Fatal Flaws

chapter 14

I know it's wrong. I know better than to let my emotions control the situation. But I can't help myself. I don't want to. I shouldn't have to.I'm done denying the fact that I'm sexually attracted to him.Whenever I would get upset in the past, I would lash out using sex. It's how I've been for years. The only way I know how to handle stress and pain. I have been trying so hard to behave. To learn self-control. I don't want to be that girl anymore. But how can I let her go? She's a part of me.

But right now we're all alone. Nobody will know.Old habits are hard to kick, especially when you can't move forward. When your past has a death grip on you. Kind of like a voice in the back of your head constantly reminding you of what a horrible person you are. You can't run, you can't hide. It's always with you.My self-consciousness is begging me to stop.To think about things. But my body is urging me in the other direction.I know this is a mistake. Deep down, I know the truth. That what I'm doing is wrong. Screwed up even. But I don't care. Why should I?

It's like I'm an addict and he's my drug of choice.He's the only thing that can make this feeling go away.To make my pain stop. I want him to make me feel numb.Numb to all the emotions I have swirling around inside of me.All my thoughts are about Johnny and my past.I want to forget it all. I want to erase all memories of it, pretend it never happened, and get lost in Hayden.

I don't care if tomorrow he never talks to me again. Or if Skylar finds out and hates me. I want him right here and right now.Before I give myself too much time to rethink my actions, I climb over him, straddling him across my bed.I catch him off guard, causing him to fall backwards into my pillows.

His lips taste as good as last time, only this time with a slight hint of cinnamon as I brush mine up against his.My tongue slides in over his lips, finding the warmth of his.They move together in a union, soft and slow. It's like he can read my mind. His tongue matches every stroke.

His hands slide up the back of my shirt. Aggressively digging his nails into my back, causing my body to press closer against him.With one quick move, he flips me over. Now he's on top, in control. I'm lying flat on my back, pinned down by his weight.

I quickly take advantage of the situation, pulling his shirt up over his head.I love his body.The way it's perfectly sculpted, and how tattoos cover every inch of his muscular chest.

His lips move slowly from my mouth, traveling down along my jaw towards my ear. Taking a few seconds to lick and suck on my earlobe. I tremble as he softly nibbles down my neck. Each time taking my skin between his teeth and then releasing it. Cool air whips across my damp skin as he blows faintly onto it. I let out a small moan.

I can feel his fingers at the hem of my shirt, gently pulling it upwards.Without thinking, I move to shove his hand away, but he stops me. The whole time staring straight into my eyes.

"I've already seen what you are hiding. There's no need to keep it covered, especially around me," he whispers almost urgently.Letting out a sigh, I allow him to pull it up.

"Your beautiful, you know, scars and all," he hisses through clenched teeth."Your flaws are a part of you, Bex. You should embrace them. Not try to hide from them." his words make me relax even more.I know he's only saying it to get in my pants, but right now I couldn't care less.

Without missing a beat, he goes back to nibbling on my collarbone.Little by little, his tongue licks down towards my chest.Stopping between my breasts.Taking his finger, he traces along the cups of my bra. While his other hand reaches underneath me to release the clasps.I stay motionless as he pulls each strap down one by one, causing them to fall away.Cupping my bare breast in his hand, he brings his mouth down.

I moan even louder as he takes my nipple into his mouth.His tongue swirls around it, before fiercely sucking on it. Once again, taking it between his teeth and then biting down.The mixture of pain and pleasure is like ecstasy. I'm high on Hayden right now.I can feel the bulge in his pants pressing against me.

His hand finds its way down my body. Allowing his fingers to play along the hem of my pants. Going lower, he massages my clit through my clothing.I'm helpless beneath him. But I want more. I need more."Please touch me," I practically beg him.I don't care how pathetic I sound.I want him now.

I shift my hips so that his hand can slide in. He toys with the lace on my underwear. I shiver as his finger glides in under my panties.You can hear my moisture with every move he makes.Finding my clit, he massages it.Slowly at first, then speeding up. While rubbing it in a circular motion. The entire time still sucking tenderly on my breast. Taking turns with each one, allowing the cool air to smack across the moisture on one as he begins on the other.

He's driving me crazy. I can hardly see straight. He slides another finger in. This time, he's inside of me.The feeling of him startles me. It's been a while since anyone has entered me.The walls of my vagina hug snuggly around his finger as he pumps in and out.His thumb continues applying pressure on my clit. He's bringing me higher and higher. I can feel my body tensing. He's going to push me over.

I shut my mind off. Giving in and allowing myself to release in his hands. The sudden out-pour of my juices surprises me.My legs tighten up. I'm panting by the time he finally removes his hand. He reaches over, grabbing my dirty shirt to wipe his hands off.

"You feel any better?" he smirks over at me.As I lay there helplessly breathing hard, I try to pull my thoughts together.After a few moments, I'm able to sit up and reach over to grab a clean t-shirt, sliding it on over my head.

Even though my body feels better now, my anger is getting to me. He sleeps with everyone but not me. I'm good enough to make out with and to finger fuck, but not to sleep with. Wow, so basically I'm not even good enough for Hayden, the school slut, to want.

"What, you don't want to sleep with me or something?" I angrily question him.My anger is definitely getting the best of me. No one has ever turned me down before..He doesn't say a word, instead only laughing in response.He looks up at me, clearly surprised by my outburst.

"Yea, of course, I want to fuck you. What guy wouldn't?" he smirks.Standing up to adjust himself. The bulge in his pants is still quite visible."But you were just upset. I'm not gonna take advantage of you like that. I'm a dick, yeah, but not like that," he answers.

He casually lies down beside me, acting like we aren't in the middle of an argument. Stretching out, he adjusts himself once again.

"Umm, what are you doing?" I ask him, raising my eyebrow.

"Well, I figured if you have another nightmare, I don't have to get up. I can just reach over," he states, fluffing the pillow up behind his head. Before I can respond, he rolls over onto his side so that we are now facing each other."Now lay down and go to sleep, before I change my mind on being a gentleman," he jokes, patting the bed beside him.Rolling my eyes, I follow suit, fluffing my pillow up.Lying down beside him, I roll over towards the wall.With my eyes closed, I fall asleep to the sound of Hayden's deep breaths.