a patchwork quilt of maybes and almosts ✓

sometimes

we back with the awful titles. here ya go! pls read, vote, share, comment, follow -- it means so much to me! thanks to everyone who reads my poetry, y'all are amazing. i think i'll double post today... special thanks to Bruhimkelly, Stressedflower4, sssunshine1, ProlificScribbler, Vamprixussa, leolantsov, yalieen_, luckyblobfish for reading these :)

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sometimes

it feels like you are

stifling

me like you are

suppressing

my abilities

as if giving me

a little more of what

i want

what would make me

normal

could ever help

i've thought about

talking about this

problem

but i don't think

it would change your

minds

about anything

and even if it would

i'm not

ready

to talk about it

not to you

sometimes

it feels like you

value

other things

more than what

i have to offer

like my skills

aren't going to get

me anywhere

i don't really care

because i know that

he

is going to get farther

than me

and that's fine

because he

deserves it

more than i do

and maybe if i'm

lucky

i'll find

some kind of

happiness

from something

or somebody

sometimes

it feels like you are

disappointed

in me

or who i am

or something like

that

but so am i

and i've

accepted it

i've accepted that

i may never

love

myself

and i've accepted

that people don't

understand

what that's like

and i'm glad

that they don't

because

they deserve

happiness

sometimes

i feel like it's my

responsibility

to take care of him

to shelter him

to give him the

love that he might

not get from you

it's why i'm still

here

so thank yourselves

for the full circle

of pain

for starting it

and giving me something

that keeps me from

ending it

and honestly

i don't trust you with

him

you might be good

at teaching

or helping

but you will never

be good at

keeping your mouths shut

and giving him

what he wants

because sometimes

what you want is what

you need

and i didn't get that

and i'd never

forgive myself

if he was crying

because of you

and i wasn't there to

hold him

so there

that's the truth

the honest truth

and i'm wincing

to think of you reading this

and i'm imagining

myself fleeing the

room

because i can't face

you

and i can see the disbelief

on your faces

and then the hurt

because you think that

i am blaming this

on you

but it is your fault

you might not remember

but i do

sometimes

it feels like i should

be sorry

for you when you

read this

but i'm all out of

sorry

because i used it

up

on myself