?"

"The other what?" He snapped.

She smiled," The cute one with the red hair? What happened to her? You were head over heels for her the last time I saw you, but now you're with someone else." She cocked her head to the side, waiting for his response.