Fatal Flaws

chapter 22

All I wanted to do with this second chance was to start over new in a place where no one knew me. Where I'm not that girl that everyone talks about. But of course, no. It doesn't matter how hard I try. Or what I do. My past will never let me escape it.

I'm smothered. Drowning in all these different emotions.

Slowly suffocating from all this pressure on me. Pressure to please everyone. I'm always trying to figure out the right decision to make. One that will finally make my mom proud of me instead of always feeling ashamed. All I have ever wanted to do is prove to everyone that they're wrong. That I can change. I may be a little off track, but I can find my way. I'm not a total lost cause.

I can sense him there before he even touches me. During my major breakdown, Hayden made his way over to me. Cautiously sitting down beside me. We sit in silence for a few moments. The only sound we can hear is our breathing.

He's surprised that I don't resist as he grabs my arm, using his strength to pull me up into a sitting position. I've seen that look in his eyes before, and I hate it. I know what he's thinking. Poor little Bex, she's so messed up. I can't help but feel sorry for her.

He catches me off guard, wrapping his muscular arms around my shoulders. As soon as he touches me, I lose it. After holding it in all day, I can't keep it in anymore. All my built-up tears finally erupt, streaming down my cheeks. I've tried so hard to be strong, to bury everything. Compartmentalizing everything so that it doesn't consume me.

"I loved him so much. I honestly did," I whisper, more so to myself than to him. My lips quiver with each word.

"Who Johnny?" He asks, using his hand to tip my face upwards, allowing me to look at him.

"Yes, and I am the reason he's dead," I scream. My emotions take over as I rip my face from his hands. Burying myself into his chest. His t-shirt is now soaked with my tears.

"You should probably stay away from me. I destroy everything that I touch", I sob harder, choking on each word. I bury myself deeper into his chest.

"Bex, look at me, please. Talk to me. Let me be here for you," he begs, gently pushing me back so he's able to look at me.

My head is spinning. I'm so confused. It's like my self-consciousness and brain are playing a game of tug and war. One part of me wants to trust Hayden. To tell him everything. I'm so tired of being alone. Not being able to talk to anyone. I need to tell someone. It's eating me alive. I have to get some of it off my chest. I'm lost and I need help to find my way back, out of this nightmare that is consuming me.

But the other half of me, the reasonable half, knows the truth. No one else should have to carry the burden of my mistakes. To live with the pain I do every day. This isn't something you can tell someone and they can simply forget it. Not to mention, what will he think of me?

Hayden isn't someone random. He already knows about my nightmares. He hasn't run yet. I'm surprised. Most people would, to be honest. I wish I had never experienced that night.

I look at him through the tears. I don't know why, but I know I can trust him. But where do I even begin? I take a deep breath, knowing I have to do this.

"Johnny was my brother's best friend growing up. They were always together. So in a way, I grew up with him too. It was never supposed to be anything, but then it was. Somehow, it turned into this giant secret. It was like a game. We had something special that we kept hidden from everyone. It was ours." I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. It's taking everything in me to force myself to continue. I've never told this story out loud to anyone before. Hayden stays silent. His eyes trained on mine, watching my every move.