Just the Beginning [Complete ✓]

Chapter 27

My phone rings like a maniac. It's the only reason I'm awake; I don't look at the time, but I know it's already late. Past midnight, I'm almost certain. With that in mind, I don't need to check who it is as I answer the phone.

"Seriously, stop calling at such odd hours," I scold. "Do you ever sleep?"

His chuckle vibrates through the speaker of the phone, stilling me. Eyes flickering around the room, I bite at the bottom of my lip. His laugh plays at every string in my heart and again, I find myself wondering.

"Thanks for tagging along yesterday," he tells me softly and once again I'm reminded of Cooper who did that on a daily basis; he would thank me for spending time with him. I never really thought much of it until now.

"Like you gave me much of a choice," I tease.

"You got me there." He's chuckling again. I wonder if his dad could hear him or if perhaps he was chuckling so freely precisely because he couldn't be heard. I choose not to ask, ears straining as he continues a little softer this time. "Still, thank you."

"Always welcome," I say without thinking. Leaning back into my pillow, my hand mindlessly tugs and curls at the blanket. I can't stop fiddling, chest prickling with unspoken words I want to say and feelings I can't begin to explain. "I should thank you too," I murmur.

He's chuckling again and I find myself torn between wanting him to just stop and wanting to hear it over and over again. A smile tugs at my lips when the question comes through the speaker.

"Why?"

"For giving me such a wonderful experience, of course." Though it comes out sarcastically, I mean it. More than I can actually verbally get it across. I mean it. Maybe he knows too because all he says is a soft 'you're welcome' and the conversation seems to end there. He doesn't hang up and neither do I. We sit there in a soft, welcoming silence.

"What's on your mind?" he asks me.

So many possible ways of answering; so many possible answers pop into my head. And yet, despite all of those, the one that leaves my lips is the last thing I was ever planning to say.

"I like you."

I don't know where it comes from, but I have no time to stop it. Hell, I don't know what I'm saying. I was still trying to figure out my feelings and yet here I was, blurting that I liked him? Was I some sort of fool?

The silence between my words and his reply is the longest, most agonizing silence that has ever occurred between us and yeah, I don't feel terrible. I feel bad that I've just ruined our little moment. I've definitely ruined our conversation and the fact that I hadn't been planning to say it all makes it worse. I don't think now was a very good time.

"Do you really like me?" he starts and I'm prepared to say something in response when he adds on, "Or do I just remind you of Cooper?"

"That's not—"

"Association due to loss. It's an actual thing you know."

"Sawyer—"

"Why do you like me?" he interrupts.

"I have to have a reason?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Give me one reason."

"Look," I say, a little too intensely. "It's the only explanation"

"Only explanation for what?" he demands, but it's a rhetorical question. I only know that because despite the question hanging in the air, I'm not handed a chance to respond. He continues, clearly on a roll. "For whatever feelings you've come to create? I look like Cooper, so maybe it's not you liking me, but your mind tricking you. I look like him so surely I must be like him and therefore, you believe you have feelings for me."

When I don't respond (in my defense, I didn't realize he was done), he scoffs. "And that's why, Callan Peterson, your reasoning is bullshit."

Before I have any time to respond, the line cuts off and I'm left staring into the darkness, my grip tightening around the phone.

Was it really bullshit? Or do I actually like him?